• Member Since 17th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 29th, 2018

Darknight293


Sequels1

T

(This takes place after Equestria Girls but before Rainbow Rocks)
You've always been the odd one out, the nerd that got bullied a lot and had few friends, the guy with glasses that only his family cared about. But what could you do about it in a city like hoofington where the stronger people picked on the weaker?

To make it worse your two parents, while supportive of you, are overprotective, and after a fight after school that nearly costs you your life they've decided to move the family to a new town!

Now you leave what few friends you have to go to a new place that might be just as bad, or worse, than Hoofington. Will Canterlot be just like it? Will you fit in or be the same old odd nerd out that sat alone at lunch and got bullied almost daily?

Or perhaps...this town will be better and you might find some peace for once in your life?


Special thanks to DecPrincess for making the art, all I did was find it and use it. Here's the Link to the picture for proof.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 65 )

The plot of this story sounds very similar to one that's been on my mind for a long time. I've got a little of it written, but writing fics isn't as easy as it used to be. If I ever do get it up, I just want you to know that I didn't steal it from you.

More please

5397933 Oh it's quiet fine my friend, I am simply writing what comes to mind. Ironically it came to me one day in school but is not based on past experience.

....okay some of the social distrust miiiight be past experience.:twilightblush:

5398006 I'll try my best to provide more, but I can't go too fast or else the story will be middle school writing.(and my middle school writing sucked.)

As you pick it up and start to being it upstairs, your mind wanders back to Sunset.

Some people want to be trees, others backpacks, it is really not my place to judge. :twilightsmile:

'Could she really be evil? If she made that Fluttershy girl then why sit with her at lunch? It doesn't add up.'

:insertsunsetshimmersmileyhere: "Celestia never told you what really happened to your mother."
:flutterrage: "She told me enough! She told me you killed her!"
:insertsunsetshimmersmileyhere: "No Fluttershy, I am your mother!"
:fluttercry: "That's not true! That's impossible!"
:insertsunsetshimmersmileyhere: "Search your feelings, you know it to be true!"
:fluttershbad: "Nooooooooo!"

There was a few thugs you didn't understand for Spanish like-

I really can't catch a break, now I've got Spanish speaking bullies too? :raritydespair:

They laugh still you and taunt you, Billy pulling out his switchblade and swinging down to hit you in the chest with it.

... Yeah I got nothing. Please continue. :eeyup:

5405943 Thank you for the info, I will go through and make the corrections. My proofreader wasn't feeling well today as she went through the chapter and said she probably missed a few things!:twilightblush:

Also that one with Fluttershy and Sunset made me laugh, not sure how I messed that one up!

I'm putting this on read later, so far I like how it started.

Okay since Pale and Cobalt are from fallout Equestria who is Katherine Green based off on. You might have explained it I just don't remember?

Police? No? Adults truly are useless I suppose.

There's still a bunch of mistakes here and there.

5467543
Actually they're just all made up characters, Cobalt and Pale belong to a friend from the site Fallout Equestria and Katherine is owned by me.

5467879
I suspected that would happen, been having a bad week and now I feel so tired I must've ran a few marathons.

5468269 Ah Interesting. I'm just surprised you used more than one OC in your story. Most stories that want to give Sunset a rival either will use the Dazzling's and every now and again Trixie.

5468312
Indeed, but since this is before Rainbow Rocks the Dazzlings can't be in the story or it'll create a paradox since she doesn't encounter them until during Rainbow Rocks. As for Trixie, I wished to use her but not as a rival, it seemed a bit...flavorless to use the character as a rival that others have already used as her rival.

5468352 I hope Sunset and Kathyrine have a mean girl face off. And then Sunset gives her the what for. (Because I know Sunset if she wanted can tear anyone a new one if she wished)

This leaves me on the edge of my seat.

I swear to god if she even lays a finger on Sunset Shimmer I WILL FUCKING STAB THAT BITCH WITH MY HIDDEN BLADE!... Shut up I made one... Don't judge me!

5470616
An editor would be nice, yes. If you're offering to be one then I would accept.

2x

shit is about to get real and bloody

5471065 Might be better to discuss this in mail and not flood the comment section. ^^

To make it worse your two parents, while supportive of you, are overprotective, and after a fight after school that nearly costs you your life they've decided to move the family to a new town!

I would hardly call moving after their son NEARLY DIED over protective, Still I have added this to read later and I will do so tomorrow.

5484949 Yeah, though it was more so a statement that they've been rather overprotective before and the reader just being upset about the move and trying a way to blame them for it out of spite.

Tis my first successful story, sue me. XD

...

Please don't sue me.:twilightsheepish:

Please tell me you're making a Sequel. The way you ended it seems like you plan on making a Sequel focused around Rainbow Rocks.

5510856 I am planning on it, but I might take a break for a day or two just to prevent some stress build up.

Can't wait for the planned sequel. I just hope I won't be a jerk to sunset.

I really liked the story. Your ability to write in the second person (exceptionally) really made it fun to read and put myself in the characters shoes. Normally, the OC x Anypone ship is irritating to read, but when the OC is the reader themself... well, I certainly don't hate myself, and I certainly like Sunset :pinkiesmile: Looking forward to a sequel!

5513909
We shall see.

5515296
Thanks! Second person tends to be my favorite perspective as well but I also try writing in third person as you can see from my one-shot One More Night~

Well, this seems interesting.

"They're papers that you'll need for school, you're enrolled in Canterlot high school and you'll be starting tomorrow so no staying up late!

High school needs to be capitalized.

5539612
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll fix it right now.

Good introduction reminded me of gta 4 tlad with the guy named billeh:trollestia:

5551361
Heh, 'Twas a fun game till the next one came out.

Ooh this was good and ill give you a like as well as a mustache :moustache: you can dye it any colour you want

I really enjoyed this but Sunset was only shown the scar and not told why which seemed like something that would have a big effect.
but enoyable anyways, great job!

Comment posted by David downpour deleted Feb 7th, 2015
Comment posted by David downpour deleted Feb 7th, 2015

Katherine... she just committed a brony sin. NEVER threaten a fan favorite!

A couple quibbles.

principle

and

quiet

. You meant 'principal' and 'quite'.

5627336 No problem. Anyway, not a bad story. Wish I'd read it sooner.

Go New Guy protect Sunset Shimmer!!! :rainbowdetermined2:
I know you can do it

Okay, so the construction's not perfect and some of the dialogue feels odd but other than that, I'm enjoying it.

5754579

Honestly it was my second story here. With[bHow was your day? being my first. I like to feel that I've worked out my writing issue somewhat. If the statistics are to be believed.

What is going on in this school, people try to kill each other ? Really dude ?????

6117477
Well when you have the school taken over by a she-Demon to conquer another world, it's not that surprising.

"Hey, New guy!"

"Oh, hey Shadow, what's up?"

"If you're going to protect Sunset, you'll need this."

"T-t-this is a chainsaw, what are you planning?"

"We'll threaten em with the chainsaw, if that don't work I got theses brass knuckles."

Two hours later

Cobalt and Katherine are laying on the ground holding there stomachs, a crowd of thugs stand there shocked. I slam my brass knuckles together.

"Come on, who else wants a piece!?"

Sunset and the new kid stand behind me with deadpan expressions.

"Holy shit dude..."

6117477 You must have never been to high school, or at least certain schools. Violence and blades aren't uncommon in plenty of seedy places.

6175779 Well, most high schools in my country are quite peaceful. I have never seen any thing like this before with my own eyes but a few times on TV. Beside, I'm only 16 so who know, maybe it'll happen next year ?

6176456 Probably not. Usually it's somewhat apparent if you look close enough. Half of the time, nobody had a smile that was wasn't faked, or looked nervous or cocky.

6124089 dude this is actually one of ZE best fic's I've ever read! :pinkiehappy::heart::derpytongue2::rainbowkiss:

Seriously, are you people spineless and ball-less morons yourselves? Is that why you like and enjoy making such weak ass protagonists? Jesus Christ man.

You lot didn't get enough ass-whoopings growing up and you turned into the weak little fuckers you are today.

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