Octavia's Lesson

by Detrail

Chapter 9

An hour passed, and the warm, boisterous air of the farm mixed with the cool, somber mood of the evening, a mood Octavia was not yet familiar with. It had been a while since Octavia had helped Applejack. While waiting, she decided she would spend the time sitting far out in the fields of Apple Acres, consumed in her thoughts.

I am still not sure what to think. Should I… No, I know I can trust her. But does that make her right? Does that make me wrong? Vinyl… What were you doing? If you really cared about me, why did you let me leave like that? Octavia’s mood continued to sour, remembering the look on Vinyl’s face, the tears and the sound Vinyl made as she wailed out her name. It soon began to dawn on her that, due to that sound proof home, no matter how much Vinyl cried, no one except her would have even heard Vinyl, and through all that she still abandoned her. Why did I leave you like that? Octavia began to shake her head violently, trying to break free of the thoughts consuming her, but to no avail. Why didn’t I at least listen to her? Yet, Octavia knew that regardless of what Vinyl had to say, there was no way she could have forgiven her back then because Vinyl needed to be guilty. She realized that she alone had forced Vinyl into a hole, from which there was no escape. Octavia fell into extreme grief. She didn't even do anything wrong, so why did I get mad? What was I afraid of? It’s all my fault, why can’t I… Why am such an idiot? The deep sorrow consuming her began to overflow and demanded escape. She could feel her eyes began to warm, as coldness took over her being.

Soon enough, the discord had grown too great for the mare, and she began to feel her head grow slightly lighter. Wait, why am I sitting here? What was I supposed to do? Soon she was left confused over why she was there, and upset. Applejack… she wanted me to do something. Her head began to scramble for an answer. Due to how long she had been waiting and how deep in thought she had been, she had forgotten even the reason for her being there. Sigh… it’s no use. I can’t remember what I was supposed to do… I can remember why I ran away, but I can’t even remember why I am so sad… Why does this keep happening? Deep feelings of regret began to fill Octavia, as a deep warmness began to radiate outwards and started to numb her senses.

A sudden cold breeze blew past her, forcing her to bring her limbs in close for warmth. For a brief moment, she gazed out into the field surrounding her. Even through the slowly disappearing warmth of the sun and eventual rising coldness of the moon, Octavia was still left awestruck. She realized she was so caught up in her own mind she had begun to ignore the world around her. Inhaling the cold, sweet wind and basking in the sky, prismatic in the farthest colors of the visible spectrum, Octavia felt a moment of peace. “Wow, it’s... it’s so beautiful here.” Even if she weren’t sure of herself, this moment was something she was sure of. With that thought anchoring her, she could feel the relentless assault of her mind begin to slow down.

“Eyup!” A gruff voice sounded out, snapping Octavia out of her thoughts.

A surprised Octavia spun around, quickly recognizing the red stallion bound to the large empty cart. “Oh! It’s you again!” Octavia replied, shocked to see him again. The sudden meeting jogged her memory, as she started to remember what she was waiting for. “Wait, don’t tell me you’re Applejack’s brother Big Mac!?”

“Eyup.” Big Mac simply replied, nodding.

Wow, I guess this really is a small town. Regardless of the odd chance encounter with the red stallion, Octavia’s thoughts were still far off. She remembered Applejack asking her to wait outside to speak with her brother. Why was she so embarrassed when she asked me to talk to him? What would he even know about me? Octavia was brought back from her thoughts as she heard Big Mac disconnect his harness from the cart. He walked up next to her and sat down. Regardless, this was a something she asked me to do, so I’ll try my best for her! Desperate to keep her promise, Octavia began to speak. “It really nice here, I thank you all for everything.” Octavia replied sincerely.

“Eyup.” He replied once again.

Octavia realized he was very simple and concise in what he said and how he said it, but noticed something strange. The stallion next to her wasn’t interested in the scenery in front of them, but was instead gazing at her intently, almost as if he was waiting for her to say something. I guess this is what Applejack meant when she said her brother was more solemn than her. But do I really want to ask him? Octavia pondered over whether or not it was worth burdening another pony with her problems, but her pride couldn’t keep her going this time. She was tired, tired of running, of making mistakes. Maybe after everything I just want somepony to save me from myself. This thought finally broke her down and allowed her to give in. “Big Mac, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Big Mac smiled and responded with another “Eyup.”

“Well… have you ever made a mistake, a big one because you were afraid of everything that was going on around you? The kind where you hurt somepony close to you that you never realized was close and then ran away?” Octavia paused as she looked to see if Big Mac had managed to make sense of what she was saying. Octavia swallowed hard as she continued. “After you do something as horrible as that, how does somepony well… even…” Octavia trailed off unable to complete her thought afraid there was no way out. The silence reminded her of how alone she was, and she absentmindedly returned to staring off into the field, trying her hardest to keep her tears in.

“Sounds a lot like my sis.” A firm voice stated.

Octavia turned back, stunned as she realized it was Big Mac speaking without his familiar binary responses. “W-what do you mean?”

Big Mac inhaled deeply as he looked out at the scenery around them. “A long time ago, back when my sis was still a filly, maybe a bit older than Applebloom, she decided she was ready to leave this here farm for the city.”

Octavia’s face was contorted in confusion. “Wait, you couldn’t be talking about Applejack!?” Octavia blurted out.

This caused Big Mac to chuckle, “Yup! Nowadays, that sounds like the furthest thing from her mind. But back then, things weren’t the best, and she was scared.” Big Mac paused, as a strained look filled his face. “We all were... In the end she left me and Granny to find out where she needed to be.” Big Mac paused, almost lost in thought.

In a mixture of impatience and worry, Octavia decided to press the stallion. “So did you go after her?”

Big Mac sighed deeply. “Nope.”

Hearing this threw Octavia into a frenzy, and for reasons she couldn't explain, her mind raced again.“Why not!?”

Big Mac remained silent.

Octavia realized she was talking out of line, but for some reason she couldn't stop herself. “She was just a filly, she could have gotten hurt! She just needed you to be there! So why would you just let her leave like that!?”

Big Mac closed his eyes for a few moments and opened them again. “Because she needed to know that I could let her leave.”

Octavia stood there stunned, lost in a state of confusion and unable to say anything. Something about what he said hit her hard, and knocked whatever momentum she once had out of her.

“Everypony grows up when they’re good and ready, some sooner than others, and some not at all.” An aura of melancholy permeated the once clear air. “I had to stay here to be there for Granny and Apple Bloom, to look after this here farm, and most of all I had to make sure my sis had a home to come back to when she was ready.”

“W-what if…” Octavia weakly started. “What if she never returned? What were you going to do then?”

Big Mac looked away for a moment. “Nothing,” he responded.

Hearing this, Octavia could feel a hollow space form inside of her as she started to succumb to the despair soaking the air around the two earth ponies. Just as she began to feel herself sink, she could see Big Mac looking back at her with a smile.

“I would’ve done nothing because that meant there was nothing for me to do. As her big brother, the last thing I’d do is make my sis unhappy just so I can be with her. If she was happier there than here, then I can’t take that away from her.”

Octavia could feel the heaviness in the air vanish as she began to understand there was more to the coldness of Big Mac’s words. “Why didn’t you just tell her that you would have missed her? What about how you felt? Why do you have to be the one to keep it all in?”

Big Mac stopped for a moment. He looked as if he was almost having difficulty over verbalizing what he was going to say next. “Because I love her.”

Octavia quickly turned away as she began to realize the kind of pony big Mac was. With her gruff vision of him broken she began to feel ashamed of her earlier brash statements. “So what did you do when she came back?”

Big Mac returned his gaze back to the empty field in front of them and remained silent.

Octavia saw no merit in pressing the stallion. She could see that there was an abundant love in Big Mac for his family, but the fear of the silence that forced her back into her own mind was too much to keep her from talking. “I..” Octavia began, unsure of where to go. “If I went back… would she be waiting for me?”

Big Mac let out a stifled chuckle. “Even though yer over here talkin’ to me, you’re still back there where you belong, ain’t ya?” Big Mac sighed deeply.

Octavia stepped towards Big Mac confused. “What do you mean?”

Big Mac suddenly stood up and turned towards the gray mare. “Octavia.”

Being called by her name for the first time by Big Mac surprised her, as she could feel a fear begin to rise inside of her. Regardless of long they had spoken, Octavia was certain this was the most serious she has ever seen Big Mac. Swallowing hard, Octavia managed to reply weakly. “Y-yes?”

“You’ve been thinking about that friend of yours this whole day, so I’m guessing the only one keeping you from going back there is yourself. Even with all that’s happened ya already know the answer to where you want to be, don’t you? Ya keep asking everypony, even yourself what needs to be done, but ya already know that too, don't you? So if you think you’ll be happier living with that guilt of yours forever, then go right ahead. But if ya ask me, you need to grow up and think about everypony you’ll hurt by trying to be miserable.”

Hearing everything Big Mac had to say, Octavia was unable to provide an answer to him. Not because she didn't have one, but that she realized to provide one would be the biggest insult she could give to the stallion in front of her. For that moment, her head didn’t hurt, nor did her heart race. It was then that she understood he was right and she did know the answer. Octavia thought deeply for a moment, over everything that has been said to her that whole day. It was never that she didn't know, it was more she didn’t want to know. Yet, through it all, one single question remained. While it wasn't her own, nor one that had any real response, it was a term thrown around by all the ponies around her and something Octavia felt it was important. “Big Mac,” Octavia began. “What does it mean to grow up?” As the words left her mouth she could feel a hint of hypocrisy deep in her mind.

Hearing this, Big Mac raised his eyebrows. “Huh…” Big Mac though deeply about what the mare in front of him was asking. Big Mac slowly turned his head back to the barn as he continued to think. A few moments passed until her returned to looking back at the mare. He could see an adamant look in her eyes as she was desperately waiting on his answer. “I don’t know.”

Octavia nodded her head as she waited for the stallion to continue.

“There really ain’t an answer for that question that just anypony can give. If you want my take on it…” Big Mac inhaled and exhaled deeply. “One day you’ll wake up and realize ya got ponies that depend on ya, and things that need to be done. When you pick that over yourself, I think that’s when ya start to grow up.” Big Mac could see his answer didn’t upset the mare, nor did it affect that look in her eyes.

Octavia nodded her head showing she understood what he meant. “Thank you for answering my question, and I think I am ready now.”

Big Mac chuckled glad to hear she had accepted the answer he had given her. “Now, with that all said, are ya sure this is what you want to do?” Big Mac replied, knowing full well what the mare had decided on.

Octavia didn’t offer any verbal reply to the stallion for this or any of the questions he asked her that night, as she closed her eyes. The mare slowly turned 35 degrees away from the serene visage the two ponies were once enamored with. As her eyes opened, they were filled with determination, rejecting the world around her for something they could see regardless of the distance or any obstacles in front of her.

“Well, I’d tell ya not to count your chickens before they hatch, but it looks like your mind is made up, ain’t it?”

Without breaking view of her destination Octavia smiled as she replied with a familiar, “Eyup!” The mare began to laugh over her momentary lapse in refined speech. More than anything, she needed an excuse to express how relieved and happy she was at that moment. As she remembered the still somewhat unfamiliar company she had grown close to in a short time, she slowly stopped and ended at a cheery smile. “Thank you, Big Mac.”

Big Mac smiled, as he recalled seeing that same determined look somewhere long ago. “I know this goes without sayin’, just don’t call it quits if it don’t work out like you hoped.”

Octavia nodded. “I won’t!”

The certainty of the mare in front of him filled Big Mac with a strange feeling of relief, one he hadn’t felt in a long time. “And this goes without sayin’, but you’re always welcomed back here at Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe bring that friend of yours next time around. I’m sure my sis would be happy to see that."

Octavia nodded and stopped to look back at the barn far off in the dimly lit field. “Hey Big Mac, you wouldn’t happen to have some paper and pen that I could borrow?”

***

Big Mac looked on as the gray mare galloped off into the unknown. His eyes maintained their focus until Octavia was far out of his field of vision. The red stallion couldn't help but to chuckle reminiscently over everything that had happened. Big Mac looked down at the note Octavia had written for his sister and then returned his gaze out at the field soaked by the moonlit sky. Inhaling deeply Big Mac smiled and let out an “Eyup!” directed at no one. He remained sitting for a long while, letting familiar imagery flow freely in his mind, as he continued to enjoy the night surrounding his home.

“Hey! Big Mac!” Suddenly, the silence was shattered as Applejack approached from behind. She reached her brother she began to look around. “So did ya talk to her?”

“Eyup.” Big Mac replied not breaking his gaze with the field.

“Ah, so did she finally have the courage to go back home to her friend?” Applejack replied, as she began to inspect Big Mac’s cart.

“Eyup.” Big Mac once again stated. He then stood up and walked over to his sister and handed her a sheet of paper that looked as if it had been torn from his ledger.

“Huh? What’s this here now?” Applejack began to inspect the note, it was addressed “Dear Applejack,” and it was closed with a simple “Hope to see you soon, Octavia” Applejack then ran through the body of the note:

***

“I am sorry I can’t say this in person right now, I understand what you meant, and you were right. Your brother really is something, you all are. You have all been kind to me. I’d offer you my thanks and apologize for not doing my best to repay your kindness, but I doubt you’d be happy to hear me repeat myself. So, instead, how about this: I’ll promise to see you again. This time I’ll be sure to bring my friend, but if I’ve learned anything in Ponyville, you probably already know her. Sorry to have to run, but I have to make up for a mistake I made. I will see you later.

***

“Well, alright!” Applejack called out, happy to see the sad mare from earlier seem so happy in the letter she wrote. “I had a feeling you could talk some sense into…” Applejack trailed off as she continued past the closing of the letter and read the post script.

***

P.S. I am sorry I never got a chance to tell you how delicious breakfast was. This morning I was in deep thought, because I was trying to remember why it tasted so familiar. Talking to your brother I remembered. It is funny how I always seem to meet the same ponies no matter where I end up. So I wanted you to know that it just as good this morning as it was that night at the gala.

***

“Huh… Wait... did we meet before?” Applejack began to wonder as she read the last line over. Applejack continued to rack her brain but couldn’t figure out what that last part meant. “I guess I’ll have to ask her later. Anyway it’s time for dinner! Let’s head in Big Mac.”

Applejack placed the letter away as she saw Big Mac headed back to the farm house with his cart. She swiftly caught up to him as the two siblings returned back to the farm together.

Applejack laughed as they continued down the path. “You know, for a city slicker, she was alright.” Applejack paused as she smiled back at her brother. “Thanks for talking to her like you did for me all those years back.”

“Eyup.” Big Mac responded, unflinching and as straight faced as ever.

“Ya know…” Applejack started nostalgically. “I could see a bit of myself in her, but you probably figured that out seeing as how ya managed to talk some sense into her.”

“Eyup.” Big Mac once again replied.

“Also, if she did stay then I’d probably have to have an embarrassing talk with her…” Applejack trailed off as she could feel her face turning red. “Since… um, ya know… rainwater can’t hide everything…”

Hearing this, Big Mac remembered an event he saw earlier right before he had to run off to do his delivery. It was something he planned on asking his sister about, but had forgotten. That morning his sister had poured a bucket of water on the already damp Octavia and washed her coat, back when she had brought her in from the fields, but before she placed the gray mare in the barn. It was something that was bothering him, but now it all began to make sense. The irony caused him to let out a chuckle.

“What in the hay’s so funny!?” Applejack exclaimed, still red from embarrassment.

Big Mac smiled as he spoke. “Maybe that’s something else about you that ya saw in that mare.” He then swiftly picked up the pace as he noticed his sister had stopped moving.

Applejack stood still as she could feel the blood rushing to her face, thinking of what to say, she quickly planted her front hoof down. “Like you’re one to talk!” Applejack began, only to realize her brother had already made it several yards while she was stalled. “Big Mac!” Applejack exclaimed, as she began galloping towards her brother, who kept his quick and steady pace ahead of her.

***

Octavia galloped through the blackened streets, desperate to make it back home. As she darted past each corner, the evening quickly descending into night and Octavia was filled with hope. This time she was ready to accept Vinyl, the good with the bad. Those simple thoughts filled those darkened road with enough light for Octavia to make it back home.

Somewhere in the back of her head she could hear a faint noise in the sound of Vinyl’s voice laughing at her, causing Octavia to smile. The voice went on, ‘I thought we were friends now? Please come back home.’ The voice was almost soothing as it began to drift away. ‘You don't need to be afraid.’

Octavia’s mind began to fill with the lackadaisical days the two mares spent together. Yeah, knowing her she is probably sitting on that couch waiting for me. She’s probably waiting for me to walk back in and go, ‘’Took ya long enough!’

Octavia continued briskly through the town, consumed in her own thoughts, now drenched in a sweet rose colored syrupiness. Turning at the mayor’s office, she was reminded of how kind everypony has been to her. Her pace quickened as she galloped down the road.

The world around the tiny mare began to blur as she saw the small home in the distance. I am almost there, Vinyl. I am almost home! It’s okay if you want to hate me, because I’ll still be your friend. I am still your friend Vinyl, and I promise you will never have to cry again. As Octavia opened the door her eyes went wide. Nothing had changed.

Closing the door behind her, Octavia could tell that everything had remained the same since that night. The pages of the note still remained on the floor untouched, the couch was just as disheveled as she left it, and the air in the house was just as cold. Octavia began to notice a heaviness in her chest, as a feeling of dread took her over. As she crept through the living room she saw a diaper lying on the floor. Her diaper, the same one she threw in anger over everything that had transpired. Her legs began to buckle as she inched closer to it. Arriving at it she mechanically picked the garment up. The touch reminded her of the torrent of emotions that had lasted all of 12 minutes, yet had ruined everything for her.

Her heart began to speed up as she stood in the corridor to Vinyl’s room. Octavia reluctantly craned her neck to peer down the hall, bracing for what she may see, when suddenly a feeling of relief soaked through her. Vinyl’s room was empty, which meant that she must have left. Oh thank Celestia, she must have had some work to do. The strong feelings of relief, too much for her to bear, slumped her down onto the floor. It’s good she feels well enough to go outside since that means she probably feels better now. Octavia slowly stood up, smiling. Well, she’ll be mad at me when she gets back, but I’ll deal with that later.

As the feelings of dread and despair dissipated a sudden feeling of tiredness overtook the mare. I guess I should probably get to… Octavia stopped and proceeded to smack herself in her forehead. How did I forget to get more diapers!? Octavia was considering what she could do since by now the pharmacy would be closed. Reluctantly, she came to the idea of going into Vinyl’s room to borrow one of hers. Walking down the corridor, Octavia proceeded to enter Vinyl’s room. Avoiding all the clutter she managed to open Vinyl’s bottom drawer, but was surprised to find it empty. Huh… I guess she must have taken them with her for whatever event she went to. Hmm… but what should I do?

Octavia began to leave Vinyl’s room and returned to the living room, when Octavia noticed a diaper from the previous night, on the ground, in front of her hoof. At first the thought of using one of Vinyl’s diapers without asking bothered her, but with no other option, she brought it up to take a closer look. Ah, I remember, when I was digging through Vinyl’s drawer yesterday I removed this. Octavia could feel her insides being to get warm as she remembered why she was so interested in trying one of Vinyl’s diapers out last time. Well, it is dry… Sigh, fine, I guess it will be alright for one night. Besides, it will be better than waking up wet.

Octavia walked over to the bathroom near Vinyl’s room. Opening up the cabinet she took out the changing supplies Vinyl kept hidden in there, and made quick work changing into the diaper. Standing up, she patted her backside, causing a crinkle. Wow, these are thicker than I remember. Octavia began to smile as she turned off the lights and left the first floor. Now, to get some sleep and apologize to Vinyl in the morning. Maybe I should make something in the morning for her. Hmm… I should have asked Applejack for her pie recipe before I left. Arriving at the top of the stairs, Octavia was surprised by what she saw.

Right in front of her and across from the bathroom was that door that Vinyl usually left locked, the only room in the house Octavia had never entered, but this time it was left ajar. A sweet smell began to fill her nostrils as she was drawn closer to the forbidden room. Wait a minute, I recognize that smell, but why is it so strong? Octavia creeped closer and closer. As she arrived at the wide crack in the doorway she peered in, only for her eyes to go wide as she gazed at what was contained within.

The glow of the full moon flooded in from the window overhead. The walls were painted in a warm lilac color and carpeted in soft blue. She could see a large padded table almost as tall as she was. Built into it was a large shelf lined with diapers, powder, wipes, everything you would need to take care of a foal, only much, much bigger. Her heart began to race faster than it had in all of her life. Soon the beating grew far too quick and it began to hurt the mare. As her eyes turned to the wall opposite from door, she could make out a large chest that was closed shut. On top of it were several large, soft plushies. Although she couldn’t see what was in it, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it was full of foalish things. Her mouth ran dry as she could feel her legs weakly sway as they attempted to keep her upright, and her skin began to tingle all over. Her eyes continued to move across the wall and stopped upon what looked like a tiny fridge. Right on top of it was a knocked over glass foal bottle with a large nipple, a quarter filled with an opaque fluid. Octavia’s head began to hurt and her breathing became very shallow. She no longer felt like she was confined to her own body and was now weightless and floating. She could feel her muscles contract involuntarily, and it took all her might to keep her limbs from twitching. Her eyes continued to drift until her eyeball reached the edge of the orbit within her skull. Her vision fixed to the white posts lining white bars. Although knew she was staring at a large crib, the thought kept slipping out of her mind every time her eyelids slammed shut, but her brain was once again surprised by its existence each time they opened. Octavia knew she was standing in the doorway to an adult nursery, and that she had spent half a month sleeping in the room right next door to it. Her mind started to project the room she was staring at but with her inside. The thought about everything she had seen, and the explosions of disjointed thoughts that contained her all amounted to one single thought that shined through the mare’s clouded mind.

Yes!

For the first time in her life, Octavia felt a burning excitement, one that she couldn't ignore. As she inhaled the familial scent of the air, looked at the softness of the room under the warm glow of the moonlight, and let her mind drift freely into the boundless joy she was feeling, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be in that room, to look in that chest, to open that fridge, to walk on that plush carpet, and sit down with one of the smiling stuffed toys looking back at her. She wanted to sleep in that crib, but most of all, she wanted to spend that time in the very same diapers she has been growing quite fond of. For the first time in her life, she felt something inside of her fill up as she felt she could finally come to terms with something she once ignored for its sheer impossibility. A smile crossed her face as she could finally exhale, fully accepting that something like this could exist. Soon the weight returned to her and she felt herself sink back into reality.

Octavia realized something was very wrong. No longer inebriated by her excitement, her eyes were frozen, and no matter what she, did she couldn't move them. Suddenly, a feeling of immense fear began to consume her. She couldn’t understand why. She then realized it was something in that room, something she had yet to notice, but somehow scared her. With her eyes not responding, and her curiosity growing, Octavia began to turn her head to see what was in that room. Her head felt heavy and her muscles felt as if they were contracting with all the force they could muster to halt the motion. Slowly, inching her neck she managed to turn her head allowing her to finish her scan the room. Her eyes continued to look along the length of the large crib until her eyes finally locked onto what she was so afraid of.

Octavia began to blink intensely, and inhaled sharply. In one swift, but quiet motion, Octavia stepped back from the doorway. She turned her body towards her room and began to walk. As she continued down the hallway, she began to notice the sound of her diaper crinkling was very loud and wouldn’t stop assaulting her ears, that oddly familiar aroma in the air was still lingering and had begun to burn, and most importantly that she was very tired. She opened her door and stepped in. She noticed her cello still on its stand, but paid it no mind as she carefully got into bed.

Octavia began to recount her memories up until this point, feeling something was off. She recalled returning home and not finding Vinyl, then putting a diaper on, and then heading off to bed. Yet, she felt as if she had forgotten something very important. As the noise in her mind vanished, Octavia began to notice her heartbeat returning back to its normal pace. Whatever had happened, she was left feeling some sort of excitement, but the type of excitement eluded her. Unable to remember even if it was something good or bad, Octavia fixed her eyes towards the window, as she noticed how harsh the moonlight was tonight, but was too tired to close her curtains. Pulling her blanket over herself, Octavia forcefully plunged herself back into the familiar darkness, as she tried to fall asleep.

As she laid there on her bed, she began to wonder why she was so excited a while earlier, but couldn’t remember.

Everything is as it should be, nothing will ever hurt you because nothing will ever change.

The world seemed so monotone to the young mare as she tried to sleep.

It’s okay now, you are safe, you don't need to worry anymore.

As she began to give into her exhaustion, suddenly she was assaulted with a deep sadness.

Don’t venture out too far, and I promise you’ll be safe here forever.

She knew she was sad, sadder than she had been in her whole life, but as hard as she tried she couldn't find any tears to weep.

There is nothing to be sad about, soon everything will go back to normal.

As if she was empty and all spent, she couldn't find a way of expressing the deep sorrow she felt.

Please don’t deplore yourself, there will never be anything worth hating yourself over.

There was something she needed to do, something very important to her, but in the end it didn't matter. Her brain refused to remember why she was so sad to begin with, and slowly began to shut down all thought allowing the mare to sleep.

There is no need to risk your feelings.

The only clue she had was a strange voice screaming back to her from the depths of her mind. Unlike the other sounds that sounded almost sweet and kind this one was full of scorn and disdain for her.

Please don’t hate yourself.

Yet at the same time those screams seemed the most real. Through the incoherence she could make out the voice mocking her, ridiculing her, and questioning what she has become.

Just sleep and everything will be better.

Before she gave into the sweetness and fell asleep she could hear one word scream at her. The voice that spoke it lacked the sweetness of the other one. It stained, and cracked as it desperately tried to convey just one word filled with true substance through the jumble of sweet and hollow noise.

COWARD!

Comments

[Bloodmoon]

Omg yes another awesome chapter

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Yay, it's back! And I am loving the new cover art!

[Thebronypowers]

Please write a bit faster. Thank you

[Engi]

Please continue ;n;

[vinylp4]

I love it so far can't wait for the next chapter

[Engi]

It's dead isn't it... ;-;

[Fluxie]

8235582
Im afriad to think so. But its not an impossiblility. It may not be finished, but that doesnt mean it isnt one of my, and many other's favorites

[SuperPinkBrony12]

8326457 There's always the possibility of unofficial continuations.

[Fluxie]

8397240
True ^~^

[KnightGamerBrony]

Wow what an awesome fic (I loved it very much) i just wish you've continued it <3
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