This story is a sequel to Deer Me: Black Snow
At ages twenty-four and twenty-two respectively, Stelimus and Copper Blossom have become the new king and queen of the Tundran Deer, but it isn't without difficulty. Not only is their inexperience in such an important position impactful, but also because Anglacite's venom still courses through the minds of the deer who refuse to acknowledge a union between deer and pony-song and the death of such an 'eternal' figure. Unfortunately, Stelimus' mother remains locked in the laboratories and Grimliss is the only one that can keep the order as an advisor. Without Grimliss, Stelimus fears what might happen to him and his 'queen'.
Things don't seem to get better when the god-king invites the rulers of Equestria, creating more tension amongst the deer. An unexpected and as-of-yet unknown group arrives at the same time, surprising everyone with one bit of information:
"We know what the Black Snow is."
Stelimus and Copper end up traveling over seas to a land untouched by pony and deer and touched by a miasmic aura bizarrely familiar by Stelimus.
Cover art by Mix-Up.
Ok, that was some introduction. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Looks like Stelimus is still living in his "father's" shadow, and hasn't developed the self-assuredness and kinship with his people that the former king had, seeing that he is still heavily rely on his uncle for support. I think his awkward youth didn't help to make strong bonds with the deers(on both sides) and having been crown king at such a young age without being ready for it and having to deal with the constant complaints or crises never really allowed him to breath to get his composure or get his baring. I think Stelimus still believes that he can please everyone even after all these years and doesn't understand yet that ruling also means that he will have to force others to comply to his orders(along with appeasing) even if they aren't happy about it. I think he will have to make a show of power and authority soon if he want to keep his job and that he can protect them just as well as his father did and being them to prosperity.
It's great to see you back to writing The Psychopath, hope to see more of you again
7547974 But I'm always writing. I was writing something before this. When I finish writing, I start another book. Because I went to work on Lux Locus over on Inkitt, I finally became detoxed for the need of immediate satisfaction (Getting comments), so now I write a chapter per day, when possible.
7547988 sorry, I meant on Fimfiction
7548005 OOoooooooooooooooooooooo.
Grimliss, for all of your personal investment in your nephew's well being, perhaps you should consider bringing out some specialized undead politicos to do your job for you.
We can see that Stelimus has inherited the bloodline of the God King of Frost more literally than any of Anglacite's past children. Could he have somehow inherited the Essence of Frost upon Anglacite's death?
7548346 :P
7548346 derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/24/332479/full.png
What the spoiled nobles are really upset about is that, the balance of power has changed, but the new king hasn't ordered them stripped of titles or executed for insolence, leaving them feeling bewildered by such an alien approach to tundra politics.
Well, that meeting happened very abruptly. I wonder what those three at the end there have to say.
Dident Cadence die in the last battle and Grimliss say he could do nothing to bring her back? is there something you forgot to tell us in the 2 chapters, i think if Cadanze died her aunt would hear about it.
And luna, that's not the way you go about being a delegate for a visiting nation
Murphy law active! prepare for a huge pile of messes!
7548550 Wait...
s2.quickmeme.com/img/2a/2ad16dcaeac4cd89734dfe8a7fb40ac02aa9c11add9283ea737f3a81ca18c819.jpg
I FORGOT! TO THE ANTI-PLOTHOLE BUNKER!
(fixed
)
Oh boy, they are all doomed if Equestria's intelligence network didn't bother to inform Celestia and Luna about the previous king's death or worst didn't know. You would at least guess that Copper would have mentioned it to her father, Shining, all these years and would have in turned told Celestia about. Still you can still salvage the situation if you Copper just forgot talking about it or was asked by Stelenus not to tell anyone about it, and that Equestria diplomat was recalled, or sent away all those years, for some reason, a communication between the two nations are nearly nonexistent if you take th yaks as a good example; maybe you should add them into the story. It is conceivable that communication between the two are still a medieval levels and Celestia was just stupidly walking in blind. Still, Celestia really sound stupid for ma multi millennial being, if she didn't organized her government any better. Memo to herself fire the minister of intelligence.
Still I am surprised that the two of them are not married yet to solidify the alliance between the Deers and the Crystal Empire, and I would imagine that coper must be exasperated of waiting for so long or just gave up and think of him as a friend, seeing how enamored she was with him in the first story.
Still I would have imagined that Stelanus would have had better composure when Celestia and Luna arrived, maybe the confusion on both parties is a good thing, if they could ignore any pretenses of intrigue national pride posturing or decorum, and just flat out say "we are panicking here". There wasn't even a herald present to receive them, that show how disorganized they are in the nation is. this could be just part of an elaborate intrigue of his uncle that he want his nephew to learn for the experience, to make things easier for him to ignore all the protocol and be direct with the princess or that he just like he just like to mess with him for the fun of it; you never know with him.
Why is Copper so happy to talk about her late mother and (most likely still) grieving, widower father? And why does she act like she can still talk to Cadence (unless Grimliss is involved in some manner)?
7548856 Shit. I thought I fixed that. I had forgotten.
YOU SAW NOTHING! *throws smoke bomb*
7548841 I did think of bringing in the yaks but couldn't find a place for them in this style of story.
7548877
Pretty sure I did see something
7548950 Falsifying information, eh?
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/086/0/0/mysterious_note_of_dark_brotherhood_by_apoca7ypse-d4u66yd.jpg
EDIT: Swapped out the picture for a better formatted one.
that might go better as
Stelimus had grown quite enormous over time, with his antlers being of great size and covered almost permanently with sparkling frost
Well, it's good to know that Yolumay is letting out her frustrations in.... constructive ways, i guess?
Actually if you're careful with that it releases small pockets of built up gas in your joints, hence the cracking/popping sound, so it's actually beneficial.
Unless you mean that she snapped her neck, that's something different.
This is interesting so far, it would explain the jackal bust statue. Still I wander if Stellanus is now immortal like his father now, seeing the resemblance he has with him. I wander what happened to his mother anyway. Also I wander if Grimuss still keep Mix-up arround and still produces more sins against everything that is tasteful he calls art
Huh, well that answers my question. I wonder what else the three Jackals know about the black snow?
No human tag?
7549006 Thanks for spotting that. I accidentally the word 'antlers'.
7549030 No. I'm going with the misinformation that it can hurt you.
7549057 Of course he does. He loves the new skies Mix-Up makes.
7549097 You think it's still necessary?
I don't remember the character being this insecure before.
7550055 New positions can change a lot of people. Pressure. PRESSURE!
Well, that's starting out interesting. I was hoping we'd actually get to see a bit more of the show's cast this time around. Probably won't be much of it, going by the description, but still, it's part of what makes stories like this interesting, so I enjoyed that.
This really could do with some more editing, though. The writing is pretty rough, compared to Black Snow, and there are some pretty awkward sentences, especially in the first chapter.
7550073 Like?
7550086
Now, a lot of this is personal opinion and there's nothing strictly grammatically wrong about it as far as I can tell, but sentences like these:
are either too long, strangely phrased, or ambiguous in meaning. The first and second ones, for example, probably should've been broken up into two sentences. The third one I actually had to read multiple times to figure out what you meant to say with that. It's nothing too big, but there are enough non-standard phrasings like this that it gives the impression of being somewhat rushed.
Also typos:
7550096 Lemme change them, then.
7550096 Changed and *fixed.
Well, aren't those guys just looking like complete twats already. I'm actually not quite clear on why he even decided to go with the Anubites. They never say what it is they really have to offer him. "We know about the black snow," sure, but not so much as a promise to actually tell them about it once they arrive.
7550116
Yeah, I like the new versions a lot better already. You might want to go over the first few chapters again and look for more cases like that, but otherwise, nothing much comes to mind.
7550197 I fleshed out the negotiating between Celestia and Stelimus to better explain that. I accidentally some info.
7550220
Ah, thanks. That makes a lot more sense.
7550225 That's why I ask for people to tell me when there are plot holes so I can fix it all.
Wow. Well, I wonder what the jackal's homeland looks like?
7549895 I was mostly just wondering if it was still technically a factor in the story or if this was set in a different setting with different characters. (I haven't finished the first story yet I just came here to put this story in my read it later list).
7550419 Oh. He's still a human but it's not a defining factor like the first one. He'll still reminisce about his original home, though, and his age and experience still ported over.
The way this reads, it says that luna tried to pull her mane in front of her for viewing, only for it to magically snap back into its original position.
7550470 Woops. That's a residue of a line I changed. Lemme fix that.
Eventually, Gregary will come clean...
Right?
7550482 7550355
So the Anyubinites are the Anubis jackals from the MLP: FIM comics?:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/10/8/738597.jpeg
s21.postimg.io/618h8jqh3/Anubis.jpg
If so then it is about time somebody wrote a MLP story about them and I hope there will be more stories featuring them from now on and be a group for them.
7551010 ...I don't remember ever seeing those.
7551051
They're from the #24 issue.
I'm interested in seeing what kind of lore you will create of the Anyubinites' culture.
7551708 Yay. :3
Uh oh. this isn't good.
7553975 What's wrong?