We won! We beat her! We saved... wait, what?
Everything boiled down to the coming confrontation. Everypony she cared about was relying on her, whether they were aware of the situation or not. Without victory here, no living thing would survive the coming darkness; without the light of the sun, the world itself would die. It was not courage that drove her, but desperation, and hope. Hope that her life was not an attempt in futility. Desperation to accomplish what her mentor had left in her hooves. To make her teacher proud. Perhaps the others had their own reasons, but while their cause resonated with her own, their dreams were unknown to her, only their goal. The reclamation of the elements, the defeat of the Nightmare, and the return of the sun and the princess they loved to their rightful places.
Even as they journeyed to the old castle ruins, they could feel the temperature dropping. Not even a day and the planet was starting to cool. Not enough to cause problems yet, but for those attuned to the weather, like Rainbow Dash, it was like one of her feathers was bent at an odd angle; it drove her up the wall, and in this instance, there was nothing she could do to remedy the situation. So they journeyed on. Past the jaws of death. Over the raging waters that sought their hooves. Through the forest of terrors. Over the chasm and past the temptations of fame and power. Finally, they made it. They found the one weakness of their enemy, and the thing that would bring balance back to the for- I mean, Equestria.
However, something was wrong. They wouldn't activate. The legends said that a spark would ignite the power of the final element, so why, no matter how much power the young mage poured into these blasted rocks, did they not react? What was she missing? What if- no, she'd come too far, she wouldn't fail her friends, her family, her princess. Not when she was this close.
Then she made her move. The nightmare was no longer content to sit idly by while the mage struggled to unravel the mysteries of the universe. In the flash of an eye, she was elsewhere, separated from her fellows, alone against a twisted goddess. A being she could never hope to match. But Twilight knew she didn't have to match the nightmare. All that Twilight needed was on the floor behind the monster. Lowering her head and beginning what appeared a suicidal charge, she faked the monster out, making a final desperate lunge for the elements, a final desperate grasp for the spark that she'd been unable to find.
But she failed. The monster shattered the Elements, and with them the hope she held. Until she heard them. The others, rushing to her aid, even as doom drew near. Truly, she would never again meet such loyal, generous, honest.... wait. Was that it? It was! She felt it, a different spark. Not a literal, but figurative one. The same issue with so many legends, and if they should be interpreted literally or figuratively! And with that spark came renewed hope. She identified each bearer, the elements alighting upon each mare in turn, followed by her own, as the truth of the situation became apparent. With this new hope, this new power, a new day would finally dawn, and the darkness before them cast down forever more. The mage focused the energy about her with her purpose: End the nightmare. End the eternal night. And as she wished it, the energy responded. The rainbow of light was beautiful, and the Nightmare caught flat-hooved. As her consciousness slipped away, her only thoughts were of victory. She'd made her princess proud.
<-()->
Twilight cracked an eye open. A moan from behind here told her the others were just coming around as well. She recognized the symptoms they were suffering from. Complete magical exhaustion. When the body has no more left to give, it shuts down, leaving the caster to regenerate their mana pools to sufficient levels before the caster can become active again. But that didn't matter, they had- wait, why was it still night? That was impossible, the elements had defeated the nightmare. There should be nothing holding back the sun anymore!
Stumbling to her hooves, Twilight made her way as quickly as possible in her current condition to the armor of the nightmare, seeking answers. What she found was not only confusing, but terrifying as well. Lying amidst the smoldering armor was a strange creature she had only read about in bestiaries and books of myth in the Canterlot library. A black insectoid creature known to the laypony as a changeling.
But how? How could a changeling have impersonated the Nightmare so perfectly? Such creatures were not capable of that kind of magic. The cloud, the illusions, sealing the princess away. Not to mention no living creature had seen the nightmare for a millennium. For a solid minute, the genius could only sit in silence as her mind desperately tried to piece together a puzzle for which she did not have all the pieces. Twilights mind was a supercomputer, make no mistake. Any problem given to her, any task assigned was completed with the full focus of her mental faculties. But in this instance, it all failed her.
The wheel kept spinning, but the hamster was nowhere to be found.
<-()->
"BWAHAHAHAHA! She actually thought I would stick around when she got her hooves on the one thing on this green planet that could stop me? It's so naïve I don't know whether to pity her or have her executed!"
Beside the hysterical ruler of the night, a large chitinous creature, nearly the same size as the nightmare, giggled along at the images displayed in the viewing spell suspended in the center of the Canterlot Throne room.
"Indeed, I told you this would be worth it. The looks on their faces when they realized their quest was for naught was wonderful! My only regret is not being there to taste their despair. I'd get indigestion afterwards, but it would be worth every pained moment!" The Queen tittered.
The nightmare gave a toothy grin at her fellow conspirator. "Agreed, the looks of hopelessness are wonderful. I'm glad I remembered the spell for making memory gems. This one is going on my dresser. Would you like a copy?" Her mood was adamantine as she turned to the Queen beside her. Perhaps the bug wasn't so bad after all?
Chrysalis herself was allowing herself to bask in her victory, not just metaphorically, for allying herself with such a powerful figure so early in her reign, but factually, from the comraderie flowing from her fellow in harms. Truly, nothing brought together evil despots quite like watching the populace suffer. Now if she could just convince the idiot that she was well on her way to wiping out all life on the planet, everything would be awesome. 'hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hmmmm....'
Nightmare's ear twitched as a strange sound reached her, originating from the changeling. "Did you say something?"
"Huh? Oh, no, just a tune I heard somewhere..."
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Damn why one shot this is actually good start for so many ways to continue this fic.
5523109 Glad you liked it. As for why it's a one-shot? well, first off I can't think of anything else to add. Yea, Chryssie and Nim working together could result in all kinds of shenanigans, but I can't think of any at the moment; if I do, it will be a different story, most likely involving how they meet up. Another reason is that I refuse to post a story that I've no idea how to end. I read stories that are awesome all the time, just to have it stop at a weird point mid-plotline for no reason other than the author's train of thought ran out of tracks. You don't run a train on an unfinished rail do you? Why would you write a story with an unfinished plotline? It doesn't even take that much, I just set something up like
This is literally all I'm starting with on my larger project. If it's a RL notebook, like mine is, just leave some room for notes, even if it's just a redirection to another page.
TL;DR one shot because no real ideas, trains of thoughts need rails too!
Hello again Reykan.
So reading through this story and I have to say, your ability still has not let me down
. Most of what I find issue with is just little things like grammar, etc.
I kind of like how you ran through Twilight's inner dialogue, it really reflects well on who she is and how she thinks. Are you sure you have never really seen much of the show? Haha.
I can tell you one thing for sure though mate, This was a pleasant length for a one shot story, I like it.
What I have identified throughout the story.
"Desperation to do what her mentor had left in her hooves."
This feels like it would roll on better like ".. had left in her hooves; to make her teacher proud." Otherwise starting "To make her teacher proud" after a full stop feels a little drawn out. Correct me if I am wrong of course
Something about this sentence just doesn't sit right with me. To end it with "only their goal."
I dunno.. I thought I would put that out there.
My focus here is why you went from calling Nightmare, to nightmare. Any particular reason?
5524672 I'll list them in order
1: damn it, I missed that. No amount of re-reading can help me with that kind of error when I'm speed reading for the few final times.
2: I was actually purposefully making it choppy, like rapid-fire thoughts, but I suppose a semicolon would work there as well.
3: Can't really help with that, as it sounds right to me o.O
4: If I called her Nightmare, I tried to capitalize it, if it was the nightmare, it was lowercase. Don't know if I caught all the times I used the terms though.
Thanks for the review, and thanks for pointing out the errors. I'm pretty good at hunting them down myself, but I'm no literary genius.
...just close
5525448
Haha, you're all good. Honestly it is like I said before; You're doing an awesome job. It will be really interesting to see you write longer fiction in the future
Suspension of disbelief: shattered. Nobody smart enough to run would think eternal night is a good idea.
5525580 Please hold for a moment, and allow me to direct you to the one who gave her the idea: Queen Chrysalis. One who is currently not doped up on enough love to feed the entirety of her race.
5525594
The one that thought attacking the royal capital was a smart and totally sound strategic move, yes. (please stop ruining my joke)
5525618 Technically we don't know when the plan for the invasion was made, nor the state of the hive and thus the desperation of the changelings. Either they really were that desperate, or Chrysalis could have intended to steal a few days of newly wed love, and gotten high off of the sheer amount of love. (I'll stop ruining your jokes when you stop poking holes in my story XD)
5525642
pff, alright, you win this round. i shall avenge th..mee, though.
Oh man! That is my jam!
5526873 I blame Bucking Nonesense's latest chapter of "who is this lord tirek you speak of?" for that one.
It's official, this one has blown my first story out of the water. Double the views, and almost double the likes. Of course, it's only day 3 since I posted, but still.
well that was adorable.
Continuation of the "Just Dodge" story:
Discord was stuck in his stone prison, waiting for the day that the CMC would come by & weaken the shell by arguing...which meant, he also looked forward to the discussion he'd have later with Lyra about how he should "just dodge" when the Mane 6 eventually would get the Elements of Harmony and put him back in his stone prison. But that was another year from---wait!
He just felt a tremor in the quantum states. Curious, he looked down that other path that opened up, and he saw...
"Holy Q! She did it! In this path, Nightmare Moon really figured out how to dodge the Elements! Whoo Hoo! I'm saved!! I'll just get a Changeling to take my pla----!
"uhoh...
"This don't look good....
"This path doesn't have me getting out next year....
"I don't see the CMC snots coming by to crack my confinement....
"That's because the night lasted all year....
"The far side of the planet is baked to a crisp....
"The air is freezing out on this side of the planet....
"The glaciers started to grow....
"everypony'sdead....frozen to death....
"and damn! I can't get back to where this timeline branched off!
"....
"....
"i'm--i'm-i'm not getting out of here...
"....
"....
"....
"SHIT!"
Odd. HTML download is broken for this. All the other download formats work, and HTML works on all your other stories, just... not this one.
Six months later, when the last of her drones died of starvation, and carbon dioxide started crystalising on the outside of her hive, Queen Chrysalis began to think that maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. Nightmare Moon still held Night Court in the frozen ruins of Canterlot, surrounded by the ice crystal encased corpses of those ponies who died of starvation and cold. Chrysalis could just visit to bathe in the powerful narcissistic self love of the insane alicorn, but it took almost as much energy protecting herself from the outside conditions for the round trip as she could absorb from Nightmare Moon. And the world was getting colder.
A month later, she ran out of energy making the journey, and what she thought no longer mattered.
Yeah, gotta love the comedy.
Continue please ?