Though not as uncomfortable as for those who wear them…
Big Mac cursed to himself.
Of all the days…
Market had been particularly slow—and boring—today, as there had been some event on during the day. Big Mac vaguely recalled a flyer of some kind floating about at home, advertising it. He wished now that he had paid more attention.
All along the trudge home, while hauling the heavy Apple family market stall behind him, cyclists had been overtaking him, constantly getting in the way. And if there was one thing he hated more than cyclists—
It was their cycling pants.
Dear Celestia! Those cycling pants left nothing to the imagination.
How any of those stallions could ride those awful contraptions without sitting on certain parts of their own anatomy, Big Mac could never work out. But it was evident that they didn’t, because the bulging, sweaty pants clung tight to every curve of their bodies.
Big Mac was not looking forward to his next drink at the bar with the boys… not after seeing that much of Caramel.
There were a few mares riding in the race, but most of them had fallen behind the pack, and were now behind Mac.
Ahead of the pack, Big Mac spotted two mares riding tandem. They must have had a pretty big head start, but it looked like they had tired themselves out, and were starting to slow. They seemed to be having quite the heated argument as the rest of the riders overtook them.
“Fine! Be that way!” the first rider shouted.
The second rider harrumphed, but said no more.
Big Mac stared at the two. From this distance, he could barely make them out. They were both wearing black cycling pants, the tight spandex covering them from their necks to their hooves, clinging especially well around their bottoms. They both had their tails tied up, likely braided and wrapped tight in the same black material.
The poor mare on the rear seat seemed to be struggling the most. She was standing on her pedals, raising her rump a little more upright. Big Mac felt terrible; he couldn’t help but stare at that muscular flank.
Big Mac took a deep breath.
He would not give in to temptation.
He would admire the trees along the side of the road, the way they clung tightly to the trunks, how they drew the eyes upwards towards the taught—
No!
He would not think about it.
He would not think about how those round, firm cheeks bounced up and down, the swaying of her hips as she pedalled.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
It was certainly not hypnotic.
His heavy breathing—and now slightly awkward gait—was only because the cart was heavier than he had anticipated. Yeah! And he was pretty certain his harness wasn’t quite connected right.
That was it!
Definitely not that flank.
That tight, muscular flank. A slight trickle of sweat building up, teasing at what wonder could lie beneath. That flank that overpowered his very capability of reason. A flank he would give anything to see, day in, day out.
A cold shower!
That was what he needed! A nice, long, cold shower.
Big Mac had worked hard today… it had been a very long, hot day in the sun. He looked forward to getting home and slipping into a nice, cold shower. Maybe he’d even end up using all of the cold water in Ponyville.
The fabric clung to the mare’s inner thighs. From this distance, Big Mac could see where the pants folded slightly between the mare’s cheeks.
It was mighty embarrassing… getting this worked up in public. He needed to get his mind off of her.
Stupid cyclists.
Long. Cold. Shower.
Stupid cycling pants.
Caramel riding in front of him on a forty-degree day.
Stupid hot mare.
Granny Smith in her old swimming clothes.
It was no use; he couldn’t help but stare.
Back to the trees. Trees were good, they were great! He grew them, after all. Just the trees, the birds and the bees.
No, not the bees. Just the trees. Birds and trees. No bees.
Mac wasn’t sure how long he had been staring at the… trees. Wasn’t he home yet? Why was this taking so long?
Why couldn’t he bring himself to just overtake the two mares?
Why did he insist on slowing down to match their pace?
Well, truth be told, he knew exactly why, but he was loathe to admit it!
A commotion ahead broke him from his deep contemplations.
“That’s it!” the mare at the front yelled. Big Mac was certain he recognised that voice. The mare bucked and kicked, dislodging the second mare from the bike.
That tightly clad rump crashed into the ground as the mare gave a yelp.
The first mare opened up her wings, pedalling faster without her passenger.
“Rainbow Dash loses to no pony!”
Big Mac paled, watching the fallen mare get to her hooves.
“RD, ya varmint!” she yelled out. “Git yer flank back here, right now!”
“Can’t hear you!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she sped off into the distance, eager to catch up to the pack.
“Rassin-fraggin—” Applejack muttered, before turning around. “Oh, howdy, Big Mac,” she said with a big smile. “How long have ya been back there?”
“Not long,” Big Mac squeaked.
A long, cold shower. The longest Ponyville has ever known!
Big Mac stood under the running water.
He had scrubbed and scrubbed, standing there under the freezing water… but nothing could wash away the dirtiness he felt still clinging to him.
He could have stayed in there for another twelve hours, and he’d not even come close to feeling clean.
Maybe he’d never feel clean again.
“Consarnit!” Applejack called from outside the bathroom. “Some of us wanna shower too, ya know, Mac?”
“Don’t come in—” Big Mac called.
Applejack opened the door. “Ya better not be doin’ what Ah think yer doin’ in there!” she said.
Big Mac slammed his head against the tile. No he most certainly wasn’t doing what she thought he was doing in there.
He might never be able to again.
“Well, if yer done scrubbin’ up, an’ haven’t gone an’ clogged th’ drain again, git out so Ah can clean up!”
Big Mac shook the worst of the water off of his coat, then wrapped a towel around his shoulders. Applejack didn’t even wait for him to leave before she climbed into the shower herself.
He dried himself off in his room, and tried to not think about the events of the day.
To not think about his sister…
In the shower…
That cool water running down her back, tracing down her flank and dribbling past her thighs—
Big Mac slammed his head into his wall—repeatedly—until he was greeted with sweet, sweet unconsciousness.
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I must admit, Lady Rarity giggled.
Yoga pants too. THE DEVIL'S OWN LEGWEAR, I tell ya.
5196595
Reminds me of
This was actually pretty funny!
Yoga pants sequel please
Copious amounts of nondescript pills. It will bleach his brain so well that by the next morning, the only thing he'll ever remember was riding that purple narwhal across the gelatinous green skies of Kategjarn and defeating the Spaghetti Womna with the power of 80's rock.
every time a fic like this Pops up, the gods toss a coin to decide if it will end in clop or a mentaly scarred Pony
Great Story.
5196796 Even better, short-shorts.
5196796
^
5197384
Anyone who's read my story knows it'd tend towards mental scarring more than clop
The perfect end, to a perfectly messed up day. Hahah!
Nice story.
Stare at other female flanks to get your mind off of hers.
5200313 Sometimes the mental anguish just isn't that easy to get rid of.
5199345
I'm with you on this 100%; cycling pants can go die in a fire. Having ridden in several cycling events (I only wore those damned things the first time, thank you very much), I can attest to how uncomfortable they are, and how awkward it is when you're forced to ride behind someone else, be they male or female (I also needed a long cold shower after that race, though for different reasons than Big Mac).
I haven't seen enough people in cycling pants to properly pass judgement. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Ah the joys of owning a penis.
5200996
I've blocked out a lot of mental anguish personally, but at the same time I forget things just as easily. So yeah maybe you are right...
5202094 Responses may vary based on your and your responder's gender.
Ya
________
5196607
Oh unholy pony hells. Both BM getting "feelings" over AJ and that prank vid were hilarious. Kudos.
5220317
AJ fucks that one up on the show, so I deliberately fucked it up there cause it sounded better to me
5220357
But the show's written by Canadians and AJ's VA is Canadian. Their inability to write the southern language shouldn't be carried over by story writers, and as a southerner there's nothing more confusing or jarring than seeing "you all" used singularly. But yeah she does have a tendency to mess up that word 50% of the time, although a broken clocks correct twice a day,
5220406
In my defense, this story was written by an Australian.
5220415
XD. Well you're a cool Australian, and that is a good defence. Here's a good thread for writing in the southern dialect. Link [The comments section is informative as well. Lots of good additional input and a few useful links.
5220482
My editor, 5205022, hasn't had a chance to look at this yet. I am certain he will correct it on me. Hahaha. He usually does!
5220485 Correct me on it.
We'll get there when we get there.
Edit:
5220985
So you're his talented editor, you've done a good job on his fics. Have Best cookie.
5222014
You're a hoot (squee? 
) on AND off the writing board! 
Though I will admit, editing the Apple Family drawl is quite a task... 
How many of those stories have we done? Oh yeah, and we still haven't finished one of them, have we? DISTRACTIONS! 
)
Thanks! Yep, I'm the other man behind the friendship (boooooo). You have no idea how hard this guy is to work with...
(Nah, just joshin' ya, Moosey.
Ooooo, cookie! Yum! (It came up sized at 1009x632, so I was totally lost on the picture at first until I scrolled around a bit.
)
5222223
Just for that I am gunna write 20 more apple family stories.
5222236 What do you mean, "Just for that?" You probably would have done it anyway. You'll eventually get tired of it, or the bub will pull you away.
5222223
5222342 Thanks a lot! It's nice to see someone other than the author appreciating the work we editors do.
(No offense intended in any way, Moosey— you've already said multiple times that you appreciate it 
)
5223099
You're welome
. I know lots of my fics wouldn't be anywhere near as good without my editors helping polising up my fics. And with how good Moosey's fics are you do a really good job polishing up his work ^_^.
I can think of very few things that are worse for a male than being aroused by a stranger who turns out to be your sister. Perhaps being aroused by a stranger who turns out to be your brother.
too hilarious, and embarrassing for words!!!
Listen, Mac, buddy... NO ONE can resist thinking about Applejack's flank. That taught, firm flank, perfectly sculpted through years of vigorous apple bucking. That taught, firm flank, perfectly sculpted through years of vigorous apple bucking, covered in tightly clinging latex. That taught, firm---
*clangs frying pan against skull*
DHX doesn't even TRY to be subtle about Applejack's sexiness. First there was that whole Apple Jewel thing and then a mere four episodes later Somepony To Watch Over Me airs, and Applejack puts on those leather boot things. I'm like... "IT KEEPS HAPPENING!"
7116507
I think it was all downhill from Bats!
Or uphill… to Mount Sexy Applejack. And yes, that can be read two ways.