• Member Since 30th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 11th, 2019

Crystal Moose


Brony(eeds) a coffee... http://ko-fi.com/crystalmoose

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Princess Twilight has come back to the other world to catch up with her five human friends (and one pony-turned-human friend).

What could be better than visiting Sugar Cube Corner, talking about the latest goings-on while sharing a brew with friends?

Edited by Level Dasher.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 102 )

The ending, my reaction: SAY WHAAAAATT!

You've done it again, Moosey!

Moar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5324299
I predicted this, didn't I LD?

5324316 I don't know what LD is but, this is going to be awesome. Assuming you continue?

5324324
LD = Level Dasher. My editor. I said to him someone would ask for moar!

5324316 Haha yep. That you did. :rainbowwild:

I'm proud to say I was the first.

Sunset's dating the other Twilight?

I swear I have a sixth sense for twist endings or something...

Still, good read, good story, and a great premise that I would enjoy seeing more of. If you were up for it that is...

Yeah, Spike didn't really make any friends when he came to the EG world, did he? Just like when he came to Ponyville.

Sunlight all around!

This fic, as much as i don't like the human Flash and pony Twi thing, needs to continue. It has so much potential.
But if you'r don you'r done and i can respect that, 4/5 from me
~Tobben

Sunset and the other twilight? :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

im interested in seeing if you continue this for one more chapter and have her introduce her girlfriend to the others including the other world twilight

Awesome story. Very well written, loved the characterizations. The ending was telegraphed a bit too early, but that's fine. It didn't take away from it.

Hoping you'll consider following this one up with a sequel.

When Sunny started avoiding the issue about who she was seeing, i just knew it was going to be either the other Twilight or the other Discord. No, don't ask.

I don't normally read romance stories, nor do I like writing them. But I'll take a look at this story

Um, ok, lesbian twilight and sunset. I'm ok with gays and lesbians, but then there's a perverted part in this story-

Rainbow’s face morphed into a scowl. “So, Twilight… Sunset… how big is Flash’s di—”

last time I checked, Rainbowdash isn't a pervert. But upvote!

Alright then... have a fav. after all, SunsetSparkle is a real qute ship!

Twilight furrowed her brow. “I don’t get it… why would a joke about a bone be inappropriate?”

“It’s human slang,” Sunset answered, ignoring Rainbow’s guffawing. “She’s joking about what makes a stallion, well, a stallion.”

Interestingly, horses and humans are alike in not having literal penis bones. Most mammals possess them.

“Well, first off, there’s… there’s Spike.” Twilight shared a nervous glance with Rarity.

“Ahh yes, I recall his… fondness… I guess you would say,” Rarity replied, with a cough.

Are you going to let her know about the degree to which Pony Rarity returns his affections?

“It’s okay,” Fluttershy whispered, gently patting Rainbow’s hand. “We won’t think any different of you if you like girls.”\\

“Yeah,” Pinkie Pie added. “You don’t have to overcompensate for us!”

Interesting that it should be those two to say this, given that they're most often linked with Rainbow in exactly that manner.

I could almost see Twilight and Sunset falling for one another. They do have a lot in common.

That was suprising....loved it!!!!

I liked it... until the end. I hate this ship. :3

I really like this ship, but not that a whole extra Twi had to be introduced for it in the last few lines. Part of what makes SunLight great is their common history. Nothing against Flash Sentry, but duplicating Twilight to fit both ships into one story doesn't seem right.

(Also, it's foreshadowed way too hard to be the big twist it's intended to be, especially after RD and Gilda was already mentioned so casually. It's all "partner" this and neutral pronouns that and meanwhile everyone is just rolling their eyes and thinking "duuuuh". :rainbowlaugh: )

Opinion
Not too thrilled about it turning into a shipfic. (if indirectly)
I liked the humor and the little bits of story interjection, but to be honest, I kind of expected it to be the human mane 5 and twilight telling each other stories and just catching up. I guess I got a little of that, but I can't help but feel disappointed. While I had noticed the romance tag, I thought it was just for maybe some light shipping or talk of twilight's crush. The description doesn't say anything about shipping, so I was kinda caught off guard with that one.
Critique
Content and description aside, the characters were pretty well done. Their interactions felt right, with the exception of Fluttershy reassuring Dash which felt kind of just slapped on and a bit extraneous. The little vignettes were charming and funny, and the mane 6's personalities really came through. Twilight was a bit flat. The sex jokes at the beginning fit well with dash/aj's character, although I felt it was pushed a little much when sunset added her two bits. (“Don’t worry, Twilight.” Sunset added, a blush spreading across her own face. “They aren’t as intimidating here as they are back home.”) The story itself also felt a bit cut short, although I can understand you might not have the most time in the world to do writing. The writing is neither here nor there. (It's not poetry, but it's not riddled with errors either.)


TL;DR - Your characterization is very good, your story has a few rough patches, but overall I think you should keep at it.

:raritystarry:This was such a cute story! And also a very interesting ship. I hope you continue this with a sequel of further chapters because this could unfold out into a super engaging story!

5325850 Wait, there are animals that have penis bones? I had no idea. Closest I was aware of is the fact that male bedbugs drill the hole into the females.
Why the heck am I replying to this?

5326819

Most male eutherial mammals have a baculum. Humans lack them (though oddly some very close human relatives, such as the chimpanzee and gorilla, have them). And ungulates (including horses) lack them.

Given the story's reveal, I suspect that neither Twilight Sparkle nor Sunset Shimmer would be personally familiar with the male members of either Ponies or Humanoids.

Awesome little story that I would love to see continued :ajsmug:

D'awww, I loved it! :rainbowkiss:

That was an interesting twist. Hope to see more.

Is it bad that I saw that ending coming?

Twilight looked down at her pocket watch

Pocket. Watch? :rainbowhuh:
What else did they get her? Opera glasses? :rainbowlaugh:

5325724

Last time I checked, you're on a fanfiction site. So it doesn't matter. They can be anything the writer wants them to be and you can't say they aren't or are something else because you're not the one writing the story.

If I want Applejack to be a peach farmer who speaks Japanese and Rainbow Dash to be a male banker and an antelope, then that is what they always were and always will be in the context of the story I wrote and no one can say different.

That is how fanfiction works.

5325985

So the end ship was bad, which is Sunlight - and therefore awesome, but you are completely okay with the Flashlight - which is horrible? You are a bad person. D:

Kidding, sort of. You're still terrible.

5327285
Nah, I saw it coming too. Still enjoyed it when it happened though.

5325724
Lol, actually, she wasn't trying to be perverted, she was trying to shift the embarrassment from herself back to someone else. Seguing away from the uncomfortable topic Twilight had brought up. :rainbowlaugh:

Also, a little bit of the "overcompensating" Pinkie Pie mentioned.

5327421 oh, I know. You can do whatever you want. I saw someone who made pinkie pie a murder. I dunno why I had to say that thing, sorry if it made u mad.

5327474 oh, ok. Thanks for the clarification.

Yeah, I saw the end coming at about the point it flashed back to Pinkie Pie. I mean, she's just too excited for it to be a random person or even a normal friend. It would have to be something fantastic like that. Anyway, I rather enjoy Sunlight, so it made me happy.

5325724

How does this make Rainbow Dash a "pervert?" It makes her dirty-minded, but I think that canon Dashie's capable of that, especially as part of pranking someone else.

The ending, too obvious.
Secondly, another chapter should be made or, make a sequel series to this one.
My opinion? I liked it, couldve been better but loved it either way.

Called that shit.

Cool story though, I like stories like this. :twilightsmile:

5326049 Hmm… Somepony didn't watch RR post-credits scene.

ahhhhh cuties
i need more of this in my life

I think there is potential for atleast a sequel oneshot.

Great story. :rainbowkiss:

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