Your name is Thunder Slash, and you've been friends with Snowdrop ever since you met her. You've stood up for her when she couldn't. You've driven away the bullies when she was being bullied, and you gained a scar over your left eye because of that. Then you noticed something weird was happening to Snowdrop. Ever since she made the first snowflakes, she's been acting weird around you.
Original writer of the story from beginning to Chapter Three: The Dance Part 1/2: TheLightning
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There is one main problem. When you say "you" you probably mean Anon or Anon Pony. I can live with this deviation however you forget one thing that is a blatant reason to say this is rushed...
Snowdrop is blind... I can excuse some grammar but mistakes like that aren't nice at all.
4872459 Fixed it. I put heard instead of saw.
4872470 Serious question now. You tagged this fic with sex... Between two fillies i presume experimenting and stuff? What kind of ages do you picture them? In human years speaking.
4872509 I put that there cause' of some inappropriate stuff in future chapters. And they're in Middle School. Which means their age reigns from 12 to 15 years old. Stuff happens to your body during that time, okay?
Good setup. Interesting story idea. Excited about more from you.
4872529 Perfectly reasonable. But i dont think they are fillies anymore.
4872747 Meh, just winging it!
Audience:
Really, Really good I can't wait for more
4872783 Thanks, Rainboom!
No prob.
This chapter could go into a little for detail about things, it's very straightforward.
But anyways this is still a great story in its own rights.
hmm, I'm interested but honestly the formatting and some of the grammatical errors are really ruining it for me?
You say a lot of things without going into to a great deal of detail about any of them, so scenes that could fill paragraphs instead struggle to fill sentences.
That I can forgive as extending things can be hard for some people.
One thing that is really irking me however is how your dialogue is structured, and by that I mean, it's not.
Dialogue is supposed to be new speaker, new line. I would recommend reading the writing guide on this site if you haven't already as it would greatly improve his story.
However overall I think this story has excellent potential and defiantly has my interest
More. I must has D:
Ermahnerd
I loved it and cant wait for more!!!!!
This story does seem nice, and it looks to have some excellent potential, like what one of your previous people who commented said. However, there are multiple punctuation and grammatical errors that should be looked over, though this can be fixed with the help on an editor. It would also help your case too if you made the stories a bit longer- not to the point where they drag out, mind you, but enough where we get a fair dosage for the chapter and have more than one or two events happen.
Overall though, great story, and I'll be on the lookout for more soon!
Emotions... emerge?
Yea... couldn't be more subtle... 
Your writing style reminds me of my style back when Ihad first started. That being said, it could be a great story if you mke the "improvement leap" that I did.
All and all. It is a very simple, nice story. Your doing good for a novince.
I loved it, it's a new style to me and i love it!!!!!
Please tell me she's aged up
4876927 Yes. She is aged up, Twilight.
A nice short little read, although you could use some work. Would you like an editor? I'm available if you do.
4876963 Whatever, Batty.
Snowdrop and the rich mare fight with you.
Snowdrop and the rich mare fighting over you, or fighting for you.
4877199 Fixed it!
Make more chapters!!!
4877238 STFU! Be patient!
Awesomer than awesome can get!!! ^-^ I love coming home and reading these. Your very good I must say :3
Now I'm not complaining or anything, but, how did you get this to upload with out having a different line to punctuate that some pony else was speaking? I thought that was a requirement?
Chapters on the short side, but okay.
Hey,I like the story in overall honesty
but in all due respect,you really need an editor If that's okay with you
4878656 Brain work. That's all.
4879580 Already have one.
4877104
Hey, I'm only offering my help. I still liked the story, and I'm looking forward to more, but I'm trying to help you improve on the minor things that detract from the story. No reason to get upset.
4880831 Okay, sorry. I just was making a joke, Batty.
4880849
It's okay. But seriously, if you ever want an editor, you can ask me. I'm free most of the time.
Interesting nickname, by the way. I don't think anyone's called me Batty before.
4880857 Okay, Batty. And you're welcome. I call you Batty because of your Avatar.
4880862
Makes sense.
This is the best thing ever.
4881622 Yay! Wait a minute....
R U a spy!?
Yup
Btw, where do you get your inspiration?
4881642 I saw that nobody has ever made a 2nd Person Story with Snowdrop in it. So I basically went 'YOLO!' with it and... This happened. Also teenager problems!
Practical problems.
I was not aware that I had a scar. Especially one that opens up when hit.
Idea: Next chapter, you can have Thunder dream about how he got his scar. perhaps that led to his father joining the royal army.