• Member Since 22nd Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

Gadman85


I attempt to entertain with my amateur stories. I also think I sort of know what makes a story good and try to help others if I can.

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After the battle of the bands, Twilight has been thinking over many things regarding the Dazzlings. She feels that she failed in her duty as Princess of Friendship not just because she didn't figure everything out, but also due to the fact she just left the Dazzlings alone. When she defeated Sunset she gave her friends, but Twilight just watched as the Adagio, Aria, and Sonata ran off the stage. Don't they also deserve another chance?

Twilight has decided to make it her mission to fix this mistake, and she hopes Sunset Shimmer will help her. She also hopes the two of them can improve their friendship.

After the battle of the bands, things have been different and better for Sunset Shimmer. However, there are a couple of things on her mind still. The main one being how she wants things to be better between her and Twilight. After all, Sunset knows she owes the purple pony princess everything. She also feels like they didn't really get to know each other better last time Twilight came to the human world.

When Twilight mentions a mission for the two of them will this be the chance Sunset wanted to improve things? Also how deep will their relationship grow if it grows in the first place? Also what happened to the Dazzlings afterwards anyways?

Featured Jan. 6, 2015 (even if only for an hour or so).

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 399 )

Oh my gosh! This has so much potential, I love it! I mean the premise makes total sense and everyone is perfectly in character, and there is so much potential for cuteness! This is going to be adorable, I can already tell.:twilightsmile:

5436283 I agree about the potential. I will try to live up to it. I will try to do cute, but I'm not sure if it will work :applejackunsure:. I'm pretty sure I can at least do heart warming and I have some heart warming moments already planned, but they won't really show up until later. Hopefully you will enjoy the story as more chapters are posted.

Is this a sunlight fic, because I see a romance tag ?

5442471 It will be. I'm hoping not to rush it and to actually build the relationship. I have signs of it in the next chapter for one side at least, but it isn't full on there yet. At the same time, I want this to be half about Sunset's and Twilight's journey (this is where the Sunlight will come in). The other half will be about the Dazzlings (they are going to come in a little later).

When the Dazzlings come into the story I'm aiming for it to be fairly balanced between them and Twilight and Sunset. So it will be Sunlight and there will be romance, but it won't be just Sunlight. Sorry if this was a longer answer than you wanted.

5442658 Not rushing the relationship is the key to a good fic, I will follow this, happy new year mates :pinkiehappy:

5442708 Same to you as well. I should hopefully have the next chapter up in a couple of days. Have to polish it some and add in a couple more scenes.

mmmmh interesting story, seems quite promising :)

please update soon :)

Do you have a minuet?

Why, I would love to dance with you darling! :raritystarry:

5447263 Well I don't think any one would be real upset if Rarity did dance. -_- I made the correction. I blame auto-correct.

I'm confused, I understand why she wants to keep her pony friends out of this, but why her human friends? Surely having them help out with the Sirens would be benificial, like they were with Sunset.

5448117 There is a reason. it will be explained when she meets with Sunset.

5448172 Fair enough, I'll wait and see.:twilightsmile:

wait... what if Sunset's book runs out of charge?

5455672 That would be a problem, but Luna has it covered for now. Like she said it was something easy to take care of for an Alicorn. I felt it was understood she would mention this to Twilight on her return and she has full confidence Twilight will find a more permanent solution to still be able to visit her human friends.

If you meant Sunset's actual book. It isn't charging a portal between the worlds, it is just a focus point. Twilight's book is losing it's charge because it is forcing open a portal that is otherwise only accessible every thirty moons. I didn't really think to mention that in the story.

Awww yissss, SunLight fic alright!

Added to library!

Absolutely loving this story!

Oh my god i love this story and i love the dazzlings :heart:

Well, I gues that explains why Twilight wanted to only have Sunset help her, not a great reason but I can go with it. Your take on the Dazzlings is almost exactly what I imagined would happen to them, I think it's brilliant. I hope Sunset and Twilight find them soon, they seem really depressed.:fluttershysad:

I don't mind the Dazzlings' life style, I actually kind of like it. It's better than the ones in other stories.

oh uh. Adagio feels guilt.
things are getting serious.

5456300 Yes it is a Sunlight fic. It is also half a Dazzling fic as well cause what better way for Twilight and Sunset to fall in love than spending time with each other and going on a mission of sorts? :twilightsmile:

5456545 5456361
Glad to hear it! I love it when people like my fics and say so :pinkiehappy:. I also like it when people comment on them too.

5456580 It will take some time because I have the next two chapters planned out to show how the Dazzlings came from where they were at the end of the battle of the bands to where they are in chapter 3. They are depressed :pinkiesad2: but it will work out in the end :pinkiesmile:. Also when Sunset and Twilight do meet the Dazzlings it will make even more sense why it is just the two of them instead of the entire crew.

5456749 I'm glad to hear it. I sort of noticed two trends mostly in fics like this. The Dazzlings are completely okay apart from some emotional scars, or they are on the point of death due to starvation. I kept thinking it would be somewhere between myself so I decided to write this fic :twilightsmile:. Good to know others agree with it.

5456754 Tis true. The fic should hopefully show just how deep her feelings go before things get better for them.

I kinda like this story, the idea behind it is fantastic, but at the same time, the grammar could use a little work, especially at points where you repeat information needlessly. Otherwise, keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

5457307

Im not that goon in english like to write you a large reweiw (cause i learned on my own and i still have problems writing) but i really enjoyed this fic, its great and i cant wait for the update, please go on with it :twilightblush:

5457562 Ahhh yes grammar. I am not the best with it. I am still improving. Is there anything in particular I am repeating too much you noticed? I will try to watch out for it in the future.

5458407 One example would be the number of times you mentioned them selling Adagio's car. Not only that, but you constantly referred to it as "the car" rather than just "it" or something like that. Let me see if I can provide an example of a revision at all...

Aria and Sonata shared the larger of the two bathrooms. They agreed on this since they sold Adagio’s car, plus due to her hair their leader took longer to get ready in the mornings.

This apartment was their home ever since they made their “escape” from the hotel where they had been staying and living like queens. They sold Adagio’s car to get some money to pay the expenses the management of the hotel suddenly remembered they owed.

The car also gave them some really good start up money because of how well it sold. They could have bought a lot more with the money they had from selling the car, but they weren't sure if others, who had been under their spell would suddenly remember they owed them money. They decided to keep most of it for emergencies at the moment.

Adagio’s car was a fairly new well maintained Dodge Viper SRT, so it sold very well. The other two had more “modest” cars. Aria had a BMW M3 and Sonata had a Range Rover Evoque. The Range Rover came in handy for grocery trips and whenever the three of them needed extra room for trips in the car.

Firstly, the first line of the second paragraph shouldn't even be there. That should be earlier in the story when the apartment is first being described, as it has everything to do with the apartment in general and nothing to do with the cars. As for the rest, I would revise it like this:

Aria and Sonata shared the larger of two bathrooms because their leader took longer to get ready in the mornings due to her hair, and to make up for having her be the one to sell her car, which they had done to get some money to pay the expenses the management of the hotel suddenly remembered they owed. Adagio’s car was a fairly new well maintained Dodge Viper SRT, so it sold very well, even netting them some really good start-up money after paying what they owed. They chose to keep the excess, however, because they weren't sure if others who had been under their spell would suddenly remember they owed them money. For now, it was for emergencies only.

The last bit about the other two cars should be saved for a later time when it really matters, or mentioned earlier on if they used them at all. The point of paragraph separation is to separate subjects from each other.

If you ever decide you need me as an editor, I can probably help with that. ;)

Well, what can I say, this fic looks great so far!

Some minor hiccups here and there, but nothing that would break the flow horribly. Not exactly a matter for fixing, rather for polishing.

Also, I like how you are focusing on Dazzlings as well. They are not only a plot device that serves the purpose of getting Twi and Sunset getting hooked up. You said it'll be about helping Dazzlings, and you deliver.

The fact, that Sunset has feelings for Twi already is something rarely seen, but it's not anything wrong, especially after EqG:RR and tons of shipping situations between them (scene in the kitchen, as one of the major ones).

Keep it up, mate! I am waiting for more chapters! :pinkiehappy:

5471420 Glad to hear you're liking it. I also thought that as well about the kitchen scene, which is part of the reason I loved it so much. I do want this fic to be about both Sunset and Twi getting together, and also the Dazzlings. I'm really into both and thought it would be nice to write a fic that combines the two. I only hope I can balance the two stories equally through out the fic. I am working on the next chapter already, so hopefully it will be ready to post soon.

5473710 Darker and sadder than the rest of the story.

“Good. I knew I could count on you, Spike. Being able to keep secrets will be important since I’m a princess now. Hopefully very few, if any others, will have to be kept from the girls after this,” Twilight finished with a yawn.

Thats rich, considering you're crap at keeping secrets

5473936 lol true Twilight isn't the best at keeping secrets, but in this fic she'll be better.

Sweet, a new chapter!

Don't worry about putting "mature" tag on it. As long as there's no explicit content per se (like going into detailed descriptions of what Adagio did) it can be kept as teen.

Also, I really started shipping Aria with Sonata now, solely because of this chapter.
I really do hope, that there'll be two paralell romance plots in this fic...
Don't feel obliged, though. It would just be a neat thing :pinkiehappy:

Also, I've seen your fic in Featured box, so congratulations on that!

5474101 I saw that too! It was there for about an hour! I took a screenshot cause I'm like that.... :ajbemused:

About the Aria X Sonata, It might be possible or maybe not. I will have to see... I don't know for sure yet because I don't want Adagio to be left out, so I will have to possibly figure something out there as well. I really liked writing those two parts, though.

I'ts sooo guuuuuuuuud! I logged in just to like and comment on this story :3 (that says much when I've not been logged in to this site for like 8months?) I think.

I do have some minor thoughts of what sort of "darkness" that will come in the next chapter, cuz, well, I notice details very well, but man, this is a great read, it's addicting to read and I can't get enough of it, so keep up the gggggreat work and I hope to see next chapter soon :)

P.S making Aria cuddle up against Sonata really made the shipping thought come to life :trollestia:

5474742 Well I'm honored to hear that. I guess you usually just come to site without logging in to read stories? I've done that before. Then I started wanting to track and follow too many stories for doing just that.

There were some hints in chapter three on what will happen in the next chapter. Some of them make more sense after this chapter. Glad you're liking the story. I'm working on the next chapter.

P.S.: I thought that could happen. I will have to see what happens there as the story progresses. :trollestia:

Never would've thought that Adagio would be THAT desperate.

Well, that explains her methodology for dealing with that manager at their work, she'd done it before. Poor Adagio, at least it worked out okay and the guys didn't mistreat her. Still, having sex after not eating for two days, that's impressive.

I do still have about half of the money I earned left, but I don’t know how long it will take to get more of it,

Hold on, she spent over 40 bucks on sandwiches? Did she buy them in an airport or something? :rainbowhuh:

Regardless, let’s enjoy this meal and the fact we know more about or new situation

*our

The girls kept running as fast as the could even though they weren't being chased and they didn't stop until reaching the hotel.

they?

All that came out was a horrible sound. It was the sound of someone trying to sing, but in capable of singing on key

incapable.

Aria felt a little better lying there next to the other girl it was reassuring in some odd way.

you're missing a comma somewhere in there.

That's all I could find.
now... that was interesting... I really hope they used protection. or Adagio knows about pills. otherwise, things will get hard for her.

5474833 Probably in most cases she wouldn't be, but in this fic I have the sirens in a lot worse situation that most have them. The way I see it they've had hundreds of years with their powers. They could easily come to rely exclusively on them alone. Also she and the others were starving and they were at the point in their starvation where it really gets to them.

5474941 Yes she was lucky and that's why she regretted it soon after committing to it. It's also why she isn't really going to use it as an option unless she feels she has to for some reason. The situation with the manager will be explained further.

5475392 I did say they were big sandwiches and she got a lot of them :twilightblush: plus they were damn good lol. She got them at a sub shop and that can get expensive. If you went to someplace like a subway, here in the USA, and they had 5 dollar foot longs and you got 6 of them that's 30 dollars not including tax or chips and a drink. Usually places like that only have their most basic subs that cheap, unless it's a special. She went for a variety of filling subs that could last them. Also she was generalizing how much money she had left.

5475458 Things would, but I'm not going that route. Still that would make for an interesting story if one of them did end up having a baby. It could be called Three Sirens and a Baby. Sonata, Aria, and Adagio plus One. The Dazzling Trio and a Bundle of Joy. There are actually many possibilities both comedic and dramatic with this prompt you provided. Help us all if Sonata ends up the one with the baby, unless the others step up or Sonata gets all of the maternal instincts possible.

5475458 5475392

I also wanted to thank you both for pointing out those mistakes. I went and made the corrections.

A little dark, but then again, "slice of life" tag for a reason. As long as whatever scene you have planned doesn't go into detail like Adagio's "job," Mature rating won't be necessary. I've read other fics that went even more into detail and barely avoided the Mature rating.
You have me pretty hooked with the story line so far, have a like and a fave :twilightsmile:

5476491 Thanks for the fave and like :twilightsmile:. This is the darkest chapter. There will be that other scene I mentioned, but after what you and a couple of others have said on the matter I feel much better about it. I don't have anything against Mature rated stories, or writing them. I was just a little concerned where to draw the line. I would have hated to bump the rating just for a couple of scenes. Thanks for helping clear that up a bit more.

That was pretty dark, but after reading Dagi's thoughts last chapter, I can't say it was unexpected.

So far I'm really enjoying your versions of the Dazzlings. I mean after seeing how fast Sunset turned around despite being (somewhat literally) hellbent on taking over the world after being hit with the giant friendship beam, it makes alot of sense for the Dazzlings to start acting how they're shown here after the being hit by the overcharged version of it.

Overall I'm really enjoying this fic so far, and I can't wait to read more of it. (Really enjoyable Dazzlings, and SunLight! I see nothing wrong with this.)

-BiomasterM2

5482346 Glad to hear you are enjoying the story. I'm working on the next chapter, but it will take sometime. I'm also glad people aren't too surprised the last chapter was dark. I was trying to kind of hint at it the chapter before and not throwing it at the readers from Left Field or something.

I feel this version of the Dazzlings makes sense, because they lost their powers which they had for hundreds if not thousands of years. Losing something like that suddenly is going to really cause a lot of changes. It's nice to know others are enjoying these Dazzlings as well.

Love the Doctor Who reference. Also I feel really bad for the Dazzlings now, I actually feel a lot of empathy for them here.

Wow, that was really dark, and really sad. Poor Dazzlings... It was a good chapter, and I really like your interpretation of the Dazzlings here. Though, I hope there won't be too many more dark chapters. I don't think my heart can take much more sadness and empathy.

5486620 :rainbowlaugh: Glad someone caught that. I figured since there is a "Doctor Hooves" and all it only made sense to have that in Equestria to me.

As for the dark chapter, well that is kind of the darkest part of the story. They were pretty much at rock bottom in that chapter. Things will get better for them. There will still be some moments, but I'm trying to make it where, apart from one, they are more beautiful and not too much for people in the next chapter. Like I said though, things will get better for them.

5486741
I figured that chapter would be the darkest, though I'm not going to lie there was times I wanted to throw money at my screen in order to help Adagio in that chapter XD.

Also both Sonata and Aria are thinking about singing, hm I think I see a future plot point developing here. Also I'm thinking/ guessing that Twilight will donate all her funds she packed to help the Dazzlings become music starts... But, I may be looking too deep into the hints given here.

5486876 It was a little sad writing some of the stuff Adagio went through in the chapter. However, I wrote a full future chapter at the same time and that made writing the chapter easier for me.

The singing thing might be a thing or not. It may not be in the way you are thinking if it is. The next update might help shed some light on this. As for what Twilight does with the money? Who knows. She might just be over prepared for this mission of her's since she does go all out when planning things.

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