I will always return
“… And that’s it.”
“That’s what?”
“That’s the end of the story,” I said, turning back to my rifle. “I went to MEPS again the next day, went to the airport and that was the last time I saw her.”
“How long ago did you leave?” Collie asked.
“Hmmm… probably been a year since I left. She’s out at Stanford working on her medical degree,” I answered. “We talk through Skype every now and then.”
“Jeez… like, holy shit,” Collie murmured, before letting loose a riotous laugh. “Come on, man, you’ve got to be kidding me!”
I struggled to hold back a laugh myself. “What makes you think I’m joking?”
“Well- I mean, what the hell were you smoking? That must’ve been some hella good acid you were doing,” he said. “How many times were you arrested in that story? Or nearly killed? Come on, nobody’s life is that exciting. And no, I’m sorry, having sex with some pony princess from another world that you can enter through a portal at your school statue is maybe a little too much. Just…” he doubled over laughing, letting his rifle fall from his hands and into the hot desert sand at his feet. “Holy shit, I’m in a platoon with an idiot!”
I grinned, taking out the bore brush and inspecting the muzzle. Clean as I could manage in this place, which wasn’t very. The firing pin concerned me more, as I’d found during our last live fire that it had a tendency to jam, even with only mild dirtiness. With what was coming soon, I’d need it to work perfectly.
“Big Mac, can you believe this idiot?” Collie wheezed, turning to his friend who stood nearby, wiping down the buttstock of his M4. “You knew this guy, right? Can you take a word he says seriously?”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied, not even bothering look away from his work.
Collie took pause at that one. “Wait, what? You kidding?”
“No, he’s not,” I said pleasantly. “Hey, Big Mac!”
“Eeyup?”
“Did I lie about anything in that story I just told about how Sunset and I got together?”
“Nope.”
“Was every little detail I told you true?”
“Eeyup.”
“Well, that makes it simple enough,” I said cheerfully, refitting the pins and slapping my rifle back to SAFE. “Had enough Collie, or need I go on and try to prove it?”
He looked willing to argue a bit further, but before he could say anything, Blitz, another guy in the platoon, piped up and said, “Look out! Sergeant’s coming!”
Collie immediately righted himself and returned to working on his rifle just as our Platoon Sergeant, a monster of a man known as Iron Will, came sauntering up with his usual swagger. “How we looking, shitheads?” he asked jovially, yet again displaying his ability for colorful metaphors.
“Hooah!” Was our reply, true to form.
“Excellent. How’re the rifles looking so far?”
“Looking alright, Sergeant,” I replied, flipping it up and handing it to him for inspection.
“Hmm…” he scrutinized it for a bit, looking down the barrel for any residue. “Still got a little in there,” he assessed. “But it doesn’t look too bad. Try washing off your brush and seeing if that helps any. Private Mac, how’s yours looking?”
“He ain’t gonna find nothing on it, you know he won’t,” Collie whispered.
Sure enough… “Looks like you’re good, kid,” Iron Will replied, giving the hefty farmer a thwack on the soldier that nearly sent him toppling. “Listen, since we’ve got the training exercise tonight, go get some chow and rest. Looks like it’ll be a long one. And Collie-”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
“Don’t roll around in the dirt, you look like a damn worm.”
Collie gave a grin but was still shamefaced as we laughed, he unable to say anything in his defense.
“Alright, get the hell outta here and get something to eat,” said Iron Will. He paused as we began to run off, calling for me.
“Sergeant?”
“Relax, kid, just letting you know the internet café’s back up again,” he explained. “I know you’ve been using it a lot since we got here, so figured you’d want to give it a try.”
“Sweet. Thanks, Sergeant!” I replied, dashing off across the camp.
It’d been a long time since I’d seen home. Now here I was halfway across the world in the African desert, preparing for an invasion that never seemed like it would come. We’d taken the ground where I now stood from the Empire in the early months of the war, long before I had arrived here, and managed to push them back into Europe before they could spread any further. Now, we all knew they were lying in wait, challenging us to come into their domain. We’d taken the wreckage from leftover battles here to make training grounds that we used constantly, preparing for the inevitable assault. Thankfully, the base we had built had enough amenities for the troops sent here to call home.
As I sat down in front of the computer, I knew it was sort of a longshot, statistically, that I’d get a response. It was only mid-afternoon here, and with Sunset being far west coast, she would likely still be asleep. Still, she had promised to keep in touch and pick up whenever I called. And she hadn’t failed yet, so here was to hoping…
The screen changed and before me was a very sleepy, very tired, but very beautiful Sunset Shimmer, wearing a simple nightrobe and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. But when she spoke, her voice was as warm and comforting as it had always been. “Hey, it’s good to see you.”
“Hey!” I nearly jumped out of my skin with happiness, my heart leaping at the sight of her. “Hey, how are you, how’re you doing?”
“I’m OK, just really tired. I only went to sleep about an hour ago,” she confessed.
“What, why? What’re you doing up so late?” I asked.
“Yeah, had a paper to complete. It’s what the Biology class has been working to all semester,” she yawned. “I started worrying that it something on it was wrong, so I went and looked at it again and realized I had a bunch of spelling errors all through it, so I had to search them out one by one and get it fixed. It took me forever…”
She went on, albeit slowly, about her life in college. She’d taken on a lot of classes but was doing well. She and her roommate got along fine, campus life was fun. I always asked her to tell me as much as possible, so I could get a feel for how her daily life was and know it by heart. It was painful not being there with her, and to have made her change so many plans to get where she was now, but she never complained. Every time I talked to her she was cheerful and pleasant and always encouraging.
“So… what time is it there? Where even are you?” she asked.
I gave a small chuckle. “Nice try, baby, you know I can’t tell you that,” I replied.
She gave a wistful sigh. “I know, but I still have to ask. I really miss you, I wish you were here.”
“I know. I miss you tons, too,” I said, putting my fingers on the computer as if I could reach through and touch her. “It won’t be long before I’m back, just watch and see.”
“You know I’m watching! Always am, every day!” she insisted.
“Hey, that reminds me…” I said suddenly, fishing out a receipt from my pocket. “I ordered it a while ago, did it get to you yet?”
“Hmm? Yeah, it did, came in on Thursday. I love it, it’s beautiful. My roommate’s been going nuts over it ever since I put it on, she complains her boyfriend is never gonna commit.”
“Great, I was a little worried. I wish I could- you know, be there to put it on you myself. And sorry I can’t help you plan it all.”
Sunset shook her head. “No, it’s OK. It gives me something to do,” she said. “Just do me a favor and don’t be late, OK? Don’t stand up your girl at her own wedding!”
“Never. You know I’ll be there,” I said firmly, my heart reaching through the screen out to her, so many thousands of miles away. “I’m coming back. You have my word.”
~ The End
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Abit sad its all over, but its been fun ride anyways.
What a beautiful way to conclude the story. Our hero started as a dangerous, temperamental delinquent while Sunset was a bully that went down the road of shame and they both became so much more. The guy overcame his temper and became devoted to Sunset while Sunset became far more confident and social. The story was an emotional roller coaster but it was definitely my favorite second person story on the site. Thank you for writing it.
Oh, yeah, okay. Just leave that knife in my heart, it's not like I needed that or anything.
(Seriously, great story.)
*sigh* what a bittersweet way to end a story....any plans for sequal?
Well, it was a fun ride....
A fantastic story from beginning to end. Well done.
I love it. Well done.
Now, a question - how does the geography of this world compare to the real world? What territories, in your mind, does the Crystal Empire encompass? I'm just curious.
7519564 and glad you went on it with me. I've never had such a story like this in my life.
7519621 My pleasure. It was an incredible ride, even for me.
7519677 Glad you enjoyed it, at the very least.
Don't worry too much, though. You might get to see them again.
7519723 You shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have said that...
7519872 You'll see. Either tonight (Well, my tonight) or in the next couple days what's ahead.
7520060 It will end. Things always come to an end in our world. But before that a lot of people gotta die.
7520081 Thanks. Never had a story surprise me like this one did.
7520138 That's life for ya.
7520181 Geography remains the same. The Empire does have some unusual borders since it doesn't act as a normal country would, but instead as a collective nation. I've got a makeshift map that shows its range.
7520225 alrighty.
I dont know how to feel about this. Maybe its cause I chose to read all this in one sitting, or maybe I just missed something; but I dont know how to feel about this. It was mentioned that they could have escaped to Equestria to get away from it all, and yet he made the decision to go and fight anyway. I mean yeah, hope was shown at the end of this but..I just dont know how to feel.
7520680
Yeah they could have escaped, but would they really 'escape'?
Sure they live everyone else goes to war.
To me, they are not those type of characters who would abandon a planet just to feel safe. Not when they could do something.
And i know Sunset HAS the potential to do SOOO much more than our Solider, but this is a fight that can not be won by purifying a demon.
Also just because Sunset have a HUGE potential does not mean she has the Capability right now.
And hope?...
Yeah...heh this fic could have gone REAL dark by having the call cut, and having either of the characters blown up.
Yeah i don't know how to feel either mate.
Lets just hope they win.
7520680 It's not supposed to be a clear-cut, happy ending. But it is the right decision. No one can call themselves good when they choose to run instead of helping others.
7520771 Exactly. The two of them have grown too much to run away and hide themselves. They are too far along to be cowards.
And no way would I have just killed them outright like that. I can kill people in my work, as this story has proven, but I don't do needless, unnecessary death. There's no point to it and it only makes the world worse.
7520238 Fair enough.
Rage. Pain. Loss. Love. What a ride it has been. I'm very glad to have followed it til the end. Thank you for this, Mr Echo. This is staying in my favourites for a long, long time
7521250 Link's a bit wonky, but I just got a Spirit reference. I'm definitely having a good day. Thank you so much for coming all this way.
This is going to be an unpopular opinion but I'm going to try and give a clear and concise reason to back it up. I did not like the ending.
First, the author has said several times that the war was foreshadowed since the beginning and to be fair, it was. Every other chapter there are snippets on a TV or in a conversation about increasing tensions between the two nations, that's fine, it's good buildup, I think we all kind of expected a war at some point.
My issue with it, though is that maybe it was too much in the background, to the point where it still feels disconnected from the story. The main conflict of this story was about the MC escaping his past and dealing with Jester. Jester was properly foreshadowed because he had a direct effect on the characters so we we're all ready for it. The war, while it was mentioned, never directly effected the characters until the very end.
My second big issue is that, we spent the entire story rooting for the two main characters to get together, watching them overcome impossible obstacles, then in a single chapter they are split up and the story ends. I could go into how the MC's reasons for joining the army are more selfish than noble but that's highly subjective.
Personally, I think the best place to end the story would have been chapter 20. Everything in this story was wrapped up and then the war that was foreshadowed finally happens, segwaying into a possible sequel. That way, even if there was no sequel, it would still be a somewhat satisfying ending because they were still together. Now there HAS to be a sequel because the story isn't finished,
Please don't take this as a harsh criticism or a sign that I didn't like this story, I loved it. I just hate when a story ends before it's finished.
War never changes...
War never changes...
7521393 Hmm...
To say why the suddenness of the war breaking was because it was all from the character's perspectives. I know very, very few people of a young age who pay attention to the news so I felt it natural for it to more or less be background noise until it couldn't be ignored anymore. Take a look at 9/11 for example, we had the USS Cole in 2000, the embassy bombing in '98, the first WTC attack in '93... It's not a nice way of putting it, but we often have a very strong gift of ignoring things until the worst has come.
And yeah, it's sudden that the whole fairy tale comes to an end so abruptly. But that's reality- just when we think it's perfect, the world reminds us of how it really is. We spent the whole story watching them overcome obstacles, enduring trials and taking risks to do what's right. Now they're faced with the biggest obstacle yet, and this is how they choose to face it. Not pretty, not easy, but that's the way it is.
Sometimes we're put in situations where there really is no 'right' decision and you have to just go with what makes sense in your head. Our character wasn't perfect- the very way he went about it was very flawed, and yes a little selfish, but came from good intentions to protect what he loves. It's not meant to be a nice, agreeable decision so I don't really mind that you think critically of the choice. That's just how it can be in our world.
7521593
All true but the thing is, we didn't really get to see them face that final big obstacle. Even if he was killed in battle, it would be tragic as hell but at least we would know what happened. Here, we don't know what happens. Again, this is just my personal opinion, this is your story to tell.
And yea, we do tend to ignore things until we can't anymore. Not just young people either.
7521632 I do agree that it the story isn't really 'over' as well, but I detest the stories on here that have hundreds of chapters and have seemingly been going for years. I wanted it to end where it was because it was the two of them truly leaving their old lives behind. What comes next would be the two of them dealing with adulthood and-
You know what, gimme a bit. I do have stuff to say, but here isn't the place to say it.
Just so you don't miss it, a post-story blog for anyone who's interested. Sneak peeks and tidbits abound!
The blog link
7520926
Yeah that would have been the George R.R. Martin way of doing things.
Oh and by the way Great story mate, you have been building up the war for so long
Always bringing up the TV and the conflict in the Empire
7521905 I think R. R. Martin has a point to his brutality, but I saw no need for it here.
But trust me... I can kill a lot of people when I write. Like, a lot.
0-100! Loved this story, I've been following it from the start, and I'm looking forward to the sequel.
7528306 thanks so much!
Damn, bro. This story actually made me feel all the emotions.
Screw it. You just earned yourself a follower.
7537609 Yay! I accomplished the feels!
7537931
Hope your future stories have the same effect.
You just stabbed my soul with feels
.....this was a great story.
7541587 Thank you so much! It was a great ride.
7548106 Sure wasn't meant to be really dark. Sad and messy, yes, but not grim. The sequel will be similar to this in certain aspects- greater focus on Sunset, more time on the relationship. I want the two to have moments where it's just one another because I feel the two are at their best.
The dynamic between the two is the core to what made the story so fun to write, so I want that to be an overarching thread in the long run. Even when it really gets grim- which trust me, this isn't grim yet.
Why don't you like second person stories?
7549091 I hate the writing format of it. Whenever I see "you" it throws me off so violently because my mind is screaming, "That sentence is so WRONG!" It looks like a very poorly written sentence and that prevents me from getting fully immersed into the story. This was sort of my way of pushing against it, as the last chapter showed that is was Reyes telling the story the entire time.
7557609 Wow, way, WAY too much effort put into that critique. Like holy hell, how much time did you spend on that?
I think... you're overthinking this. It's high school. It's part of the real world, and it's also part of a fictional world that doesn't always play by the same rules. It's a hard line to fly, especily considering how many supernatural elements play into the early narrative of the first film. I try to do my best of respecting that and also making it feel like a realistic storyline in terms of how people act- which is flawed. People don't always do the right thing or think of the right way to do things. It was an idea conjured up on the fly- and a course of action that would likely be chosen just as quickly. We don't make wise decisions, hence why the world is in such a mess.
Also, Reyes' earlier moments in the story are a far cry from what he becomes. He is -in many ways- brutal. He understands violence and warfare because he was accustomed to it. The only reason he never resorts to such action is because he swore to drop it for his mother's sake- not because he wanted to. They tried to get him to simply drop the hostility because he was the first one they could truly influence and he refused. So they spoke to him on a level he could understand, even if it wasn't a very pleasant one.
People make flawed decisions, have flawed logic and reasoning, and can be vastly immature- especially high schoolers. But even then, things usually work themselves out on their own course. Life is weird that way.
7557680 *Grumble* ...stupid Fimfiction not alerting me when I get a reply...
Not really, the whole thing was formulated in just a couple of minutes, tops, then again my brain is weird. Lots maturity. Much jealous doctors during I.Q. test.
Actually typing it however... ( >_>)
Again, as was his right. You want high school terms? Ok, how about this.
'The Mane five' used: 'Peer Pressure' on 'Former Gang Member'.
It's not very effective.
'The Mane five' used: 'Criminal Coercion' on 'Former Gang Member'.
It's... super effective?
What? How the? I don't even?
Another problem with this is that they aren't just dumb kids who act on their first impulse. They're upstanding, law abiding teenagers who attend an apparently prestigious academy, and at least some of them even have jobs. They're uncomfortable with the thought of crime in general... actually going to the 'level' they went to should have been waaay beyond what they would have even considered at that point.
Anyways, I'm fully aware that we're talking about teenagers, much of that comment was based on an empathetic emulation of how I would have reacted as a teen in a similar situation, but I can certainly see how that wouldn't exactly coincide with most people. Like I said... weird brain.
...That and I've been awake since this time yesterday, sooo ...*Yawn*...G'night.
7558009 Eh, I went to BCT with law-abiding, decent people as well as idiots. A lot of the nicer guys quit, one blasted fool made a legitimate attempt to murder me, and the rest of us made it through. We never told the Drills about the fights or a lot of the stuff we got up to. Groups of people usually don't go to an outside source and just typically sort it out within themselves.
People don't always act the way they should. Just my take on it.
Well, finally got through this beast and I gotta say, I was hooked from start to finish!
7559631 Thanks a lot! Glad you enjoyed it!
Excellent story, 'twas very enjoyable. Can't wait for the sequel.
7564958 Yay!