• Member Since 9th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 1st, 2016

Xeadin


Writing stories, playing games, and fooling around with CAD programs. Curator of the futuristic series-- Magi Chronicles. I also seem to have a niche for writing short stories out of the blue.


Comments ( 187 )

Seems interesting, keep it up.

Loving it so far, faved & liked.


~~Flutter-Shy~~

Lil rocky in a couple of places, and I think you mean "fateful" rather than "faithful" night, but still I am curious what happens next!

You've been added to my read later list, looking forward to seeing more!

i'll read again once more when i wake up a bit more then i wont skim so much and it might make more since

This story has taken my interest, AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO READ IT!

I haven't even gotten to the real cloppy parts yet, and it's already featured? What sorcery is this??

Thanks for all the praises, everyone! :pinkiehappy:

4277761
Thanks for pointing out a few odd ends. I'm still refining some parts of the chapter that may need some touching up :twilightsmile:

One faithful night, Luna stood out on the balcony

Should that be fateful, that is, if you don't mind?

Furling her lips in a coyful fashion,

Furling her lips in a coy fashion,...?

So, the shipment was, uneventfully, bumped

If it was uneventful, it didn't happen? Unexpectedly maybe?

There was the vacancy of a woman’s scream,

Would absence not be better?

Sorry to be going all spelling Nazi, but I got a wild hair. Still, a good start.

Seems to be good story, but I won't read it.
Not because I don't like the story, but because I just dislike completely implausible (Celestia and Luna throwing thousand tons asteroids with enough precision to hit a planet and enough force to reach said planet in a short amount of time, while not reducing the planet to dust by the impact) and non-canon stories, sorry.

sounds promising, i like it

It has a good start. I have high hopes for this, so I'm adding it to favorites to follow. So long as your story actually has a plot and doesn't focus to much on plot :trollestia: then I'll be very happy with it. It seems to be going in a story-driven direction so I'm glad. Looking forward to your next chapter! :twilightsmile:

This "sounded" realy good. But penguins on the Northpol? And putting snow inside the boot? Hello frostbyte, bye bye foot.

It's an interesting start so far. I'm definitely going to keep my eye on this one. Looking forward to reading future chapters.

Ill just hang on to this cliff till the next chapter. Dont worry ill be fine till you get back.

I'll be waiting for this to get really good. :pinkiecrazy:

4279469
I know, right? :rainbowlaugh:
Fits the suspense really well

4278549

Not because I don't like the story, but because I just dislike unrealistic and non-canon stories, sorry.

unrealistic and non-canon stories

unrealistic

You know what fucking site you're on, mate?

4280026
Meh. I wouldn't be too worried about such comments. If he/she doesn't want to read the story for whatever reason, that's perfectly fine :twilightsmile:

4278549 Then why the fuck are you on this site then? It's FimFICTION for a reason dumbass.

4280043 I know, it just seems kind of ridiculous to dislike a story about magical rainbow ponies because it was "unrealistic".

4280026 May have been the wrong word, I simply wanted to say that Celestia and Luna throwing thousand tons asteroids with enough precision to hit a planet and enough force to reach said planet in a short amount of time, while not reducing the planet to dust by the impact is simply far too rediculous, even for MLP:FIM and magic standards.

4280045
4280059
I simply stated my opinion and hey, I am German and not the best at English and I simply didn't knew a better word or a way to express myself, 'unrealistic' was the closest word I could find. But that surely is a reason to insult me or make fun of me, really nice...

FYI: I didn't give the story a thumbs down. Just because I don't like to read the story doesn't mean that the story is bad or that I downvote it for that; I aint of these guys that say "meh, anthros.... DISLIKE!!!" for an example...

There is an idea of a story here, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real tale; only an autistic masturbatory fantasy, something illusory; and though you can hide your vapidness and we can read your words and and understand them and maybe even think you have some skill with fanfiction: it simply is not there. It is hard for this story to make sense on any given level. It is fabricated, an aberration. It is a noncontingent series of words. The entire thing is sketchy and unformed, its soullessness goes deep and is persistent. Its appeal, its eroticism, its meaning, its value, all disappeared a long time ago if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All this story has in common with the uncreative and the inane, the vapid and the meaningless, all the boredom you have caused and your utter indifference toward it, this fanfiction has now surpassed. I still, though, hold on to one single bleak truth: it is a cancerous cell, it is not redeemable. Yet it was featured. Each model of bad fanfiction writing must be assumed to have some validity. Is the unoriginality something you are? Or is it something you do? My pain after reading this is constant and sharp and I do not hope for this fic to get better. In fact, I want it to cease to exist, I want not a single word to escape. But even after admitting this—and I have countless times, in this review and in others—and coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. The story gains no new meaning, no new understanding can be extracted from your fictional telling. There has been no reason for you to write any of this. This story has meant nothing.

4278947

No sir I don't like it.

Really good. Want more.

MORE.

Keep it coming, need to read more.

4280267
This is the first time I have ever seen any person on this site use the word "vapid."

4280751
Meh. The only thing I can really say to that user is:
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110609163507/gyropedia/images/e/e8/PinkieShrug.png

I've seen and been through much worse, so this doesn't really phase me that much.

I don't share any concern with the user in general. I just have an enormous pet peeve with huge copy/pasta walls of texts that share little to not value or meaning to the fic at hand. To me, that's just wasted space, and shows a sign of pseudo-laziness. C'mon, folks-- at least make an effort to inform the author what you like and what you don't like, without being wholly crude about it.

I would rather be told what is wrong with the fic rather than have someone just dump words on a page within seconds and begone in just about the same amount of time.

At least I enjoyed what he wrote. In the end, does it really mean much to me? If it was a little more constructive and pertinent to the actual body of the story, possibly. For now, I'm just gonna heed those words of wisdom with a grain of salt.

4280267
A wall of text filled with conceited vomit as if you somehow get off to your own analogies. If you are that upset about the foundation, no an intro to a fan created story written about a fictional geologist who apparently goes on space vacation to fuck a horse from the moon, then you might want to reevaluate what is really bothering you.

**Edit** Just realised that you only wrote this to keep up with the image you've created for yourself. Oh well.

4280844

Well, at least you're mature about it.

4280924
Thank you. :twilightsmile: I know, by experience, to distance myself from any instigative tendencies.

If Anonymous Pegasus 4279636 (One of the greatest romantic fiction writers on this site *fangirling now*) thinks this is cool, you KNOW you have underestimated yourself.

4278549 Psst.
Use "implausible" instead of "unrealistic" next time you're talking about a fic on this site, mate. It'll save you a lot of sweat.

And I agree with you. Might I add, Luna essentially created the whole situation in the first place. No way in hell he accepts that with his head down and a submissive smile on his face (the ONLY way this could ever become Luna clop romance with the human) and deserves a lick of my respect at the same time.

4281721 Ohhhhh shiet, son! Anon Peg Approved!

4280267 All I have to say to this comment is...
Dat_Thesaurus.

4278549

non-canon stories

I don't know what the fuck non-canon means, considering every story on this site goes non-canon because it doesn't follow the show. It's our own twist on a certain piece of the show, or just a whole new story for us to create.
That is what FICTION is.
Read the title of this site before you ever post that again.
-_-

The amount of poopstorm generated all because of a user accidentally miss used a word reminds me a lot about Facepunch.

4280267 He hasn't even get to the saucy bits yet. And from the looks of it, it wouldn't be until 4-5 chapters later. This fic may be wonky but it got attention of one of this site's best romance writer. That is something to think of.

Jumping to conclusion before seeing everything is bad. In the name of Facepunch, I'll rate your post: facepunch.com/fp/ratings/box.png

4281751 THANK YOU!
Finally someone who understood what I meant, is mature enough to create a constructive comment (not throwing insults around or making fun of people) and give help!

This site is running short on peoples like you... :fluttercry:

Sigh. Human in Equestria is bad, but ones where the whole first chapter is dedicated to trying to flesh out an improbable scenario where the Human gets to Equestria are worse. Most of the time these sort of fics only cater to one sort of reader, and 99% of those will not stick around waiting for the author to try to forge a story out of smut. I didn't notice anything technically wrong with the story apart from it's lack of grounding, so take it for what you will.

Never once did they realize that depending on the size, a meteor could go from'Oh my god, my house!' to 'Oh my god, my country!'

Romantic clopfics are best clopfics.
This has great potential. I'm looking forward to read more.

4284317 When there's meteor that would make you scream 'Oh my god, my country!', you better scream 'Oh my god, my planet!', because unless you live in Vatican, rock of that size would made most of life on this planet go 'bye bye'.

Hmmmm an interesting start if I do say so myself, very unique. Hope to see more in the future! :twilightsmile:

4282339 4282524 4280859 4280751 What, no one else recognizes the quote? (1:58 in the vid.)

4283758 There's nothing wrong with HiE if it's done right, it may be repetitive like the zombie genres in gaming but there are gems like DayZ and Left 4 Dead.

Login or register to comment