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Twilight and her friends made the journey, they found the magic maguffins that would save the world. All that was left was the defeat of the big bad, Nightmare Moon. They had this in the bag. There was no way this could possibly go wrong. Not in a million years.
One-shot.
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Damn why one shot this is actually good start for so many ways to continue this fic.
5523109 Glad you liked it. As for why it's a one-shot? well, first off I can't think of anything else to add. Yea, Chryssie and Nim working together could result in all kinds of shenanigans, but I can't think of any at the moment; if I do, it will be a different story, most likely involving how they meet up. Another reason is that I refuse to post a story that I've no idea how to end. I read stories that are awesome all the time, just to have it stop at a weird point mid-plotline for no reason other than the author's train of thought ran out of tracks. You don't run a train on an unfinished rail do you? Why would you write a story with an unfinished plotline? It doesn't even take that much, I just set something up like
This is literally all I'm starting with on my larger project. If it's a RL notebook, like mine is, just leave some room for notes, even if it's just a redirection to another page.
TL;DR one shot because no real ideas, trains of thoughts need rails too!
Hello again Reykan.
So reading through this story and I have to say, your ability still has not let me down
. Most of what I find issue with is just little things like grammar, etc.
I kind of like how you ran through Twilight's inner dialogue, it really reflects well on who she is and how she thinks. Are you sure you have never really seen much of the show? Haha.
I can tell you one thing for sure though mate, This was a pleasant length for a one shot story, I like it.
What I have identified throughout the story.
"Desperation to do what her mentor had left in her hooves."
This feels like it would roll on better like ".. had left in her hooves; to make her teacher proud." Otherwise starting "To make her teacher proud" after a full stop feels a little drawn out. Correct me if I am wrong of course
Something about this sentence just doesn't sit right with me. To end it with "only their goal."
I dunno.. I thought I would put that out there.
My focus here is why you went from calling Nightmare, to nightmare. Any particular reason?
5524672 I'll list them in order
1: damn it, I missed that. No amount of re-reading can help me with that kind of error when I'm speed reading for the few final times.
2: I was actually purposefully making it choppy, like rapid-fire thoughts, but I suppose a semicolon would work there as well.
3: Can't really help with that, as it sounds right to me o.O
4: If I called her Nightmare, I tried to capitalize it, if it was the nightmare, it was lowercase. Don't know if I caught all the times I used the terms though.
Thanks for the review, and thanks for pointing out the errors. I'm pretty good at hunting them down myself, but I'm no literary genius.
...just close
5525448
Haha, you're all good. Honestly it is like I said before; You're doing an awesome job. It will be really interesting to see you write longer fiction in the future
Suspension of disbelief: shattered. Nobody smart enough to run would think eternal night is a good idea.
5525580 Please hold for a moment, and allow me to direct you to the one who gave her the idea: Queen Chrysalis. One who is currently not doped up on enough love to feed the entirety of her race.
5525594
The one that thought attacking the royal capital was a smart and totally sound strategic move, yes. (please stop ruining my joke)
5525618 Technically we don't know when the plan for the invasion was made, nor the state of the hive and thus the desperation of the changelings. Either they really were that desperate, or Chrysalis could have intended to steal a few days of newly wed love, and gotten high off of the sheer amount of love. (I'll stop ruining your jokes when you stop poking holes in my story XD)
5525642
pff, alright, you win this round. i shall avenge th..mee, though.
Oh man! That is my jam!
5526873 I blame Bucking Nonesense's latest chapter of "who is this lord tirek you speak of?" for that one.
It's official, this one has blown my first story out of the water. Double the views, and almost double the likes. Of course, it's only day 3 since I posted, but still.
well that was adorable.
Continuation of the "Just Dodge" story:
Discord was stuck in his stone prison, waiting for the day that the CMC would come by & weaken the shell by arguing...which meant, he also looked forward to the discussion he'd have later with Lyra about how he should "just dodge" when the Mane 6 eventually would get the Elements of Harmony and put him back in his stone prison. But that was another year from---wait!
He just felt a tremor in the quantum states. Curious, he looked down that other path that opened up, and he saw...
"Holy Q! She did it! In this path, Nightmare Moon really figured out how to dodge the Elements! Whoo Hoo! I'm saved!! I'll just get a Changeling to take my pla----!
"uhoh...
"This don't look good....
"This path doesn't have me getting out next year....
"I don't see the CMC snots coming by to crack my confinement....
"That's because the night lasted all year....
"The far side of the planet is baked to a crisp....
"The air is freezing out on this side of the planet....
"The glaciers started to grow....
"everypony'sdead....frozen to death....
"and damn! I can't get back to where this timeline branched off!
"....
"....
"i'm--i'm-i'm not getting out of here...
"....
"....
"....
"SHIT!"
Odd. HTML download is broken for this. All the other download formats work, and HTML works on all your other stories, just... not this one.
Six months later, when the last of her drones died of starvation, and carbon dioxide started crystalising on the outside of her hive, Queen Chrysalis began to think that maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. Nightmare Moon still held Night Court in the frozen ruins of Canterlot, surrounded by the ice crystal encased corpses of those ponies who died of starvation and cold. Chrysalis could just visit to bathe in the powerful narcissistic self love of the insane alicorn, but it took almost as much energy protecting herself from the outside conditions for the round trip as she could absorb from Nightmare Moon. And the world was getting colder.
A month later, she ran out of energy making the journey, and what she thought no longer mattered.
Yeah, gotta love the comedy.
Continue please ?