• Member Since 12th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 27th, 2018

ScousePone


You will always be a loser and that's okay.

Comments ( 122 )

Ill read it later XD

Oh god that COVER ART AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :moustache:

4960751 Had to crop a bit of what I originally wanted to show.

I'm depressed
It's a Friday Night
profit???

.....I Love It!:pinkiehappy:

It's midnight, I'm reading this, I get bored and scroll down. I stop at “Wowie, Poundie! I didn’t know you were this long!” No thank you

Pinkie Pie is best cougar pony. :yay:

4961007
it's 3:30am and I just finished the story. I look at the comments and see "theswagmanatee" no thanks. :ajbemused:

Otherwise good story! Nicely done. I liked pinkie's thoughts through all of this. And Pound's, all those questions. Logical (mostly), but still funny.

4961460 maybe you just jelly of my swag

Great and enjoyable clop!

Now do a threesome with Pumpkin Pie. :3

4962077
4960894
4961460
4962041 Thank you for all your comments! I also do have plans for a sequel, but I want to do some other projects first.

Not rushing. Looks like you got some interesting stuff. :3

4962303 Thanks! I really liked this idea and got a few more to go along with it.

NOTE: you have "Slipping out of her panties" twice, you might want to fix that Scouse. Good story overall.

4962404 Ah, probably got lost in the editing process when I changed the sentence. Thank you for pointing that out.

4962426 Always a pleasure to help. (double entendres aside)

4962244 that will be interesting

Ah, this was a refreshingly sweet read. Aways love the Pinkie Pound pairing because nothing's better than an older, more experienced woman shwoing her younger half the way to sexual nirvana. Fantastically done by the way. I like the way you made sure to flesh out the age differences and how you had Pinkie assuage Pound of all his insecurities right before getting to the good stuff. Great work writer. Hope to see more from ya.

Loathe,
Your Antagonist

Do you have a link to the full picture for the cover art?

4962693 *tips fedora 9001 times*
let me sing you the song of my people
m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady

4962733 m,lady, allow me to lick... you dick

Instead of "On A Friday" change it to "On a Friday". You would get more views, and avoid more dislikes if you did this. Good luck! :rainbowdetermined2:

Pinkie/Pumpkin next please. :pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile:

For some odd reason when she said the line

“Just take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy it! If that big ol’ smart brain of yours goes thinking about all these thingies, you’re gonna have a bad time!”

I thought of that ski instructor from south park they made a meme out of ...

i.ytimg.com/vi/ynxPshq8ERo/maxresdefault.jpg

And then i laughed a bit harder then i should have ...

4962989 dude me too i looked everywhere for a pinkie pie version of the meme,...only found rainbow dash

CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP

Excuses, excuses.

4962783 Well, that's not the only thing that could help...

Scouse, I love ya, so I'm gonna be honest with ya. This is okay. Certainly more passable then a lot of what makes it into the Feature Box. I still feel it can stand for improvement. Your language is a bit stiff and a tad clinical, and a bit more senses usage could flower things up a bit. You really focus on sight and sound a lot, which is what you usually see in porn, but with clopfics we can go further with that. Next time, try for more use of the other senses. More touch, more scent, more taste, even.

And don't be afraid to flower up your prose a bit. It seems flat and lifeless sometimes, like you're just putting down the bare minimum to keep the story going. Hook us in with imagery and prose, not with setting and premise.

Also, that cover image really creeps me out. Get a new one. :pinkiesick:

Like I said, this is mostly just me trying to be honest and critical. I've read worse today, I've seen worse make the feature box, and I'm familiar with your work enough to know that you're willing to learn. I'm rooting for ya, bud. You're not a lost cause like so many clop authors and I know we can make you something great if we don't inflate you with praise instead of honest critique. That shit leads to shit like Vinyl_Wubs. You're already better than him, and you can stand to be even better with a bit of effort and a bit of learning. :pinkiehappy:

Possible sequel???

Pinkie Pounds a Cake? :twilightangry2: *SMACK!*

First things first: This story was hawt, you deserve a cookie good author. Sure, here and there a bit more detail wouldn't hurt but you did good.

For the rest, just wanted to mention 2 typos I spotted:

I’m not as muscular as other stallions and it’s like I can do anything cool besides bake a cake or a pie or something.

Pretty sure that should be "can't".

She slowly bounced on him, cupping her hands in her breasts and moving them around for Pound’s enjoyment.

Ehrm...hands cup breasts, not the other way around.

I have to agree with The Elusive Badgerpony in the fact that this story is definitely better than most clop stories that make the feature box. It kept my attention all the way through, but there were a few things that threatened to pull me out at times. Nothing that was a complete deal breaker mind you, but a few things you might want to look at. It mostly has to do with word choices that you may want to think through before using it in the final draft. Badgerpony has already pointed out most of what I would have said anyway.

Complete immersion with the use of multiple senses is something that I only recently discovered as well, because it is something that can be easily overlooked (in my case at least). It can work wonders to your narrative of erotic scenes if you know how to implement it. It's something I know I have to work on as well, so I can't say I'm really an expert on it. :twilightsheepish:

Still, nice work man! :raritywink:

4963278

Also, that cover image really creeps me out. Get a new one.

What're you- *sees nose* Oh, god!

CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP

:ajsleepy:

4964903 It's anthro, so the characters have to be of age.

4963445 I knew you'd get the reference

4962989 That's the reference!

4963006 More like rules, rules.

4963278 Showing and not telling is something I've certainly been working to improve upon. It's a hard to stop being so passive since you're taught to write passively all throughout school. It's not something that will change overnight; it'll take time, but I'll keep improving. I can go back and read stuff like An Apple Family Lesson or even Stallions, Mares, and Undergarments and see how I've improved and that was just over a year ago.

As far as the clinical language goes, I think using words like "boobs" and "tits" makes it sound really immature to me and I don't really like it (ironically though, I'm fine with using cock, probably because I really like how the word sounds).

Also, I know it was a compliment and I thank you for it, but please do not publicly put me in front of other writers. Every writer is learning and, hopefully, working to get better. The last thing I want is for a writer to stumble upon one of my stories, see a negative comment about themselves, and lose the motivation to write.

4965091 I'd have to be musically illiterate not to :rainbowkiss:

4965090 Such a terrible rule. It's not even real CP...

4960772
Why can't you just not use porn as a cover pic? Any anthro Pinkie would have worked...

i somehow like that, i don´t know why, i just like it.

4966163
Hello, Princess *Cadance.

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