• Member Since 11th Sep, 2016
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Bronycommander


A German who likes history, Children and WW2 technology but not war

T

New Korean Federation of Occupied America 2029. Two years passed since Greater Korean Republic invaded America, pushing back the once powerful US military more and more. A young soldier of the Korean military, finds someone in need that gives him a journey around the USA.

Note: This story is a crossover of the game Homefront. I know that this scenario shown in this story is hightly unlikely but this is what happen in the game, so please, don't judge this story by this scenario.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 74 )

So N. Korea somehow is able to unify the Korean peninsula? And then they modernize? Dude, I know this is fantasy but this is a little much.

8332511
It's a crossover of the game homefront where exactly this happened

8332511

Not exactly impossible... If South Korea and America was dealt with in such a way to cripple them they might find it way more easier to industrialize and modernized themselves. Yes with a huge portion going to military and such but doesn't me they won't relax if there biggest enemies are gone. Open your mind :twilightsmile: plus it's all set in stone just read the Wikipedia article about the game.

You really should tell what crossover even was. I was surprised by the Fallout Equestria: Horizons appearance. Still, it's a pleasant surprise. I just hoped there was less exposition.

So much exposition. :pinkiecrazy:

8333043
Glad to hear that you like the surprise, i see what i can Do

8332708
Something I'm confused by.
Where's China in all of this?
I mean, last time North Korea made a scene, China explicitly stated they wouldn't support them. They spend ages trying to mend relations every time things heat up (I feel kind of sorry for the guy who has to do that. Telling the American diplomat and the North Korean diplomat to come to a compromise must be like a worn-out mother breaking up her kid's argument and yelling 'I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT! I'M FINISHING IT!')
What happened to them?
Did they get hit by this debt crisis as well and, if so, surely North Korea would go the same way considering how much they already owe China. And if North Korea was able to prosper, it would be in China's best interests to ensure their unreliable allies didn't rise higher than them.
I'm sorry but I'm just not a fan of modern genres were organised diplomacy just doesn't exist. So what, a country everyone knows is apparently 'eeeeeeevil' stocks up on weapons, artillery and tech and invades its neighbours and no-one does a bloody thing?
It doesn't say much about the heroes when they only seem to give a damn when its their stuff that's being trodden on.

8333483
Well, acording to newspapers and the wiki, China's econemy weaks as Korea rises and America falls, due to China's primary market for exports changing radically in the last few years, suffering a sharp decline of 15% in manufacturing jobs. But got spared from Korean annexation

8333483
Is there a scene you liked very much or a scene that should I change/improve?

By 2017, the KPA was outfitted with trained special operation teams and was supposedly made as a worldwide peacekeeping force.

Oh, kind of like the US military?
I dunno'. It could be either the writers are pointing out how it looks from the other side, when a military force that greatly overpowers your own takes charge of your lawless nation and punishes any sign of dissent ruthlessly while claiming it's all for your sake.

Born in South Korea and being of American descent, he never believed in Kim Jong-un’s messages.

I'd really just have him South Korean. It sends a bit of an unfortunate message when the hero on the North Korean's side is half-American.

Ha ha ha, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

:facehoof:
These imbeciles need a lesson from Discord!
Discord: Just open a portal to the realm of neverending torment right under his feet. Problem solved.
...
Robbie: Too far, bro.

My father was a US soldier that was killed during the first hours of the invasion.”

So wait, were the North Koreans let into the country or did they actually launch a full-scale invasion?
An invasion that was seemingly over in a matter of months?
I'm confused.

Blooouuurgh!

I'd get rid of this, it kills the mood from the gradually growing screams.
Interesting chapter though. Try not to introduce so many characters in one scene, it makes it difficult to identify with all of them.

He was a young Spanish man appearing to be in his late 20's to early 30's with mid-length wavy brown hair and dark brown eyes.

Nice description but I'd call him Hispanic or Latino. Unless it's known for certain he is Spanish.
Though I do like how you differentiate them. Girdeux seemed pretty sinister while Marcos was clearly very gung-ho.
And they're morally ambiguous which suits the current setting.

8333542

By 2017, the KPA was outfitted with trained special operation teams and was supposedly made as a worldwide peacekeeping force

that is said in a newspaper where the KPA is traning become a peacekeeping force. For chung being Half-American, it seemed the best possibility how he could be so well familiar with American cultur, weapons and so on.

Amy's father and the war, as seen in the intro, the KPA started a satelite blanketed the entire United States with a massive electromagnetic pulse disabling all electronics. It completely wiped out the entire power grid, literally and completely darkening the United States. Then, on January 18, 2025, a large naval, amphibious and air invasion ofHawaii was initiated; systematically taking over the entire state, and every single island. Soon later, on January 25, 2025, a complete surprise invasion was initiated on the West Coast.

All breaches were along the coastline and airline, in what is a campaign of rapid dominance. The Koreans were deployed by their air and naval forces, quickly taking over the entire area.

Korean forces were also dropped into the Midwest by an air assault, taking over the entire area. And finally, ending with Operation Water Snake, the Koreans having effectively contaminated the Mississippi River and creating a barrier between the New Korean Federation of Occupied America in the west and what is left of the United States in the east. By the end of 2026 the United States was now divided, and Korea controls exactly two-thirds of the United States, the West Coast and the Central United States. The invasion was quick but the war itself and occupation are still continuing,

About the screram, someone quoted this on the action music youtube video for the level where I got it, I take care of that right away. And Marco, thats his discription in the Syphon filter game wikia.

That all said, it pleases me to hear that you liked the chapter.

cable come out of it

I'd have shot out of it. So you know it's firing at her.

“No…NO! No! WAAAHH DADDY!”

I'd remove the 'waaahh'. It makes it a bit to take it seriously.
Poor kid though.
I'd include a bit more about how Kate and Amy are doing.
Maybe see what parts of the pamphlet can be shortened or trimmed, it's a bit overwhelming.
But good overall.

Wheeew... okay, so... good start, but it seems a bit... rushed for my tastes, but this is good, so keep it up dude.
Some minor things.

“I wish I had a T3AK instead of the M4. Due my descent, I have an interest and like in American weapons, culture and such

That seems like an odd comment to make to someone, specially your friend, mostly the decent part. Just seems odd to me is all.

Also, the shock didn't seem to last long with Chang and Chung, (hilarious names for two best friends by the way) regarding a literal pastel colored pony that talks. And Scotch seems to be... rather trusting of these two strange creatures, bigger than her, with guns, hmm...

As the young woman saw the device and that the foal was wearing clothes, she got it. “I understand and that’s what I like about you. What’s your name, my dear?” She asked polite after Chung had sat the filly down while Chang got a towel.

:pinkiegasp: That was fast, considering... again, talking pony, and she's not military so... eh? Amy's reaction as well was rather iffy.

And they played Syphon Filter, that was a cute moment :twilightsmile:

Overall, the story is... good, it has a few typos here and there, some missing words, and a couple of mistakes, but you're doing a decent job, I'd suggest getting an editor... like an actual editor. A proofreader's good, an editor is also good to have around.

So good job dude, I wish you luck with this story.
:heart:

8340965
Glad you like it. I reseached Korean names for the two Kpreand and Amy's reaction was the best I could think of

It is difficult to root for anyone part of the KPA, in the second game, The Revolution, it is outright stated that the KPA will not hesitate to, and indeed already has, saturate and exterminate entire cities with Nerve Gas Agents if they begin to loose control.

It doesn't make sense that Japan just surrenders. This goes for the game as well, too last time someone tried invading Japan a massive typhoon wiped out the invasion fleet twice. It almost happened four times and right after Japan surrendered Typhoon Louise struck Okinawa October 9th 1945 exactly where the American invasion force was scheduled to assemble had the war not ended in August. Same thing happened to the anchorage of where the Honshu invasion fleet would've been docked in 1946. alright chapter but the game really got Japan wrong Japan wouldn't just surrender to a North Korean government united Korea. It would be the same as if America had to invade in world war II. But to end the historical rant. pretty good chapter.

8344168
Thank you. About Japan, that's so explained in the backkstory of homefront

8344401
I haven't played the game but does it mention Russia at all? Two of the world's largest militarizes have nothing to say about the unified North Korean ruled Korea doing all this in the game?

8346399
About Russia, the wiki says

In August 2015, as the global economy worsens (due to a variety of factors, including a strike in Venezuela and ongoing political instability in Nigeria), with the United States and China particularly badly hit, Russia signs a "mutual interest" pact with neighboring Ukraine, keeping all their oil and natural gas between the two countries, and cutting off trade of these resources with the rest of Europe, resulting in an energy crisis with apparently brutal consequences for Western Europe in the winter.

When Korea pursues a more aggressive foreign policy and starts invading and annexing various neighboring countries over the next several years, Russia along with China sold weapons, equipment, and vehicles (including the Mikoyan MiG-29 and Sukhoi Su-47 Berkut jet fighters) to the GKR. Russia neither openly aids nor attempts to stop Korea's expansionism into the rest of Asia and eventually the United States (and most likely is far too occupied with its internal economic turmoil and domestic issues to intervene on either side).

So I guess they stay neutral

I my opinion in the timeline of the game a radically different government would take power like Germany or Russia in America

8354608
Yeah, the homefront Games were inspired/based on the Movie Red Dawn

Ok so I can Mack this Mack some senses 1 all of the usa troops some how get sent to the moon 2 all the gun in the USA go to the sun 3 the USA navy some how go into space. Lastly all of the USA nuclear weapons go off in the USA. Even if this happen we would still win American Fuck yeAh

8364801
Indeed. The USA will win later a important Battle

Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?

8366286
Agreed. I guess some can't get over the Scenario, dispite its based on a Game

8366535
This does tend to happen, unfortunately. My friend Legendbringer gets his fic disliked a lot for being a spin-off of the widely-despised Starfleet Ponies even though the fic is meant to deconstruct Starfleet Ponies.
Don't judge a book by its cover, as they say.

8372372
Agreed. Anyway, it pleases me that you like it

Sorry to have gotten to this so late. I'm going through this one.
I have to say, the description's pretty good but I'd say the dialogue needs a bit more impact.
Like when the Americans are preparing to kill the surrendered KPA, Fletcher's character is suited more to quiet, foreboding anger most of the time. Its more effective and commanding in those situations.
Also, whenever something takes the main characters by surprise, start with the effect then the cause. Don't say "A *** fired from a *** exploded next to them and blew them off their feet", say "They were blown off their feet by an explosion. It had been caused by a *** fired from a ***" It helps build to the shock.
When writing your dialogue, try saying it out loud to yourself like a script. See how well it fits the scenario, really picture yourself there.
A really important part is making your dialogue fit the scene.

8604499
Its okay, Happy to hear that you like it

I finished reading the first chapter of this fic and let me be frank with you in this review. My feelings are mixed. It doesn't really capture my desire to keep turning the page. Alright I admit, I haven't read Fallout Equestria as much as you guys because it's too long for me to finish. I will be honest to you though, even as I read this fic without context, my willing suspension of belief is already broken.

First off let me start by saying I love the world building, but it boarders on info dump, because even this is hard to believe without proper justifications.

So America has fallen and the North Koreans have taken over... but aren't they still a puppet of China? Since they have the biggest economy all over the world, they also have a greater military compared to NK, If America were to fall they would be the first to invade, socially and geographically, they don't even need to send an army, since America owes a lot of debt to China in the world bank.

The Chinese can repossess them legally, without pointing a gun in their heads. The most realistic thing that can happen, is when America gets tired of the Chinese invasion of influence and declares war on them. Starting WW3, NK would declare war on them back since they are pledged to China. This will worry South Korea as they are allies to America, the NK's will start crossing the demilitarized zone and attempt to invade SK. China will also start arming their communist/socialist allies. Particularly, Vietnam can start invading South East Asia, and so on.

-----------

You sure like gun descriptions, however you gotta ask yourself, is it that relevant to the story?

Scotch Tape is way too trusting on the two big mythological men carrying guns. Your ideas are good but it lacks conflict. Picture yourself in the pony's shoes, so your cold, wet and alone on a place I don't even know, I was found by two mythical creatures holding firearms. What would my reaction be? Should I be wary of the strangers until I've grown to trust them, or should I immediately tell them my life story?

I mean the way you wrote it can't happen in real life. Sure this is a fanfic, but it has to be believable if you want to retain viewer retention.

-----------

I also have a problem with the protagonist, his name is irrelevant, but his voice isn't. Who is really talking? Is it you the author or the PTSD suffering character? Lets say I'm a soldier who seen the worst, civilians and children murdered in front my eyes. I could be a hardened cynic until a glimmer of hope was shown. This brightly colored pony can be a confirmation that this world hasn't fallen.

His and the other's characterization is weird, my heart wouldn't be melting as of yet, it's not earned. I would pity the poor creature but other than that my friendship with this pony hasn't begun. They interact as if they've found a lost ally, not unlike two suffering souls. You're also simply telling me what they are feeling, instead of describing to me the actions intertwining with their feelings.

-----------

What am I reading? Am I reading a war fic or a game fic? Because its odd to mix genre, you're indulging yourself in the hobbies and entertainment you know, but it doesn't move the story forward, it's something I can gloss over without missing anything, cause I get it already the kid and the pony became friends. You can compress the entire gaming scene into a single paragraph.

-----------

I hope you don't find this too harsh but you gotta work on your research, conflict, and realistic dialogues. This isn't an in depth analysis, but this is my take on what's wrong with the story. Sorry if my appraisal isn't possitive

8788957
I know and I respect that,the story is based on the homefront video game, which hasn’t a realistic scenario but for a character like Scotch Tape, it was the most suiting idea I could think of, given it’s semiliar to Fallout

Started reading, and it's certainly not bad. The entire "talking pony meets human" thing like usual was too casual, but was still a fine chapter. People really should understand this is based in a universe of a game.

8837087
Finally somebody who understands. Why do you think I made that note in the discription? That said, I hope you will enjoy the story.

A little too much information on this page, but still good.

This was a decent chapter, but seeing people pull off the impossible multiple times in a short period of time, was weird to say the least. Also the reactions in seeing a talking pony being extremely casual (only questioning it for a second before accepting it) just bothers me.

8848624
I know, couldn’t think of anything better when I wrrote it.

You're just a heartless, cold, mindless machine!!

A bit abrupt. The character needs to prove his point.
You were meant to heal her! Not turn her into a weapon! You used her injury as an excuse to create another killer...like you!

She was a caring person, trying to get civilians and especially children out of danger first, also very caring for her soldiers, an experienced commander.
He was an expert with any kind of explosives, also caring for civilians and comrades, always carful of his surroundings, being Katie’s lover, having great respect for her

Remember Show-Don't-Tell
This isn't the sort of description one gives to people currently pumping shotgun shells and grenades into enemy encroachers. Wait for an appropriate scene to demonstrate their caring nature through her actions. That's how you develop characters effectively. Exposition is very dependent on situation.
If the narration doesn't suit the scene, it will feel contradictory and the audience won't trust it.

8940749
Okay, I'll see what I can do. The fact it was supposed to show them in action, made it difficult to build in that with the civillians But I hope you like fray's interaction with Scotch.

8940759
I can understand but when that happens, you need to be patient and plan ahead with that kind of exposition to make it more effective.
His interactions are pretty decent but one running theme you need for Fletcher is the question of his own personal intentions.
Is he doing this because he cares about the foal?
Or is he just doing this because that's his job?
When you see the worst in war, you become jaded, desensitised. You need to keep his sentimental moments minimal and subtle else you make him far too naïve to last long in a war like this.

8940767
It's a bit of both. Fray befriended her during hiis time with her and ses it as his duty to make sure she's safe until she's home.

8940777
Yeah, but the important plot-point is keeping that question up in the air.
It could cause tension between them later on.

8940782
Okay, I keep that in mind. May I ask what do you think of Scotch's and Amy's relationship?

8940786
It's pretty good. What I will say is think about what the character would be like without Scotch and remember to keep that character consistent.
They can't simply change as soon as the foal is around, the impact she has on them needs to be gradual.

Also,

had sympathy for them

Never have this. This is what I mean by show don't tell. If you're just telling the audience they had sympathy for them, it just makes the whole thing seem less interesting. Show their feelings through actions and expressions. Think about how someone acts, how sympathy is 'noticeable' and capture that. Otherwise, the feelings shown won't be paid attention to.
Very important.

8941122
Sure thing. Why they both quickly become like family, it's because of the loss of Amy's father. She misses him, so she knows how Scotch Tape fells, missing her father and friends.

8941132
I get that.
Still, a relationship needs more than just mutual losses to work well.
As I say, make it gradual. Don't rush things.

Pretty good chapter but a few key points I need to bring up.

“I believe you that. I hope his counterpart won’t come out and attack us like the Rampage drone did.”

I wouldn't have this. It implies she understands without any knowledge of it. The point being made here is that she doesn't know what C*SCAD*US is and she's better off not knowing.
Uncertainty is evident here. Don't give away anything else.

“Thank you!”

The reaction here should be more mild. She's still gloomy. It would be a kind of quiet, half-certain 'thanks'.
Don't change the emotions of the characters so quickly or you give the audience no real time to appreciate the mood of the scene. Resolutions require pacing.

“So Ava, what’s your backstory?”

Look, you can't have her talk like this! People don't say that in real-life. You don't call it a backstory unless you're actually 'playing' a character. These are meant to be real people. Begin the conversation slowly and build-up to asking.

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