The crystal empire's newest Crystaller has been called by Spike under the guise of an important friendship problem. In reality, Spike plans to get Sunburst and Starlight together. This is going to get awkward.
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 17th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
randomkid
Just your average, hopeless shipper. Now older and cringier than ever!
randomkid
Joined 17th Mar, 2015 ·
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nice start XD looking up for more
Nothing much to say but more.
Maybe Starburst could return the favor for Spike if successful.
*Jumps up and down squealing* MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
EEEEEE STARBURST
MUST HAVE MORE
7682723 Yeah, I'm working on that but, I can say that my writing is better than some of the stories I've read.
sunburst got friendzone XD
Things are about to get sexually awkward.
I did notice that your writing seemed more polished in this chapter. I considered commenting about problems in the last chapter, but I generally don't point out spelling/grammar mistakes unless they are glaring. Or, as is the case here, unless the author asks for it.
I only noticed one error when reading, and it isn't technically wrong, but I don't think it's what you were going for:
I'm thinking this should be "Starlight" and not "Sunburst." While correct, (if one is standing too close to the other, the inverse is also true) it seems like the issue, from the perspective of Sunburst, is that Starlight is too close to him. Additionally, I think the verb "intended" should probably be "anticipated" or "expected." Again, "intended" is not wrong, but I feel like the problem was that Sunburst wasn't expecting Starlight to be so close to the door when he opened it.
If the problem here was that Sunburst intended himself to be farther away from the door when it opened, but he accidentally stood too close, then I simply misunderstood and your sentence is spot on.
The only other thing grammatical that I noticed was that there are places lacking commas. If you want me to show you where I think commas should be, I can, but I'm probably one of the few people distracted by their absence.
So far, I find this story quite enjoyable. It is simple, light-hearted, and fun. I sometimes forget how nice a basic character-interaction story can be.
7695035 Thank you for that bit of advise. I hadn't really thought of that while writing. See the problem with my writing right now is that I'm currently writing without and editor because I do most of my writing in the middle of the night. It would be really helpful of you did point out any missing commas. I'm on this site to improve my writing so any help is appreciated. Thanks again for the comment.
we all know at this point that starburst is an abusive relationship waiting to happen
This reminds me of a episode on this show called brace face XD
Well, this is going to get awkward.
This ship, absolutely disgusting.
7701409 Then don't read it.
7701409 Says the one who wrote a Twiluna ship fic
THAT ship Is really terrible
Plus why are you even on this story? the title even says Starburst
Well, no plan survives first contact.
Cool story. I'll watch for the next chapter.
Starlight was flirting with Sunburst.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
Sunburst somepony is flirting with you
Spike giving love advice? Saving it for a special somedragon we know?
7764545 Shhh. No spoilers. You'll see.
Geez, Sunburst, how thickheaded do you have to be? Now you're forcing Spike to directly intervene.
oh my Celestia
I wonder how good spikes advice will actually be
7765380 Take a wild guess
Is it normal for people to take your stories and feature them in groups like "Overly Stupid Fanfiction," "Absolutely Disgusting," and "Why?" If not, then I've officially made it! You haven't started getting your name out there until people say they hate your work. So that must mean I've made it! WOOOOOOO!
7765605 Wow i'm not the only one who gets featured in those groups
I feel that constructive criticism is great
But like actually shaming someones work by putting it in a group called "absolutely disgusting"
Thats just a pony of a different color
Moral of the story, don't mess with spiders!
7796435
or bees
Yay i'm so glad a new chapter came out
So hyped for the next one already
Can't wait
7765859 I agree
Damn Moon..
Can you imagine Flurry Heart giving love advice as a baby?
7863909 How would that even be possible?
Yay, they finally kissed! The ship has sailed!
Only a matter of time before Spike dragons up to say how much he loves Ember.
.................... Nice!
Yes! Go sunburst!
Oh i just LOVE the sun siblings headcanon
It's amazing how this whole thing fits perfectly with how he got his cutie mark. He only get it because he used his magic to save her from that pile of books.
THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!
This has to be one of the best, if not THE best starburst fic i've ever seen. So great that i dare to say it deserves a sequel
7881992 Oh it's getting one. It'll be a different ship with these two appearing from time to time, but it'll still be a sequel.
It's not that great. I'm still new. If you want a really good Starburst story, look up "Triggered." That one was amazing!
7882872
already saw that one
7882872 I love the triggered series ! its a must read for starburst fans
7880857 Yeah, only a matter of time...
So Cadence was the real mastermind huh? I should've known.
Starlight's sexually straight forward with Sunburst isn't she?
Obviously, shipfics have been done for Starlight and Sunburst before. What makes this one different is not the who or what, but the why and how. Why are the two ending up together? And how is it being done? The idea of having Spike play matchmaker was amusing on its own. It could have been done with any two characters, but I think Starlight and Sunburst were a good choice. The most interesting thing about the choice is that the readers don't have as many preconceptions about these characters.
Sunburst has hardly been seen on the show and Starlight, while a featured character in over half a dozen episodes, has been explored far less than the Mane 6 and has been explored by the fandom for a much shorter time than other villains like Discord and Nightmare Moon. This makes them more open to interpretation, but they still have to stay true to what we know.
The whole story centers around, and lives and dies, by how well those characters are written. So, how did it go?
The characterization of Sunburst as a nervous wreck contrasting with a surprisingly playful Starlight were both ideas that I hadn't seen done in other stories. Maybe Season 7 will explore the characters more, and make these characterizations seem less realistic, but for what we know about the characters right now, I buy it. And I'd be willing to buy it even later because it works.
Reading this, it is easy to believe that these characters are long-time friends, partly because Starlight behaves differently around Sunburst. It seems like the readers are privy to who Starlight was before she became disillusioned by the world. Happier, more carefree, and a good friend to Sunburst. And Sunburst, while somewhat nervous around others, has that brought out tenfold when Starlight is around. That's realistic. I don't behave the same way around my closest friends as I do in public.
As a shipfic, most readers would have been fine with: Sunburst shows up already in love, antics, Starlight realizes she loves him too, kiss, the end. One can do that in three chapters, get some views, get a few dozen likes, people go "d'aww!" and then move on to the next story. This story isn't a flawless masterpiece of organic relationship development, but it is certainly better than it needed to be to get attention. The two do not start in the same place, and neither begins ready for a relationship. Sunburst doesn't think he can earn Starlight's affection and Starlight isn't even thinking she wants a relationship. So both characters need to be moved for the story to finish.
Spike playing pep squad and coach to Sunburst is funny. What makes it feel more real, however, is that both characters have to share experiences to see that they love each other. So often I see stories where one character goes off somewhere else, realizes they love the other, and then comes back. That's fine for a story, but when has that ever worked in real life? Starlight only comes to her conclusion through being with Sunburst and remembering who he always was to her. Establishing a backstory for a flashback to solidify Starlight's understanding of her feelings was unexpected and not at all unwelcome.
The call-backs, book-ending, and foreshadowing present in the story make it much stronger. Things like having a spell used for a brief action scene make a comeback later on is a nice touch. Some of the lines, including one in particular from the chapter "What is love?" and the final description of Sunburst, were brilliant. I don't recall there ever being a line, even before editing, that offended me or felt totally worthless.
When I read this story for the first time months ago, it was just a fun piece of fluff. In many ways, it still is, but it ended up being something deeper than it had to be. In my mind, it's the best kind of fluff. If the reader just wants a story with some fun moments and a happy ending, they'll find it. But it also scratches at the surface of being something deeper without losing the charm of being a simple shipfic.
Yes, it isn't perfect. It occasionally is guilty of telling instead of showing. It takes the story in directions I wouldn't have. But it never loses its characters. The story keeps the focus on them as they begin in one place, end in another, and the whole while are still the same at their core. I like who the characters are. I wanted to see what would happen. And I was happy when they finally got together.
In the end, that's what I expect from a story like this, and it's exactly what I got. Thanks for writing this and I look forward to your next story.
So Sunburst is now a red statue of a coltfriend. Makes sense. I can imagine the epilogue going something like this:
7917169 I... I don't even know what to say. While writing this story, I felt a lot of pressure to try and keep the characters in character, based on how I thought of them. But, I also try to add something new to a character, like Starlight's playfulness with Sunburst and Cadence's subtle mischievousness.
I thought of Sunburst as a very awkward introvert whose only tie to the outside is Starlight, and maybe Sunset, which explains why he went into hiding when he lost them both. Starlight, I saw more as a pony who regrets her past, but wants to work towards a better future and she's able you recapture some of her happiness as a filly because of Sunburst. Which is an unspoken factor for Starlight loving him. Sunburst is able to bring positivity and happiness back into her life because one, she has her old friend back, and two, because she has to be strong for him. The way I saw Sunburst, he wasn't able to stand up for himself, so Starlight has to drag Sunburst out of the abyss of negativaty he's falling into.
7917191
Oh my gosh, yes! That would be perfect for an epilogue.