The arguments I have within my own head are legendary.
Recently, Twilight has made an important emotional discovery. She is in love with Princess Celestia. Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to go about expressing her feelings to her teacher. Fortunately, with some help from Spike and the very pony of her affections, she will learn how to do precisely that.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Cute little story, plus love how it ended rather then the usual "yes" or "no" that can be pretty "simplistic".
That was great, Art!
I love how the conclusion is still hopeful and the line
definitely made me chuckle and somewhat relate.
Hope you win, friendo!
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Thanks a lot. Definitely wanted to keep the future somewhat up in the air. Tried to make it as realistic to their characters as possible.
dawwwww
7995293 Glad I got the cuteness factor.
Hello, I am Fuzzy and I will be the judge for the Twilestia Mini Contest.
I am reading the stories entered in no specific order and I look forward to reading what you've posted.
8002207 Good to see you. I look forward to seeing your comments, judgement, or however you want to say it.
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Sorry this took so long since my original comment. Had to deal with some life stuff right after I typed that.
I also wanted to type up my notes into something readable and, hopefully, constructive.
Hook & Presentation
Description is serviceable with no noticeable flaws, direct and to the point without being blunt. Cover art is cute. Title is a song lyric, ties well into Twilight’s perception of Celestia and the prompt itself.
Technical
Minor: A few compound sentences. There are a few commas that should probably be full stops. There was an instance or two of odd capitalization in dialogue that was broken up by action text.
Pacing & Style
This story is somehow both showy and tell-y? There are multiple instances of action text telling what the following dialogue then shows. This is a little repetitive as is the use of a few phrases. Some broader word choices could clear this up remarkably. Pacing is a tad slow at the beginning and lends the piece a very atmospheric feel. It picks up after Spike starts to provide advice, and then seems to jump again during the conversation with Celestia. You could adjust this by adding in a few lines about the environment, and provide a sort of speed bump to slow the reader experience. You might also want to remove or tweak the parts where both Spike and Celestia stop Twilight from being her neurotic self. Kudos though, on the 'bury the lede' throw in though. I had to look that one up and that's a rare occurrence for me these days. Ending is predictable and feels a little abrupt, but is otherwise perfectly fine.
Overall
This is quintessential Twilestia. It hits all the right notes of the ship and adheres to the spirit of the prompt with a nice twist in Celestia's response. It feels very much like pre-alicorn Twilight/early seasons Twi and Spike. (Because it is. I just noticed the use of ‘unicorn.’) Celestia is very mom-like, unflappable, but she lacks the essential enigmatic nature of an ancient god-horse. She’s a bit too grounded and practical. She turns down Twilight’s affections in a very understated, mature way that is honestly refreshing. Celestia, for all of Twilight’s build-up, unfortunately falls flat. It’s not a bad characterization, but she feels perfunctory and almost cookie cutter of other similar types of worldwise characters. She doles out advice that is practical but not particularly tailored to Celestia’s style or who she is doling it to. While the ending feels abrupt, it still conveys a good message of their relationship continues on, even if it's not in the way Twilight might have wished.
Your scores have been posted to the contest thread here.
The note should have said: "Aye Celly, Netflix and chill?"
This story was in a very fine spot between rejection and returned feelings, and it was perfect in my opinion. I wish a lot of other stories used less drama and more logic like what's used here.
Here you go: