It's not every day you wake up with a pony in your own bed, but for a (not-so) lucky brony his life gets changed after waking up with a certain cyan pegasus sleeping next to him...
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- Member Since 1st Jan, 2012
- offline last seen April 13th
Theangryman
Yeah I ain't doing the fiction thing anymore
Theangryman
Joined 1st Jan, 2012 ·
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Chapter releases are every two weeks. This post is going to be my update post, letting you people know what is going on with the story. I'm changing it whenever something is going on with the story rather than make a whole load of pointless blog posts.
So far:
I got nothing.
It's pretty good.
But try to keep it to one speaker per paragraph, okay? Otherwise it can get a little confusing.
okay, finally a decent self character in a fanfic. do you know how many times ive read a story where all it is, is the character being a jack of all trades, but the only thing is, he knows everything, gets the pony he wants to instantly love him, and he gets to be a hero and all this good stuff.
not a FANFIC. a FANtasy.
meh, at least its not another fluttershy in the human world fic (Though i wouldn't mind seeing at least ONE twilight in human land fic) still good start
Ok. That was pretty good.
Only a few places where things didn't sound right.
1. Your punctuation. This was pretty good, but it felt like you where missing a few commas and periods on places.
And
2. Only one speaker per paragraph.
That's all I saw, so you're doing a great job.
Have fun writing!
115687 I intend to write one eventually, just want to finish the fic I'm writing now before starting another, but we'll see
needs more chapters
hmmm this is actually good readins'. I noticed some grammatical errors here and there. While reading this my less impulsive more compulsive side was just dying to go in and edit said errors, quite frankly however I haven't the slightest idea as to how I would go about undertaking such a task. Not that there are so many errors I feel it would be overbearing,(I actually fix up some of the stuff one of my friends writes, whether he likes it or not) just that I literally don't know enough about how internet stuff works to fathom the act of editing an article that is not saved on a computer directly in front of me.
116460
Feel like being a proof-reader? With this being the first fanfic I've wrote, it would be a good idea for someone else to review the chapters before release and improve on any of errors I miss. After taking in some of the feedback my main problems appear to be mainly grammatical errors.
-P.S. Chapter releases will vary between a week or two, with the reason behind this being the fact I'm actually writing chapters on the fly when I feel like it, instead of writing them before hand.
Love it! Make more please!
troll.me/images/brace-yourselves/brace-yourselves-chapter-2-is-coming.jpg
Moar
:)
can't wait for next chapter
116847 I'm new to the fanfic world too (different worlds, kindred hearts is mine) and more power to ya bro *insert shameless self promotion here*
180105
I'll have to check out your fanfic later, sounds interesting.
"Pretty much always deserted" famous last words
186254 Feathers don't make good dusters
Love the chapter man can't wait for more! Until next time!
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8b2cd5eca0cb5d37333c33309c11575e/63381%20-%20animated%20applejack%20rope%20Twinkling_Balloon%20wave.gif
Awesome chapter. If you ever run out of ideas, you can always summon Pinkie and her 4th wall breaking powers. Something like this:
You: O_O
You: "I should reinforce the 4th wall."
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
Cool chapter man.
dat ending....
Was i the inspiration for your story? In your description it said My Little Dashie and several others, so i guess it is.
This is the problem most "Human to Equestria/ Pony to Earth" fanfictions have, the beginning is too rushed, so we can't exactly feel the believability of your character. In my story, the reason why it took so long for Dashie and Chris to meet up was to establish a sense of caring for my character. If the first chapter is like, I am just a guy who likes ponies and then suddenly Rainbow Dash! I usually stop reading, because it's the same character we all see in every story. Take My Little Dashie for example, the author established a feeling for the main character at the beginning of the story. He wanted us to be in that character's position with him. It would be a good idea if you make the first chapter MUCH longer and give the readers a lot more description about Alex.
I noticed that in this story, Rainbow Dash does not seem to initially react to being on some stranger's bed. Let's not mention he is a totally different species from her, so she would initially try and fight back. I know i would.
The reason Rainbow Dash established trust with my character, Chris, in my story is because Chris tended to her wounds when she was injured by the dogs, not to mention he saved her life! Here it's just Rainbow Dash wakes up and strangely decides to trust this weird creature for no reason whatsoever.
What i am saying is that, you should consider brainstorming before writing the chapters, it will give you a lot more ideas than to rush a story that could have potential. The reason it takes one to two weeks of writing a chapter is because i read carefully and try and think of ideas that would fit naturally in the story. Every story, believe it or not, is like real life. How would a person react if you were in their bed sleeping next to them? How could you trust a creature that could have been the reason you were gone from Equestria in the first place? See how this all falls in?
Well, i hope that helped because i expect more from you later on. If you are having writers block or if you are running out of ideas, feel free to notify me.
275002
Thanks for the criticism, I was kind of waiting for a response like this.
The reason why the beginning is so rushed is due to the fact I wasn't really writing it out like I have been for the other chapters. I only put it up on FiMFiction to see if anyone would appreciate what I can do. I'm not joking when I say this is the first piece of fictional writing that I've actually written. I personally would like to re-do every chapter as to make the story longer and add in more character development, but this is really something I only do in my spare time, which I don't have a lot of due to course-work and school. Life's a bitch that way.
You've mentioned brainstorming idea's before releasing a chapter too, which I do very frequently with one of my pre-readers whenever I get the time to. We've practically wrote the story together, with me spewing out ideas and him going over them to see if they'll pass. It's sort of a 'Is this any good?' *reads story* 'Yeah, but this could do with...' way of working.
You also mention 'Was I the inspiration for your story? In your description it said 'My Little Dashie' and several others, so I guess it is.' Sorry to disappoint, but I started writing this over seven weeks ago, way before I read your story - which is very good might I add. You do seem like you would make a good critic. How would you feel about pre-reading chapter 5 before it's out? I could do with improving it.
This is an A class story
Cool.
Giggidy, also Brushie Brushie Brushie
Nice, can't wait for another chapter. [Insert 'Brace yourselves' meme pic here]
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvviiiiiiiiillllllllllllllll
Give them viewers bonus stuff .... Bitches love bonus stuff.
Everything was good, until I read this: "Compared to Equestria, Earth is Hell". Man, I don't think this is correct. There are many countries on the Earth (I'm C.O.), and some of them even better, than Equestria. So, please - be fair another time, alright?
Story is great and interesting. Bravo.
310210
Hence why it was cut from the story. Bonus chapter? Filled with un-used things?
People need to read the title!
About the 3000 word thing on EQD. It is only needed for updates. You could have one 10000 word chapter or six 500 and as long as it was quality they would except it.
312212
So I could submit it now and have a decent chance of getting featured?
312278
Yes. I did the same thing and the only reason I wasn't accepted is the have to many war stories right now.
312308
How do you think they'll react to this story then?
312315 My story was not feature, so there's no guarantee
312315
I can't say but this has a good shot I think.
315838 314690
Hmm... I shall think about this over night. Maybe when 'The Search' (CHAPTER 6 SPOILER) is done I'll give it a shot.
Twilight 'OP' Sparkle wiped out almost the entire human race?
I just hope to see what Celestia thinks about this...That and how it would affect Twilight's mind since she wiped out over 6 billion humans.
the entire human race gone
he goes crazy
...
ID DO THE SAME THING :D
Twilight wipes out a entire race of sentient beings, Da FUUUU twilight should be sent to the moon
I... seriously didn't expect that. Nice Twist.
337346 She really didn't seem to give two fucks about it
337291 Actually, that would be 7 billion.
It's funny because none of you know why Twilight doesn't give a fuck and what happens next. You're going to love it.
I like all the discussion the newest chapter has brought with it, keep up the good work.
337749 It's not just Twilight either, none of them seem to care! Not a scrap of regret from Twi, only a couple of lines of shock from Alex (the afterwards he just doesn't care), and nothing at all from Pinkie. My first reaction would have been along the lines of: 'You just murdered all my family and friends, so stand still whilst I bludgeon you to death with this shovel.'
338289
OOo. Interesting. It seems I have and author whom is also an artist reading my story. You intrigue me, and so thus have a new follower.
338327
.
..
...
338289 lol me too
338327 Is it because they're in the matrix and she knows it doesn't matter anyway?!!! 
I KNEW IT!!!!! 
338567
Nope... Keep guessing.
338289
Also, how can you get mad at ponies?