Lyra Locke Aged 23. Nathan Hughes Aged 22. Peter Meeks Aged 22. Jordan Hughes aged 18 and Kieran Richardson Aged 23 these are the British marines who had volunteered to go on the first mission for the brand new Military helicopter to clear out the largest organised Taliban uprising ever seen, after all the trouble with Islamic State 6 years Prior they wanted to clean this out before it could become a hazard for the people of the world, what they did not expect though, is the chopper to disappear without a trace. for humanity, they lost one helicopter it is not a large deal. But for where that chopper has gone, they may have gained something far greater than they ever could have expected. As for the marines themselves, they will make it up as they go along.
This is our story, my story. Starting from our last day breathing Earth air to now. and boy it was one hell of a bumpy ride, Lt Lyra Locke reporting from the middle of a dirty building in the middle of asshole nowhere, trying to make this place...a better place.
You forgot the trait and perk, and might want to add some more description/internal monologues, this feels kinda rushed.
4359391
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Not everyone use perks. Some people even like it without them (I like perks
But I think if you do the whole RPG thing, you should stick to perks and traits as Redemption said. Perks show what the character is able to do in the future, I don't think SPECIAL stats are useful in any way. They're cold and unpersonal. If I were you, I would scratch the stats.
4359391 They haven't got them yet next chapter you get at least some of them.
4360207 Aagh...thanks
Just so you know, your story was added to the Fallout Equestria Group by G-man64! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
4361603 But... But why are you telling me this?
4365142 I will always listen. i will get round to fixing the commas and other things soon...i have another 8 chapters to fix now...thanks though
I think you overdid it with the perks and stats this chapter.
This is not an RPG, the stats aren't needed at all. Perks are well and good. They're enough to show the character's development.
Also, don't do sooooooooo many perks at once. I mean, from what all those perks tell me, Lyra is basicly god. She is able to do everything (pilot, medic, marine, squad leader, mechanic...) If that's the case you shouldn't do perks, since there's no really development possible. (I mean, what perk tops +30 repair?)
If you plan this to be a longer story with the team being around for like 10 - 20 chapters, you should make skill development possible.
That doesn't mean I don't like your story, although I'm having a pretty hard time with FoE + humans. It just seems... unnatural.
4385163 These are Pre-equestria skills they wont level up much and the team will get bigger with time. the Pip-Bucks use magic to mutate your body to be better at what you choose (Got the idea from Dark Wanderings) But Lyra is not a level 1 with the Pip-Buck, More like a 15+ character. But the basic idea is that magic makes them better at the chosen task that's why perks are added here.
As for the rest of the team. They will see their perks when they stop being dumb and learn what the buttons do. But anyway that's why i set it like this. and i know she seems OP but that is because she leveled up and her pip-Buck recognized her skills and list them all.
Just edited chapter 1. hope it is better than before but please tell me if there are any more grammar mistakes.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! continue... I love this fic soooo much! It's hilarious! And has great action involved! So please continue! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! PLEASE CONTINUE!
5615734 You Like it that much? hehe SURE I'll sort it out, Reason its so late as it is, is because my USB memory stick was stolen which had all my future chapters written!
And I've had my moral to write more broken, BUT seeing this has given me hope that my work is actually liked, Thanks! New chapter, If I have time, should come out soon. keep on reading my friend!"
5626575 *GASPS* *takes deep breath* You thought I was gonna do the Fluttershy yay didn't you?
but in all seriousness yes, I really enjoy this fic because a lot of other ones that have the characters meeting humans well... The humans just leave without really going into it... But yours has it to where the humans aren't complete Badass's instantly... Which I love when they aren't completely OP... I kinda started playing fallout 3 two days ago and right now I can beat Enemys to death with my fists maybe even Deathclaws, I have one of the best armor that doesn't degrade at all, I also can survive a missile to the chest... Damn Talon Company showed me that... But that's what I mean too Badass too quickly... Probably cause I worked on my Enderence the most 
but for the person who stole from you... THEY SHALL BURN IN THE FLAMES OF THE WARP!... But still all in all... Great fic 
5626644 hehe Don't you worry, More Failure from ME (lyra) and my friends coming soon, Keep up the talon whooping from me and have fun friend haha.
5626696 Alright I will thanks also keep up the great fic... Also Talon Company attacked me because I walked passed one of there tiny outposts... I didn't even know until I was shot at by a missile... Kinda made me angry
then I killed them all... Also watch for them aliens! Or Xeno's! But you may not need to worry... I killed them all with my iron fists! 
... Wait wait hold up!... Are your characters based off you and friends? 
if not then I'm an idiot 
5626751 YEAH We're not REALLY soldiers, but every human there is a real person with that personality, Lyra is me, Nathan is my best friend, His brother Jordan, Our Large friend Peter and then the quiet nerd Kieran hahaha.
Believe me, the stupid things I made them do in this book has made them sometimes shout "REALLY!?" at me but nathan just laughs, he's a cool dude hehehe
5626773 *Takes off helmet and wipes away sweat* Whew... I thought I was a moron for a minute there... But really cool either way... I like how you make them act like normal people... And Marines... I'm planning on becoming a Marine when I'm the right age... I'm going to have fun and kick some ass... And probably get shot in the face... I don't have my Winterized T-51b power armor on me right now... Soo... Yeah...
5626814 then duck in cover and keep your head down, listen to your sargent and don't get blown up, hehe dont want to lose you as a reader now do I?
5626978 Alright I'll do that and please Do continue this fic, I quite enjoy it
... Also found out that the armor I'm wearing in fallout 3 nearly deflects everything... I got hit by a Raider? They go home in a body bag... A Deathclaw takes a swipe at me? I chop his head off then take his hand to make into a weapon... That's the wasteland for you 
“OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” I screamed trying to get control of the chopper. “NATHAN I BLAME YOU FOR THIS!” I shouted Pointing at him with my free hand.
“WHY ME!” he shouted back as Kieran was holding the door next to him screaming like a little girl.
“EVERYTHING EVER THAT GOES WRONG FOR ME IS YOUR FUALT!”
I like this woman. She reminds me of me
NEW CHAPTER! Great one at that, a bit slow, but still great nonetheless! I hope to see it continue. Also, I feel your pain... Life is pretty shitty right now for me. But anyways! Keep on keeping on!
You really need to work on the dialogue, descriptions, grammar, spelling, and general plot in this story. Also, why the fuck is a member of the British Army using an Uzi 9mm?
6066576 pls under stand lyra her self is British and her fav wapen is Uzi 9mm
So. its been over 10 months. and still no progress... Well i have had no computer for that long. and have been very badly trying to get a new one. for now... its still on hold, but hopefully only for a bit more..then i will continue as soon as i can. im sorry to all for my lack of content for this huge amount of time.
Another extreme apology for my lack of content for even longer time, I'm sorry to everyone.
7124901 Don't worry lightning, take as much time as you need!
Good luck on getting the new computer! 
The dealer isn't a spirit of the wasteland. He is a mind bonded to a certain file Blackjack has, hence why he doesn't show up when she is without that file.
Other than that minor nitpick, please check your spacing and start a new paragraph when some one else says something. Response or not, it just flows better.
I, am, Finally. Alive... expect some progress soon!..
I approve
this story is one of the reasons I joint this site, and I love it.
I'm glad you back I have started my all over he too much of white knight
8112064 Thank you! it is nice to hear such nice words again.
8115119 you are welcome on that, I didn't want to give up on this.
Sorry for the latest delays in chapter 10, some things happening all the time seem to destroy what i am trying to do, but do not worry i will continue this very soon and i hope you will like what comes next
I'm mister Meeks Seeks!
Well that was fast paced
FUCK YEAH!
5918628
Blame everyone else. Do it. Do it now.
8360083
you better be.
Will this story ever get updated?