She's Gonna Kill Me!

by Echo 27

And sometimes we struggled

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur of commotion and chaos as Canterlot High suddenly found itself at the mercy of multiple high-credit tests and projects, all of which seemed intent on causing as much anxiety as possible. By far the worst for me was an absolutely wretched History project, which got announced on Monday and was expected completed and finished by Friday. Instead of spending time with Sunset out at the park like we’d planned, I had to spend most of my time in the library or locked in my room, avoiding contact with the rest of the world so I could finish. Sunset herself was just as busy, spending time on a massive online project for Home Ed. and an essay for Physics. We were only able to spend time together at school, and whenever we were together it was a fairly quiet period, the two of us too tired to truly want to talk and too preoccupied with studying to do much of anything else.

Additionally, a lot of the staff began talking to us about an upcoming school event, some sort of musical showcase that they performed annually every year. I didn’t listen to much of it, but it essentially seemed like a talent show, a chance for everyone in the school to show off their musical affinity. To no surprise, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and the others were all for it, eagerly working after school in one of the unused classrooms with various instruments, the five of them constantly discussing the event in bated breath.

“What about you?” I asked Sunset as we left school one day, I having taken the habit of driving her home every day after classes ended. “You think you’re gonna jump in at all?”

Sunset shook her head with a self-conscious smile, looking more like Fluttershy than herself as of late. “No, I don’t really think I’d like… I’m fine just watching.”

“Don’t wanna be the center of attention?” I guessed shrewdly.

She gave a tiny nod, glancing away from me. She’d come a long way since Valentine’s Day weekend, but every now and then she’d crawl back up into her shell and disappear where I couldn’t reach her. My mind flickered to that journal I’d come across- just what was in there that she wouldn’t tell me? The last time I was at her apartment, I’d discreetly snuck in to her bedroom when she was taking a shower to see if it was still there and found that it had been removed from the pile of books that were still present on her dresser. She knew I’d seen it and had obviously decided not to say anything about it, my guess being that she’d then have to do some explaining she’d much rather avoid. More than once I’d been on the verge of asking her about it, but with the anarchy that had erupted at school lately, I’d decided against it. Would be a bit unfair to spring something so apparently loaded on her in the midst of our most difficult workload yet.

Life at school for the pair of us had taken a positive turn as of late, thanks to Sunset’s willingness to go along with my plan. The number of her tormentors had significantly lessened as of late, with random jeers and insults reverberating through the halls almost totally dissipated. Octavia and her group of girlfriends still had to antagonize her, of course, but it was more subdued since Sunset had stood up to her. A lot of times when we passed her by in the halls or the cafeteria she’d give us an absolutely fiery look, punctuated by the grinding of teeth- a sound I came to take deep satisfaction in hearing. For the first time since Sunset and I had started dating, Octavia was starting to get less and less effective. To make things even more wonderful, Sunset had actually started to branch out from just me and the girls, volunteering to be a part of the school welcoming committee for new and visiting students. It was a show of confidence she hadn’t had before.

As for me, my new car brought a sense of freedom I’d never had before. Suddenly I was capable of going anywhere in the city, whenever I wanted to. I wasn’t bound by bus schedules or the timetables of others- I had a say of when and where I could go. I could even… leave the city if I wanted. Explore away from the only world I’d known.

I watched Sunset as she and Fluttershy talked over the picnic tables outside, taking advantage of the lunchbreak to go outside and experience the first real sunshine of the year; beautiful blue skies dotted with small clouds, all indicators of spring finally arriving at last. I could tell by watching her animated expressions and the light in her eyes that Sunset wouldn’t notice me staring. If it was a topic she enjoyed, everything else in the world disappeared.

She’d come a long way, really. True, she pretty much had gone right back to her normal routine, her normal outfits, but every now and then she’d break out and try something different, wear something special, talk to someone she’d never spoken to before… it was as if the true Sunset Shimmer, the one only I’d seen, was trying to come to life somewhere deep inside. Her first step out and into the world had jolted something awake in her heart, and maybe –just maybe- she’d come out of that shell once and for all. She’d pushed me to be so much more, so much better than I was that I was… I was…

For the first time in my life, I was actually taking school seriously. She didn’t know it but the day before I’d ask for a private conversation with Miss Cheerilee, using what would’ve been our usual time together after school for a bit of serious discussion.

“I must admit, I’m rather surprised you asked for me,” Miss Cheerilee had said when I’d sat down in front of her. “What was it you were needing today? Your coursework has become quite acceptable as of late, thanks to Sunset Shimmer’s time with you.”

“No, it’s not about your class, it’s… uh…” Now that I was here I wasn’t really sure what I should be saying. I seemed to have a habit of rushing into ideas with no planning.

Thankfully, Miss Cheerilee was perceptive enough to recognize my uncertainty. “Were you perhaps wanting some advice? Any guidance?”

She’d given me what I needed. “Yeah, yeah I was,” I said quickly. “Yeah, I was wondering… Umm, do you know my GPA? Do you have it on hand, by any chance?”

“Hmm… let me see,” Miss Cheerilee opened up her laptop and began typing away. “I actually do not have a copy myself. However, if Principal Celestia is willing to let me access your information on profile, I’ll be able to let you know…” A few minutes later and she cracked a pleased grin and turned her laptop screen to face me and letting me see, for the first time, my high school GPA.

I winced at the sight. I’d actually started off halfway decently in freshman year, having a 2.5 that year, despite multiple violations and academic infractions. After that it promptly dropped to a 1.7 the next year and a.. a 0.5…

“Ooh,” said shamefacedly, cringing at the sight of my junior year. “I, uh, I can explain that one.”

Miss Cheerilee shook her head, giving me a friendly smile. “There’s no need, all the staff were told of your circumstances that allowed you to come here. Focus on what you’ve done to build up from that instead- after all, you’ve had real improvement since you’ve arrived.”

I shrugged. It was true, but I had other things on my mind. “What’s my score for the current year? I know I’ve been getting pretty much straight A’s in Algebra, but I don’t know much about anywhere else…”

“Hmm…” Miss Cheerilee scrutinized her screen for a moment. “Well, your best class is certainly Algebra II, followed by my own class… your Physics score averages around a ‘C’ and a ‘B-’ so while it’s not bad, you could improve more. The same goes for your History and Astronomy class, both of which have maintained a steady ‘C’ grade throughout your year here.”

“Do you know what I’d need to make a 3.0 for the year?”

Miss Cheerilee thought that one over for a moment, putting the scores together in her mind. “Something tells me that’s not the question you’re truly wanting to ask,” she said gently. “You can put away your embarrassment for the moment. What is it you really want?”

I sighed. “What’s the required entry grade for most colleges around here? What would I need to get accepted?”

Miss Cheerilee stared at me for the longest time, as if measuring me up before she chose to answer. “I think… well, I know the local junior college has a fairly steady acceptance rate, but it’s rather small so the student body is limited. They can only take so many.”

“Alright, what about the state university?” I pressed. “They’re huge, they’ve got to have plenty of room to let people in.”

Miss Cheerilee pulled a strange face, one I’d never seen on her before. Slowly, with deliberate, careful movements, she went to her computer and started to perform a quick search before simply slapping it shut and giving a sigh. “Most colleges… the academic standards are kept at around 2.0 for the entirety of the high school career. Your first three years average a 1.56. To achieve a 2.0 average for all four years, you would need a 3.3 for the end of this semester.”

“OK, I’ll work for it,” I insisted. “What grades would I need to make that happen?”

I’d never seen her look more miserable. “Your Algebra score is steady, but for the rest of your courses, you would need an ‘A-’ and three B-minuses to score… at a minimum.”

I ran it all through my head as fast as I could. Conceivably, an A- in Miss Cheerilee’s class was possible, all I’d need to do was put in my very best for every single piece of homework and testing material I ever got. As for the rest of the classes, I could… I then remembered my History grades. And my Astronomy class.

Now I knew why she’d been so hesitant to continue speaking. “I won’t be able to go to college, will I?”

Miss Cheerilee gave a small defeated shake of her head. “You’ve all but met the requirements for graduation this year, so unless you completely fail all of your end-of-year exams, you’ll be a high school graduate. Unfortunately, that also means you have no time left to ascend your grade any further. You simply won’t…”

I slumped back in my chair, a hollow sensation gnawing away at my stomach. So that was it, then. I couldn’t go. No potential to go off and… and, and do something with myself.

“There are technical schools within range that could offer you some certifications, of course,” Miss Cheerilee said suddenly, returning to her computer. “With your skills in math you could certainly possess some amiable mechanical skills, or perhaps enter an IT program. Your abilities are there in that field.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I agreed half-heartedly.

Miss Cheerilee paused and stared at me. “I can’t say I understand your frame of mind, really,” she remarked. “Miss Shimmer has certainly done wonders for you, but you never seemed very interested in academics. Tell me, what’s caused the sudden change of mind?”

I fought as hard as I could, but to no avail. My face flushed as the answer crept, unbidden, to the forefront of my mind. I didn’t want to admit it, but the more time I spent around Sunset the more I wanted to be able to be able to provide for her. Not just now, but to provide a future. One that she deserved. That, and maybe if I worked hard enough, the two of us would be able to head off to college together, and-
I then realized I had a stupid smile plastered across my face. Miss Cheerilee was looking at me with an amused expression that told me full well she knew exactly what I was thinking about. Come to think of it, she probably did. She’d caught me writing notes to Sunset in class at least three times now.

“Oh knock it off, I didn’t say nothing!” I said angrily, doing my best to cover my embarrassment.

Miss Cheerilee laughed at the sight of me. “You never were very good at hiding your feelings,” she remarked kindly. “At least no one will ever be able to say you’re not transparent.” She continued to laugh, leaving me there helpless. It wasn’t an unkind sound, more an expression that could only befit someone’s happiness. I couldn’t help but give a small, awkward smile of my own. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you now. I can give you some advice on some technical schools to look at. You’re not the first student I’ve had that wasn’t suited for college. Don’t feel too bad, it’s not meant for everyone.”

She invited me around her desk so I could see what I had at my fingertips- a surprising amount, considering. Online schools where I could add credits, vocational schools and other places. It was more than what I’d expected, at the very least. I wrote down a couple of websites that I was interested in and decided it was enough and prepared to leave. Yet, just as I entered the doorway, I stopped.

“Is something the matter?” Miss Cheerilee inquired.

I turned back to face her. “Um… I know I don’t usually say much, but- thanks.”

She blinked. “For what?”

“For all the help,” I said in a rush, worried I’d lose my nerve if I stopped. “You kept pushing me to do better and I know that my better grades have made Mom really happy and it’s helped me out a lot, too, cause if you hadn’t taken Sunset up as one of your tutor’s I’d never have come to l-”

And my courage failed me right then and there, I having to settle for swallowing the last of my words and leaving them to die somewhere in the pit of my stomach. I looked down at my feet and rubbed my shoulder, having no clue what to say next.

I heard the groan of metal and jumped when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. I looked up to see Miss Cheerilee giving me a warm, motherly smile, showing yet again that she knew of what I could never say, would never be able to say. “You’re welcome,” was all she said.

I smiled back and then departed, feeling better and more hopeful than I thought I ever would. My future wasn’t one set in stone, nor was my future with Sunset as I’d hoped. But I had something to look forward to for the first time in my life, and future to offer the girl I loved. Maybe, for the moment, that was enough.

---

The middle of March came around in an unexpected rush, the blur and haze that had come through the heavy workload the week prior almost causing the rest of time to creep suddenly upon us. With the warmer weather also came increased responsibilities for me and the Apple family, as the entire farm was due for spring renovations across the board, not including everything we’d need to prep for sowing seed and readying the orchards. It was such a massive undertaking that AJ and I were spending a disproportionate amount of time discussing plans together for the renovations. One Wednesday afternoon spent in the cafeteria, we almost totally ignored the others and sat at the end of our usual table, poring over books and charts and expenditure graphs for the rest of the year.

“Look, I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but the barn should be priority number one,” I remarked, absent-mindedly bringing a forkful of shredded pork to my mouth. “It doesn’t just need repairs it needs an extension and restoration of storage supplies. We kept putting it off all winter and now look. It’s gonna start raining hard soon and you know it.”

“Ah know it’s gonna be the rainy season soon, that’s why ah want to work on the irrigation ditches and tilling the fields first,” AJ replied. “Not just in the orchard, but on the cornfields and the vineyard. Granny Smith bought a big helping of grape seeds and she’s been working on gettin’ a license for starting a winery in the cellar- we ain’t been usin’ it for nothin’ lately.”

“See? That just adds to my point,” I pressed. “What good is having the seeds if we have faulty equipment? The tractor’s engine needs work, the bushel barrels need replacing, and we need a better trailer than the one we’ve got now. It’s too small an you know it.”

“Ah know it’s too small,” AJ replied testily. “The problem is that even the one we have now is fairly expensive and anything much bigger is gonna start pushin’ everything outta price range.”

“The orchard’s too detached from the rest of the farm- least the west orchard is. It’s a heavy-duty job to bring all that stuff out there and walk back, it’s a lot of wasted manpower to keep bringing all of the supplies back and forth by hand.”

“We don’t bring it by hand, we got the tractor,” AJ reminded me heatedly. She never did like it when I contradicted her on farming. “The trailer’s good enough for bringing everything out-”

“But it’s not,” I insisted. “Neither the tractor nor the trailer are gonna last much longer unless we start doing something about gettin’ them fixed-”

“Excuse me, are you two just going to get louder and louder until everyone in the school can hear you?” Rarity asked cynically. The two of us stopped our commotion and turned to see the entire rest of the table staring at us, AJ and I having unwittingly been leaning closer and closer the more intense we became.

“Uh…” Applejack stared at me and I stared right back, neither of us sure what to say, what could we say? We’d been called out fair and square. I could feel the shame crawling through my skin, mostly because I’d just shown my temper in front of Sunset for no good reason. I’d been making a marked effort to be more patient and tempered ever since AJ had said I’d gotten calmer, a compliment that meant enough to make me put a little effort into it. This… this was a step back or two.

“What’s the matter, anyway?” Sunset asked the two of us.

“Budgeting,” I answered with a huff. “AJ wants to put the money towards renovating the cellar and getting crops ready, but I say the equipment’s not work-worthy anymore. It kinda…” I let my voice trail off, my embarrassment getting the best of me again. I should have done better than this…

“Hmm…” Sunset rustled around in her backpack for a few moments, digging around for some paper and a pencil-

A flash of red and yellow on a leatherbound case. It was only for a moment but I knew I saw it. Her journal, she’d been keeping it in her backpack… why had she brought it here of all places? The moment Sunset returned and turned back to me I turned my gaze away, not wanting her to know I’d seen it. If she had caught me, she gave no indicator of it.

“OK, so how much money is on the budget right now?” she asked, putting pencil to paper. AJ tossed a couple of papers her way, covered in numbers and expenditure signs. Sunset snatched them and began writing away.

“Uh, babe, what are you doing?” I asked slowly.

“Just trust me,” she said simply. “How much money would it take to replace the trailer and fix the engine?”

“That’s easy, about $700 for the trailer and… what, $5,000?” I said, turning to AJ who gave a nod of agreement. “Yeah, so $5,700 total for the two.”

“Alright…” she looked it over for a second. “Applejack, how much do you usually have to spend on maintenance and upkeep per month?”

“Oh… say $7,000,” Applejack answered unhappily. “Always having to buy feed, there’s work on the perimeter fences and the fences around the coop and the pigpen. Not to mention just keeping the house in order.”

“That seems like a lot,” Sunset replied, voicing my thoughts exactly. “Couldn’t you makeshift a lot of the repairs with materials left over?”

AJ mulled that over for a bit. “We do get a lot of wood thrown away when we’re fixing the fences. Ah’d say yeah, we could.”

“You’ve got plenty of barrels sitting down in the cellar, right?” Sunset inquired. “You could use a lot of those as makeshift bushel barrels, couldn’t you? Just cut them in half and put sealant on them to keep them tearing apart?”

AJ shot me a glance as a grin began to form on my face. I think I knew where this was heading. Sunset continued to work on her figures for a little longer before pushing her paperwork over to the two of us. “It’s not a lot, but it should help you prioritize where you want to put your money first. You’ll need to put repairing your equipment as number one, but unless the roof in the barn is leaking, you shouldn’t have to worry about that right now. The wine cellar can be makeshift for the time being until you start getting more of a profit from the vineyard. Sound OK to the two of you?”

Applejack sat there in shock, unable to say a word. Her eyes kept darting between Sunset and her paperwork, unable to decide which was more important. “How did… how did you do that?”

I let out a booming laugh, relishing in the pride for a little while. “We just got schooled and she hasn’t worked at Sweet Apples Acres a day in her life!” I roared. “Should’ve known she would-”

“I’m just trying to help, that’s all,” Sunset said meekly. “I mean, it’s important to you all, so I just wanted to-”

I gave her a hug in thanks, effectively cutting her off. “We appreciate it,” I said warmly. “Shoulda known you’d have something, why else would you be getting letters from Yale?”

“She has?” Rarity asked. “I mean, you have?” she added, turning to Sunset.

“Well, it was just a pamphlet,” Sunset said sheepishly, giving me a look that said I shouldn’t have mentioned it.

“It’s her fifth college offer this week,” I added, receiving a glare from my girlfriend yet again. “Getting a lot of scholarships racked up, too.”

The entire table looked extremely impressed, though Sunset did her best to wave it all off. Turning to me, she said under her breath, “Why did you do that? You know that’s just between you and me, I don’t want them to feel bad-”

“They’re your friends, they’re gonna be happy for you,” I replied quietly. “Come on, you know full well why I do stuff like that.”

It was because I loved her, but I’d been kinda hesitant to let that out into the open. After all, we were only creeping up on two months, it hadn’t been long. I didn’t want to seem clingy or desperate or extreme. I just wanted her to be happy, and encouraging her was my way of doing just that. Declaring my love would… it probably wouldn’t help. I’d had creeping doubts about myself lately in regards to her that were making it a bit more difficult.

Thankfully, Sunset didn’t read much into it –or pretended not to- and simply gave a smile and shake of her head.

“Hey Sunset, just cause it got brought up, where are you gonna go from here?” Rainbow Dash inquired. “You haven’t scheduled any campus visits yet, right?”

Sunset shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about it, but… I don’t really know yet. It’s a bit daunting, I guess.”

I perked up when that went through my ears. That wasn’t the answer I’d expected. Academics had never been a problem of hers, and if I was honest a full social reset would probably do her way more good than harm. I didn’t like the idea of her going off somewhere super far away of course, but it would bring her a lot of benefits.

“What’s so bad about it? You’d do fine, classwork’s never really been a problem for you,” I said.

“I know, it’s not that,” she replied. “It’s just…” Her gaze kept darting back and forth, deliberately avoiding having to focus on a single thing, including me. It was something she’d come to do a lot when she was uncomfortable. A nervous tic of sorts.

Thankfully, I could usually help her when she was like this. I took a gentle hold of her wrists, wrapping my fingers around them and slowly, calmly worked my up to intertwining my hands with hers. “What’s up? You OK?”

“I’m fine, really,” she insisted, her anxious flickering promptly ceasing as she came to focus on me. “I just don’t like thinking about the future much.”

“Why not?” I queried. “It’s not like it ain’t gonna do you any harm, you get to leave this wretched place behind and be rid of all the people that drag you down-”

“I know that,” she said suddenly, a strange inflection in her voice that I hadn’t heard before. I had to sit there for quite a while before I realized it was the smallest tinge of sorrow. “That’s not why- cause I know you think about it, too.”

So she knew. I gave a sigh and put an arm around her and bringing her close, doing my best to cheer her up.

“You two good?” AJ asked quietly from across the table. She knew of Sunset’s anxious quirks and probably saw it just as I had.

“We’re fine,” Sunset answered softly. “Just thinking a little, that’s all.”

All I could do was nod in assent. What more could we do? We only had a little more than two months of school left, our graduation day already announced- June 5th. Sunset and I were fast approaching adulthood and that meant our next big step in life would probably take us to places far away from one another. We’d have the summer together, but after that it was a great big unknown. And it probably meant I’d be separated from her. Forever.

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, Sunset and I going to our different classes for the rest of the day. It was another heavy load of problems for the day, something I was grateful for as it helped keep my mind somewhat occupied. However, the all-too-familiar sound of the bell ringing tore through my ears and the day was done. I headed off to my locker where Sunset would usually meet me, I having become her daily ride home. In fact, about a minute after I arrived at my destination she materialized from inside the crowd and met me.

“Hey, um…” she shuffled around awkwardly, staring at her feet. “Are- are you OK?”

I was rather surprised by that statement. It had always been me asking that of her, not the other way around. “Yeah, I’m alright,” I said, not really sure of what else to say. “Lunch just shook me up a little, that’s all. In fact,” I added, turning to her. “Wanted to say I was sorry about getting so frustrated earlier.”

“Huh?”

“Shouldn’t have been so angry with AJ, it wasn’t a big deal,” I explained. “I know better than that, I should’ve done better, too.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Sunset replied, pulling my arm and wrapping herself within it. “You messed up, that’s all. I know it’s tough for you and it’s not like you haven’t gotten better.”

“Still…” I protested.

“Don’t worry,” Sunset said, stepping closer to me. “Just remember that I’m here if you need me, OK? I know you’ve…” she faltered for a moment before regaining composure. “I know you’ve got a pretty rough past and there’s a lot of things you don’t like to talk about, but if you just need some help, it’s alright to ask.” When I kept staring at her, she gave the smallest smile and leaned in further, adding, “I want to be there for you in the bad times, too. And promise me you know I wouldn’t just go off somewhere and leave you behind.”

It was the most unexpected thing she’d ever said to me, our fates reversed for this strange moment in time. I’d always done my best to protect her, keep her safe and happy, not just because it was the honorable thing to do but because I genuinely wanted what was best for her. It was so weird for me to think she’d want to do the same for me. To say I could open up about some of the truly dark things I’d done, show her what I’d endured… it was a little surreal. Though I was genuinely touched by the offer, I couldn’t help but have a small question burning in the back of my brain. If she was asking me to talk about my darkest moments, why was she so unwilling to speak to me of any of her own?

Sunset looked away from me for a moment, distracted by something out of my peripheral vision. “Why is everyone on- what are they all watching?”

I tore my gaze away from her beautiful visage and saw what appeared to be almost the entire school on their phones, small groups having materialized all across the halls. I could only see a few of their faces but the general reaction seemed to be amusement. What on earth was getting passed around the school so quickly?

There was a sudden jolt in my hip pocket and I grabbed my own cell to see I’d gotten a text from Rarity, simply stating: Don’t let Sunset see it.

I felt a lurch of foreboding as unease crept through my bones. It had to be something about her, Rarity wouldn’t have warned me otherwise. After all the progress she’d made, if it was something serious…

I must’ve been pulling a face because Sunset turned her attention back towards me. “What’s wrong? You look worried-

“Stay here,” I said quickly and slouched over to the nearest group of students, a few of whom backed away in immediate apprehension at the sight of my presence. I examined the gaggle for a quick moment: simple kids, just a bunch of freshmen. This wouldn’t be hard. “Let me see it,” I said harshly.

“But we were told not to-” one young boy protested.

“Now,” I said, my tone reaching a dangerously soft tone and the kid handed me his phone. It was something video somebody’d posted on MyStable, the title proudly displaying the words, “Some people never change.”

The quality early on was shoddy, some crappy cell phone video from a couple years. Despite that, there was no mistaking that wavy red-and-yellow hair or that leather jacket. This was a video of Sunset, who seemed to be towering over another girl from our year- Lavender was her nickname, I think. Somehow Sunset had cornered her and had quite a crowd going around for whatever it was she was doing. And then the audio kicked in, Sunset yelling at Lavender so as to ensure everyone could hear her. “You obviously have nothing better to do with your time, so you just decided to sell yourself out as a whore,” Sunset was saying, her voice abrasive and oozing sarcasm. “Your father must be so proud- or maybe he would be if he hadn’t left you and your mom.”

The entire portion went on for what felt like forever, Sunset just pushing and needling Lavender until the poor girl ran from the scene in a stream of tears, her own cries easily audible even with the crappy quality. In the back of my mind I knew I’d come across Lavender before, and she actually had a reputation for sleeping around with a lot of the guys here. Was this… was this why? Had Sunset humiliated her so badly she’d just gotten stuck with the moniker?

Then the clip became spliced with another and I felt my insides shrivel as it turned into a scene from a porno, with Sunset’s head cut and pasted over one of the participants. I didn’t hear the audio after that as a loud, high-pitched buzzing began to ring in my ears, occasionally interrupted by a deep, furious pulsating sensation in my skull.

I shut it off immediately, throwing back the kid’s phone so quickly that I nearly knocked out a couple of teeth. “I- I- I promise, I wasn’t the one who put it up, I swear,” he stammered, his every sense honed in on me in utter terror. “We got told to watch, everyone did-”

“I know who did it,” I said savagely. “Watch it again and I will find you, do you hear me?” The kid could barely utter a sound, only managing a tiny squeak before I left.

Sunset read me like a book as I walked back over, her countenance falling almost immediately. “It’s about me, isn’t it?”

“It’s not-” I began to say.

“Hey Sunset, what’s your going rate?” somebody yelled from across the hall.

“I got fifteen dollars in my pocket, will that get me anal?” crowed another.

I winced as the barrage continued, those in the school who still loathed Sunset taking their opportunity to put in a few good barbs, each one piercing her and deflating her spirit even further. “Don’t even listen to them, don’t let them in for even-”

“What was it you watched?” she asked me, her voice taking a turn for the tremulous.

There was no way I could answer that. “You don’t need to see it,” I warned her.

Then came the minute jingle from her phone and she pulled it out of her pocket to take a look, staring at the screen for a few seconds before giving a sigh. “Looks like I’m gonna see it anyway,” she said dully. Her phone went off again, and then an absolute flurry of notifications came through, her countenance falling with the arrival of each message.

“Holy hell, what did she do?” I said in disgust.

“She must’ve put my number online somewhere. It wouldn’t be hard to accomplish,” Sunset said. She sighed and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Come on, let’s just go…”

“No. No way in Hell,” I said indignantly. “This is sick, and putting your number up on the world’s bathroom wall is putting you at risk. I’m gonna go find her and put an end to this.”

“Just forget it, it doesn’t matter,” she replied. “Octavia’ll just end up doing something worse if you try and confront her.”

“And what makes you say that?”
Sunset shrugged. “Just a guess that she’s doing this because I stood up to her. Now can we please just leave?”

If only it were that easy. Maybe it was because I was stubborn, or perhaps because one of the few good things I ever learned from my old life was you never messed with somebody’s crew. Either way, I just couldn’t do what she asked. “Wait for me, I’ll be out in just a bit,” I said.

“No. Now don’t go and do something- wait a minute!”

For one of the first times in our relationship I ignored her. I couldn’t let this go, or else it’d be a ceaseless assault of antagonistic hatred. I knew exactly where to go, finding Octavia amidst her friends, all of whom seemed to be fairly pleased with themselves over something particular. I could hardly imagine what.

“Hey, bitch! If that’s how you’re gonna play then why don’t you have the ovaries to at least own it?” I called, breaking the group from their shared reveling and getting the stupid slut’s attention.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything,” Octavia replied, her voice oozing a false innocence. It was like hearing kind words from a crocodile.

“Please, you’re the only one in this whole damn building who doesn’t have a soul, who else is gonna pull something that lame?” I snarled back, positively shoving my way through the crowd to reach her, to get in arm’s length.

“She’s a stupid bitch who deserves everything she gets, that’s not my fault,” Octavia said, trying to do her best to disregard me, instead returning to her phone.

Not gonna happen. I slammed through and snagged her cell right from her fingers, shoving my way in front of her and putting absolutely no space between the two of us, her furious gaze matching mine. “You,” I breathed, “you do not ignore me. What you did is just plain sick, that is all sorts of effed up-”

I felt something grab hold of my arm and start tugging, pulling Octavia’s phone from my grasp. “Come on, just go, it’s not worth it-” It was Sunset.

Octavia smirked, looking beyond me at the girl pulling at my arm. “And you call me a coward,” she sneered. “Your girlfriend doesn’t even have the guts to come and actually do this herself. The best she can do anymore is just run. At least when she was a total trainwreck she had a pair.”

“You listen to me, if you ever try and do something like that again, I will make you suffer-”

“Please, what are you going to do? You can’t do anything to me, you can’t do anything. You can’t even protect her. All she’s done is lose any fight she ever had, thanks to you.”

“She was right, wasn’t she?” I said, calling out clearly so everyone could hear me, I still doing my best to resist Sunset’s attempts to get me to leave. “When she said you were jealous? You’re jealous that she can actually be happy and you can’t. You foul piece of human trash-”

“Oh, I’m the piece of trash,” Octavia jeered. “Do you even know why her parent aren’t around?”

Sunset’s efforts ceased almost immediately and I felt the entire group of spectators take a breath. Something had just changed. “The hell are you talking about?” I wondered.

Octavia gave a smile reminiscent of a psychopath about to deliver the killing blow. “What, has the pathetic cow not told you?” she asked. “Her parents left her when she was just a kid, not even her own mother wanted her. When she got here, she started sleeping around with every guy in school, all because she could never get over Mommy and Daddy not being around. So unless she’s just leading you on, you’re probably the 100th person she’s f---ed. Congratulations, you’re not even close to important-”

It was extremely, extremely lucky she dodged, because I threw the punch with such force that I broke through the wall, leaving a sizeable hole in the drywall. “You bitch!” I roared, swinging around to locate her, finding her standing behind a trio of her friends. “I am gonna f---ing tear you apart!”

She smiled as I advanced towards her, my arm swung backwards as I prepared to deliver a devastating hammerfist to her skull, my blood absolutely seething, my vision a crimson red as I thought solely of ending her existence, of mutilating and desecrating that face that I’d so come to hate, of ruining her life and her future so she could never speak another word and every-

I felt something pulling on my arm and another presence directly in front of me, the two of them pulling me away from my would-be victim before I could deliver the crushing blow-

“No, sugarcube, don’t do it!” Applejack hissed, her voice drawn and tight like I’d never heard before. “You made a promise, now keep it!”

“Let me go, AJ, I’m gonna kill her,” I seethed, my voice absolutely ragged with rage-

“Please, you’ve got to stop, you’re not thinking,” Sunset choked, her hands on my chest as she tried to push me away, her cyan eyes wide with panic as tears poured down her face. “You’re not thinking, you need to get out of here right now, you need to go-”

“Yeah, just listen to the girl who’s trying to ruin your life,” Octavia mocked happily, leaning against the wall and looking on in delight. “Just know I warned you.”

“Why don’t you just shut the hell up!” AJ barked, her anger, for the moment, turning to my tormentor before returning straight back to me. “Come on, we need to get outta here,” she whispered urgently. “You need to get out before you get in trouble.”

They very nearly had to drag me out, the two of them holding my arms so as to ensure I didn’t turn right about and go after that profane troll. It was a miracle I didn’t do just that, instead allowing them to escort me straight out of school and into the parking lot where my car awaited.

“That was about the dumbest thing you could’ve done, you know that?” AJ said angrily, pacing back and forth in front of me. “That wasn’t just stupid, it was dangerous. You nearly put everything you had to lose at risk- do you even care that you would’ve been expelled? Maybe even arrested?”

“How do I just let her say whatever she wants, how the hell does that make any sense?” I demanded furiously. “So I should just let her say and do whatever she wants-”

“This is not about her, this is about you maintaining some sense of self-control or else you lose everything-”

“Did you even see what she did?!” I shrieked. “Did you hear her- any of it at all?”

AJ, to her credit, didn’t back away an inch. “Ah saw and heard every little bit,” she said with an air of forced calm. “Ah was looking for you two the moment ah found out what was goin’ on, cause ah figured she’d try to do something to you. Now you need to relax-”

“Please, just listen to her!” Sunset begged, speaking for the first time in a while. “Just drop it and let’s go, please? Can we please just go?”

I was utterly flabbergasted. “How can you- she is doing all of this to hurt you, how are you gonna let her just go off scot-free and be OK with it?”

“It’s not- just let’s go, let’s just go, OK?” Sunset asked again, this time more pressingly. “It’s not worth it-”

“How is defending you not worth it?” I demanded. “Huh? Tell me that? Why should I let her just do whatever she wants to you?”

“Because then she hurts you, too,” Sunset said. “She’s trying to get to me through you, so please don’t let her! I don’t want it to be my fault that somebody else’s life got ruined again.”

“There ain’t nothing she can do to me-”

“Drop the invincible act and just get out of here,” AJ said harshly. “Ah thought that maybe you’d grown some common sense but it seems you still got none. Now leave before AH do something ah regret.”

I snarled but relented, Sunset and I piling into my car and heading off away as fast as I could drive. I probably spent most of the trip well over the speed limit but I could hardly bring myself to care. Such a minor thing such as safety was far from my mind…

She’d done it again, somehow. In some way, Octavia had managed to get to Sunset and hurt her in a way I couldn’t even stop. It was so unbelievably unfair that I couldn’t prevent this, that I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop someone I love from getting hurt, even now. I hated the sense of helplessness and weakness that came with that.

We got to Sunset’s apartment in record time. The moment I opened the front door she raced ahead and went in to her room, slamming the door before I could even reach her and do anything. I waited out on the couch for a few minutes before I accepted that she wasn’t coming out. I fixed her a small meal and left it sitting on the kitchen table before leaving.

Mom didn’t say much when she saw me, only noting that I had a face that spoke of a thousand pains. I didn’t pay her much heed, simply grunting before heading off to my room and closing the door. If I wanted to shut myself away from the rest of the world after what I’d been through, I couldn’t imagine how Sunset felt.

I stewed in there for a while, trying to beat my brain into functioning, to find some way of making any of right. I couldn’t, though I had some pretty satisfying imagery of me beating the hell outta Octavia. Eventually I just gave up and called AJ, hoping she’d be able to answer a few questions.

“Ah hope you’re calling to apologize,” she said the moment she picked up.

“Not really feeling it at the moment,” I replied shortly.

“Figured as much, ah’ll get it from ya later,” she sighed. “What do you want?”

“Something Octavia said about Sunset- about her parents, too,” I said hesitantly.

“You wanted to know if it was true or not?”

“Mhm.”

“Darlin’, do you really think that Sunset would just use you like that-”

“AJ, that’s not why I’m calling, I trust her,” I cut through. “I just wanted to know if what she said was for real.”

“Then all ah can say is ah don’t know,” AJ answered. “Not long after she arrived at school, a lot of rumors about Sunset began poppin’ up. Strange ones, mind you. And yes, two of them were the ones Octavia told you today.”

“So they’re just...?”

“Ah think so. No one ever found out if it was.”

Well at least that. While I wasn’t surprised, I was still a little relieved.

“Why are you asking me this, anyway? Why not just ask Sunset herself?”

“She- she won’t tell me. I don’t know how to bring it up to her, and it’s like she intentionally dances around it,” I said heavily. “I was wondering, has she ever spoken about her past with any of you? Like where her parents are, any of it?”

“Only the smallest o’ pieces,” AJ admitted. “It’s… it’s not a pretty sight, darlin’. This is something you’ll need to hear from Sunset herself. And just…”

“Just what?” I pressed.

“Jus’… be gentle,” AJ said. “If she’s so unwilling to talk about it, it means it still hurts. Sunset’s done a lot of things she ain’t proud of.”

“So have I,” I reasoned.

“All the same, it may be harder for her to accept than you,” AJ said. “She’s probly worried about how you’d react.”

“I don’t care what she’s done, I love her and that’s that-” I slapped my hand over my mouth straightaway. I hadn’t meant to let that slip.

AJ’s end of the line was silent for a while, the call as lifeless as a corpse. But then, as if from a great distance, I could hear a strange choking sound. “If you love her, then don’t push it,” AJ said finally, her voice husky. “She’ll tell you when she’s good and ready.”

---

As the next several days went on, it seemed as if I had detonated a primal hatred within Octavia. The vile cellist became a vicious monster, dead set on hurting and punishing Sunset in every way she knew how. Every day came a new video showing Sunset committing some sort of crime, followed by another graphic depiction of sex. Other edits came in, Sunset’s face plastered on all of them until it seemed my girlfriend was being sent an absolute deluge of pornography and threats from anonymous numbers for what seemed like every second of every day. It was a torrent of disgust so persistent that there was literally nothing I could do to stop it. There was no proof that Octavia was behind it, and not once would she admit to the crime. She knew that Sunset would never bring it to anyone, either, and the disgusting girl gloated over Sunset’s pain every time they met. It seemed that Octavia had finally gotten revenge for being stood up to.

Sunset’s burgeoning confidence evaporated almost overnight. It was like time had reversed and fall had returned, and Sunset had just turned a new leaf. All the shame and embarrassment she felt at all her old decisions crept up again with each new video or picture that got spread across school. She began to wilt despite my and our friends’ best efforts, reverting to the quiet, sad girl that I’d once known. It was horrible to see the regression; her disposition was a perpetual quiet dejection, doing her best to concentrate on schoolwork and speaking as little as possible. Though every once in a while, I’d look up to see her looking at me with a glazed, unfocused gaze. She’d look straight at me, but even when I smiled at her or said something to her, she wouldn’t react at all. At least for the first few seconds, then she’d give a shake of her head and return to her work.

And I? I felt horribly guilty, as Sunset had predicted just this. Octavia had somehow managed to sink to a new low, cutting straight through my girl’s heart in a way I couldn’t stop. Despite my best efforts, I hadn’t found where Sunset’s number had been posted, though I suspected it had been placed on more than one porn website across the internet. Finding it now would be almost impossible. I hated to admit it, but this was probably my fault for trying to get Octavia to stop.

Wednesday came to pass, and I found myself waiting on Sunset to show up from her last class, I standing at my locker. I was worried about her, she’d lost so much ground because of all this… and that had a lot to do with me. I was hoping I’d be able to make it up to her. Whenever we’d been driving back to her apartment, she’d immediately hop out of the passenger side and head up and close the door before I could reach it. Hopefully she’d let me in this time.

“Aren’t you usually gone by now, darling?” I looked up from my phone to see Rarity standing before me with an air of mild surprise at the sight of me.

“Waiting on Sunset, that’s all,” I grunted, performing a quick pop of my neck. “She’s been taking her time the past couple days, I’m not sure why.”

“Oh.” Rarity suddenly looked embarrassed, glancing down at her feet as she kicked the air. “Well, umm… darling, she already left.”

“Wait, what? When?” I asked.

“Right when she was leaving class, she said that you and she had agreed- oh, dear…” Rarity seemed unusually self-conscious. “I guess, after… after today, she just wanted to be alone. Right now. For… umm…”

All her movements and expressions indicated I’d missed something big and she really didn’t want to tell me. “What happened?”

“Well, you see dear, it’s not something that actually happened, more what was said…” Rarity hawed.

“Rarity, just tell me, will ya? Jeez, y’all act like I can’t handle this crap.”

“Well…” she gave a nervous giggle. “Well, you have been known to get a teensy bit angry. At people… from time to time.”

I gave a gusty sigh. “Rares, I’m beyond anger, I’m ashamed. I made this worse, so just show me. I’m gonna hear about it eventually.”

Rarity looked around awkwardly in search for an escape route before accepting defeat. She fiddled on her phone for a few seconds before bringing up a webpage with an article captioned, “Shame a bully.”

I could’ve guessed most of what was on it. I recognized Octavia’s signature everywhere, her style of talk evident on every single stinking inch of it. It looked like Sunset had been added to the site just last night, though the entire thing was fairly extensive. Clips from all the way back in freshman year until the start of the school year, a smattering of pictures and those stupid porno edits. All of it was summarized by an overlong paragraph at the very end of the article:

“This is what a bully can do. She can lie, she can yell and scream, and she can hurt and wound people in ways that they’ll never be able to stop. But worst of all, a bully will always know what you want most and do whatever it takes to ruin it for you. That’s exactly what Sunset Shimmer does.

Now, she’s trying to convince everyone that she’s different, that she “didn’t mean” all the things she did, and actually convinced a bunch of oblivious morons of just that. But I just wanted to say that I know better, that I’ll always know better: she’s not just a normal cruel, but a sick deranged banshee hell-bent on cutting people down. She’s a whore to the core, despite whatever image she ever tried to display. She can never be trusted.”

I gave a derisive snort. “That’s the best she can do?”

Rarity cracked an uneasy smile. “Erm… it, uh… gets worse…”

I glanced up from my phone to look at her. “The hel- I mean, what were you doing to know this much?” I asked suspiciously.

“Nothing! How dare you suggest I had any part in this!” Rarity replied indignantly. “A lady does have ears, you know. I do listen to what my classmates have to say.”

“Fine, fine, wasn’t accusing you of nothing, it’s just weird, that’s all,” I said dismissively. I began to scroll through the comments, which consisted of the atypical nonsense you’d expect from a bunch of trolls on the internet. It was rough stuff, consisting of various death threats and vulgarities, more than a few sexual remarks, but nothing beyond what I’d expected. “And Sunset left because of this?”

“Well…” If Rarity had looked uncomfortable before, it was nothing compared to how she looked now. “You see, she was distracted by, um, all her classmates surrounding her, and… Octaviagotintoherbookbagandtriedtotakeanoldjournalofhersandshealmosttotallyfreakedout.”

Oh. But, why did Sunset even have the thing on her? If she was so protective of it, why would she have it on her person at all? Was she… no, couldn’t be… was she trying to keep that journal away from me, the one person who was going to want the truth, who’d keep pursuing it no matter what…

“I’m going over there,” I said, shoving my phone in my pocket and feeling for my keys.

“Perhaps you should let her be this time, darling,” Rarity said, stepping in my way to block my path forward. “I know you care deeply for her, but this isn’t something you can fix.”

“Rares, get out of my way, I need to at least apologize to her for making it worse,” I said brusquely.

“Give her today to grieve. Just one day!” Rarity insisted. “I know you love her, but you’re not thinking straight, acting on emotions is only going to cause worse troubles for the two of you.”

“I said get out of the way, Rarity!” I nearly snarled, nearly shoving her out of the way.

“Please, do not go after her!” she insisted, racing to catch up with me. “Who has been supporting and encouraging the two of you right from the very beginning? I have. I’ve always been willing to give the two of you advice and help when you needed it, so please let me help you now!”

“Rarity, get out of the way, and just go,” I said harshly. “I know what I’m doing.”

Rarity gave a great worried sigh and finally backed off and away from me. “No, I don’t think you do,” she said.

I ignored that, all the way from school to Sunset’s apartment, my hands diving into the earth for the spare key and forcing the door open. Rarity didn’t know what she was talking about, I had to be here, I had to do something- I couldn’t just stand by like it was nothing! This was what I was supposed to do, to look after her and protect her! I walked in to her room to see where she was-

It took me a while to look past the scars and burns that were an inconsistent blemish, a painful red weal seared across her back like a jagged bolt of lightning, a shiny black blotch on the side of her waist. It wasn’t until I stood there for a few moments and our eyes met that I realized she was naked. I stood there gaping like a complete idiot, torn between unbelievable desire to ravish her right then and there and the horror at the sight of these new scars, ones that I had never seen before in my life, that she’d never spoken of…

“Did you need to see what I looked like?” she asked quietly, her gaze barely focused on me, absently pulling the sheets to her exposed chest. “To make sure what they were saying wasn’t true?”

I didn’t say a word, unsure of what to say or do or even think. It scared me beyond the ability for rational thought to imagine someone actually taking open flame to her like that, to do such unbelievable damage… it was something I’d only seen in Wanyama’s worst moments.

“Please say something,” she hiccupped, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “Please tell me that you still believe me and not them.”

Finally, after what felt like a monumental effort, I managed to gasp, “What happened to you?”

Sunset couldn’t even utter a single word as her emotions completely overwhelmed her and she collapsed onto her bed. I went immediately to her side and then hesitated, wondering whether her wounds or her wounded heart was of more importance. I settled for sitting at her feet, letting herself cry away whatever pain she needed to purge. It wasn’t until a few minutes had passed that I saw that journal again, bearing that red-and-yellow sun on its front, sitting on her nightstand just above her bookbag.

This was starting to get out of hand. I was in too deep, I was way out of my depth for this- no, I could do this, I had to! I could still fix this!

“Sunset, Rarity told me what happened at school,” I said slowly, taking the blanket off the bed and wrapping it around her, trying to do my best to focus on her rather than her very appealing chest. “I know Octavia tried to take that journal from your bag.”

Sunset said nothing, only pulling the sheets around her even more tightly. Her eyes flicked over to her nightstand.

“You know I saw it on Valentine’s Day don’t you? I didn’t put it back on your shelf in proper order, I’m guessing.”

Silence as she sat there, immobile. Then, finally, as if in a trance, she gave a slow, small nod.

“Sunset, I don’t want to have to go through the rest of this and the only story of your family I ever hear is what Octavia tells me. I don’t know what happened or why you won’t say anything, but please… just open up to me, talk to me. Tell me why no matter what anyone says or does, you just… disappear.”

Sunset looked at me, truly looked at me, and then reached out and took the journal from the nightstand, cradling it as if it were a small child. Tears splashed down onto the old leather cover, a continuous splashing of a weakened rain. “I wish,” she said croakily. “I wish I could, but- but I can’t.”

“But… why not? Can’t you trust me?” I asked.

“It won’t change anything,” she said bitterly. “Nothing I could ever do will change anything, it’ll never go away, it’ll never leave me-”

“Is that what you really think? That you can’t do anything to fix your past? Beautiful, do you not remember who I used to be?”

“But you’re different! You-”

“How am I different?” I asked, flabbergasted. “Hold on here,” I said, pulling my shirt off for a moment and trying not to think about how the fact that I was now almost as naked as she was. “See this one right here?” I asked, putting my fingers on a faded scar on my abdomen. “I got this one in a knifefight when I was f---ing twelve. Blade went in and punctured my liver, nearly killed me. I didn’t get back on my feet for nearly a year. Or this one,” I added, noting a nasty scar on my shoulder. “Got that one when I was boxing in an amateur match last year. I’d been drinking and fighting the night before and my opponent nearly destroyed every muscle in my right arm. Now do you really believe that whatever you’ve done is worse than me? I went to juvi for selling drugs and nearly tearing a guy’s nose off in a damn fistfight. Try and beat that.”

“But- I- just let it go, you can’t do anything to fix this! I broke it beyond repair-”

“Oh come on, that’s what you’re gonna say?” I said. “You’ve got to put an end to this, otherwise your past is gonna haunt you forever-”

“I have tried to put it behind me! Over and over again!” Sunset said angrily, tears flowing down her cheeks and soaking her bedsheets. “But everyone keeps bringing it up and making me relive it and see it again every second of every single day and constantly reminding me that I have no one-”

“You have me!” I fired back. “I want to help you but you’ve got to talk to me or else I can’t do a single damn thing!”

“What do you think you’re going to do? Go back in time and stop me from doing every single wrong thing I did? You can’t fix this!”

“I KNOW I can’t fix your past!” I said. “Do you think I don’t regret mine every time I look back on it and think about it? I can’t go to f---ing college because I screwed up so bad! I can’t go fight professionally in boxing like I wanted to because my reach got cut in half when my right shoulder got torn! You are not the only one with mistakes and a family history that sucks. Now please-”

“You can’t-”

“Will you just listen to me!” I roared, my voice booming across the entire apartment and effectively silencing Sunset for good, who now stared at me like she was looking straight at a nightmare. Tear streaks covered her face now, those lovely cyan eyes having never looked so defeated. I’d let Octavia push her right to the edge, and the one to absolutely break her heart… was me.

I dropped to my knees and simply sat there on the floor, my head ringing as I looked down at the floor, unable to bear the sight of her so distraught. “Sunset, please stop hiding, stop shutting yourself away from me,” I begged faintly. “I am so sick of seeing you be hurt and there not being a single thing I can do to stop it. Just talk to me, let me in, and let me help you. That’s all I want, I just can’t bear to see you hurt when there’s the chance that I could do something to make it better.”

Sunset gave a sniff and I heard the bed creak as her weight shifted. She remained silent.

“Can you not trust me?” I asked, my voice choking and bringing me to a halt.

The two of us sat there for the longest time in utter silence, I desperately, waiting, hoping, praying for her to say something, anything at all. Anything that would mean she would finally listen and let go of that final barrier she’d held onto for so long, that she’d finally let me in…

But there was nothing.

I was an unwelcome guest in the home of the one I loved. “I guess not,” was all I could choke out, and I got to my feet and left as hurriedly as I could. I raced down to my car, shaking myself vigorously as my vision began to blur. I raced home as fatigue began to take over, as Rarity’s last words and pieces of advice began to worm their way back into my head. She’d known, she’d known what I was going to do and that all I’d do was make it worse. And now look, I’d gone and hurt the girl I loved and maybe pushed her to the point where she’d never recover and never be free, and I, I…

I hadn’t even said I was sorry.

---

The weather had taken a turn for the worse by the time I made it to Sweet Apple Acres, the cloudy gray skies of the morning now turning to a deep turbulent black, despite it only being about three in the afternoon. When I pulled up the drive and parked next to the barnhouse as per usual, my face was met with a damp wind that all but guaranteed rain. It was going to be a loud, wet day. Which was good because right now I felt like either crying or screaming.

I looked out across the barnyard and saw only Big Mac was out and about right now, loading bushel barrels from the trailer and heaving them back into the barn. “Got a few more out in the east orchard,” he mumbled to me when I passed by. I was suddenly very glad all he needed in response was a nod. I wasn’t sure how my voice would hold up. I kept silent and threw myself into the tractor’s seat, igniting the old beast and driving off. Big Mac stared at me for a little bit but just shrugged his shoulders and headed back to the barn.

I felt the first droplets of rain when I reached the west orchard, dozens of barrels now strewn everywhere in the howling wind. It didn’t take long for it to reach a howling crescendo as the heavens opened up, pouring down buckets of rain that hadn’t been seen since the time of Noah. Good, maybe God was going to drown me so I couldn’t do anything that stupid ever again.

She’d never reacted like that before, I realized as I threw the first barrel onto the trailer. Everything had gone so wrong that I didn’t even get the chance to react properly. I’d been too impulsive, too emotional. It’d been because of me that Octavia had even gone to such a length in the first place. It was obvious fighting back against Sunset hadn’t done any good, was it possible that even helping Sunset with her confidence back in Feberuary had been a bad idea?

Had I been just making things worse for Sunset right from the beginning? Would she have been better off without me there?

“Everyone keeps bringing it up and making me relive it and see it again every second of every single day and constantly reminding me that I have no one-”

Is that what we’ve been doing to her? Whenever I’d tried to ask Sunset about her life or to push her to fight back, had I been dredging up memories that she’s been so desperate to forget? Had I unknowingly been tormenting her? Was everything I’d been doing… wrong?

“Can you not trust me?” I’d asked. Only to be met with silence. She couldn’t trust me, she couldn’t trust me to do the right thing or to listen to her, I’d proven that pretty easily, as I’d been so caught up with how I felt about Octavia that I couldn’t control my own temper and now I’d just gone and hurt so irrevocably that I- I was an absolute animal…

“Come on, get up, sugarcube,” said a gruff voice, and I felt a pair of arms pull me up from off the muddy ground and back onto my feet. Applejack circled around and stood in front, looking up at me in apparent concern. “You alright? You sick?”

“I’m fine,” I said, trying to push past her and gather the rest of the barrels. I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen to the ground and I could feel a bruising pain on my forehead where I must’ve been pressing my hands against. I guessed that she must’ve freaked out when she saw me just sitting there in the middle of a rainstorm.

“Like heck you are,” AJ said. “Come on, let’s gather the res’ of these barrels and we’ll had back, call it a day. Rares is over for a visit, anyway.”

We worked in silence, the sound of the pouring rain drumming in my ears. It took me and AJ only about fifteen minutes to load everything up into the trailer and we departed, she heading back in the truck while I took the tractor. She was waiting for me at the entrance to the barn, and so we pulled in the tractor and threw the barrels aside- “Ah’m not feeling like working hard today,” AJ commented. “Now get on inside, you.”

“I’m-”

Applejack put her arms around me from behind and squeezed, completely ignoring the fact that it was pouring down rain and that there was no rhyme or reason for what she was doing, only that she somehow knew that I had messed up and it was destroying me.

“Don’t say it’s alright,” she said huskily, her voice –for the first time since I’d known her- shaky. “Come on- come on inside, OK? Do it for your big sister?”

I could barely catch my breath for a while, thankful for the rain masking my tears that fell from my eyes, unbidden. We stood there in the torrential deluge until we got a hold of ourselves once more, going back inside thoroughly soaked. Rarity was waiting for us on the staircase, looking very worried as we came in soaking the floor. “Here,” she said kindly, throwing the pair of us some towels. “I thought you might want them.”

“Thanks, Rarity,” I said feebly, hardly daring to meet her in the eye.

“I was right, wasn’t I?” she said tearfully. I looked up and saw she was utterly distraught, her own eyes starting to shimmer. “Is she OK?”

“I- I don’t know, girl,” I said wearily, drying my face off. “I just- you were right, I messed it up, I made it all so much worse for her- I’m a fool.”

Rarity gave me a sad smile. “I think anyone is a fool for love, darling.”

“You two go on upstairs, ah’ll- ah’ll grab us something t’ drink,” AJ said, disappearing down the hallway as Rarity and I made our way upstairs to Applejack’s room.

As we reached the upper landing, a door cracked open and Apple Bloom peered out at us. “Hey, Rarity, hey- golly, what’s wrong?” she asked, taking note of our downcast faces. “Is everything alright?”

“Not now, dear,” Rarity said quietly, and she and I retreated away and closed the door behind us.

It was the first time I’d seen Applejack’s room, a very rustic style that I felt like I should’ve expected. Old-fashioned wooden bedframe marked with an apple, a heavy-looking desk with an old-fashioned electric lamp atop it, an antique dresser… AJ was a farmgirl through and through. Nothing she had in here would look out of place fifty years ago. Rarity took a seat on the bed and I slumped to the floor against the dresser, heaving a great sigh. The door opened and AJ walked in, a trio of bottles in her hand.

“Is that… alcohol?” Rarity asked as she took the drink from AJ’s hand.

“Granny’s hard cider,” AJ answered, handing one to me and promptly opening hers. “Ah think we all need it today.”

Rarity made a face that clearly said she didn’t require such a thing, but nevertheless cracked it open and took a hearty swig.

AJ put down her cider and looked at me. “You gonna be OK?”

“I don’t even know, AJ,” I said sadly, drinking deeply and downing almost half the bottle in one breath. “I messed up, I don’t even think she wants to be with me anymore. I just…” I gave a growl of frustration and buried my face in my hands. “I suck.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t even know, AJ,” I replied.

“That’s alright, too,” she said. I looked up at her and she cracked a wry grin. “Yeah, it’s OK to not know whatcha want. Just relax for a spell.”

I could do that. In fact, that felt like the only thing I could do. I drank the rest of my cider and watched the girls finish off theirs, AJ downing it was ease and Rarity pulling a face every now and then. It made me laugh a little.

“Told ya it’d help,” AJ said as she caught sight of my smile. “Feel any better?”

“A little, yeah,” I said.

“That’s the power of apples for ya,” AJ said pleasantly. “Even drinkin’ ‘em makes miracles happen!”

I gave another small laugh. I needed this, now that I was here. This was where I should’ve gone instead.

“Listen,” AJ said, setting aside her bottle and crouching down beside me, hands on her knees. “Ah know you don’t want a whole long lecture and you don’t want Rares to say ‘I told ya so’ or any of that… just know that ah love you, alright?”

I was taken off-guard by that, and AJ gave me a small smile. “You’re my family, you know. May not be an Apple, but ah’m your big sister and ain’t nothing gonna change that. Be your big sister forever.”

“We all love you, truth be told,” Rarity added, settling down beside Applejack. “You’re rough and uncouth and- well, a hot-tempered scoundrel, but you look out for us and I know you’d do anything to help us if we needed it. I second Applejack- you’re as good as family to me.”

My heart was in tatters, but nevertheless it melted at this display of kindness when I most needed. I wrapped them both in a hug, grateful for their comfort. “I don’t really know what to do, I said.

“And I don’t blame you for it,” Rarity said, wiping her eyes with a lacey handkerchief. “If you’re ready, then… we’ll try to help.”

I told them everything that happened. I told them of the burns and scars that I’d seen on Sunset’s back (Rarity and AJ looked at each other on that one), of my trying to convince Sunset to open up to me, of my outburst and eventual departure. I didn’t want to leave out a single detail.

“That’s why I was trying to convince you to not go,” Rarity said as I finished. “You were too upset, you act rashly when you’re angry.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” I said, turning to AJ. “And here you’d said I’d gotten better. Guess not, eh?”

“Nobody’s perfect,” AJ replied. “You messed up, ain’t no way around that, but nobody’s perfect.”

“I’m worried about her,” I said. “I didn’t even realize she wasn’t wearing anything for a while because- because she had those horrible burns on her, those scars! What on earth has she gone through to get those?”

“Well…” Rarity hesitated and they looked at one another once again. “You see, we actually know about those. How she got them, I mean.”

“Wait, you do?” I asked, taken aback by this sudden turn of events. “What happened, did someone do that to her or-”

“It’s complicated, sugarcube,” AJ said cryptically. “Y’see, she doesn’t like people talking about it, so…”

“It’s an incident in her life of which she’s not very proud,” Rarity added. “I doubt you speak of all your worst moments, either.”

That was true. I hadn’t exactly been fair with Sunset. “So you two both know where she came from, what happened to her?” When they nodded, I immediately blurted out, “So why won’t she tell me? What happened that’s so terrible that she can’t even bring herself to tell me?”

Rarity gave a polite cough as she struggled to conceive her words. “Darling, you need to listen to me very closely. It’s not because of what she’s done- it’s because of you.”

God help me, my worst fears were coming true-

“No, not like that,” AJ added upon sight of my expression. “It’s because she’s afraid of how you’ll react. Sunset is… well, she’s not normal. She’s capable of amazing things and she comes from an amazing place, but it’s also a peculiar one, and you weren’t there to witness any of it, so she doesn’t know if you’ll understand.”

“What’s so weird about it?”

“That’s… she’ll have to tell you that herself,” Rarity said awkwardly, shuffling her feet about. “We wouldn’t have known ourselves unless we’d been there to witness the whole ordeal.”

“But she won’t tell me! Whenever I try to ask her about it, she brings up that wall! I can’t bring it down-”

“Have you ever considered,” Rarity said loudly, “That she won’t tell you because she’s afraid of losing you?”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “What?”

AJ and Rarity laughed, leaving me the victim of an unknowing joke. “Ah told you,” AJ said after a time. “Clueless. Completely clueless.”

“Darling, she’s afraid to lose you because she loves you as well,” Rarity said pityingly, eyeing me with a kind helplessness. “Do you know what she talk about whenever you’re not around, what she’s been talking about for months now?” I shook my head. “You, darling. She’s been helpless for you for months now. Ever since the Fall Formal she’s been looking at you, she was so excited when she found she was to be your English tutor. She’d been desperate to get some time with you...”

On and on she went for quite a while, leaving me fuzzy and somewhat dazed, if not a bit embarrassed that I hadn’t noticed any of this for months. But the more and more Rarity spoke, the more all the awkward silences made sense, all the hesitation and sadness… after all, I’d done just a different version of the same.

“So what should I do tomorrow, should I go up and tell her I love her or-”

“I don’t think you need to go to such an extreme, darling,” Rarity replied. “But tomorrow she’s going to be very anxious. She might even search for you herself. When you see her, just remember that though she may not be ready to speak, it doesn’t mean anything against you. Just give her all the warmth and support she needs. She’ll come around eventually.”

I didn’t feel good, but I felt infinitely better than I had when I’d first arrived. “Why is it whenever I’m inside your house I usually end up confessing something?” I asked of AJ.

The farmgirl grinned. “That’s what big sisters are for,” she said coyly. “You try to protect your Mom still, don’tcha?” I nodded. AJ understood by now that I did my best to hide my troubles so as not to worry my mother. She’d been through enough. “Well, that’s why, too. No one can carry their burdens forever- not even you.”

I grinned. “Thanks, y’all,” I said, grunting as I got to my feet. “Sorry about all this…”

“Nonsense, that’s what we’re here for,” AJ said dismissively. “Tell you what, you can head on home for the day if you want, we ain’t gonna be able to do any work with all that rain out there. Ah’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Oh, and darling? One last thing,” Rarity said, hopping to her feet as I made my way to the door. I turned about only to find her inches from my face and she took hold of my shirt collar with an iron deathgrip. “Mess this up and lose her and I promise I will destroy you. You are too cute, too sweet, too perfect for each other to fall apart now.”

I left, not doubting for a second that she meant every word.

---

I intentionally arrived late for school in the morning, nearly proving to be a disaster as the parking lot was so full that it took me a good ten minutes to find a suitable space. I dashed inside and somehow made it to my first class just as the bell rang, gasping and panting like I’d just run a couple of miles and making myself look like a complete idiot. I saw Fluttershy in her usual seat in the back and Rarity in the seat across from me, but when I looked over at Sunset’s it was empty. Not unexpected, as I’d been pretty sure she wouldn’t show up until later. Good, it gave me time to think about how to go about this. I wouldn’t have any gimmicks, any gifts at my disposal. No way to charm or worm my way out of doing this the hard way. It was the only option I really had. I’d have to actually take my time and talk to her, to not finish it as quick as I could. I remembered Rainbow once telling me that I try to take on arguments like it were a boxing match- as quickly and as fiercely as possible, without consideration for the other person’s feelings. I began to see she was right after all. For once, I’d have to actually not be myself if I were to mend our relationship. God forbid I messed this up, she was the best thing that’d happened to me. What would happen if I lost her? What would happen to her?

I became so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn’t notice my surroundings until I felt a gentle poking in my shoulder and I looked up to see Rarity standing above me. “The bell rang. Don’t you have something to do?”

I looked around and saw the rest of the class departing, fleeing their seats as fast as they could manage. “Yeah, yeah I do,” I said nervously, getting to my feet with a rather shaky gait. “Um- do you know where she is?”

“Do you not remember?” Rarity asked of me. When I shook my head, she said, “She wasn’t absent today, darling, she’s with the welcoming committee today. A trio of new students are supposed to be coming in right about now, she was requested to be at the committee office beforehand so she can have the packets ready.”

Oh yeah, that was right! It was one of the few things Sunset had been talking about this week, as she was hoping it’d be a way to make some friends with people who didn’t know the worst about her. It’d been about one of the only ways to cheer her up lately. “I’ll try to catch her at the main entrance, then,” I said. “If she’s busy in the office right now I don’t wanna distract her.”

“Just remember, she just needs you to be there,” Rarity advised, her tone crisp and serious. “Don’t force her to speak if she doesn’t want to.”

I nodded. “Thanks for everything,” I said, and headed off down the halls. Yes, I knew I’d be missing Miss Cheerilee’s class but this was important- I couldn’t push this off.

I made it down to the front doors easily, taking a seat on one of the nearby staircases and patiently waiting. She wouldn’t shrug this off, Sunset at least did what was asked of her in school. How would she react to seeing me? Would she be angry? Afraid? Upset? Jeez, there were so many ways this could go wrong. I couldn’t sit any longer, taking a short, circular pacing route in front of the doors. Oh man, I did not want to screw this up-

“Whoa!” I felt something slam into my back and I went sprawling, taking a good skid across the tile floor and getting an excruciating burn across the chest that felt like it tore a good couple inches of skin right off. “Hey, what the hell is your-”

I turned over to see a trio of girls staring down at me, having just plowed through the doors. I surmised that it had most likely them who had flung the door into my back. “Umm, so am I gonna get an apology here?”

“An apology for what?” said one of them dismissively. Probably the oldest of the three, a rather tall girl with an incredibly poufy mane of vivid orange hair. “You shouldn’t have been in my way.”

“Yeah, sure I was,” I said angrily, getting to my feet and checking myself over for injuries. I could still feel the sting where I’d gone skidding. “So I guess you three are the new students?” I asked, a creeping sense of unease starting to form in my bones. Something was very, very off here…

“Yeah, that’s us,” said another of the three, a short, ill-tempered looking girl with purple pigtails. “Why, are you the welcoming committee?”

“No, my girlfriend is,” I said shortly. “Just where are you three from, anyway?”

“Oh we’re from the land of Equestrmph!” the third girl, a petite girl with bright blue hair was about to speak but was effectively silenced by the girl with orange hair, who slapped a hand over her mouth.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” said the orange-haired girl, a small but fierce tone now entering her voice. “Why don’t you go on away and leave us alone?”

Something was wrong. The more I was around them the more uneasy I became, as if every instinct in me could sense something was akilter. It was such a familiar sensation, too, and I tried with all my might to remember where I’d come across this before, this sense of something vile, something positively… inhuman… and then it hit me. I’d come across this before, just last year when I was at a secret meeting with Wanyama, where a ritual had been performed to “cleanse” one of the men who had tried to sell us out. I’d felt this in only one person before…

Jester.

“What? Why do you keep staring, do you think I’m hot or something?” demanded the orange-haired girl, looking at me with utter distaste as if I was something that had crawled out from under her boots. “I told you to leave us alone, now go.”

“What the hell are you?” I asked lowly, my body instinctively settling into a fighting position, my muscles tensing in preparation to retaliate.

The orange-haired girl gave a groan. “Fine, if it’ll make you go away. I’m Adagio, that’s Sonata and Aria-”

“I didn’t say who, I said what,” I growled, taking a step backwards. “Drop the pretense sweetheart, you and I both know you’re not what you appear to be. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing…”

Adagio gave a start of surprise before giving me a very smug, very wicked smile. “Well then,” she said. “I guess I’ll have to show you. Just take a look at this jewel,” she said, flashing a bright-red ruby directly into my eyes.

My legs gave way and I collapsed to my knees, a horrible shrieking sound erupting in my brain. I felt like I was on fire, my body being torn apart bit by bit as something entered into me, corroding my will and tearing apart my mind. “What the hell- what did you do to me?” I snarled, my vision twisting and contorting as I tried to focus on them. I had to stay awake, I had to warn Sunset about these three, something very evil had just entered this school and they were in danger.

“And I think that’s enough of you for now,” Adagio said. The three girls closed their eyes and a beautiful melody twisted into the shrieking and screaming within my skull. My head split open and first burst from my lungs as my world was set afire-

And then suddenly, the lights went out.

Author's Note:

Holy hell, how did I write something this long? What did I do? What was I on? I need to sit down.

So, cliff-hanger! Yeah, that happened. Sorry for it being such a long one, I sure didn't mean for it to get so out of hand. This was a little ridiculous. Still, might be my favorite chapter yet, I liked the interaction between characters, especially MC and Sunset. I liked the whole miserable failure aspect of it.

It might be a while before I can get the next chapter posted. Hopefully not months, but it could be a bit. Got things to do, places to go. I'll do what I can to keep working in the meantime, though!

Oh, and small note: The story is now over 100,000 words, making it the longest story I've ever written, word-wise and length-wise! Thank you so much for making it a success and coming right along with me through the journey! Not TOO terribly far now!

As usual, comments and corrections below, please! Thanks!

Comments

[Moongaze14]

Wow, this chapter was really amazing and heavy. I got to say that I feel bad that Sunset was harassed by Octavia and that the hero nearly attacked her in rage over the incident. The scene where he tries to comfort Sunset but ends up making the situation worse with his impulsive behavior was tragic as both love each other, but can't bring themselves to be honest with each other, especially about Sunset's origins. The scene with AJ and Rarity comforting him was extremely sweet and touching as both acknowledge the hero as a sibling and help comfort him when he's feeling down for thinking he made Sunset depressed. I got to say that the appearance of the Dazzlings was a huge plot twist as I thought that they'd never appear. Credit to the hero for realizing that they're monsters due to his experiences with Jester, but the ending was a downer due to the Dazzlings using their magic on him. I hope that they don't turn him into a monster/jerk like they did with Flash on the movie.

[Echo 27]

7322968 Well you already know what they're capable of, so...
Yeah, assume that.

[Moongaze14]

7323027 Oh, man. The hero's social life is going to be hell in the next chapters. If he reverts back to his old self, then his friendships with the girls, his romance with Sunset, his academic career, and his relationship with his mom would become broken. Really hope that the Dazzling arc gets over quickly because it's going to be hard to watch the guy we come to sympathize become a scumbag to his loved ones due to the Dazzlings.

[Echo 27]

7323056 There's always a hero. Our character's time as the hero in this has all but come to an end. It's why I changed the cover photo for the story. It's Sunset's turn now.

[Starlight Nova]

Will the sex just be between Sunset and the Hero, or will there be other times.

[MyLittleGeneration]

Woah, shit!

[Echo 27]

7323359 What in the-

Umm, I don't know how to answer that one. No?

[Echo 27]

7323667 Whoa there.

[SirAnonymouse]

mmmmmmmmmmmm

SHIT. Well this isn't good. Wonder how Sunset and the others are going to react to the now brainwashed protagonist.

[EchoWing]

...oh holy crap I knew this was coming but still oh holy crap...

[Guy With No Name]

Why do I get the feeling more heartbreak and sorrow is on the horizon?

[Echo 27]

7323749 Who knows? It's gonna depend on what exactly is going on in the mind of the MC.

[Echo 27]

7323769 The Dazzlings came out of nowhere, so even though I wanted to identify them as a threat, there's far, far worse things out there. Notice I've been name-dropping a character we've yet to see for a while now...

[Echo 27]

7323935 Beautiful things can come from sorrow and pain, my friend. Take heart, love doesn't die so easily.

[Echo 27]

7324052 To shake things up. The biggest problem with fandoms is they usually fall into one or two frames of mind regarding a character and then they never change it. Look at how Octavia is presented on this site and you'll see what I mean. I wanted to do something with her that hadn't been done before, and that's where she ended up going.

[Darkheretic]

7323925 the incredible hulk?....really?....

[EchoWing]

7324004 Hmm. Good point.

[H3lios]

7323056
I've already lost a lot of sympathy for him when it was reveled that he was involved with human trafficking. I know he personally had nothing to do with it but my god, go to the police or something. His exes are dead (if they're lucky) and he wont tell the cops because of some stupid gang honor code?

[MrAskAPirate]

So... why didn't Sunset change her phone number?

[Echo 27]

7325387 Because saying anything has always resulted in the same thing: death. I don't think you realize how powerful Wanyama is, and how easy it would be for them to slaughter everyone he knows. The laws are the one thing that protect those who leaves. The moment he speaks, he breaks those laws and all hell breaks loose.

[Architect Ironturtle]

This is at least partially the Mane Six's fault. Our protagonist is dangerously out of the loop where magic is concerned. If anyone had had the sense to tell him anything, instead of just letting their squeamishness with the subject drive their actions, he would know what Equestria was, know what kind of threat the Dazzlings are thanks to Sonata's slip-up, and would have stood a better chance of making it out unscathed.

I can understand sensitive topics. I can understand being fearful of other's reactions. I can even understand everyone wanting Sunset to be the one to tell him. I cannot accept keeping someone so close to Sunset ignorant of the kind of danger she might attract, given the fiasco that was Twilight's visit. Our MC needed to know this, needed to know it really badly, and now the fact that he doesn't is going to come back to bite them. Hard.

[Echo 27]

7325828 It's about to come to the light. That much I know.

[Commentator]

Do your thing Mr Echo. I like how things aren't as straightfoward as other fics, and that the characters are really going to go through quite the tussle, and for good reasons too. Well done

[Echo 27]

7326798 Thank you! I wanted the story to feel like real people and real struggles- and people usually handle their struggles poorly!

[Delta252]

That was, well
7323535 this guy knows. And why did you have to leave us on a cliffhanger like that?

[Delta252]

7323359 Wait, what did you say?

[Delta252]

And what were you on to write something this long? And where can I find it? The longest chapter I wrote in my story is 11k words and everything else averages 4.3k.

[Delta252]

Ok, now I have a little theory about Jester.

[Pete100]

Applejack was getting on my nerves a little bit in the chapter, but the rest was great.