• Member Since 10th Sep, 2012
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"You know, in a fictional world containing talking animals, where friendship is literally magic, it would be safe to assume that anything is possible." -me


Chapter 1
You are Anonymous and you're in the hospital. There was an incident and it was all Twilight's fault. In order to make it up to you, she wants to use magic to help set everything right. Lucky you!

Chapter 2-5
There were demands for this story to be continued, so put on your big boy pants because this thing is going to get weird. Sometimes you are Anonymous the human, other times you may be someone else, in this first-person POV adventure. More backstory, more world building, more characters, and more snarky comments! Think of thing that you've never thought before!

My first published story.
Rated "Teen" for sexually suggestive themes, crass language, and profanity.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 83 )

Discord becomes board

"Just stay calm, Anon. Ya'll just lie back, now. Sometime these things just happen." Applejack said while she gently pushed you back down.

Comma, not a period, at the end of the dialogue. Otherwise, Applejack said while she gently pushed you back down. is a sentence fragment.

Worst princess, Celestia, had commissioned Twilight Sparkle, second worse princess

second breakefast

I might suggest that you use some kind of word processor for spellcheck instead of just writing directly into FIMFiction.

I believe using "worse" here, while it may not read well, is technically correct: http://www.softschools.com/difference/worse_vs_worst/323/

The others have been fixed. Thanks!


Except that it doesn't matter, because the idiom "second-worst" (with the hyphen, because it's a compound adjective) has an identity of its own which would remain intact even if the usage of the words it derives from shifted beneath it. (I find that, if you're unsure, a good way to check these sorts of things is to google both candidates in quotes and see which one is being actively used by people who write English professionally.)

That said, deriving it from its source words does still make sense. "second-worst" is to "worst" as "second-best" is to "best". It means "next in line for the position of 'worst'" in the same way that "second-best" means "next in line for the position of 'best'". (Or, to put it another way, "second-worst" means "second-place winner for the title of 'worst'".)

...oh ..kay?
I'll just choose a different word then.

I find it curious that this one word is giving me trouble and not any of the poor jokes, name calling, memes, or references.


To be honest, I haven't read the story yet. I just noticed the issue while scrolling through the comments to get a second opinion on whether I should read it after seeing such an un-flattering rating.

That said, it's important to get your grammar and spelling right in a purely written forum. To quote something from the ancient days of the Internet:

Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do?

A: Don't worry about how your articles look. Remember it's the message that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that soiled clothing would when addressing an audience.

-- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_

(And, by "the ancient days of the Internet", I mean that the Google Groups Usenet archive shows it as having been around since before October 24th, 1988... and since that's the "last updated" date, I'm assuming that means it was circulating in un-archived regions of Usenet prior to that date.)

Fair enough. Not everyone loves Applejack, I guess. Or dick jokes
The story is exactly 1,234 words and the read time is about 4 minutes.

Unlike everyone else, the minor grammar errors didn't bother me. i thought it was funny.

But Twilight was dead-set on returning everything to its "original size", which, when directly compared to a pony stallion's wedding tackle, your manhood was no longer to-scale with the rest of your body. Twilight Sparkle, the alicorn of magic and Princess of Friendship, was creating a spell to give you a bigger dick and you just shut your stupid mouth for once and tried not to grin like an idiot.

yeah and use that said enhanced stick to nail Apple Jack!:rainbowlaugh:

Up-vote this comment if you want this story to receive new chapters.

Down-vote this comment if you want this story to stay at exactly 1,234 words and have any subsequent chapters as a new story.

The votes are in. More chapters incoming. I hope you like weird.

That ending is hilarious though!

This can only end in delicious khoas

Box it, ship it, pull it, pass it, bop it,

You win the Most Annoying Toy Ever Award.

Playing Bop-It with your favorite pony while the two of you are shipped inside a box traveling across the country would hardly be annoying, it's more of a challenge.

😏 "Pinkie, lets play Everest" Anon tosses Bop-it into a cardboard box.
:pinkiehappy: "You got it, 'Nonnie!" Pinkie jumps into box.
:twilightsheepish: “Why Bop-it, why play it in a box, and why is it called Everest?”
😏 “Because it’s there, Twilight.”

Good point. I should look into that.

Confusing and seems to be going nowhere. Are they doing something to him? Did they punish Twilight for molesting him and turning his dick inti q giant moster? Did they fix him?

What did I just read?

So they're forcibly going to... what, exactly? Because if its turning him into an alicorn they're just goving him MORE of a reason to hate them.

That’s an interesting premise

The white horse Princess shook her head again, “I didn’t cast the spell. It is tied to the Ascended Realm, which triggered upon you arrival.” She shook her head, making her hair do the flickering thing again. The flipping and shimmering was making dark spots form at the edge of your vision. All aboard the train to Seizure City.

This might be the most honest answer to why ponies insist on bowing and prostrating themselves before Celestia; so that they don't have to look at her stupid hair. Pink might be an obnoxious hair color, but at least it doesn't literally kill me just by looking at it.

Pain, misfortune, suffering and stupidity.

Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with casting a spell on one of the most sensitive parts of the male body, to a being that has already shown adverse effects to magic.

"If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is."
- Johnathan Carnahan, The Mummy: Animated series

Hey it takes those weak to it out of the gene pool.

Sweet, anon pulled a brittle bones nicky

I believe his low blood sugar diagnosis may be the correct. Purple Smart is probably in OCD panic mode while naively assuming humans resembled equines in that particular point of anatomy and is determined to fix such a horrible mutilation on her part. Anon being a red blooded male isn't arguing because of the idea of magical enhancement.

The Alicorn of third degree burns seems more likely. All the memories seemed to involve Spike accidentally burning him alive...

I'm sure that's what it was. It's Twilight after all.:rainbowlaugh:

I would be skeptical of anything touching that organ no matter HOW good it's sold to me.
Accidents are accidents after all.

Every time I come back to this thing I think to myself, “I can’t believe I wrote that.”

Magic Dick Enlargement.

I've seen what happens with that before.

Alicorn of Murphy's Law

Now I'm curious on who mystery pone is

Pretty good, didn't run into any of the pitfalls your inspiration did. Although it does raise the question of what Celestia is thinking if Twilight (or Dusk in this case) is causing so much pain and misfortune to Anon and is allowed to continue without anyone stepping in.

Everything is ffiiiine!

Now I'm really wondering what's going on here because ever since the hall of memories everything has been super disjointed. Did they ever undo Twilight messing with his dick? What about the supposed becoming an alicorn? Hopefully that was prevented.

The post keeps growing! 😄

And you definitely should not have yelled, “You‘ll never take me alive!”

Que hilarante


everything has been super disjointed.

Fear not. There is a reason for it. It’ll make sense when you finally get to read all parts of chapter 5 as a whole.

I used to go into Walmarts and set the high score on all the bop it’s to ridiculously high numbers for no reason
Edit: I was 10

I love Anon stories like these, superbly worded yet going downhill. Like watching a car crash in slow motion, a million words to describe the eloquence of the horribly tragic and downright garbage dumpster fire that is the situation. Beautiful words in one of the worst situation that they could be placed in.

Like fine art.

I hope for more as such:twilightsmile:

Not those kind of deeds! 😅

Never underestimate the power of pink!

You wanted answers Celestia, well come and get them!

Certainly a defining moment.

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