• Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 14th, 2016

twilightsmlp


P.L.T

T

Mike Patterson is a world renown rock climber whose life's goal is to climb to the top of Mt. Everest what happens when at the end of his climb there is an explosion that sends him to a new world and in this new world is populated by strange creatures with the ability to use magic, control the weather, and fly. Not to mention the size of their breast.
*Anthropomorphic Ponies*

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 331 )

Human x anthro pony harem I love it

very original and creative. Good job. :yay:

needs work and clop:moustache:

2804241
Not sure if i want to add clop into this story just yet i might in a couple chapters, but if i do i have to change the rating to mature.
2803420
Thanks i don't think this idea has been done yet. :twilightsheepish:
2803368
Also one of my favorite story types.

Ok, though I would suggest you slow down a bit and add some imagery.

2804256 no but remember it needs work Mike just seems to level headed about this hole world change with 4 somken hot babes trying to get into his pants that and just plane lazy writing ypu know to 2d you need to make it more 3d more life like

2804256

No need to go give out the goodies when you can just string the readers along with teasing. Besides, if it works for anime, why not ponies? I'd say Eiken is the example I'm looking for-- smokin' hot girls with gravity defying chests being all over some random guy in ridiculous situations.

I tried to find a small example but someone just put the whole thing up so, if you got a half hour, watch this... [NFSW][Etchi] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec8QFpUPBZM

2804438 I like the second person view of this story, but he is right a little bit too simple but right now its not so bad keep up the work.
I rate this :moustache::moustache::moustache: out of :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
:ajsmug: :twilightsmile:

A male human, at the mercy of four equine princesses. Dear god, he's pretty much screwed. Figuratively and literally :)

Yeah, you seem to be rushing abit. Add abit more detail, and your golden dude :).

why was the 2nd chapter in a 2nd person pov while the 1st was in 3rd??

I think I'm going to like this. :moustache:

Shame on you for not crediting the artist AND outright insulting his work.

2804438 I guess I would take such a change in stride. I would probably question them about the world more, but there would be no need for panic. Some people don't feel attached to this world at all.
PS: Great story so far!

The sudden change in pressure should cause quite a bit of damage to him....

Meh, I don't like it thus far.

In any case, best of luck with it!

2804890
What I meant by suck is that the picture is a poor representation of the characters, not that the actual image is bad. and I tried looking for an artist to credit, but google was not helping.

2804647
I was trying to give the story a movie like feel in the start with the 3rd person POV than after you get the base line of the story down move into 1st person POV. I'll admit i don't believe it worked the way I planed.

Max

"This picture sucks" Holy crap, you serious? That picture its beautiful...

2807084
Please read the comment reply to Joe Hoofer.

I like this story so far.

This story has my interest

I'm sorry for saying this, but the hell. You needed either a editor or proofreader to correct many of the errors I seen in this story. The pacing is too rushed and you need to describe the characters and the environment around them instead of rusting to the ending.

But this is a very good promising story, but needs a little bit of work.

also there is a fic on the site similar to this called i think "the scent: lust of mares"

a couple of things.... the oxygen level at the top of mount Everest is much lower then at the bottom (or in this case canterlot) he would be extremely tired and a little high from all of the exes O2 entering his blood. he would have been in full climbing gear upon arrival and little to no skin would have been showing.

2807821 I agree, if Mike is really gonna be in a relationship with all 4 princesses, then it cant be rushed. Other wise theres not enough time for bonding between him and the mares, no character development, and no moments to share that makes him develop real feelings for for the princesses and really want to marry them:unsuresweetie:

2808589
Cantorlot is a top a mountain. We have no idea how tall said mountain is.

2805517 would he get the bends?
or is that just divers?

Lots of run-on sentences and quite a few errors in punctuation and grammar. I would get a proof reader bro.

Also the dialog seems rather wooden and forced. You should try to make it more like real conversations. Right now it feels robotic.

Also the plot is a little rushed, but that isn't really a problem with this kind of story.

I think the story has potential and I like the idea, but you really need a proof reader or something to help you out.

2809180 Well, the pressure is 1/3 that is sea levels. Even if he was using an oxygen mask, his ears would take damage. He'd likely also pop blood vessels in both his eyes.

2809180
The bends are caused by a drop in pressure releasing the gasses condensed in your blood, which then expand into bubbles in your body.

So did everest collapse a few hundred feet?:rainbowhuh:

molestia, lunaughty, decadence and naughtwilight, eeyup this guy is royally fucked

Now I just really want for them to all be competing for his attention. That would be funny as Tartarus

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0upescDtP1rqfhi2o1_500.gif

2809066 well it is not nearly as tall as Mount Everest due to the fact that a road leads straght to the top that a carriage can take.

... ... ...
Seriously, what the hell kind of law is that?
That's the only problem I have with the story premise. Where did that law come from?

Okay, a few things.
One, slow down and give us a fuller picture of where he is. Take some time with his impressions. Give us some insight into his mind. Let us know how he approaches everything he comes across.
Two, punctuation and grammar. I noticed several places with missing quotation marks (especially chapter 2), as well as words that weren't capitalized that should have been, and the occasional wrong word. Not enough to detract from the story, but enough to be noticed.
Three, run on sentences. Bad. Use shorter sentences. A single sentence of dialouge shouldn't take up five lines.

“No I’m the other hairless ape with no tail or fur.” You respond coldly

None of the apes have tails.

:trollestia::moustache:oh yeah send me there hehehe:pinkiehappy: married to four princess's :trollestia::yay::twilightsmile::eeyup::rainbowdetermined2::heart:

L1

nice

I suggest finding an editor. There are quite a few errors, as well as places that could just use a general touch up. Other than that, it's pretty good.

O god its every Furry's wet dream!

Rushed, seems way too rushed for me...
Also, you could really use checking your punctuation.
Its hard to read, I was losing focus the entire time.

I'm not saying it's bad. No, it's quite good story, but it needs fair amount of polishing.

“I p-p-promised Shining on his death bed that I would find another special somepony eventually and he died over 500 years ago

Bestowing him with immortality as well wasn't an option because...

...Because this plot needs a love triangle

i don't care that everyone keeps saying its rushed, i like this story and its fine to me!:pinkiehappy::derpytongue2:

Okay, a few spelling and grammar issues that need to be addressed (most common, it's 'marrying', not 'marring') and it is still moving WAY too fast, but overall the story catches my interest. Also, give us a bit more description for the world, okay? Help us to see where we are.

Also, several of your sentences could easily be broken into three or four.

Celestia should go last because we all know how the date would end:trollestia:
And another well done chapter YOU DISERVE A MOUSTACHE!:moustache:

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