• Member Since 19th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

WarShipper


Male twenty-something with an interest in good stories and ambitions of rising above mediocrity.

T
Source

Queen Chrysalis has won! Canterlot has fallen to the Changeling army and there's no longer anybody who can stand in the way of her armies! One problem, though... the Queen isn't exactly in control anymore.

One ex-human will have to deal with one enraged voice in his head, three angry princesses just outside, and all the issues that come with controlling a city you just conquered with an army of insectoid shapeshifters.

On the bright side... well, at least the new body is large and in charge?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 20 )

Liked the idea.

Execution could use some major work.

I wonder what Celestia would think if you said you were anticipating the returns of Sombra, and eventually Tirek? Would make a motivation of "become as obscenely powerful as possible" make sense.

7144913 The idea is no different than Bucking Nonesense's fics. Human in Big Villain's head.

7147289
7144913

The idea is terrible. A Self-Insert into the head of the female villain who has now won? A Romance tag? A focus on character interaction and a main character who's going to "improve" on a Canon characters' methods? Instantly gaining immense power and having to use that power to make crap happen?

Absolutely terrible! It screams of crappy fixfic territory, generic Bad Boy "I can Make you Better" tween garbage, and a general lack of ability to understand the concept that maybe, just maybe, fanfiction should be used to tell new stories rather than old.

But... there is no such thing as a bad - or a good - idea. Merely bad or good execution. Here's hoping I'm one of the rare few who can make such a pitfall-prone idea work, yeah?

7147661 You lack the proper pacing that's what I think. You a new writer?

7147661
As nion pointed out, maybe pace yourself a little more. I know that can be difficult, it's something I've struggled with as well with my one (crappy) clop story.

As for your other concerns, there's something interesting about how this is playing out so far: Namely, that the "villain" could still be on the track to losing, despite his/her knowledge about the show. We already have Spike escaping, three Pegasi flying to Ponyville... It's possible the makeup of FiM's reality doesn't allow a permanent villainous victory. Like how the map remained with Twilight during Starlight Glimmer's time rampage because the Tree of Harmony felt something was amiss. In which case, our protagonist is in for a delightfully frustrating experience.

7147661 I haven't read any Human in Chrysalis fics yet so I'm looking forward to what you'll do with it

7148185
7147804
Pacing is my primary issue, yes. New writer... eh, so-so. I've never managed to write a full on story, though I've done lots of collaborative projects and a fair few one-shots.

I have trouble trying to "perfect" conversations until I just give up and I find it difficult to grasp how and when to transition from scene to scene as well as how and when to get information across.

7149570
Glad to hear it.

I love body swap stories, especially ones where the MC is in an awkward situation. I just hope the MC doesn't intend to go full retard/villain.

Never go full villain.

7172849
Well, the OC is already dipping dangerously into full-retard, and since the author probably wants to milk as much drama as possible, he'll probably make the fall in a few more chapters. I mean really, who ever sane has the thought, "It's fun to be the villain and mess with people," when they're legitimately hurting others. No one good, that's for sure.

Going off the top of my head, had I been put in this situation, I probably would have played the invasion off as a result of cultural belief, like, "Now that I have shown the power of the changelings and our tactical superiority, we can negotiate properly, Princess, for you understand now that betrayal can only lead to your defeat."
Get what I mean? Make the ponies think the invasion was just how changelings go into foreign relationships, like animals showing dominance, and let them think they are teaching my savage race the value of friendship as we set up proper integration of the societies.

7172911 Nobody sane, that's for sure.

...I can oddly see that.

7172911
Comedy tag, mate. I dislike excessive drama - particularly when it's forced, and it's pretty pointless with a character nobody cares about yet. Hopefully I can get the general gist of the character across well enough over future chapters. MC ain't exactly great, but they aren't going to be torturing people or anything grimderp.

The general aim of this story is to show one full-on villain snark at one kinda-villain while they both try to deal with the consequences of being a villain and figure out how to split up. Comedy (Snark and banter), Mystery (Why and how the possession took place, how to revert it), Thriller (Dealing with being a villain). Human because of a human transplant and some future content.

If you've got any suggestions on how I can maintain a proper balance I'm happy to hear them.

7173010
Oh, so you explain all the other tags, but not Romance? I see how it is.

Well, this is interesting enough. I mean, hardly original or new in any sense, but I haven't seen this particular one done before and personally? These stories are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. I think I'll be enjoying this.

You really are an idiot, aren't you? How would you feel about drifting from random pony to random pony, sucking up love and pretending to be somebody you're not, never even getting the chance to speak to your own kind without drawing suspicion? We Changelings are good at disguising ourselves and draw much of the love we consume from those around who we pretend to be; that has absolutely no bearing on what we want or wish.

The only manner in which we might survive as a discrete entity is by forcefully integrating ourselves into an existing population, and I refuse to bow to some foolish Pony Princesses simply for the sake of survival.

This is a surprisingly more complex and well-reasoned sentiment than I was expecting out of this story.

We have prepared for this invasion for years, and now that it has succeeded, I will rule all of Equestria as Queen of the Changelings! We will be more powerful than ever!

Well, ok, maybe not so much this part of it. But! It's the thought that counts.

A funny, interesting story that came out recently and is far more popular than anything else you've produced so far? Why the **** is it canceled?

7327452
You ever jump into something only to later realize it's not as interesting or have as much potential as you first thought?

I apologize if you found it interesting, but... I am an amateur writer, and I'm trying to get better. I hope you can enjoy my other stories, if possible, since I do plan to continue writing. I just don't plan to continue writing this story.

7330741 you are truly evil, you truly are.

influence of some very insane gods. Speaking of, I should get some cheese. Who knows who could be listening in a realm such as this? Best to cover my bases

Sheogorath?

7330741
Okay i get its been 2+ years but "Get ready", because this is my point of view on this story. I for one only read 0.1/10 of the stories on here. Im not interested in the self inserts unless they are in the form of an H.I.E ( Human in equestria ). But I like authors like you. Not only because you chose to write about a human from the modern age becoming a character. Not becoming a clone becoming them over time, or hell they were human in a past life. But because stories like yours are the content I enjoy, and I am pretty sure I'm not the only one. So, again if you still want to give stories like this the shots they deserve, go ahead. If stress and time is an issue, please let us all know. If you ever need help editing, I got time to spare. Just know your appreciated.

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