- Member Since 9th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Sep 6th, 2017
AppleCiderJack
Registering on recommendation of a great many folks.
AppleCiderJack
Joined 9th Sep, 2015 ·
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Niamh-pony, is that you?
I love this story.
I read it when it was originally posted on Dropbox and I'm glad to see it make its way here.
It's cute and sexy while having a fun story.
Plus it has Applejack dealing with her ever expanding boobs.
What's not to like?
A very good job!
...Wouldn't it have been slightly easier to make that into a few separate chapters? Both for you and the readers?
Still, think I'm going to give this a chance since the premise sounds fun, but just thought I'd mention I did a double take on the above. Single largest one-shot I've seen so far.
Great piece of art, only problem is you should consider splitting them into smaller chapters.
6433737
6433725
Ah'm sorry, first time postin' this here. Should I have? Ah mean, ah can, ah just didn't think to. Can ah get away with just cuttin' it in half? Or should ah divide it up even more?
6433747
Still reading so don't have any good suggestions on cuts, but yeah, that's how its usually done around here.
Even so, since the story is finished and stand-alone I personally think its fine. Just odd and rare enough to comment on, so no need to worry about it.
6433747
Not uncommon for longer one-shots (or some huge serial stories) to be in the size category of yours.
Ho damn, 59k words all at once? Wow. Easily the longest fic I've seen thus far centered around this kind of thing, and all in one go, to boot. Breaking it up a bit would've been nice, but I really can't complain, because this was well-written. Loving the story that went along with it, too.
Fun, funny, just enough drama and conflict through the last half to keep it interesting, and plenty of unf to go with it along the way. All in all, despite the length, it's one that I've enjoyed sitting through. Nicely done.
I rate this fic nine barrels of "naturally-produced" cider out of ten.
6433747
You could probably divide it into four or five chapters.
1. The setup
2. Berry Punch
3. The intro of the main antagonist and setup of the main conflict
4. The main conflict and resolution
5. The epilogue.
But I don't know what the rules are on dividing a story after you've posted it and I had no problems reading it in its longer form.
I'd check with the admins and see what the rules are on splitting it up.
6433747 find natural stopping points and break the story up there. 60k words is a hell of a lot of words, and i can promise you most folks prolly don't have that kinda stamina.
hot dang those tags tho
6433793
6433749
Alright, if it'll make things any easier. Just gonna haveta give me a bit!
Edit: Wound up breakin' it into 11 pieces. Now I'm hopin' /that's/ not too many.
Awesome! Still, I read it when it was all one chapter, so...
Meh. Still well written, and I'd read it again!
6433816
It's fine, most reader here are used to chapter size of a few thousand, so you're perfectly fine.
I have to wonder if this was at all inspired by a certain pic drawn by Cold Blooded Twilight...
I remember reading this on pastebin a while ago and I remember saying in a comment on Inkbunny that what I love about this story is that it's a fetish story that has a plot that is actualyl gripping enough that, despite the size, I was compelled to read it all the way to the end, I'm happy to see it on Fimfiction so I don't have to go to pastebin every time I want to read it.
I don't think it needs trimming down but it's good that it's in chapters now so I don't feel compelled to read it all in one sitting every time, not that I wont heheh.
I AM GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THIS IS EROTIC AND FAVORITE IT ANYWAY.
HAVE A LIKE, AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
I was kinda expecting AJ's cider to have a side effect, of making mares and even fillies breasts expand a bit after consuming?
Will there be sequel?
Congratulations!
i.imgur.com/EfB3tfD.png
Its far from every new author that manages to get into the feature box with their first story, so I hope you're proud of yourself and your work.
Shit got real!
6436465
That's a rather cliche plot for this type of story. The 'contagious curse cascade' thing, I mean. It's how 9 out of 10 of these sort of stories ends.
Having the whole cider lactation being a really strange but genuine blessing was far more original and interesting. At least IMO.
I do second that I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel or spin-off, though. Its really rare when Mature stories gets this much work put into them and their world-building.
A very nice, well written story. You took a concept, and dang well ran it very creatively. Good premise, good idea, and well, a very fun take on the adage. So cheers! No character felt out of place or off as is so often the case here. And that's one heck of a huge compliment I can give. They all still felt like they should have.
I know it is asking a good bit, but I too would be interested in seeing if there are other routes you wish to take this whole little world expanded on more.
That battle of law between Mr. Deal and Twilight was just gorgeous to read... i love the good old use of rules, laws, and regulation to fuck with someone.
I have to ask, what part of the story fits with the 'restraints' tag?
MY SIDES!!!
I just discovered a fetish I didn't know I had before now and it's a good story besides.
faved and liked
I really hope that someone - I don't even care who - continues this... I really want to see more, this story was amazing!
The fuck am I considering reading but almost scared to read at the same time?
Well, you did it.
You took a clopfic and turned it into a mystery novel.
Create your own setting and you could sell this story. Easily.
'Tis certainly better than 50 shades, amirite?
6438515
I wanted more clopfic and less mystery conspiracy story out of this story.
This is the best way I've dropped my SAN score since I discovered furry erotic roleplaying games. Five WTFs out of five, and kudos to you for writing it as a serious story.
I wasn't expecting to go through this entire story in one sitting, but I did and this was very well written. Now if you excuse me, I'm in the mood for some strawberry soda
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2889-DiscordBison02.png
This right here? Made my crappy day worth it.
Thank you.
img.photobucket.com/albums/v514/TrueVisionary/YES-spy.gif
each chapter just gets better and better...though this one seemed a little worrying near the end.
I'll never look at cider the same way again.
...aw hell naw!
i.imgur.com/FQ2Ws.jpg
Time to break out the Orbital Friendship Cannon
6439576
The perfect day:
11:00 am - wake up
11:05 am - read this
11:06 am - read it again
11:07 am - go to bed after a day well spent
6440214 I concurimages.sodahead.com/polls/002265719/4359281973_i_concur_RE_Wikileaks_s500x351_111816_580_answer_3_xlarge.jpeg
After all of that, even if Twilight didn't do that law, Hidden Deal would be screwed because if it's not Twilight, it's her teacher. And when her teacher is after you, you might as well give up and cut your own head off so you won't suffer.
...Okay, not gonna lie, I kinda wish I was one of those hooked up in the cellar
>.>
Unintended consequences-foreshadowed.
It's like one of those things that you shouldn't share at but can't look away. Like a fetish section from the twilight zone. Heh, "Twilight Zone", there's a name for a fic.
Thumbs up if you know who sang "Strawberry Fields"
Well that was nice now i must sleep
Alright, I wanted to wait until I read this whole thing before I gave you a review.
I freaking loved it. This was one of the best mature stories I read in a while. It was sexy, over the top, yet not lewd in the slightest. The characters just felt right, and I loved the premise of it. This was creative as hell.
I also loved the plot with the other bar. The adventure was put in perfectly, turning this into much more than just a breast expansion story. It was a full on story with breast expansion as the main point. Sort of like Yugioh in Japanese. It's not a show about a card game. It's an adventure show where the card game is a medium.
This is definitely one of my favorites now. I already put it in my special book shelf, as your story took me THERE, but it definitely has a place to stay now. Congrats, and I would love to see more from you in the future.
Your future overlord,
SapphireLibra3
Well, this is, weird, an interestingly funny adult sort of way. This is how it opens I can't imagine what's to come later on.
Well, that's some, juicy info, no pun intended.
Before slowed down:
1 hour-1/2 a gallon
2 hours-1 gallon
1 day-12 gallons
1 week-84 gallons
So if Applejack sleeps the average 8 hours a night she now wakes up with a full two gallons.
Wow that's alot of cider in that amount of time, even at the new halved time 42 gallons a week will make quite a lot of bits. Now I do have to wonder, what's the absolute maximum compacity her two breast can hold? I wonder if this is karma for Rainbowdash's torture in super cider squeezy.
Wow, I did not expect that. So Applejack doesn't have to wait hours for a new batch of cider, she can produce as much as she, or others want with the chant. Applejack is pretty much a cider goddess. Infact as of this moment I dub thee Applejack the princess of cider. Also I wonder how many gallons her breast just held now?
Very good, but it needs some real clop.
Oooooooooh, so THAT'S what's been going on!