• Published 16th Jan 2015
  • 14,961 Views, 224 Comments

Apple Shampoo - Titanium Dragon



Rarity’s friends have noticed that she smells an awful lot like apples lately and want in on it.

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The Scent of Fresh Apples

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is—oh, hello, girls. I wasn’t expecting you this afternoon. Did I forget something?” Rarity glanced over towards the calendar hanging on her wall.

“Not at all, Rarity. Do you have a minute?” Twilight asked, tilting her head as she peered into the shop from the open doorway. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie crowded in behind her.

“But of course! Come in, come in!” Rarity’s horn glowed as she took her needle and stuck it into her pincushion before stepping out from behind her workbench. “What can I do for you girls? Did you need new outfits for something? Oh! Did Princess Celestia finally convince you to throw a ball?”

“What? No,” Twilight said, shaking her head as the group wandered inside, Rainbow Dash hovering overhead while Pinkie Pie went over to make faces into one of the mirrors set against the wall. “We came to, uh, talk to you about something.” Twilight rubbed her hoof against her foreleg.

“Oh? Whatever is the matter?”

“Well, we’ve noticed that you’ve been spending a lot of time at Sweet Apple Acres,” Fluttershy said, staring at the floor.

“And that you’ve been looking extra happy lately! Like, super extra happy!” Pinkie Pie said, beaming as she bounced over to rejoin the rest of her friends in the center of the room.

And that you smell like apples.” Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves across her chest. “Like, really smell like apples. Like, I spend-all-day-sleeping-in-Applejack’s-trees-and-don’t-smell-that-much-like-apples like apples.”

Rarity fanned herself with her hoof. “Oh really?”

“Yes, really!” Rainbow Dash flew down, her snout a few inches away from Rarity’s. “And—uh, wow.” Rainbow Dash backwinged, waving her hoof in front of her snout. “Bit much?”

“What we’re trying to say is, we all know what is going on,” Twilight cut in, stepping in front of Rainbow Dash.

Rarity paled. “You do? I-I mean, I thought we were being subtle…”

“Oh Rarity, it’s alright, we all understand.” Twilight said, smiling gently as she set her hoof on Rarity’s shoulder.

“I don’t!” Rainbow Dash’s hooves cut through the air. “How could you keep it a secret? Don’t you trust us?”

Rarity winced. “Well, darling, you see, it is a sensitive matter… my career—”

Fluttershy lifted her head, smiling. “Oh, Rarity, do you really think that they would hold something like this against you?”

“Well, I—”

“I’d think they’d appreciate it,” Twilight said, smiling.

Rarity blinked. “What?”

“Yeah! Who else would buy super-expensive designer shampoo?” Pinkie Pie shouted.

Rarity stumbled backwards against her vanity, landing on her rump. “Shampoo?”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash landed in front of Rarity, her wings flared. “I mean, you made some new kind of soap and you didn’t even tell us? I mean, you can only use raincloud-scented body wash for so long before you can’t ever get the smell out of your nose! Why did you think I spent all that time sleeping in Applejack’s orchard?”

“Well, I—”

“And me? What about me? Babbling-Brand Berry Body Bubble Bath Base every day! Do you know how many times the Cakes thought I was baking berry Berliners in the morning?” Pinkie Pie leaped forward, grabbing Rarity by the shoulders and shaking her. “Do you!?”

“Pinkie!” Twilight stepped forward, pushing the heaving pink pony away from her friend. “What she means to say is, I think we’re all a little bit sick of the stuff they sell down at Barnyard Bargains and we’d like to try something a little bit different.”

“If, uhm, you don’t mind, that is,” Fluttershy said, dragging her hoof across the carpet.

“I see.” Rarity shook her head, composing herself. “Well, I’m sorry to say I don’t have any left. Yes, I used the last of it just this morning.”

“I can tell,” Rainbow Dash said, sticking out her tongue. “I can smell you from all the way over here.”

“Oh, really?” Rarity’s cheeks flushed. “My, well, it is not supposed to be that strong. Oh, well, guess I’ll just have to start all over again.”

“Wait,” Twilight said, raising her hoof, “how can you be out? I saw you go over to Sweet Apple Acres just last night.”

“Er, you see… well…” Rarity fidgeted, smiling a bit too broadly, “It just wasn’t coming out right! So we started a new batch. As you said, it is much too strong. If you can still smell it all the way over there, why, we’ll just have to throw out this batch and start a new one, too.”

“I’ll say!” Pinkie Pie said, springing forward. “You really smell like apples today.” She leaned forward, sniffing. “Especially your tail!”

Rarity coughed, tucking her tail in close against her rump. “You see? We will just have to start all over.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Oh, Rarity, you don’t have to do that.”

“I dunno, I’m pretty sick of raincloud scent. I’d try just about anything.”

Pinkie Pie perked up. “Oooh, you can borrow my—“

“Anything except that,” Rainbow Dash amended quickly. “Seriously, my whole house turned pink after the last time I tried that. I didn’t even know bubble bath could mix with clouds.”

“Well…” Rarity said, turning her head slowly as her friends all smiled at her expectantly. “I suppose. I'll see what I can do.”

“Yes! No more raincloud!”

Twilight beamed. “Thank you Rarity!”

“Are you sure? You do realize this is experimental shampoo, don’t you?” Rarity said, grimacing slightly.

“Oh Rarity. It’s not like you’re putting bleach in it or something.” Twilight waved her hoof. “I’m sure it will be fine. Besides, we’d be happy to be your guinea pigs.”

“As long as it doesn’t make our manes fall out or something,” Rainbow Dash added, narrowing her eyes.

Rarity tittered nervously. “Of course not.”


“Applejack! We have a problem!”

“I’m down in the cellar,” Applejack called, her voice muffled by tons of dirt and wood.

Rarity’s horn lit up, casting open the wooden doors before stepping down onto the stairwell, slowly walking down beneath the barn on Sweet Apple Acres. “I thought we finished up down here last night,” Rarity said, slowly making her way down the stone steps.

“Nah. I just said so on account of you looking tired and all.”

“Applejack!” Rarity pouted, but the effect was wasted on the dark stairwell. “I will not have you working yourself to the bone while I’m around! I said I would help.”

“Well, Rarity, I’m just ‘bout done with it now.”

The sound of wood scraping on stone made Rarity’s ears swivel as she stepped down into the dimly-lit room, the scattered lights’ soft glow glinting off of dozens of barrels set back against the walls of the earthen room.

“Where are you?”

“Right here, sugar cube,” Applejack said, trotting out from between a row of barrels set up against the far wall. “Hooey, I never woulda been able to do this in two days without you.”

Rarity smiled in spite of herself as Applejack took off her Stetson and wiped her brow with her hoof. “Well, I’m glad I could help.” Rarity’s smile faded. “But we have a problem.”

“Really?” Applejack set her hat back on her head and walked over. “What is it?”

“Twilight saw me coming here last night, and she and the girls came to see me today.”

“Oh.” Applejack stopped in her tracks, tilting her head slightly. “Is that a bad thing?”

Rarity sat back, casting her hoof over her face. “It was simply the worst possible thing!”

Applejack arched her eyebrow. “Is that the ‘I got a spot on my dress’ kinda worst or the ‘Twilight went crazy and brainwashed half of Ponyville’ kinda worst?”

“They thought we were making shampoo!”

Applejack stared for a moment before collapsing to the floor laughing, clutching at her chest as she rolled around on her back, hooves kicking up into the air.

Rarity stamped her hoof. “I’m serious!”

“I know, darlin’. It’s just—” Applejack cackled, shaking her head and waving her hoof at Rarity as she rolled back over, getting her hooves back under her. “That’s just the funniest durned thing I ever heard. Shampoo!” She laughed again, her whole body shaking.

“They wanted me to make some! For them!”

Applejack smirked broadly. “You tell them you ain’t plannin’ on sharin’? Cause I sure ain’t.”

“Be serious! This is a big problem!”

“I am bein’ serious.” Applejack stepped up next to Rarity, giving her a light shove with her shoulder. “You know they’re gonna figure out ‘bout what we’ve been doin’ sooner or later. Way I figure it, better sooner.”

“But my career!” Rarity wailed.

“Now Rarity, I know them highfalutin city ponies got their noses stuck in the wrong end of ‘em, but that don’t mean anypony really cares.” Applejack cast her hoof over Rarity’s shoulders. “Why, I heard that Hoity Toity fella got married in Las Pegasus just last week.”

“To a mare, Applejack.”

“Really? Huh. Coulda fooled me.” Applejack rubbed her chin. “Now, is that a mare-mare, or a—”

“Applejack!”

Applejack winced. “Sorry, sorry. I was just foolin’.” She gave Rarity a squeeze around the shoulders. “Still, I don’t think it’s gonna work. Our friends got their hearts in the right places, and you know they’re good at keepin’ secrets, but sooner or later Pinkie Pie’s gonna catch wind of our anniversary or somethin’ and then it’ll be all over.”

“I know,” Rarity said, staring down at the floor.

“Don’t worry. You know they won’t think less of us.” Applejack nuzzled up against Rarity’s neck. “Besides, worst comes to worst, you can always come here and make cider with us. I know how much ya like squeezin’ Apples.”

Rarity huffled, tipping her head up primly. “You’re simply the worst, you know that?”

“I reckon I do.” Applejack pressed herself in against Rarity’s side, her tail flicking against the unicorn’s as she began to rub her snout against her marefriend’s jaw.

“Applejack! You’re dirty!” Rarity stepped aside only to be swiftly followed by the earth pony. “You’re going to make me smell like apples all over again!”

Applejack chuckled. “Heh, is that what gave you away?” she asked as she leaned forward to nibble at Rarity’s ear, raising up on her hind legs to wrap her front hooves around Rarity’s shoulders. “Besides, I thought you liked how I smelled.”

“I do,” Rarity said, face flushed, her knees bowing slightly as Applejack leaned against her. “But what will I tell the others when they come to see if we made more soap? You could at least take a bath first.”

Applejack laughed as she rubbed her chin against the back of Rarity’s neck. “Way I reckon, you’re gonna smell like apples either way.”

Rarity shivered. “And why’s that?”

Applejack leaned forward, her breath tickling at Rarity’s ear. “You know what they say, darlin’. You are what you eat.”

Author's Note:

Thanks to SoundsLikePonies for their help editing this story and making Pinkie Pie take a whiff of a certain pony's tail, and White Diamonds for drawing the art which inspired it all.

And to Hasbro, for actually making Rarity's body wash be apple scented, and selling this to children.

There is now a dramatic reading of this story by ObabScribbler, which can be found on YouTube.

Comments ( 224 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

You fucking wagon-jumper. :V

5509725
5509740
I BLAME WHITE DIAMONDS LTD. FOR THIS.

And Hasbro, for making Rarity's body wash be apple scented. Seriously, Hasbro, are you even trying?

Quack.

Nice fakeout there, not exactly what I was expected but pleasant none the less.

Once again...
Yisss. :raritywink::heart::ajsmug:

But seriously.
"You are what you eat."

This story is just gold and I'm on my way to Wal-Mart to buy those body washes...:rainbowlaugh:

5509747
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

5509750
Yeah, after I saw the image, then that, there was no way I couldn't write this.

Enjoy your apple-scented body wash. You know Rarity suffered for that. :ajsmug:

I'm glad you liked it.

Apparently there's also a (separately sold, not in the shaped containers) Pinkie Pie body wash which is "Spiced Apple" scented that Thornwing showed me earlier. That fiend! :trixieshiftright:

That was a fun read. I liked the dialogue and character interaction here, and I did laugh at times when I read the story. I also found your inspiration behind the fic quite interesting as well. Anyway, great work as usual. :pinkiesmile:

Also, I'll admit that White Diamonds is the main reason why RariJack has become one of my favorite ships recently. :twilightsheepish:

5509769
Thanks.

And yes, White Diamonds Ltd. is a corrupting influence. Her art is wonderful, and producing good daily art for a ship is pretty great.

Still, there isn't a whole lot of RariJack stuff being written. I really only have myself to blame. Clearly I need to fix this by writing tons of RariJack.

Alas, I have many other things to do. I actually got some more work done on Mistletrapped today, too.

5509780 You're welcome! :twilightsmile:

5509767
The bastards! :pinkiegasp:
5509780
And yes, do write more RariJack. Tons and tons and tons and tons...

5509798
I was excited by this until I went to your profile page. :ajbemused:

Clearly, it is just all unpublished so it can be all the more awesome when it comes out. :trixieshiftright:

5509823
Glad to hear I corrupted you into enjoying it, at least for a few thousand words. :raritywink:

Thank you.

5509725
We are all guilty of this crime one time or another. I mean, the wagon is just so much more convinient for transportation. You don't have to walk as much. And we're all such lazy fucks we go along with it, like the heathens we are.

God we're awful. :V

Dangit. I wasn't fast enough. Should have started writing the second I heard about it. Now I'll just look like a copy-cat if I do anything, nyah.

5509832
5509725
Hey, if you're the first one on the wagon, does it really count as wagon-jumping? Besides, if you get on in front, you get to steer. :rainbowdetermined2:

5509725
5509832
5509852
See?

Though seriously, there can never be enough stories about apple-scented Rarity body wash.

Mostly because I don't think people will actually write very many. I reserve the right to regret making this comment if ten or more such stories crop up in the next few days.

5509868
This is true. See? There are plenty of stories, 5509852

Get cracking. :ajsmug:

It's time to start the new ad campaign for these great shampoos, with RariJack. Once it airs on TV, the world will have no idea why that weird guy at the office that never does much but stay behind his computer is cheering.

5509725
Ponies haven't invented cars yet, and you have to pay for trains. What else do you want us to do? Jump on pegasi? Wagons are way easier.

Someone had to do it.

I smell some nice scented apple shampoo, and it gave me a good story to read. Damn you, Titanium! :trixieshiftright:

5509905
Not enough, given how few RariJack stories have been submitted in the last month! :flutterrage:

5509926
But of course!

I'm actually trying to figure out if there is a group called "This was inevitable" or something along those lines, it seems like an amusing group.

Or maybe "This is all Hasbro's fault."

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

5509855
You fucking.... wagon... maker. >:|

Imma read this soon's I can. :V

5509767
Applejack gets around...

I expect there to be more chapters of this as the product line suggests. Get on it TD. Chapter Two: Spiced Apple Pie.

5510111
Well, I am an engineer... :heart:

Holy shit that ending.

Good work sir.

5510142
The soapverse. It is coming.

5510190
Huh. I did not know that song existed. Learn something new every day! Or many new things, today.

5510255
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :raritywink:

5509808
Hahaha yes, I will be writing RariJack in the future :twilightsheepish:
Sorry~ :scootangel:

5510330
It's alright. Made me look, at least. :raritywink:

This is awesome lol I normally struggle between shipping rarijack and appledash but this perfection :raritywink: Imma go to walmart now

5510436
Oh dear. I knew I should have asked Wal*Mart for a 5% commission before I wrote this. :coolphoto:

Glad you liked it!

Up vote for the author's note alone!

5510603
Why thank you. I'm sure Hasbro appreciates it. :ajsmug:

10 out of 10 great story

5511353
Thanks. Glad to hear you liked it! :twilightsmile:

And by the end of this story, you reminded me of why RariJack is such a great ship... :raritystarry:
You're one of the few authors who completly captures the chemistry of Rares and AJ in a relationship.
Too much people just take the one they already have in the show and put some kisses in it... :ajbemused:
You're like the WhiteDiamonds of RariJack fanfics... In some kind of way...

5511428
I'm glad you feel that way! I really enjoy them together, and they're a ton of fun to write as a couple (or really as characters in general). It is flattering to be called the White Diamonds of RariJack fanfics (sort of), and I suppose I am that one guy who fights for the ship, even though his ankles are getting wet...

But I really haven't written the RariJack fic. I've written some solid RariJack stuff, but I haven't written the Twilight's List of RariJack.

And I, sadly, haven't produced a RariJack shipfic every day for the last hundred consecutive days, unlike a certain artist has with her art. :trixieshiftright:

I do have some more stuff featuring the pair in the works, though, so maybe one of those will knock it out of the park. And hey, Shotgun Wedding still isn't done... I should fix that... but I have to finish Mistletrapped first... :trixieshiftright:

Anyway, thank you for the encouraging words, I always appreciate them, and I'm glad that you think I do a good job of capturing the chemistry between the two characters. Hopefully there will be more such stories Soon (TM)!

Soon is a registered trademark of Blizzard.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

5511614
More like a triple-blind. :B

Well THAT escalated quickly. :duck:

Then again, I'm responsible for the review here so I'm not exactly one to talk. :pinkiehappy:

5511619
Ah yes, the treble subversion. Someone else mentioned such a thing in the comments.

I actually am terribly fond of such things, but alas, that was not this story's driving impetus. This story was based entirely around the body wash, the image, and the final line of the story; the rest was basically working from the two ends towards the middle.

5511626
It had better escalate quickly in an 1800 word story! :moustache:

Poor Rarity. All these unsavory rumors.

Hope you enjoyed the story!

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