• Published 11th Oct 2014
  • 5,056 Views, 77 Comments

A Changeling is Hogging your Bed - Fionnmiasie



You come home to find a changling in your room. You aren't too pleased.

  • ...
5
 77
 5,056

Well, you had homework to do anyway.

Man, it's been a bad day for you. First you woke up late, so you didn't have time to get any breakfast before going to a horrible day at school, where you found out that you left that paper that was due at home. Then you also realized that you left your lunch at home with your paper, so you had to use your spending money on a lame burrito. Those and many other small and not-so-small errors have made this day something you can't wait to put in the past. You go into your house, or rather your parents house, dump your back-pack on the floor by the front door like you always do, and head to the kitchen.

All the while, thoughts of your comfy bed upstairs, with your new MLP comic and your delightfully soft pillow buzz through your mind. Your mom greets you and and asks how your day went. You respond with shrug, and a generic grunt. You then swing by the cabinet next to the fridge and grab a half eaten bag of Doritos, that you plan on eating in bed with you.

Then you head upstairs to your room. It looks like it always does. Your posters hang on the walls, half the thumb-tacks missing and slightly askew. Your desk is laden with various books and stacks of paper. Your clothes are spread in various places around the room. The only thing difference is the rather large lump on your bed that you don't recall from this morning.

As you approach it, you notice it's moving up and down, ever so slightly. You realize that something is under your covers, breathing softly. You tense. Did a dog get in the house? The shape is bigger then any of your cats. It's a decent sized lump.

You consider calling your mom for help, but then you realize you don't want to risk upsetting her if it is a dog. Nope, you'll handle this one like a man. Tentatively, you stick your hand out and debate whether or not to poke it, but the thought of a rabid dog biting you makes you pull back your hand.

Instead, you place your chips on the floor and head out to find assets.

You return armed with a broom you found in the hallway, and your old cardboard shield you've never thrown out. Then you poke the lump. It stirs slightly. You try again, a little harder. It stirs a little more. Carefully, you begin to lift the covers off of the creature with the end of the broomstick. You are truly unprepared for what greets your eyes.

A small changeling is curled up in the center of your bed, hugging your favorite pillow with it's hooves and drooling lightly. A flurry of emotions is flying through you right now.

You're excited, to see your favorite creature from My Little Pony on your bed, or heck even real at all. You're also quite weird-ed out and are starting to feel a little light-headed. Also, part of you is despairing at the fact that it's drooling all over your pillow. Finally you pull yourself together and shout,

"What the heck?"

This awakens the changeling. It raises its head and yawns adorably. Then it turns to you and blinks with sleepy eyes. Your mouth drops open, its so cute! You shake your head and say,

"What are you doing here?"

The changeling doesn't seem to understand, it blinks at you again before starting to chew on your pillow. You draw the line at this, and decide to take action.
"Hey there, stop that!" You cry, as you reach out to try and grab your pillow. The changeling draws back and hisses at you like a cat, then goes back to chewing. You cry out in frustration, and begin plotting ways to get the changeling off your bed.

First you try poking it with the broom, but that only makes it cling to the pillow tighter. Then you try edging in from the side, but the changeling is on to you and keeps its eyes locked on your movement.

Finally you give up, and in your frustration, you hurl a shoe at it. The shoe hits the changeling on the head. It looks at you, it's eyes tearing up, and them begins tearing at your pillow, in a hurt, angry sort of way.

Suddenly you realize what an awful thing that was, to throw a shoe at this poor, baby changeling. You begin to feel really guilty, as the changeling continues to star at you, while it demolishes your prized pillow.

"Hey look, buddy," you say, "I'm sorry little guy. Here," you reach down to the chips you've left on the floor and take one out. You hand it out to the changeling, who is suspicious at first, but soon reaches out it's head and sniffs your gift. Then it slowly, ever so slowly takes a bite. Then another, and another, until your hand is empty. Then it looks up at you with big puppy eyes, begging for more. Your heart completely melts at this show of pure adorableness, and you quickly grab another hand full.

Slowly, with many many chips, your able to sit down on your bed, next to the changeling. It rubs its head up against your leg, and starts to purr loudly. You sigh, man what a weird day, but at least it has a happy ending.

You reach over and read your comic to the sound of the changelings' purrs, which gradually turn to snores. You look over to see that it's fallen a sleep, taking up half your bed. Oh well, there's room on the couch downstairs you suppose. And you do have a lot of homework to get done anyway.

Author's Note:

Well, this is my second fanfic. I apologize for it being so short, and rather unoriginal. Anyway, I came up with this and supposed it was decent enough to write down and publish. Anyway, constructive criticism is very welcome, and please don't down vote without telling me why. Thanks for reading!

Comments ( 77 )

Hogging your bed.

5124734 Thank you, I'll fix that right away:twilightblush:

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONIES!!!:rainbowlaugh:

you com home from school to find a changing on your bed,

changing

Is that right? :rainbowhuh:

5124927 Actually, it seems to be correct.

5124920 Hmm, I think your right to point that out. I think the correct form is "It's". Anyway, thanks for spotting that:twilightsmile:

5124941 A comment does not allow me to get if your being sarcastic or not. :derpytongue2: However, I am pretty sure it is spelled Changling not Changing.

Other then that, I spot not mistakes. Well done with this Mr Authorman.

5124962 Um, sorry. I didn't mean to sound sarcastic. I meant , I went back and checked, and I had written changeling, not changeing. Sorry for any confusion:twilightsheepish:. Anyway, thank you for the compliment:twilightsmile:
P.S. It's Miss Autherwoman:twilightblush:

5124980 I am so sorry.

Here I blame other people saying "There are pegasisters out there" when I myself never assume that any one is a woman. :twilightsheepish:

I've seen worse.

At least your story has decent execution thus far.

I don't have anything to point out in terms of grammatical errors, and story wise I have nothing to offer.

Thus, I sit in this chair in mute silence, waiting for the next chapter.

5125100 Holy crap! I just realized that this says incomplete! I am sooo embarrassed. This is actually a one shot :facehoof:

and if it seems too much like other stories I'll take it down.

Amateur authors imitate.
Mature authors steal.
^.^
(Really, as long as you're not copy/pasting anything, you shouldn't worry about 'borrowing' others' ideas.)

I'm flattered if I've actually managed to begin a trend. :rainbowkiss:

5125189 Oh, okay good:twilightsmile: I was afraid that people would say it was too similar to "Celestia is in you bed", which I won't deny, partially inspired this story. But anyway, thanks for that bit of reassurance.

5125114
<- wishes so badly that it wasn't a one shot.

Honestly, as much as I liked the Celestia in your bed story, this has seriously struck something within me (probably because I'm not a huge Celestia fan). I loved it to the end. THE. ENTIRE. STORY. Not many stories can honestly have the same things said for (I will not mention which do). Good job.

..... Still want more baby changeling in the bed. Cute as hell.......

Aww, that was adorable! Now I want to see a changeling on my pillow. :pinkiesmile:

It's...:rainbowderp: So...:pinkiegasp: CUTE!!!:rainbowkiss: I LOVE IT!:pinkiehappy:

I am content and satisfied with your story, but that may be an understatement to what I am about to say next:

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!:pinkiehappy:

A few grammar errors, but the story is good.

where you found out that you left that paper that was due at home.Then you also realized that you left your lunch at home with your paper,

"home. Then" missed a space there.

Those and many other small and not-so-small errors have made this day something you can't wait to put in the pa.st.

Got a period in past there.

This was cute. I do love me a cute changeling story.

I love this, even if it is short, normaly i don´t even like one chapter storys.
I would like it if you turn this into a large fanfiction with many chapters. Since the Changeling seems to be a Baby it would probably an adoption fanfiction.

You made that changeling really cute as he was tearing at the pillow.

5126685 Thanks for spotting those:twilightblush: (I really need to get an editor:ajbemused:).

5125876 Thanks for spotting those:pinkiesmile:

5126504 Hmmm, I might just do that, but you might have to wait a while. Maybe I'll write a sequel. Anyway, thanks:twilightsmile:

nice little story
I can't call it great literature, but I wasn't expecting that with exactly 1K words. Still, it is much better than most stories on this site, as proven by everyone taking the time to point out the mistakes.
I was a little sad when it ended despite it being an appropriate place to stop and will be faving it in case you end up writing more.

Bug in description:

And it only gets worse when you com home from school to find a changing on your bed, hogging your pillow.

comE

5127774

Bug in description

Like a changeling? :trollestia::rainbowlaugh:

rather unoriginal?I have never read anything like this
and I loved it have a like

ps: seuqel?

5127774 Oh, thanks for spotting that:twilightsheepish:

5127739 I might write an epilogue, or a sequel.

5128201 my advice would be to rewrite it in first or third person if you do a sequel. You'll be able to flesh it out easier

5128255 That sounds like a good idea. Self-insertion is okay for one-shots, but I think it could be kinda tiring for a longer story.

My constructive criticism about this story is that absolutely nothing is used about the changeling being, well, a changeling.
Imagine a baby -anything- substituted in the place of the changeling, and you'll see what I mean : It may as well be a baby -anything- because it doesn't affect anything else in the story in a meaningful way for it to be something else.

5128641 Hmm, I didn't think about that. Good point.:eeyup:

5129247 I'm considering a sequel, so there may transformations there.

Great short story, although it would serve better as a pilot chapter to a larger story :pinkiehappy: hint hint :raritywink:

5130289 Well, with so many requests fro more, I might just do that:raritywink:

Preface: since no genders were assigned, I made "you" a guy and the changeling a girl.
At first we thought he would discover her after he had already attempted to lay down on the bed and got a face full of chitin, but being awake enough to detect unusual presence is acceptableacceptable too.
Poor pillow though, its softness will be missed.
Keep going! ;)

5132181 Wow, so many people want this to be continued, I might have to do something about it:raritywink: Thanks for the fave BTW:pinkiehappy:

5132198 No sequel...just continue to add to the story. suppose it'll work as a prologue, but you'll have to take the complete tag down.

By the by, it was quite adorable.

5133878 I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet... But anyway, thanks!

Login or register to comment