• Member Since 5th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen January 15th


I live in CA with my folks and recently started writing for FiM, I'm hoping to bettering my writing as well as making interesting stories

Comments ( 86 )

You may want to make the 'humanized' aspect more obvious in the fic itself.

6094409 I thought I had. I'll make sure to clear that up in the next chapter. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

next chapter plz

6094442 working on it. Patience is a virtue :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Truly Luminous deleted Jun 15th, 2015

6094432 You probably also want to go back and re-write the first chapter as well. It's your introduction to your overall fic and I honestly read half of it with the characters as ponies before I remembered that it was supposed to be humanized. A tip; be sure to mention hands and, because it's a clop fic, breasts. Those two things together with the human tag at the top will make sure peoples mental images of the characters are human. You also would want to start adding your fic to groups to help it get noticed by other readers.

6094584 I'll probably go over it again later tonight to try and add those changes in (I think we all know a place I could more about her breast.) I wanted to wait tomorrow to try and get it into other group galleries but I'll try for some tonight. Once again thank you for your input

"He is a spoiled child who must learn he does not have as much power as he believes he does. He even flaunts his honorary ‘Prince’ title to get others to do what he wants!"

Hey, at least he didn't abolish Equestria's most beloved holiday in a hissy fit because he felt insulted.

Or, you know, tried to turn Equestria into Pony Mordor.

Overall, a good start. You may need to work the details out a bit clearer, generally, the word plot isn't used in huamnized fic.

6095040 is that good or bad?
6095517 I was hoping I could get away with it for this chapter but I will change it soon.

You do know the difference between a ring gag and a ball gag, don't you?

6096203 I thought I changed it back? it's suppose to be a ballgag. my bad, I will fix that


Image by DAkuroihoshi on DeviantArt


Brah, research purposes. Everything is for research and science.

6097265 So did you like the first chapter?


Oh! Indeed I did.. Hence I must favorite this for science and research and stuffs!

It's a good first chapter, you got me about halfway to a nosebleed so that's good... Yup..

6097337 I'm glad :pinkiesmile: I'm working on chapter two right now.

I'm excited for this, but I did have one concern. And that wasn't with the story itself. It was the comment, "all rude comments will be deleted." Okay, yes, rude comments are not nice, and no one should have to deal with hate, especially when it comes to someone's first clop (Good start btw), but does that include constructive criticism? Because, as the name states, it is constructive. Just curious. Really excited to see the next chapter!

6101906 As you had said, it is constructive criticism which isn't really rude but a way to fix something, however if worded wrong would be rude. As long as it is something that I can use to better the story it's fine. I meant more of something along the lines of: this is F****** dumb. This is ****. Those types of comments.

This was certainly very interesting. A good start, you sir can have a track and a favourite. We shall see what the next chapter brings but your definately on the way to a follow aswell. Keep it up. :ajsmug:

6102320 thank very much. I am working on chapter two as we speak.

great chapter. just as good as the first.


You have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that clip.

6116551 :pinkiegasp: oh damn, well, I'm glad and honored to have been given it.

I'd say to add the 'Anthro' tag to this.

6118159 are sure? I'm only asking cause I want to make sure.

It was a good chapter but i have a question
Why people put unnecesry ships? I meam is okay, you like The crack ship of luna and derpy everybody have their crack ship,but do they as a couple have importance to The story?
Because until now i find them as fillers, that their scenes are only to add a hundred of words more.
Till now The only principal characters are discord celestia and The guard

Just ny opinion

6120182 truthfully, I love the pairing of Luna and Derpy so I put it in for two reasons, one was to open it up for them to be in it later chapters or if someone wanted they could expand more on it or I could if chose to. Then there was to show Discord wasn't acting on his own, and so to punish/thank Luna so getting in her business, she puts Luna in Derpy's current dream to push her just like Luna and Discord did for here. At the moment, I'm just spit balling how to continue to the end I want to do, in order to see if it's the ending that will happen.

I'm surprised no one has made a comment about the guard's name.

I'll help you edit if you want.

6127500 I would like that very much. Can I send you Chapter Two now then Chapter Three after it's done?

6317540 :ajsmug: I don't know what you talking about :ajsmug:


You know full well what I mean.:twilightangry2:

when he moaned he then whispered

Damn, her ear musta tasted good if it got him moaning about it!

6344502 he moaned about the situation. :twilightsmile: (And was also being a member of the try hard club :pinkiehappy: )

6345296 Did you like the chapter though?


Yep. You've given me ideas for what me and my boyfriend can do. Thank you VERY much.

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