Did Shining ever find out?

8097171 I think it's safe to say no.

8097174

Aww. Poor guy.

Otherwise, it was pretty hot

8097177 Yeah poor Shining, but I'm glad this ended up being a good read for you.

That fetish list... Check check aaaand check.
Nice story! It might be a tad quick but I liked it!

Now that was great I wouldn't mind a sequel with both Celestia and Luna with Twilight and both of them either pregnant or getting pregnant

The summary says nothing about Celly, so I'm only a little bit confused going into the story. Oh well, this looks hot in any case.

8097421 I appreciate the look at it. And yeah sometimes I won't right in a word that makes sense like the lover/lovelier thing. I probably got some issue and that's why I have to edit. Thank you though

Great story. I really enjoyed reading it. Are you going to make a sequel to this?

8097181

For the most part.

Still might like to slap Cadance a bit though

8098042

Well, at least she's staying loyal to him in the end. Most fics would have her half-hearted during the sex, bored that he's not as big as Twilight. She seems to want more foals form him, not her.

8098042
8098353
Yeah see the thing with me is I'm not hugely into cuckold so I still wanted a happy ending for the two of them. I could always consider a continuation, I suppose that has them in an awkward situation and with more Celestia. Since I never get enough of her.

8098353

True

8098416

Also a good point, but the whole thing about the princess of love being dishonest with who she loves most rings super goddamn hollow. The least she could do is tell him. He might not even be mad.

8098754 Why write smut if it's totally realistic tho
But you're right!

8098763 That's a real good point actually.

8098778

Yeah. It wasn't cuckolding as much as cheating. If he had been in the know, he might have even approved. Then it would be cuckolding.

8098797 He just quietly thumbs up from the nearby bush

8098791 Come on now I gotta save face my dude. Yeah I enjoy realistic porn for sure but when it comes to writing smut I go a little bit overboard. Also,this is a commissioned piece and it's rather tame compared to my overboard stuff

8098926

Maybe next time...

8098936 If you want to see some diving look at Unexpected Night of Debauchery. That was so fun to me. And this one was still good but also it let me buy XCOM 2 and that's just as good.

8098966 Luckily the smut doesn't pay my bills. I'm glad enough to write for fun and make a good buck out of it

8099122 The commissioner said that the idea he had was inspired by you so I put it in. My bad

You really need an editor. There's honestly not much of a reason to rush a story out in this state unless you're going to be off the site for a while because of real life. I get that the idea excited you--it's pretty obvious that you wrote this with some degree of passion, which is a good thing that almost always improves a story--but once it's written you should let it rest and then come back to it when you're not in a mood, or get someone else to do so.

Also, I think the "romance" tag is incorrect here (there's a "tag information" page if you mouseover the FAQ button up top). This isn't a story about the building of a serious relationship, it's a story about Twilight being horny on a hiking trip and Cadance deciding "I'ma bang my sister-in-law in her sleep because my hormones said so" and then it ends (well, it goes to an epilogue where Twilight and Cadance are banging other ponies, but you get my drift). Not that there's something wrong with that, it's just not a romance.

8099348 I actually need to just go back and edit really. I'd love having an editor but it's definitely a thing I can do.

8099430 Thank you

8101892

Eeyup. One of the things I would suggest is a review of the language of the sex scenes. Clinical terms are usually not sexy words.

8103114 Yeah in all honesty I really like clinical words. Though I totally see where I shouldn't use them. Except maybe corona, I like that word a bit much

8097247
agreed or have Candace there for another breeding and say "well she better in bed then her borhter"

8311029 yeah i like that

8098926
take it slowly dammit

8097171
I'd say no. Also nice cutie mark on your profile pic