• Member Since 12th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

Detrail


short bio

T
Source

Warning: This story contains diapers, diaper usage, and AB/DL themes. If these do not appeal to you, then please do not read any further.

As a result of the events of the Grand Galloping Gala, Octavia has been left stressed. As a result her professor has sent her to study from a former student of his.

This has been made all the more difficult thanks to Octavia's old problem returning, and the secret motive her new mentor is trying to conceal.

The mad man himself Lphooves, once again provides me with his artistic style for my cover.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 81 )

there's already a fic about these characters and this setting on this site though :l ....

It's an interesting start so far. You have a lot to work with for this story so I hope to see some more development in the near future.

I can't properly critique this story because it's incomplete, but so far it looks rather well done. You know what you're doing and it seems you have the characters' traits pinned, so hope it work out for you.

Off to a good start.

Good pacing and no major grammatical mistakes.

I find it amusing that Vinyl's so nonchalant about wearing and using a diaper. However, I find it a little odd that Mrs. Melody would tell Vinyl about Octavia's bedwetting issues.

Off to a great start, keep it up.

As others have said this is a good start. Though for me the flow went a little bit too quick in some parts, but since this is just the beginning I can let it slide. It's nice to see a goodnatured Vinyl portrayal balancing out the clichéd uptight Octavia, but it's still a good combination.

A suggestion, for thoughts instead of using quotation marks simply italicize them. It adds a bit of variety as well as differentiating it from dialogue.

One last thing:

Her energy restored, she once again reached for the top drawer. Opening it, she pulled out a purple pacifier with a large nipple on it. She then proceeded to place it in her mouth and begin sucking on it. She then properly got into bed, thinking to herself, “Of all the things playing at those raves got me addicted too, this had to be one of them.” As she continued to suck on her pacifier, she fell into a deep sleep.

Pacifier sucking Vinyl is just so ADORABLE!!!

A wonderful story about how they meet. I hope to see more from it.

That DJ realization scene had me laughing pretty hard. Keep it up, man.

Well. . . that meeting with Pinkie could've been worse. Did she just attempt to do a Timelord memory transfer?:pinkiegasp: Octavia is a Timelord! Or maybe. . .:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp: Pinkie is a Timelord and Octavia headbutting her actually resurfaced her happiest memories, because that is Pinkies special talent.

I think this chapter came out really well, keep up the pace, and this story will be done in no time at all.

isnt it like canon that pinkie and octavia are cousins or something?

Damn Octavia is kinda bitchy

4454248 No, there is literally nothing canon about Octavia.
There were some fanon about them being sisters at first, but that was busted as none of pinkie's sisters (including her fourth retconned sister!) having the same coat/mane color as Octavia.
Octavia,s cousin in most fanon would be Fiddlesticks, the Octavia recolor part of the Apple family.

Instead of this...

Octavia let out an exasperated sigh, thinking to herself, “Why are you all the same? No matter how mad you ponies make me, I just can’t stay mad.”

should maybe try something along these lines...

Octavia let out an exasperated sigh, thinking to herself, Why are you all the same? No matter how mad you ponies make me, I just can’t stay mad.

instead of using "thoughts" like that... that is typically reserved for speech... Although I could understand if the character was saying alound what they were thinking.
There are multiple instances where you use "these" to describe thought. Just something that kept bugging me. :facehoof:

Otherwise a pretty good story... granted I stopped half-way through because of it just urking my brain... :twilightsmile:

I am loving the story so far, I look forward to reading more. It really is quite interesting.

ammonia huh, what could that possibly be lol.:facehoof:

very well written. We all have struggles in life. I sure did but i chose to enjoy life instead of wallowing in pity. She sure doesn't like Vinyl atm does she? I look forward to her seeing the light and moving on.

Looks like this chapter is setting up a lot of things. I can't wait for the next one! :twilightsheepish:

Due to popular demand I have decided to give italics for thoughts a try in my most recent chapter. Let me know if this flows better,and I will go back and adjust my other chapters.

Edit: All prior chapters have been converted to italic thought format.

4507884
I'd say it does, thanks for the new chapter!

Good chapter.. please keep them coming

This is a really good story. The writing is a little inconsistent, but the plot is very captivating and emotional, a lot of subtle themes running through the story make it hit even harder. The characters are highly interesting, and the Adult Foal stuff is deliciously teasingly decent. Very good work, I rate it 69/71. I am eager to see where this goes.

PS: In these spots you wrote "Vinyl" instead of "Octavia":
Chapter 2 fourth to last paragraph
Chapter 4 third paragraph

4571354
Ah yes, thank you for letting me know. Truth be told when I first submitted these stories I did the last bit of editing here and never fixed my own copies. So when I converted to using italics I just fixed it in my own editor and paste it here.
So thanks for taking the time to point those out to me. They are now fixed in both versions, and I do hope you enjoy the story as it progresses.

Can't wait to see the continuation of this story. Just out of curiosity when can we expect to see an update.

4643341
Ah yes, sorry but I have been sidetracked by two other stories I am in the process of writing once they are complete this is next on my list. I can't really give an ETA, but just know I haven't forgotten about it and I will get to it as soon as I can.

4477356 It was probably intended as another word for scent, or something along those lines.

Despite what Pinkie Pie did Octavia reacted a bit harshly. Two wrongs don't make a right. :eeyup:

Well, at least it looks like Octavia has nowhere to go but up from now on. :applejackunsure:

I believe this is relevant:

Not one of my usual pairings but i really like this story

Interesting story so far. I also totally support Vinyl and Tavi pairings! :twilightsmile:

Nice update, keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

Ouch.

So the paci and foalish diapers are Octavia's. And I thought all that was Vinyl's!

This is probably what's going through Octavia's mind in regards to the foalish things:

4927123

I don't want to be one of those painintheass commenters, and I'm sure you have an actual life and are quite busy, I'm just curious as to when we might see an update again :3

More chapters NOW!!

Is this fic on a permanent hiatus? It's been quite some time since the last update.

5440000
It will continue, I have full intention to finish things that I start.
But I can't work on anything until the beginning of next year when the rest of my other work is done.
Once that is complete I will go back to finishing everything I started.

5442879 Okiedokielokie! Good to know you're still alive and stuff :3

5442879 it's the new year~ will we be seeing more of these two soon? And if not, does anyone know any other octyscratch crinkly *non-clop* stories? :3

Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015
Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015
Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015
Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015
Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015

This has a very tragic ending. It brings forth a lot of real life issues that I wasn't ready for

Comment posted by dust shine deleted Sep 9th, 2015
Login or register to comment