• Member Since 16th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen May 17th

ColdGoldLazarus


Tired, But Trying

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The sirens have been defeated, but the day is not yet over for Fluttershy.


(Short and sweet Sunshyne moments written on my own time and for my own enjoyment)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Cute :rainbowkiss: I for one am certainly hoping to see more of this, even if it is a 'just for fun' story.

A few grammatical comments from the massive word nerd:

"Yeah, let her rest, Flutters." Rainbow called.

"Hypocrite." Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Yeah." She said once more, needlessly.

These are all said tags, so the period at the end of the the quotations should all be commas (and that 'she' on the last one lowercase)

"Good job, 'Shy!

Some people see this as a preference thing, but I figured I'd point it out just in case. Nicknames are treated the same as any other name, and as such never require an apostrophe despite being shortened. For example, consider the name Zeke, short for Ezekiel. Odd example, but it's the only relatively common one I can think of that shortens by removing the first syllable.

"Well, of course, darling," Rarity began, "But I do believe

Since the 'but' is a continuation of the previous sentence, it should be lowercase (as without the said tag it's "Well, of course, darling, but I do..."). If you wanted it to start a new sentence (and if despite what English teachers may have told you, you absolutely can start a sentence with 'But' if you want) then the comma after began should be a period (which would make the quotation without the tag read as "Well, of course, darling. But I do...")

Time stopped for a moment, and the sun, deciding to leave the duo some privacy

There's nothing wrong with this at all, I just wanted to say this is an absolutely amazing description :scootangel:

I do hope that there will be more. There's still a lot of things that need to happen. What about their first kiss?
As a fellow Sunshyne fan and writer, I just ask you that please, go on with this.

7442909

Cute :rainbowkiss: I for one am certainly hoping to see more of this, even if it is a 'just for fun' story.

Thanks! And yeah, I hope to write more of this as well. :twilightsmile:

A few grammatical comments from the massive word nerd:

I went ahead and made those fixes, though I left the apostrophe on 'Shy. As you said, a preference thing.

There's nothing wrong with this at all, I just wanted to say this is an absolutely amazing description :scootangel:

Aww, thanks! I'm pretty proud of that one, so I'm glad it went over well. :pinkiehappy:

7446659

I do hope that there will be more.

Same here. XD

There's still a lot of things that need to happen. What about their first kiss?

Ooh, there's a good thought!

As a fellow Sunshyne fan and writer, I just ask you that please, go on with this.

Aye aye, Cap'n!

She'd performed surgeries at the vetrinarian's before, seen more blood than probably all of her friends combined, without flinching, so why was a simple question so hard to even think about asking?

That got dark.... :fluttershysad:

7465035 Well yeah, but it's not like she's a serial killer or anything, and those surgeries helped save those animals' lives. I think with that kind of motivation, Fluttershy is capable of a lot.

This worked well, I liked it. Though I'd love to see flashbacks of Fluttershy falling for Sunset, that process of platonic feelings turning to romantic ones.:pinkiesmile:

7466271 Thanks! And yeah, that was something I planned to go into greater detail on in a later part.

*melts into a puddle of fluff* :twilightsmile:
*sees it's incomplete* THERE'S MORE?! :pinkiegasp: :pinkiegasp: :pinkiegasp: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy:

Well this is lovely. I'm gonna follow this for sure. :raritystarry:

Please write another chapter! I love this soooo much and i would be very happy if you would write another chapter! It would be really cool and nice if you would put some fluff in it too like kissing and all the perverted things XD

Aw~. :twilightsmile: That was adorable. I hope there's more in the future.

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