• Published 1st Jun 2012
  • 16,492 Views, 347 Comments

Worlds Apart - moviemaster8510



A lonely young man takes in Shining Armor and Cadance after he finds them on their doorstep, stranded from their own world. After becoming friends, the two ponies help the man open up to a woman he's attracted to.

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Acknowledgements

This story is dedicated to my own dad, who, while not deceased like Ian’s father or Penny’s father, will be leaving home this August to teach at a charter school in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. For those of you who love your fathers and for those whose fathers love you, cherish each second you spend with them, because one day, there won’t be any seconds left. Love your dads, and most importantly, love your life. Thank you.

Comments ( 100 )

Amazing. Just stunning.
My heart has been touched in that one good way thing can be touched.

I really must thank you for the magnificent piece of literature you have here.

Not much more to say, besides I'll be sad knowing this story has ended. :heart:

Excellent story! It had a rough start, but quickly improved. I suggest giving it the once over, and then submitting it to EqD!

This fic actually meets the definition of the world pleasant. I liked this fic from beginning to end. It feels a little weird that you managed to make a fic where a guy takes in and befriends two talking magical ponies, runs a music store, said ponies help him with his problems and he meets a girl that is just as pleasant as the protagonist and it ends on such a calm, peaceful and happy notion. You really can not complain about this story. What is there to bitch about?The answer Nothing. As what's good about it? The short answer : Everything. The long answer:

_Ian is likeable, relatable, and generally acts like a real person with hopes, dreams, problems and clear motivations.
_Penny is the same exact way and plus she didn't come off as just being there for the sake of giving Ian a romantic interest.
_This was such a lighthearted fic meaning you felt good during and after it was over.
_Shining Armor and Candence are great as well, they act more human than most protagonist in HIE stories. They are scared, worried, nice and helpful.
_The Princesses and Twilight behaved in the same believable fashion that the other character have exhibited and they didn't assume the worse of Ian when they met him and Penny.
_The little things. Things like how awesome it is to go to the movies, ordering take out, the joy of a hot tub, loose leaf tea, enjoying music. Yeah, it might not be extravagant but everyone can know the joy of most of those things. I love the little things.
_The music choice...okay this is where I'm a little biased but how many HIE fics has there been where some type of electronica has been the music of choice? The answer too god damn many fics. Even if it was your type of Rock, at least it was some type of rock and you gotta respect that.
_It was a well written fic, the syntax was great and the over all thing felt like some actually put a fair amount of effort into proof reading this fic.
_It was easy to read. I'm talking about the way it was formatting. The way the dialogue was spaced out and the paragraph structure made this story very easy to follow.

In closing, to anyone reading the reviews first, I'd recommend this fic as an example of how to do the Ponies on Earth type fic. Even on it's own merits this is a great story with a wonderful cliff hanger that doesn't make the reader angry and it actually doesn't hurt anything. I'd like to see a film version of this. Directed by Sophia Coppola or Edgar Wright. Staring Zack Efron as Ian and Emma Stone as Penny. The voice actors of the show can voice the ponies and musical score/composition is done by Nigel Godrich. It's have a run time of about 132, just a little over 2 hours anf it'll be rated PG-13 with a Winter release because Winter releases can make money and they have less competition.

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Peace Out.

734747 Frankly, If I were to see a movie of this made, I'd want Alexander Payne (Sideways, The Descendants) or Sam Mendes (American Beauty) directing it and Thomas Newman (American Beauty, The Help) scoring it. Edgar Wright would make it too... silly. Thanks for the in depth review.

Outstanding fic! Very original and creative! Bro-Hoof! /)

I've followed this fic from the very beginning, and as much as it tears my heart apart to think it's complete, I'm also so happy.
That was a beautiful story, quite outstanding from most fics I ever saw before, and...

...

...Oh dammit no need for long words it was AMAZING. Chapeau bas l'artiste and thank you.

Listen to this song: Dig - Incobus
It is realy good and the song with this realy is fitting to this. but dude I must say, I LOVE YOU and like the message in it. Although the message could be spend all the time you have with those you love and cherish because you will never know when they might slip away from you. Spend all your time well because you can't go back and change it once you've done it. Don't sit, run, don't sob, enjoy, don't hate, Love , because our time is fadding and we need to us it, enjoy it, so tell your friends, tell your family, tell your love ones that you love them.

I wanna see the proposal and marriage,
Cause it would be awesome.

that was one amazing story :ajsmug:
not quite tears but certainly tugged my heart strings

sir i wish you all happyness
and i hope your father is fully proud and happy to know how much his son loves him

736256
i think a sequeal would be awesome!

live shows in ponyville i thinks :pinkiegasp:

While its sad that it had to end, I say you ended that in such a great way!
*slow clap*
congratulations!

Sadly all good things must come to an end.
I wish that this didn't have to end though.
Word to word, cover to cover.
Book to book, Series to series

my dear writer what you have here is a true masterpiece of emotional literature and i would love to see what happens under heart warming's eve

you have my eternal thanks and fellowship and if you ever and i mean ever need to talk i will stand ready for you has i see this story as a travel and you have been my guide and i'm forever greatful for this....:fluttercry:

This has to be one of my favorite fan-fiction pieces that I have read to date. It is just a good, simple piece that is quite touching. :heart:
9.5/10

734566 I looked over, re-edited, submitted, and was rejected. According to the submission rules, I can't ask for feedback and they gave none in the rejection. Come to think of it, after reading the omnibus, it makes my story look atrocious. I'm sure I could write a better story given a clearer grasp of the requirements, but I wrote this merely to tell a story, nothing more.

734510 no fair first comment

While I have yet to finish reading the story, I can definitely say that I like it. It's cute, lovable, and the deep connection between Cadance and Shining Armor is what binds it together in my eyes. Nice work!

735969 Well there goes my atempt for philosopical advice. Also, liked the song it is not what i normally listen to but i did not mind it.:pinkiehappy:
Will there be a sequel? I think we all would love it.

760813 :flutterrage: Frig you. That looks incredible!!! :flutterrage:

760819 I wouldn't call a peck on the lips a first kiss. If that were the case, our first kiss would probably be with our parents. :pinkiesick:

I don't know (Given I am not a writer) but I am really interested to find out what happens in Equestria. Perhaps an Epilogue or a sequel?

I really think this could have been expanded a little more though, quite a bit seems rushed, not saying that the story was bad, I loved it!

img.ponibooru.org/_images/c6427dce4703930e51f6f93d9afa3e93/179412%20-%20artist%3Ablackburnwolf%20cadance%20Cadence%20princess_cadence%20sad.jpg

760832 True that!

Such a great ending to the story... Absolutely love it! Smashing job!

It was just amazing i have no words because this story like many others I read are simply beautiful

I also demand a sequel or I will find you naw just kidding:rainbowwild: I do want that sequels though

That story was champion my friend, simply champion :raritywink:

Thank you so much for giving me something to read and love I will reread this every year around fathers day from now on. I shall get my pals to see this because you deserve it.:eeyup:
continue the great work.

760813 You're right. It was shit. :fluttershyouch:

i see a lot of meh i think the story is adorable personally great relationship building both romantic and friendly i mean its just a great little story to read at what time is it... 2:37 am or whenever. great job on this and keep up the great work especially on the well done OC's that is hard to pull off!:pinkiehappy:

This story......there's only one thing I can say.

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This... *sniff* is the... END? :fluttercry::applecry::raritydespair:
Amazing story. Made me cry many times. :pinkiehappy:

You know, I just noticed this has both 'Sad' & 'Tragedy' tags, which are mutually exclusive and they ask authors not to label stories with both...though it doesn't seem like they enforce it?
Sad is just a good tear-jerker. You know little Timmy's dog gets hit by a car, or X pony comes down with an incurable disease.
Ex. The Unread Letter

Tragedy is when your (main) character's life is torn apart around them, usually because of their own failings or shortcomings - a true, classic Tragedy will always end with them worse off than when they began.
Ex. TAC: The Fall (Yes, this is a shameless plug...)

You know, personally, I don't think this story needs either...There are sad elements in it, so I suppose you could add it, but really, I came away from this story feeling warm and fuzzy. Definitely not a tragedy, Ian comes out better than he came into the story, hells be even got the girl!...and the ponies end back up in Equestria. I say that's a win!

2493296 Thanks. I shall change that immediately.

2523524 Or maybe the most famous and well known romantic couples in all of literature.

Didn't read it, but congrats on the feature.

2634487

But luckily, I needn't worry for such a thing since these characters are lacking in so much depth and dynamics that we have more options with an 8 bit game.

:rainbowhuh:...huh?

Here, let me fix that.

"These characters have less depth and dynamics than there are options in an 8-bit game."

See how less stupid that sounded?

This is one of the best Alternertive Universe Fics i have ever read :pinkiehappy:
And the bonus is SO AWSOME :rainbowkiss:

2634542 Sounds like every review to every arthouse film I've ever read from some random schmo ever.

2634579 This comment alone makes me want to read the story.:rainbowlaugh:

Hmmm.... nice feel-good story.

2635554 That was... brilliant. I thank you for that.

In all honesty, this was what I call my first attempt at a "serious" story, which was written last year when Shining Armor and Cadance were still very new characters. And not only that, I was not nearly as skilled of a writer as I've become in the year that I've been on this site. But the fact that I had so many people latch onto this story within a year and that it had the recognition to get featured surpassed my wildest dreams.

Now, I'm not saying that because my fic has a vastly higher like to dislike ratio that I should ignore criticism, but understand that I still like what I've done with the story and what it represents to me. My previous two fics were an overblown, poorly-formatted crossover of MLP, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and Pokemon with an OP Mary-Sue self-insert protagonist featuring characters inspired by avatars that I created on Rock Band (your barf bags are located within the seat in front of you), and a messed-up clopfic that wasn't meant to be taken seriously at all.

The point is that even if my stories realistically aren't good, I still like to keep them so I can look back and see and incorporate my strengths while rectifying my past errors in future stories. Of course, the chances of striking gold again like I did with Worlds Apart and The Game are slim to none, but I'm always trying my hardest with each new story I write.

Thanks so much for the review.

Hello moviemaster. We meet again.

How that i have read the entire story, i am going to give a brutally honest, no hold bars review.

Kingofsouls reviews World's Apart
So, I log onto FiM and see this story on the front page. The premise is interesting, and I read it. As many of you here already know, the idea is that Shining Armor and Cadence somehow wind yup to the worst place a pony can go:
EARTH.

Reference aside, Ian finds them, takes them in. And thus begins the (short) story of how ponies have the inherit ability to make everything better.

As I did read the story, i noticed that another story I read pieces of was on the sidebar: Yugioh Equis X Zexal, and the writing was a bit dull (especially during the duel, the heart of a yugioh story.). Here, the writing was good, but still a little dull. In some parts there was too little detail, in some parts too much (We really don't need to know every detail of Ian making breakfast for his two guests). Improvement? I think so. Admittedly, I only read a chapter or two of that story so honestly an accurate statement regarding improvement is something I cannot provide. But that's not the point. This story is the point. I think the writing on a general whole was good.

The idea of a pony coming to Earth is a neat idea, but here, Shining Armor and Cadence never leave the house. Understandable, but I honestly though something regarding them was going to happen. But then again, they aren't the focus. Ian is. The author uses My LIttle Dashie as inspiration, and the parallels are easy to find even if you only heard of the My Little Dashie's title. The focus isn't the pony coming to earth and seeing everything us Humans do, it's the human becoming a better person because they becomes friends with th epony. It's a little weird to see the ponies shunted to supporting role, and even then, what Shining and Cadence actually do (dating advice and being the should for someone to lean on) is rather limited. And I must agree with whomever below said it (if anyone said it): Shining Armor and Cadence are a little d=underdeveloped. They vaguely act in character, but just enough to be considered "in-character".

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The story is also pretty quick. It's over pretty fast. I had the (dis)advantage of being able to read the story in it's complete form so whether it's a pro or con is up to whoever wants to answer that question. Me, i'm neutral.

So, you can probably guess what my opinion is after all the dissing and badmouthing and "OH NOES GRAMIKAL AIROR." Espically since my last encounter with moviemaster.












I like this story.

Despite the flaws, the story is just a good read. I honestly had a hard time staying away from it until i got to the last chapter. Grammar makes up only half the story: the other in my opinion is heart, and the story has it. The characters are well rounded: Ian and Penny are both struggling due to loss and when they get to know each other they grow. And they are both likable: Ian has that good ole boy feel where he'll gladly lend a hand to anyone if they need it. And Penny is the girl you want to be with because she just is a joy to be around. Maybe it's their likability that causes Ian and Penny to basically become the entire Human races emissaries to Equestria. The fact that they go there for their wedding (which is neat) seals it. And they've gone several times so this opens up options.

There is also a lot of potential for this story to develop into a series of sort. World's Apart may be over, but side stories are always an option. In fact, I would like to try my hand when I get around to it and write a side story. I have an idea or two.

Is World's Apart the best story: No. Is World's Apart the worst story: No. But is World's Apart a good] story: Yes.

RECAP
PROS :twilightsmile:
* Well developed human characters
** As an added bonus, they are not bastards, and some FIM stories depict us as.
* Lovely premise
* Realistic if somewhat fast character development

CONS :twilightangry2:
* Too short, and thus not enough time to develop everything.
* Shining Armor and Cadence seem out of character despite not being out of character
* Shining Armor and Cadence don't really do anything.
* Not enough time with Shining Armor and Cadence in a strange new world.
* Dull writing at times
* While good, character development was fast at times.


I give this a B- and shall be putting in my favorites.

Good job.

On a side note, I don't think this story should have a tragedy tag on it
Look here at the FAQ "what does each category mean?" to get what I mean.
http://www.fimfiction.net/faq#stories
Just letting ya know :pinkiehappy:

Great fanfic :). THe only thing that kinda bugged me was a lack of conflict, like an enemy or someone trying to capture Shining and Cadence; but apart from that; great fic :)

Comment posted by Broly Saiyan of Legend deleted May 27th, 2013

a good fic doesn't always need a conflict to be good :D this story did just fine without one :P

2641774 You're wrong there, actually. A story ALWAYS needs conflict in order to keep the reader's interest, but it's just that the conflict is so underplayed (it involves Ian maintaining his relation ship with Penny and Shining Armor and Cadance after all), that it seems nonexistent.

2643464 Huh that wasnt really noticable at all in this fic though :rainbowderp:

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