LostHorse
Joined 28th Aug, 2014 ·
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Please, read the full description of the story first.
There is all information and warnings you might need.
A reasonable and polite critique is welcome.
Express your point of view politely. All comments with insults will be deleted.
If you don't like these kind of genres, then simply don't read it.
Enjoy the story!
...Oh holy shit this is more fucked up than I expected.
This was beyond creepy, dude.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/11/8/467045__safe_solo_rainbow+dash_animated_upvotes+galore_3d_sfm_nope_artist-colon-argodaemon.gif
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wow. I actually threw up in my mouth a little. That is fucked up dude, it's like a trainwreck in progress. You can't turn your head away.
4925114
While it's not my thing, and I'm definitely not condoning the actions in this fic—especially since restoration isn't possible like it is in the land of make believe—I have to admit that this was well thought out, well written, and not as fucked up as everyone's saying it is. Even as a non-clopper, I found myself keeping going with this story, when most clop gets an eye roll and a skip.
Don't let the haters dull your sparkle, DP.
-HB
4925382
Thank you for your reply!
Well, I think this fic is quite creepy, and it might seem really fucked up for a non-prepared mind. I expected a lot of negative responses. So I'm okay with them.
I am pretty resistant to these kinds of things (otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this story), but I don't really like the idea of characters dying, especially in a cruel painful way, as it depicted in most of such fanfics.
That's why I couldn't resit writing this kind of story.
You know what? Despite the weirdness of this fic, and the gorey details, and the messed up stuff within... This was actually a rather fun read. I have to say I've never read a Gore/sex fic quite like this one.
Have an upvote for the sheer creativity.
Edit: also added to faves after considering the uniqueness.
4925451
Thank you!
Me neither. And I actually was surprised at myself for thinking of something like his. XD
I'm happy I managed to write something worth favoriting!
Well, that's hands-down the weirdest boner i've ever had. Really not my thing in retrospect, but it was something so unique I couldn't not read when I saw it.
Still, faved and thumbed because it was well written and engaging!
4925477
Thank you! I appreciate it!
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130305024940/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/3/3e/Mlfw1237_Twilight_Sparkle_nope_nope_nope.gif
I'm liking the look of this...
Have to read it in a few hours, I'm finishing up Lesbian Prison Show.
Not bad!
Is it a bad thing that I want a sequel... maybe with Twi looking into what it looks like on the inside when she's balls (or straps) deep in an alicorn?
Well sir, you have my attention....
Seriously though, very well written and definitely unique.
Well...this was different.
this pleases Slaanesh
It's not bad, I can't speak for the grammar, but the story was good.
The gore is not really 'gory' if you ask me, it is more factual, there is no blood, splashing or other disgusting things. As for the sex, I think I wish it was a little more explicit and detailed, but still, I find the story well written and it has a good length.
Sex/gore fics are rare, and like this one even rarer, liked and favored it.
And like others, please, a sequel.
I think you should ignore the people saying it was a crappy fic. Although this kind of story isn't my cup of tea, it was still enjoyable. Good job!!
4926081
It certainly does.
It was kind of weird. Not in the way other people are thinking; I'm speaking from the point of view of a gore fetishist. There was some bad anatomy, and some bad writing, but the weirdest part was the character interaction. I just didn't buy Twilight's trust, and the whole thing would have been better with a bigger sadist/masochist bent. The ring thing was super contrived, too. It would have been much better if it was after Twilicorn, and the whole problem was trivialized by fanon regeneration capabilities. No need for the weird macguffin or the pointless explanation at the end.
Other than that, happy gore clop should be explored more. Thanks for this!
4926184
No one called it crappy. Other than the downvote ratio, but that's to be expected.
4926157
Yeah, it wasn't as explicit as it could've been.
Oh hell no, I tried, but when I came to the part with the saw, I just had to give up.
That was quite interesting! I wasn't expecting to like it, but the fact that it really was done lovingly and reversibly allows me to take it seriously and appreciate the unique form of pleasuring, unlike stories that end in death, which I automatically deny the reality of
I agree with Razzle Dazzle, that it would have been better without the macguffin ring. I was hoping Celestia would simply be able to reassemble her by surgical skill and magical healing.
One thing bothers me though... lungs can't inhale without a ribcage, can they?
You should definitely write the next part. Can Celestia really give up control and put her life in Twilight's hooves, or will she panic? A most interesting character for this kind of thing
This has to be the best gore fic I've read. I'm glad you didn't kill Twilight off.
Wow! There are more likes than I expected.
4926184
4925951
4925869
I appreciate that you gave the story a chance!
4926157
4926411
4926607
Thank you so much for the cririque! I'll keep it in mind, if I ever write more stories.
I'm glad you liked it. It was my intention. I love the characters and I can't do something really bad to them.
I agree. I'm not that good at writing, though. I was worried to ruin it by a badly written sex part. Even what I've written was difficult for me to do.
I know. I wish I knew more about it.
Probaby some peculiar anatomy of magical talking horses, or maybe Celestia helped somehow.
Yeah, I think I idealized the situation a bit too much, for it to be more enjoyable for Twilight.
I have to agree, that I didn't thought out this idea that well. I'll try to avoid this problem in the future.
As for the sequel, I'm not sure I'll be writing it.
Sorry.
My writing skills are average overall.
And I think I used up all my ideas for portraying sex or gore in this fic.
Even though I would like to see what would be happening when Twilight would be the one pleasing Celestia, I'm not sure I can write it the way it would live up to readers' expectations.
I'll better leave what could happen to your imagination.
Although I would be happy if the story inspired some skilled writers to write something with a similar ideas or even the sequel to this story.
4926806
Thank you!
I would never do that to Twily.
4926550 same
I have the weirdest boner right now,but in all seriousness good show.
this was actually quite interesting. I'm not going to lie i came in to this with skepticism and expected to drop it half way through with a solid "wtf i read what" but i must say i rather liked this.
good job.
I'm gonna say this, they must've been bored of regular sex if they had to go with this form of love pleasuring. but still good story non the less.
I can't really think of anything genuinely good to say about this story.
I'm glad you decided to express these ideas through prose instead of seeking to do or have done to you these things. I guess that is a positive sort of.
The point of a story is to express something. To convey some message or emotions. There are tons of stories that tell the tale of Twilight and Celestia loving each other and various tones of sex between them. Nothing really new or groundbreaking here. In fact, this being a popular pairing feels more like it was used as an easy vehicle to tell the gory bits without having to spend much effort setting the scene.
As for the gore itself, I'm again rather glad you don't know much about anatomy. If you were a trained doctor I worry you might find yourself in a position to act out the things. That said, internal organs don't have the wealth of nerve endings the skin has. Also, anything that would block out the sheer amount of pain that should have been going on would leave Twilight in no state to feel pleasure. She would either be numb and feel nothing, or more likely unconscious. There is a reason they put you under for major surgery. Even if you don't feel pain, that much trauma would put an aware person into shock. Furthermore, the body doesn't work too well with things moved out if place. The things done to Twilight's heart, even with reduced pain and blood loss, should have been fatal. Blood vessels don't just stretch and let you move the heart out of the chest cavity like that. Compressing and restricting those major arteries will quickly become critical.
Even with "magic, it just works!" Twilight should not be in any state to actually be orgasming. The first was already a major stretch. The other two were so divorced from reality as to be just meaningless words in an overall meaningless collection of words.
The aftermath was the most disturbing for me. I actually didn't mind the ring as much as other commenters. What bothered me was the ridiculous attitude the whole experience was treated with. I was already having a hard time accepting Twilight handling the situation as it was happening, but could chalk that up to drugs and magic. The "cuddle after" part though had a perfectly lucid Twilight with full memory of the event. She should be traumatized. She shouldn't be playfully biting Celestia, she should be seeking escape and trying to cope.
Even if I can somehow get past that and accept them having a relationship at this point I have to question the sanity of their sex life which starts this way. Twilight is pretty much ruined for normal sex at this point.
Yet all of these things are brushed under the rug because this is just a clopfic, and you're never going to have to deal with them. It's just a fantasy, so why am I killing your buzz? Right?
You don't really get to push away readers. You're publishing publicly. All the warnings in the world don't keep non-fans away. At least my response is more in depth than "ew, gross, down vote!"
Your story touches on a ton of really complicated things, but lacks the stones to explore them. Instead you're using them for cheap thrills and trying to cater to just a niche audience.
For that niche audience, maybe this works. But for everyone else this issues get in the way of this being good in any way. The clop is not arousing. The gore is riddled with errors. You completely fail to capture the kind of twisted intimacy found in stories like Silence of the Lambs. Your attempt at making things light and fluffy runs interference with the tone before it.
In the end, I'm curious how even fans of this topic find it worth up voting. My only guess is that they take what they can get.
4928574
I assure you, I can distinguish fantasy from reality. It would be too dangerous to do something like this in reality, so why would I do it?
Magic isn't real. And since it's a fantasy world, it's possible to do almost everything you can think of, depending on what you want to accomplish in a fiction.
Have you ever heard about one of the multiverse theories? One of them says that theoretically there can exist an infinite amount of worlds with infinite amount of possible situations in them. Then, all you can think of would happen at least once in one of those worlds. Even the series of events in this story.
I was making the whole situation more idealistic for this kind of fantasy. That is the point of this story: to show this kind of 'sexual play', but without the bad outcome in the end and without too much of consequences.
What's wrong with catering to a niche audience? That's why genres exist in the world for music, movies, art and stories. You can't please everyone at once with one story, no matter what that story would be about.
I know. That's exactly why I wrote it. I like the fantasy of such 'sexual play', but I don't like the usual outcome in similar stories. I've nerver seen an mlp gore/sex story written this way, so I just wanted to write something unique. I knew it would find its fans, even if just a few people. Actually it already found more fans than I expected.
I'm not sure why you can't accept the fact that some people would like this story, in one way or the other.
All people in the world have their own interests and their own subjective opinion about anything. If you don't like something at all, it doesn't mean that every single person in the world would share your opinion.
There are many fetishes in the world. And some of them are really twisted. Sometimes they are so weird that they aren't even practiced in reality and stay only for a fantasy world.
Some people can be aroused by things, which wouldn't be arousing for other people. That's a fact.
Thank you for your critique.
In a word interesting.
And I like interesting
I could not clop to this
Of all the things I read.
This was certainly one of them...
Must admit I really liked this story and I'm looking forward to others from you... especially if they are more fun, sensual and pleasurable gore / snuff stories like this one.
Oh sweet celestia wat is this
I am officially f@cking terrified of Celestia. The fact that she was so calm OH GOD NO!
Start:i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/649/601/a78.gif
Half way through: pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/135834713702.gif
End: iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/486474__safe_rainbow%2Bdash_applejack_animated_spoiler-colon-s04e03_castle-dash-mania_running_hallway_corridor.gif
Well I may not sleep for a few days but the story was well written in its own creepy way. At least she lived.
This is normally not my cup of tea, but this damn morbid curiosity of mine keeps drawing me to stories like this. That's why I've seen stuff like Cupcakes, Smile HD, or Rainbow Factory.
Anyway, back to your story here.
This story was...interesting to say the least; a really interesting sexual fetish, and I'll give you points for creativity. Good job.
By the way, why was Twilight's girly bits referred to as a "sex"? Is there some reference I'm missing?
4984231
Thank you!
Ah, that's just what I saw in some clopfics. It sounds less rude and dirty for me.
When I checked it in different online dictionaries, it actually turned out to one of many synonyms for 'girly bits'.
4985794
Yeah, I figured that. It breaks up the monotony of referring to something by the same name over and over. Just like how instead referring to Celestia and Twilight by there names the whole time, you changed it up by saying "the other mare" or "her mentor".
It's a problem I'm having with a fan fic I'm writing, but I'm working through it.
5114382
I'll be honest. I'd be sick after reading this kind of story (even with happy ending) just a few years ago. Somehow I got more used to stuff this fandom can produce. That's why I wrote this story (wanted to make something more lighthearted in this kind of genre). But I wanted it to end not badly as most of such stories do, so at least it shouldn't be that horrible as most of stories similar to Cupcakes. :)
probably one of the most WTF moments i had but there was something about the fic that just made me want to finish it
sooo cool i guess 
still pretty gross though
..... I don't know, I just..... I thought I could handle this better than I did... I write with gore in the stuff I write.... But this..... I dunno dude..... I can't decide if I liked it or not.... Maybe when my stomache flips back over I can decide...
You story is another proof that one cannot judge story by like/dislikes ratio. It was disgusting, weird, perverted, scary and I loved it!
5467348
Thank you!
Yes, people have different tastes, and this story has less common fetish in it, so yeah.
Although, somehow I managed to get more likes than dislikes, which suprized me.
Can we have the sequel? Please? Pretty please? Twi feeds Tia her own brain? Roasted Celestia with Luna's meat stuffing? Pretty carpet of Tia's skin? Living Tia's head over her chambers' fireplace with her vital organs hidden behind the wall?
An amazing story I wish had more views. You wrote an interesting concept I just loved. You combined sex and gore without to any extremes like 'murder-rape-fun.' I would love to read more of these kind of things, good sir or ma'am. For you have a talent for romance and gore.
This was absolutely disgusting and disturbing, a lot more so than most things I read, so in short I loved it
4925114 while I found the gore and organ-removing a turn off, I did (reluctantly) start to become interested in the story... And kinda wanna see a sequel where Celestia gets her cummupins
This is the most ridiculous purely-clop fic that I've had a pleasure to read
Your characterization is awful, but daamn, dat clop.
"by making you feel really good. I understand that it’s really" To many really's so close together.