wayward_pony
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I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. At present it's pretty dark and somewhat depressing, but I sort of expected that going in. I know I'm not guaranteed a happy ending here, but I do hope things go in a positive direction for our protagonist Derpy.
Either way I'll be eagerly watching this story!
Hmm this seems like an interesting stor-
>Diapers
Nope.
6421934
To each his own ^^
"... sentiment society of lawn ornaments"
I think you meant "sentient".
I don't trust Thunderlane, but this could go either way. I'm looking forward to reading on! Thanks for posting two chapters.
"dressed exactly as she was" - I found this sentence momentarily misleading, and had to read it again for clarity.
Also, a few instances of repetition:
"had a smiley face smiley face"
"stuff was done the found found themselves on a walk" - also you probably meant 'they' instead of 'the'
I think there was one more, but I can't find it.
Some cases of things missing:
"walk with me yer mom in a few" - missing 'and'
"My due date three months from now" - missing 'is'
"voice now sound" - ed
There are a few more of these, but I don't want to seem overly nit-picky...
A potential continuity issue with Appaloosa being referenced in the flashback, because if I remember correctly at the time of the show Appaloosa was shown as being a recent development, so it probably wouldn't have existed during the time of the flashback in this story. But, I might be mistaken.
Right, stuff like that aside, I enjoyed this chapter. I am really curious as to where this will go because I can see a number of possibilities, but actually have no idea what will happen. Looking forward to more!
6452821
Thanks very much for pointing those out
Fixed the first mistake and will tackle the others tonight. I have a tendency to not see some of these types of errors when I re-read the same passage over and over while editing. Much appreciated
It's funny. I saw a fan comic a while back where Trouble Shoes incorrectly referenced Appaloosa to the CMC as a place he lived when he was younger (which didn't happen in the episode) only to have one of them point it out. Once called out Trouble Shoes became... unsettling. I'll check "Over a Barrel" tonight.
Normally I don't like going back to fix things after publishing (dislike the whole "just fix it later mentality"). It's too easy to pull something for editing and mistakes say a bit about an author's growth. However those are worth fixing. Thanks again ^^
Also, thanks for the kind words. Glad to hear you're enjoying the story and its maintaining a bit of suspense
It's a great story so far. I wander if Thunderlane will accept Derpy condition. All doe I notices that Thunderlane sounds somewhat cheap when he keeps talking about how spending money, is he just oblivious how how of a killjoy he sounds like or is he really tie on money in general and can go in too many luxuries because of that?
Awww
its so sad but I love it!
Yes I love it!
there's so many ways this can go and I can't wait to see them! For that you get a spikestach 
it's still a great story so far. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, to see if derpy story ends well.
Oh yesyesues I love it! Can't wait to see what happens next!
Still don't trust Thunderlane. He seems to have a myopic focus on only one thing, and isn't being supportive at all to Derpy.
But this could still go several ways, and I eagerly look forward to seeing how it unfolds.
This story sort of reminds me of the TV show Arrow, in that it keeps going back several years and filling out backstory. I somewhat expect Derpy to start reminiscing about the time she was trapped on that island. That would explain what happened to her father.
There is a definite contrast between how AJ treats Derpy versus how Thunderlane treats her. AJ is sincere, and Thunderlane seems to only be nice to get his way. Of course, that could be me just reading too deeply into things, as I don't know how this will play out (and I don't like Thunderlane in this incarnation). The addition of Pinkie to this chapter was interesting, and I can only guess how she will fit into the story. She could just be a background character, but I could see her taking a more active role, especially considering the other story that this is a sort-of sequel to.
All in all, I'm really enjoying reading this and look forward to more!
Why is the like:dislike ratio so bad on this story? Are people just down voting because of the diapers?
6559974
Dunno
That's one possibility. Could be the tone difference between this story and its pseudo-prequel, or maybe the way I've constructed the story/writing style. Anything, really. It's a lil frustrating, but one can't control how his stories are going to be received.
Still gonna write it, lol. If people have constructive criticism, I always welcome it
Peace
these were great chapters. on the subject it reminded how words, however unintentionally that they where said, can hurt the people that you care for and that you don't realizes much later how mean and insensitive those seemingly innocuous words where just plane, horrible to say to that person can sound like.
For what I can understand Thunderlane's behavior, how seem to not know as much of social graces that he should have, and mostly self-centered, was simply unaware how all his words had cut deep into Derpy's self-confidence was just put it simply incredibly insensitive and rode on his part. I also didn't like he tried to bargain with her to have blow job as a compromises on their first night together, I think that it showed how self-centered he is and that he has a long way to go to become a good pony.
I would say that his actions where more about just a lot complaining to his marefriend over something that she has absolutely no control. I supposed for him to be redeemed in the eyes of the readers, he would have to be known to him that his callus words had really hurt her and compromises his friendship with her and that he would need a lot of explaining how bad it was of him. If he has a lick of sens to him and really care for Derpy and he would have start to realize of his actions and apologize to her and promise to never do such a thing again.
I sort of expected this, but honestly I'm surprised Thunderlane went as far as he did before freaking out.
Derpy did everything she could, and as far as I can tell she did everything right. The problem was Thunderlane wasn't going to accept her from the start, and while that was apparent to me, I still feel for Derpy, who really is too naive and trusting to have expected to be treated so poorly.
I imagine this was hard to write, but you did a good job. A little rushed at times, but everything is there. I really, really look forward to seeing what happens next, especially how Derpy is going to cope with this. I sincerely hope she has a happy ending in this story, and now that Thunderlane is potentially out of the picture, maybe that can happen. Then again, if he does try coming back... hmm. I wonder if a FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile can track a pegasus...
6560978 Thunderlane is totally wrong for her. He isn't sensitive or empathetic, and too self-centered to realize where Derpy needs support. I always got the feeling this was more of a conquest for him, as he never showed any indication of actually caring for Derpy, and was only concerned with furthering their physical relationship.
In this depiction, Derpy is too good for a selfish pony like Thunderlane. She is hard-working and positive, even though life hasn't been kind to her, and she deserves a pony who will recognize that and support her.
Of course, I could be way off base here. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Also, the last line of this chapter has me feeling strangely uneasy.
6561130
You are probably right on many points, especially that he is more concerned of satisfying his own needs first then making sure that she feels comfortable with him, but I don't think that it was malicious on his part just incredibly insensitive on his part, but that doesn't mean that can't become better people later in their life, or that they can realize their mistakes later on. Good people are not born saints, they learn from their innumerable experiences that they accumulate in the course of their lives that they share with others to be more sensuous of their actions; and that it is harder for some to do better if they where never thought how to behave toward other.
At the moment Thunderlane sounds like a self-centered youth adult that has still a lot to lean about life and decorum with ladies.
6561241 Of course people (err, ponies) deserve and need many chances to get things right, and I believe Thunderlane (in this incarnation) is capable of mending his ways, but not with Derpy. I don't think she deserves to be his moral punching bag, especially considering how Thunderlane has insinuated he has been with other mares. For Derpy this relationship is special, and just because Thunderlane is underdeveloped doesn't mean he has the right to take advantage of her naive nature, even if it is for his own betterment in the long run. What he needs is a swift kick, or several, before he should be allowed anywhere near a mare like Derpy.
Look at me, being protective of a fictional character in a third-party interpretation... a double-fictional character. Maybe I'm the one who needs a swift kick
Good writing elicits emotions from its readers, and this is an example of that thing that I just said happening. To me. Sorry, I may be a little caffeinated at the moment.
Wasn't sure how i was going to feel about this story at first but it's actually not bad.
I'll be keeping up with this for sure.
Thunderlane is a total dick in this story.
I really am not liking him, it feels like he's manipulating Derpy into doing things.
Parts of the chapter felt a little rushed but over all enjoyable. I admit I was a little turned on when Thunder stripped off Derpy's diaper.
Thundie is a huge jerk derpy deserves to be with a really nice stallion or mare
i like the story so far i just hope things go better for derpy.
A rape baby this is a dark story but its nice to hear someone give derpy charecter development. Cant wait to read more im hoping for a happy derpy ending.
I cant stand thunder hes a cheap jerk i dont trust him. Another good chapter.
Wow this was a really sweet chapter. Yay derpy finally has things going her way. I hope things continue in a good direction.
6589554
Glad you're enjoying it
I hate thunder what an asshole. She gave you everything and you freak out about some pee. He is not a real stallion hes a bitch. Derpy needs a good pony like big mac or fluttershy .
anyway this story is really well written.
6586152 #lovewins
I want to hurry mic. He is suck a asshole.
Too long? No way, I got really into it and was actually surprised when it was over so quickly. A great addition to a great story.
Saw some spelling errors and type-os. I'll reread it later and send you the errors I spot so you can fix 'em when you have thyme. See what I did there.
I have to say, this story keeps me guessing. I am generally pretty good at seeing where something is going, but I keep going "ah, so that's his play" and then immediately being like "oh, maybe not." That just makes me look forward to the next chapters even more.
Is this whole thing gonna flip between Derps being an orphan and her being taken advantage of? Or will there be at least some kind of good things?
I mean, I love a good sad story but this is just kinda painful with all the layers of sad going on.
6749521
Thanks for the kind words. Glad to hear others are getting into it
While I appreciate the spoiler bar, Derpy isn't an orphan here, she's just the child of a single parent. I can see how that could be potentially depressing, especially with the implications and the bits of bad luck and misfortune being thrown her way.
However, to be fair, there have been plenty of periods of elation in the story, so I can promise everything in balance.
Thanks again for the interest. Peace
Friendly word of advice, link to that story. Also, will Rainbow Dash be beating anybody up in this story?
7227807
Done.
As for the second half, that should be revealed in the next few chapters
I admit, I came for the diapers. But I stayed for the massive feels train.
Just started to read this story and I'm quite blown away by the emotional depth in it. There are a lot of events you have developed to build upon a most traumatic childhood in which could set Derpy up for trouble as an adult. The situation where she first had to wear the "All-In-One" also plays a huge part as it was a traumatic memory that could very much play into why she may still have the same issue as a more as she did as a filly.
You also made me cry a bit as you pointed out "Derpy's good eye". I personally relate with the fanon take of Derpy having a visual condition as I was born with one. I lost my left eye when I was five and only had one "Good Eye" until I lost it as well just this past year. The scene where Derpy is being ignored by the waiter is one I can more than relate to. Fortunately I never saw well enough to know people were looking to someone else I was with for "What I wanted". I was told of this behavior so I could ensure I did not get treated condescendingly by those ignorant enough to believe my visual condition meant I was not capable of speech or making my own decisions.
I am eager to continue reading this story. There is a lot of non-pleasant things in it but I feel there is a good reason you are presenting it. It's not for shock value as much as bringing how childhood trauma can play a big part in how we develop into adults. I'd honestly put, from what I'm getting out of this, this story with "Sleeping Belle" and "The Slumber Party". Aspects of life that most are uncomfortable in confronting but, done right, need confronted if to only raise awareness towards how some people have challenges that only can be appreciated if brought out beyond the realm of taboo or shame.
Whoa... Very deep story. I do hope you continue to write it. You've certainly touched on a lot of aspects of life that are so seldom brought up.
The time switches really provide a lot of context for the tale. It gives Derpy such a depth in background. It also gives more of an explanation to why she is the way she is over her just having "Eye Issues".
I do believe you are hinting towards something when you have scenes with Diamond Hooves. I'm eager to see if my suspicions are right.
It was heartbreaking what happened to Derpy with Thunderlane. His words definitely hit hard for me as, well, having special needs myself has had it's own fair share of belittlement from people. You just want to be happy and be a part of the world. However those in the world sometimes can be very hurtful.
A number of scenes with Derpy, particularly during the Cutesinara, make me to believe you are no stranger to those with special needs. There's certainly more here than the story itself and I'm glad I made the time to read it to its current point. :)
8204829
Holy cow, thank you for the kind words dude. I don't know where to begin to respond ^^
I enjoy writing and expressing my ideas. I write what comes to mind and how I'm feeling at the time. To answer a question you hinted at, yes I do have some familiarity with disabilities. I've got some neurological issues as well as Asperger's. What's been uplifting and therapeutic has been creating, to an extent music, and martial arts. Hope all that wasn't TMI, lol
It's funny. Your words have caught me during a bit of a time where I'm questioning what I'm doing, though partially because of stuff going on outside of this. It's neat to realize the time you've spent spinning a yarn has been appreciated. The quantity of those appreciating it isn't important; I've never been one out for watchers or views, but I am glad someone is enjoying my work. Thank you again.
There are many reasons someone could be treated shabbily at a place like a restaurant -- Derpy doesn't have any money and she doesn't hide that fact there. She has special needs, she also could be viewed as weak and piggybacking off a stronger pony, or the waiter could even be trained to treat customers snobbily (as apparently is the case in some higher-end establishments, I've read). Anything's possible and her date doesn't seem to mind, so it could be viewed as safer than treating him shabbily. I've seen a lot of people get treated poorly possibly because of things like disability or race, and much of the time they use inductive reasoning to try to understand it. That doesn't always work as sometimes people mistreat each other because they are able to. It's not good, but it's the way some people are.
Childhood trauma can certainly help shape people, for the better or worse, into adults. Sometimes through the unpleasantness those that stand by, even doing nothing more than just being there, can say so much. They look at those who are working through difficulties as simply living life, and don't look down upon the trials and tribulations so long at the person, ideally, remains un-entitled. What is amazing is to see someone who can keep going and enjoying life despite unpleasantness he or she has dealt with. Maybe it's a little romantic, but hey it's a big, scary world out there and everybody's kinda lonely.
This story is the one I'm focusing the most on right now. I hope to see it through ^^
Take care and thanks again!
Peace
I must say I really enjoyed this story, i was expecting something else but was glad it turned into something better. I look forward to read more.
ps. When you finish this story, know that you will earn a spot on my favorites list (I only put completed stories in it).
Wow! I don't think I could have ever described the feeling of being that intoxicated so well. It genuinely reminded me of the one time in my life I got that drunk and the next morning was nothing but aches and regrets. Then you wait for the tale of what happened while you were so far gone. (Mine has become legend in my family for how totally stupid I was in that state)
Definitely a great chapter to put into perspective Derpy's choice to drink that bottle of wine. She felt angry and vengeful in doing it. She felt her mind start to forget all the trauma she had experienced that day. However it is all coming back, as it always does.
Fortunately, I'm pretty sure Derpy is not going to become an alcoholic over what happened with Thunderlane. Though I do know she's going to have a lot of reflecting and talking and explaining to do that could become quite uncomfortable.
Definitely worth the wait for this chapter. It was easy to get back into the story and the calls between being totally drunk and barely aware were very good. They were almost poetic in their presentation based on Derpy's thought process.
Onto the next chapter!
Nice flashback. It is truly an amazing feeling to feel like you are contributing. Especially when you are 'different' and don't quite know why everyone does what they do and seem nervous about you doing things by yourself.
The Apples and Diamond discovering ways to get Derpy to help out like her friends was great. It wasn't made obvious that it was to build life skills for her. It was presented naturally and she took to it knowing she was just like Big Mac and Applejack. Those feelings of accomplishment are worth so much and carry onward in life when the world gets smaller and you become more aware of how 'different' you are.
If I can say anything about my dad that made him awesome was how he always wanted my sister and I to "Be just like everyone else.". He had a bullying way of making it happen but I learned a lot of techniques and responsibility through the chores I had. Knowing I can do laundry, dishes, and other tasks myself are great and, to this day, help me remain positive about how helpful I am even though I now no longer have sight and am struggling to return to gainful employment.
This will probably come out a bit rambling, but here goes.
I admit, i started reading this story to satisfy my diaper fetish. I'm trying to overcome it, but that's a different conversation. I feel very little guilt reading this, since the diapers are, for lack of a better word, accessories to the real story. You have woven a story of love, love of those ago are weaker than most. I see true love, support, and compassion here. I'm trying to become a nurse, and part ofthe process to become a good nurse, or even parent, is to love and comfort people, even when they are covered in filth and body fluids. You've captured that here.
Even when i overcome my deviant fetishes and gain a healthy romantic and sexual relationship, i won't forget this. I look forward to any updates you have, though I'll skip any smut you put in.
Your characters are true, and their actions seem to flow from their personalities, not forced into roles like puppets.
Signing off now, got to wake up early tomorrow. Thank you, and forgive my ramblings.
8634296
Thank you very much, that means a lot to read from someone who's enjoying my story.
I totally understand why you're ready to skip the smut, as this story contains a tiny bit of graphic descriptions of... things, but like the diapers it's really not the focus. I consider it all just small elements.
Your words really don't really seem to ramble to me, as it has a theme, and part of that theme shows me you've been able to relate to a few things in this story and are having fun while reading it. That is quite the compliment, so thanks again.
Peace
Oh, wow! This chapter definitely lives up to its name in bringing a lot of perspective to the world you have created with AJ and RD by, if I guess right, making this story a part of the tales in which you've written of AJ and RD prior. (Points in how you've written alternate scenarios for some of these as it truly shows how slight changes in a situation can make big differences)
The interactions of all the characters really fleshes out a lot of detail without the need to write thousands of words / multiple chapters. Dashie is looking into Thunderlane, has known about Thunderlane's 'player' antics, and also of how sensitive Derpy is given what likely happenedto her. Applejack is just going with all she has learned of Derpy and her family from growing up with them in the house.
I'm pretty sure Granny Smith and Big mac knew of Derpy's incontinence and I give props to Big Mac for handling what happened during that trip back to the house. It definitely doesn't sound easy and some folks really get rowdy when their drunk. It's a good thing Derpy isn't normally a drinker or I'd guess loads of serious interventions would need done.
Granny Smith's discovery of AJ's 'stash' was well handled. It also explains how Derpy ended up in what she did when she was brought back to the house. She has her protection at home but likely would have no diapers lying around the Apples' in an event of a sleepover.
You write Derpy's emotions very well. Applejack has learned how to be there for Derpy despite her limitations. She doesn't treat Derpy any less than she'd treat any other pony. Moreover is how she isn't taking out her frustration of being cheated out of her 'special night' out on Derpy for what happened. She's being a true friend and realizing how she needs to be there to help the bubbly mare through her trauma.
What I'm liking in recent chapters is how AJ and other ponies learned how to help Derpy help herself. They 'meet her in the middle' by helping her become as independent as she can be while also not getting annoyed as a result of what her condition causes her to not get as well as everyday ponies. She's a 'High Functioning' pony thanks to her friends and will continue to be since theApples and others know her as a pony instead of as a cripple.
Keep up the great work. Love what you did and am looking forward to more. :)
What a great 'Slice Of Life' chapter for how things developed for Derpy in her younger years at the Apples'. I do like how Amethyst took interest in Derpy to get her to do even more than she was originally doing. It's always good practice to keep having someone try new things to find out exactly what their true limits are. You truly don't know until you try and what the Appless, Amethyst, and Derpy's mom all did over all the years is help build life skills without ever putting Derpy down nor having to try and explain to our Bubbly Mare why she was so 'different' from every other pony.
A time will come where explanations on limits will have to be done. However Derpy is too little to go into such detail. These sort of things require proper timing to ensure it doesn't confuse and/or sadden her. Allowing Derpy to gradually come into herself is definitely good practice. Diamond may have gotten herself into some bad circumstances but she definitely does her absolute best as a single mom of two, soon to be three, foals. Belief in your children along with giving proper attention, motivation, and love really does make all the difference.
Wonderful job showing how everyone came together to help Derpy feel 'normal' despite having her given limits as a result of her overall development. This was quite heartwarming while also well in illustrating how Diamond is trying her best to keep her not so savory parts of her life as far from her children as possible. It can't be easy but she certainly has proven that, no matter what, she loves her foals and will do anything for them. The sacrifices she is making are not the best for her but, based on what you write for her, she seems to be doing the best with what she knows.
Definitely an awkward moment for AJ and Derpy. Derpy for how she's never been comfortable in sharing that she has incontinence with other ponies. Especially after the horrible outcome she had when it was revealed to Thunderlane. Any ability to feel comfortable in sharing that weakness in herself was totally obliterated in that moment. It'll certainly take a lot of work for her to ever let any pony that deeply into her personal life.
AJ has the trouble of knowing those diapers are those she 'plays' in with Pinkie and Dash.
In short we have two ponies who really would rather the other not ask any questions, nor have any further reason, to talk about padded undergarments.
Poor Derpy. Her first time getting drunk is certainly a terrible experience. She's such a simple pony that all the feelings that come with being drunk must be extremely scary. She may truly feel like a young filly with all the uncertainty she has now despite how, prior to this, she had apparently built up a strong defense of her mental weaknesses through routines.
The good thing is that no judgment will be passed by either pony in this case. AJ has her secrets and Derpy has hers. Perhaps AJ may even think on how her diaper play is so different from Derpy who has had to use them for nearly her entire life as a result of, if I recall, a birth defect. It's quite the different story from wearing by choice to wearing as necessity for sanitation.
8940934
Thanks for the kind words on both story and blog post.
Derpy is quite vulnerable here... hopefully AJ's compassion will lead to a better outcome than what happened just a few short hours before.
My goal was to create a pretty uncomfortable dynamic between the two and an uncomfortable situation. I'm glad you've appreciated that and are enjoying the story. It's been a lot of fun to write ^^
My goal is also to tie in feelings and thoughts to each other later on... and tie up a few loose ends with these breaks from Derpy's perspective. It's one of the reasons I re-organized the story into chunks last year, so this section could be its own entity.
Thanks again
A very nice addition to this epic story. Definitely lots of visuals with feeling the emotions Derpy experienced with her first trips into Ponyville, learning of her baby sister's magic, and awkwardly talking with mom about 'Coming Clean'.
I'm getting some thoughts on the sort of foal may be coming to join the family next. Ms. Hooves has a history of having children who have some slight variations to what one would consider, 'normal'. Derpy with her eyes and learning disability, Dinky in being late in using Unicorn magic, and what may come with the birth of her next foal.
I like how you tied in AJ going off to, I believe, "Camp Friendship" over the summer. I can definitely see those times as those she'd have gotten to know Rara.
Your stories always are great in how you can truly get to be with the characters. You get to know them from the inside out. Certainly eager for what may come next. :)