Chapter XIV: Mere
Chapter XIV: Mere
“Help.”
Luna cocked her head, but did not turn around. Her mane and tail billowed like oily smoke from the moss where she lay, staring across the stagnant river into the twisted shadows of mangrove roots. She crossed her hooves in front of her and spoke quietly, almost reverently, as if to avoid disturbing the dawn’s stillness. “And who are you talking to this time?”
Flash coughed, haltingly, grunting and wincing as each spasm sent electric shocks through his entire body. “Luna, p-please,” he panted, gasping between each word, “wake me up.”
Luna took a deep breath, sighed, then fell silent. With his ear submerged in the mud, Flash could hear the burrowing action of unseen creatures beneath him as well as he could hear the grinding of his cracked ribs with each shallow breath. Every leaf or drop of water that landed on the bog sent an audible smack through the ground, but Luna did not. She wasn’t moving. Not squirming. Not fidgeting.
Twilight’s hoofsteps were painfully loud as she squished her way back and forth, leaving deep impressions in the soft ground. She paused to shake a glob of mud from her hoof. “You could wake up if you wanted to.” She jabbed a hoof at Luna. “She isn’t holding you here. You’re just lazy. And weak. You don’t want to go back.”
Spots and brilliant flashes of color danced across the gloomy treescape. Flash passed quickly backward, then rushed forward again, whimpering as he reached a foreleg out to steady himself. “N-no, I…”
Luna growled, then stood up. She turned around and took the few steps to stand next to Twilight, both of them looking down at Flash with a mixture of pity and disdain. Luna’s hooves hadn’t left a mark on the earth.
For a long moment, nopony spoke. Trying to look up at either princess was too much of a strain, so Flash just stared at their hooves with his one eye that wasn’t pressed into the mud. Finally, Luna said, “Flash Sentry, I’m trying to help you.”
Flash glanced upwards, trying to breathe without breathing.
Luna shook her head. “Your problem isn’t the broken ribs, or the bleeding wings, or the fact that you’re lost in the middle of a swamp while everypony is looking for you in Canterlot. The problem is” —she lifted a hoof and tapped his forehead with each word— “in your head. Until you understand that you are awake, that this is the real world… Until you believe that Twilight’s betrayal never happened, then nothing I can do will help you.”
The muddy hoofprints covering the ground suddenly seemed more confusing. It was no longer clear who had left the tracks, or where they began. Indistinct. The entire swamp seemed to be melting away at the edges of his vision.
Twilight knelt down on the soft ground and caressed Flash’s cheek. “See? The dream is fading away.”
Flash closed his eye and almost nodded. He was getting warmer, like being wrapped in a blanket.
“The weather is wild in the Everfree, even this close to Canterlot.” Luna stood up and turned toward the river. “Heavy rains, all night, just to the north. You’re running out of time.”
Flash opened his eyes. The fetid water was already covering one nostril and seeping into his mouth. It was gritty, and tasted vaguely of fish and sewage.
“Give up on Twilight. The Twilight you know, the one who betrayed you… She isn’t real. All those years you were asleep, and you dreamed the worst thing. What you have for her isn’t love.” Luna shifted her weight, making sloshing noises with her hooves. “I can see dreams, you know. You’re not asleep, but I can tell that she’s talking to you. Twilight isn’t here. She’s in Canterlot, hoping to find you safe and sound.”
Flash tried to lift his head, but the muscles in his neck tugged against his ribs, grinding the broken ends against each other. Instead, he just twisted his neck, levering his muzzle out of the water long enough to inhale. Luna turned and looked at him over her shoulder. Twilight was still smiling down at him. He smiled back.
As he exhaled, blowing a series of bubbles that lingered on the surface and clung to his muzzle, Luna frowned. “I could stabilize your ribs with my magic. Carry you back to Canterlot.” She turned and stood next to him. “Let Twilight care for you like a sick puppy, just waiting for you to bite her again. Falling deeper into disillusionment and bitterness.”
Flash twisted his head again for another shallow breath before letting his face splash back down into the water. Twilight lay down in the mud next to him and nuzzled his cheek. He returned her affections, rubbing mud into her fur.
“No.” Luna’s wings twitched. “I’m going to watch you drown. When your body grows cold and stiff, I’ll bring you back to Canterlot. Explain how I found you too late. Twilight will be angry. She will mourn. And she will move on.”
A slow fire was building up in his lungs, filling his legs with an itching heat, an undeniable restlessness. He couldn’t get air fast enough, and he couldn’t hold his nose out of the water long enough to take more than a couple shallow breaths. Bright colors swam in his vision as he splashed his hooves about and tried to breathe around the water in his mouth. “H-help!”
Luna tensed, lowering her head slightly with the faintest hint of magic collecting at the tip of her horn. Flash spat out a mouthful of water along with Twilight’s name as he reached out to her.
Luna relaxed with a sigh as she looked down at Flash. “Equestria can’t handle this much dissention between its princesses. The issue must be resolved. Unless you abandon Twilight and acknowledge reality, then you are standing in the way of what is best.”
Thrashing turned to flopping as the fire in Flash’s limbs grew into a cold numbness. He couldn’t get his muzzle above water, and could no longer resist the desperate urge to inhale. The feeling of water splashing down his throat triggered a violent coughing fit, which only pulled more water into his nose and mouth. After a few seconds, he willed his muscles to relax, leaving the swamp silent except for the ringing in his ears.
“This is best for Equestria. More importantly, this is best for Twilight.” Luna looked down at Flash with cold, sharp eyes. “Don’t you want what’s best for Twilight? Let. Her. Go.”
It sounded like Luna was talking into a bucket, from very far away. The urge to inhale was completely gone. Flash didn’t remember closing his eyes, but he must have.
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“Dear Princess Celestia…”
Spike held his quill above the paper, staring at Twilight with one eyebrow as high as it would go. “Was there more, or did you just want me to write that five times?”
“I just…” Twilight slumped deeper into the mattress, casually flicking one of the pillows to the floor. “I don’t have anything to say to her.”
“Come on, Twilight. It’s not a real letter. I’m going to burn it, not send it. You need to express your feelings.”
Twilight pulled back the blinds and squinted at the cloudless dawn pushing the last vestiges of color out of the sky. How much faster does dawn occur when one is traveling eastward? At the speed of a train, the difference is probably dwarfed by the standard deviation of Celestia’s timing and artistic flair. Still, though, with a large enough sample size and precise angular measurement, she could probably determine an upper bound. Maybe an automated system, mounted on every train in Equestria, that recorded the train’s velocity and heading during sunrise or sunset, corresponding to angular measurements of the sun’s position. Then, those could be compared for eastbound and westbound trains, as well as a stationary location for a control.
Spike cleared his throat.
Twilight closed the blinds and looked back toward Spike. “Since when are you the responsible adult around here?”
“Since you stopped being one. You know how important it is to resolve friendship problems.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want friendship with her. The Celestia that I knew—”
They both paused at a knock on the sleeper car’s door. Twilight rolled off the bed and tossed the covers into a pile against the window, then pulled the curtain in front of the bed with her magic. After running a hoof through her mane, she took a deep breath, forced a smile, and said, “Come in.”
Dream Pool peeked around the edge of the door with a smile. “Good morning, Twilight. Spike.” His indigo eyes swept across the lavishly decorated sleeper car. “May I come in?”
Twilight looked down at Spike, then back up. “Okay.”
“I’ve just shared,” Dream Pool said as he elbowed the sliding door open, saucer and teacup in each hand, “a traditional morning tea ceremony with your guards.”
“Oh really?” Twilight said. “What do you call it?”
“Breakfast.” Dream Pool gave a wide, toothy grin as he held out a teacup to Twilight.
Spike snickered as Twilight fought a smile on her own face. “Thanks, but I’m more of a hot cocoa girl myself. If that’s, umm, okay with you.”
“I’m not offended,” said Dream Pool as sat down, sweeping his robes from behind him with his tail. He set both saucers on a tiny end table before taking a sip from one of the steaming cups. “We share the things we enjoy so that we can bring happiness to others. What sort of things do you enjoy sharing with Flash Sentry?”
“Umm… Books.” Twilight sat on an overstuffed cushion and watched Spike climb back into his bed with a comic book.
Dream Pool nodded, his jet-black mane glistening in the sunlight that filtered around the edges of the curtain behind him. “What sort of books does he enjoy?”
“Well, the same books that I do.”
“Really? Hmmm. What sorts of things does he share with you?”
Twilight let her eyes wander toward the ceiling for a few moments. “Uhhh, sandwiches.” She looked back to Dream Pool, but didn’t make eye contact. “He likes sandwiches.”
Dream Pool set his teacup back on the saucer and raised an eyebrow. “You are united by your love of sandwiches?”
Twilight shifted on her cushion and cleared her throat. “It sounds silly when you say it like that. He likes fancy sandwiches and he makes them for me sometimes. It’s something he enjoys that he shares with me. How is that different from tea?”
“My apologies,” he said with a bow, “I didn’t mean to offend you. Tea is appropriate for new acquaintances such as ourselves, but for betrothed I was expecting something more… substantial.”
Spike flipped a page in his comic book. Teacups and saucers clinked as the train hit a small bump in the tracks.
Dream Pool spoke again. “Unless that is too personal. I don’t want to pry into your private life beyond what you are willing to share.”
“No, it’s okay,” Twilight said with a sigh. “I just… Nopony has ever asked me these kinds of questions before. Why are you so interested?”
“So many leaders are, hmmm, how should I say it? Like a royal garden. Their appearance and perception is immaculately manicured, so the public – and especially foreign dignitaries – see only a flawless mask.” He leaned forward and tapped his lips with one claw. “But you. You’re different. I know more about your personal life, your history, and your problems than I know about Prince Song. You’re different, and that makes me curious. You want our nations to be friends, and I like that. And, as friends, I want to help you with your problem. Have you considered my proposal?”
Twilight bit her lip and rubbed her shoulder with a fetlock. “Well that’s, uh, thanks. I have thought about it, but I still don’t know where Flash is, or if he’s even alive. I’ll have to see what his condition is before I can make a decision. I’d like to talk to Luna and my friends about it, too.”
Dream Pool nodded, reaching out an arm to steady himself as the train lurched.
“Speaking of which,” Twilight said as she pushed some curtains aside to peer outside, “it looks like we’re in Canterlot.”
Dream Pool threw back the curtains on his side of the car, twisting effortlessly in a half circle that made Twilight’s neck hurt. “It’s beautiful, and so different from San Franciscolt.”
“Yes, we have a wide range of topography in Equestria. And a lot of different cultures, too. I grew up here in Canterlot, and it’s very different from Ponyville.” Twilight stood up and stretched as the screeching brakes rang through the cabin. “I’m afraid that I have business to attend to, but I’m sure you can find something in Canterlot to… I’ll be at the castle if you need me.”
“Yes, you should prioritize your fiancé.” Dream Pool waved a hand as Twilight slung a saddlebag over her back. “Do you have any suggestions for wh—”
Twilight summoned a scroll into the air in front of the dragon’s face with a pop and a burst of purple light. “I made a list of places you and the other dragons should visit while you’re here in Canterlot.”
Dream Pool grabbed the scroll and slid off the ribbon holding it together. “Thank you, this is…” The scroll unrolled, spilling onto the floor and continuing across the carpet. Dream Pool licked his lips and raised an eyebrow. “Very thorough.”
Twilight gingerly stepped over the scroll on her way out of the car. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to miss anything bored. Bye!”
Dream Pool pinched his eyebrows together as he mouthed Twilight’s last few words.
Spike tucked his comic book under his arm as he jogged past. “She couldn’t decide whether to say, ‘wouldn’t want you to miss anything good’ and ‘wouldn’t want you to get bored.’ Her brain mashed them together before the words got to her mouth. She’s probably outside, banging her head on a wall right now. It was good to see you again, bye!”
“B-bye.” Dream Pool watched Spike make his way through the next car, then turned and peered through the window at the ponies gathered on the train platform.
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Luna stepped closer to the motionless stallion, leaning down and squinting. “Flash?”
The last bubbles from Flash’s muzzle dissolved on the surface as the murky water lapped over his unblinking eye.
Pushing the gnarled wing out of her way, Luna pressed a hoof to the stallion’s ribs. She tried to detect any motion in his chest, but her own breaths came faster and faster until she could no longer tell whether it was her or the world that was shaking. “FLASH!”
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Twilight tried not to gallop as she made her way across the station platform to the first guard she saw. “Sir, is—”
“Your Highness.” The guard bowed.
“Yeah, hi.” Twilight waved a hoof. “Is there any news on Flash Sentry?”
“No, ma’am. Princess Luna didn’t share anything with us.”
“Alright. Thanks any—” Twilight froze. “Wait. She has news, but didn’t share it?”
The stallion raised an eyebrow. “Not since the letter she sent you, I don’t think.”
“Letter?” Twilight glanced at Spike then back to the guard. “What letter?”
The guard took a step backward, bumping into the wall. “The letter she sent to Spike while you two were at the summit.”
Twilight turned to Spike and hissed, “Celestia read that letter, and she didn’t say anyth—”
Spike reached up and clamped a hand over Twilight’s mouth. “Of course she didn’t. Look how you’re acting. I bet she was waiting till the summit was over. That’s probably what she wanted to tell you when you left her behind in San Franciscolt.”
Twilight huffed and sat down, crossing her forelegs across her chest. “I guess I can’t honestly blame her for this one.” She looked at the guard and gave a half-smile that she hoped would qualify as disarming. “I didn’t get the letter. Was it good news or bad news?”
The guard took off his helmet and looked at the ground. “I’m sorry. It’s not good news.” He looked back up at Twilight. “Like I said, she didn’t share anything with us, but Princess Luna was very upset when she came back yesterday morning. That’s just what I’ve heard from the other guards.”
Twilight stared straight ahead with glazed eyes, trying to concentrate on the pulse pounding in her ears instead of the voice pounding in her head. Finally, she shook her head and leapt to her hooves, then turned and began galloping toward the castle, leaving Spike standing next to the station guard.
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A pair of gold-clad unicorn guards stood in the hallway, shuffling their hooves and alternating their gazes between each other and the floor, with an occasional quick glance up at Twilight. She jabbed a hoof at the castle infirmary doors behind them and said, “I know he’s in there. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be guarding the door.”
One of the guards stepped forward and spoke softly. “I honestly don’t know, Your Highness. Our orders were to instruct you to go see Princess Luna in her chambers. We were not warned about any potential escape attempts. Had that been the case, we would have been stationed on the inside of the doors.”
Twilight looked at the doors again. They weren’t chained. She reached out with her magic and tugged on one of the latches. It released with a click, and the door began to swing open.
The guard kicked the door closed with a rear hoof. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but our orders were specifically to keep you out.”
Twilight lifted her chin and tried to affect an air of regality. “And I’m giving you different orders. Let. Me. Through.”
The other guard shuffled his hooves and glanced back toward the doors. “I don’t, uh, I don’t know the procedure here. But Princess Luna did specifically say to disregard any orders from you that contradicted her orders. And any orders that contradicted that one. Add in finnuh, um, something.”
Twilight put a hoof to her forehead and sighed. “Ad infinitum.”
“Yeah, that was it.”
“But,” Twilight said, her eyes darting from one guard to the other, “you have to know something. Surely you’ve heard something?”
“Eeeeeeeh,” the one on the left said as he scratched the back of his head, “Princess Luna specifically forbid everyone from listening to or spreading rumors.”
“It’s not spreading rumors if you’re telling me, is it?”
“Well, I suppose—”
“No!” The other guard held a gold-shod hoof in front of his comrade. “She should just go see Princess Luna and get the truth.”
Twilight took a step forward. “I’m tired of running around! I want to know NOW! What are the rumors?”
Both guards took a step backward. The one on the left gulped and looked at the other, then said, “P-pretty much everyone agrees that Princess Luna dropped Flash Sentry off in the infirmary, and left crying. But nopony can agree what exactly happened.”
The other guard nodded. “Some say he was dead, others say he was just asleep.”
Twilight bit her lip. “Dead? What happened?”
“They… They say he committed suicide when he found out you’re pregnant. He tried to rip off his own wings; I heard that first-hoof from one of the medics who had to re-set the shoulder where he’d pulled it out of joint.”
“Yeah, supposedly he chewed all his feathers off before he jumped off the mountain. I guess he wanted to be more like an earth pony, like the stallion you… uh—” he waved a hoof in circles “—you know.”
Twilight blinked. “N-no. None of that is true! Wait. Okay, some of it is true. But not the parts about me!” She facehoofed. Without looking up, she growled. “Grrrraugh. I’m not pregnant. Celestia told him that to see how he would react. Some kind of dumb test. He did injure his wings before he escaped, but that’s the last I’d heard.”
“Oh, that’s good news.” The guard’s eyes crossed for a second. “Wait. Some of it is. Did you say that Princess Celestia did this to him?”
“Uh huh,” Twilight said, craning her neck to look past the guards. “Look, I need to see Flash, so—”
“But why would she do that?” the other guard said. “To one of her own guards?”
“Because she doesn’t trust him,” Twilight snapped. “She never has. And she doesn’t trust me, either. Now if you’ll excuse me” —Twilight stepped forward and shouldered her way in between the guards— “I need to see Flash.”
Both guards braced their rear legs and leaned against Twilight, pushing against her as she tried to shove them both backward. “Your Highness! You can’t go in!”
The other guard gritted his teeth. “P-princess Luna said it, rrrngh, was very important! We won’t allow you through!”
Twilight took a step backward and caught her breath. “You don’t have to allow anything.”
Both guards lifted off the ground in a glow of violet energy, frantically treading air as they floated to opposite sides of the hallway. Twilight stepped between them and cleared her throat, then spoke softly as she looked at the ground. “Thank you for your help.”
Just as Twilight reached the door, one of the guards shouted, “Your Highness!”
Twilight sighed and leaned her forehead against the door. “What is it now—”
“TWILIGHT!”
Twilight froze in mid-flinch, then slowly turned around. Princess Luna stood with her head high, staring down her muzzle at Twilight. “Will you please put down the guards?”
Nodding, Twilight lowered the pair of stallions to the floor, and released them from her magic. She looked up at Luna and said, “I just—”
“Twilight, you are making irrational decisions out of anger and fear. Trust me when I say that things will not turn out well if you continue down this path.” Luna sighed, then stretched out a wing to Twilight. “Come with me. We have much to discuss.”
“But,” Twilight said, glancing back at the door, “what about Flash? Nopony has even told me whether he’s alive!”
Luna pursed her lips. “That is… Complicated.”
“H-how is it complicated? He’s either alive or he’s not!”
Luna turned around and took a step down the hall. “Walk with me.”
The two shuffled wordlessly along the halls, their hoofsteps echoing down the marble corridors, as Luna’s head sank farther and farther and her gait became slower and slower. Finally, Luna took a shuddering breath and whispered, “I can’t let you see him.”
“Yeah, I gathered that.” Twilight leaned down to look Luna in the eyes. “What did you mean by ‘complicated?’”
Luna avoided Twilight’s gaze, turning her head the other direction. “I-I’m sorry, Twilight. I tried to save him. I did. I really did. But he’d rather die than… Rather die than let go of the illusion.” She looked up at Twilight and opened her mouth, then returned her eyes to the floor. “I let him drown.”
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Luna was not gentle. If Flash had been conscious he would have been screaming, but Luna knew that every second he wasn’t breathing was another second his brain was without oxygen.
The water pouring out of his throat slowed to a dribble, so she pressed her lips against his and pushed as much air into his lungs as she could. Without bothering to check for a reaction, she lifted him into the air with her magic, rear end up, and wrapped her forelimbs around his chest. Each squeeze pushed more water out of him, and risked a sharp chunk of bone puncturing his lungs.
When the last gurgles had stopped, Luna dropped him back to the ground and hastily wiped away the mucus and mud that had bubbled out of his mouth. She leaned over him and fit her mouth over his again and exhaled, then turned and spat out a mouthful of slime before pressing on his chest with her hooves. “Please, Flash, wake up. Twilight needs you.”
Another breath, and another mouthful of slime. “Celestia needs Twilight. Wake up, please wake up.”
Luna tried to give him another breath, but his tongue had fallen out of his mouth, preventing an airtight seal around his lips. She took a deep breath, wrapped her tongue around his, and pulled it into her mouth as she filled his lungs. His body jerked and spasmed, sending both of them into a coughing fit. Luna pulled him into a hug and cradled his head on her shoulder as they both continued to cough. “Thank you thank you thank you…”
After they both had taken a few breaths, Luna lifted Flash in her magic and wrapped his chest in a glittering translucent bandage. He winced and grunted as it tightened, then took several shallow breaths without coughing. He tried to lift his head. “T-twilight?” His voice was coarse and raspy. “What… What happened?”
Luna lowered him back into her forelegs and let him rest his head on her shoulder. “No, Flash, this is Luna. Do you remember what happened?”
He suppressed a cough and croaked, “I tried to fly with Twilight, but… These aren’t my wings. I don’t have wings. I fell, and… I fell. Then when I, I pulled myself out of the water. You and Twilight were arguing, I think.”
Luna felt one of his ears perk up at about the same time she could feel Twilight dig herself out of his subconscious. Twilight’s words were faint, echoing through Luna’s mind but not her ears. Luna took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, then helped Flash sit up. “Let me tell you what happened.”
His eyes were shifting between Luna and a volume of empty space just off to her side. She reached out with both hooves and held his muzzle so that he had no choice but to look into her eyes. “I told you that this is the real world. Your prison was the dream. This Twilight that you see here? She’s the nightmare. She’s not real. She lied to you. But this is the real world, here and now, Flash.
“So I gave you a choice. Either give up on this delusion, this nightmare, this spiteful Twilight who haunts you… Give up on your love and your hate for her, or give up on reality and let yourself drown. Do you remember that?”
Flash squinted and wrinkled his eyebrows.
“Do you remember your answer?”
He shook his head and winced, then gingerly wrapped a foreleg around his chest.
“You gave up on her. I was afraid you were going to let yourself drown, but you did it. You agreed to give her up.” She could see his eyes darting to the side. “No! You can’t listen to her any more. She’s not real. You promised.”
Luna relaxed her grip enough to let him turn his head and look at Twilight. His eyes followed her movement while his lips twitched like a foal learning to read. With a sigh, Luna sent a surge of power to her horn.
The swamp erupted in a firestorm, swirling around them as they sat in the eye of a towering tornado of flame. Flash lunged for Twilight, but it took almost no effort for Luna to hold him in place. His wide eyes reflected the flames as his ears drooped.
In an instant, the roar was gone and the swamps silence wrapped around them again. Smoke and steam rose from the blackened ground between slimy green puddles. Flash’s eyes were still locked onto Twilight. Luna pulled his face back toward her own. “See? That would have burned anypony, even Twilight. What you are looking at is a hallucination. Do you understand?”
Flash looked at the sky and squinted. “She—” he coughed, wincing and hugging himself “—she’s tricking me. The sky, and my wings, and and when I believe it, it, it hurts. But I, I always fall for it. And then I wake up and I, I, I hear her laughing. They both laugh at me and—”
“Shhhhh. No, you won’t wake up there, ever again. You’re awake now. And I promise they won’t laugh at you.”
“She’s laughing now,” Flash said, glancing over Luna’s shoulder.
Luna shook her head. “That isn’t her. You’ve been away from the real Twilight Sparkle for so long that you’ve forgotten who she is.”
Flash looked at Luna. “When was the last time I saw her? T-the real her.”
“Well, ah…” Luna bit her lip. “Technically, you saw her yesterday.”
“When was yesterday?”
“Ummmm…”
“Was yesterday real?”
“Okay.” Luna sat up straight and planted her front hooves in the moss in front of her. “Three days ago, you and Twilight came to meet Celestia for tea. Celestia put you under a spell, and you spent a long time in a dream, tormented by a nightmare of Twilight. Then you woke up, and we didn’t know how bad you were. Do you remember seeing two Twilights in the same room?”
Flash nodded once.
“Did that ever happen before you woke up in the castle?”
He wrinkled his forehead for a moment, then shook his head.
“See?” Luna smiled. “You’re starting to put the pieces together.”
Flash shook his head. “I always knew. Always knew she was, s-sh... She wasn’t, uh, she was a hallucination.”
Luna raised her eyebrows. “You knew?”
“I’m, I’m the only one here. They welded the door shut.”
“No, the—” Luna massaged her temples with her hooves “—Ugh. The prison never happened. That was the dream.”
Flash blinked. “When was yesterday?”
Luna looked around the swamp. “I need a… a calendar.” She grabbed his face again. “Look. The dream started with Twilight’s betrayal, and ended when you woke up and punched Twilight, the real one, in the tea room.”
“It felt like p-punching a tree.” Flash held up his foreleg and flexed the joints before looking up at Luna and whispering, “She was real?”
“Yes. I’m real too.” She scooped up a hoofful of mud, then rubbed it in his blue mane, grinning as she swirled it around his scalp. “The swamp is real. If—”
Luna paused as a glittering swirl of magic sailed through the air and coalesced into a scroll in front of her. She caught it in her magic and unrolled it, speaking as she read. “Here’s a letter from Spike. He and Twilight are in San Franciscolt right now, you know, meeting with a delegation from some far-off land. Ah, it says she needs certain materials from the library. What a surprise.” She let the paper roll itself back up and tucked it behind one ear.
“I’m sure,” Luna said, more to herself than to Flash, “that one of the scouts must have seen that pillar of fire. Yes, there he is.” She fired a tiny ball of light from her horn and watched it shoot into the air and burst into a strobe.
In seconds, a white-coated pegasus in lightweight armor landed before Luna and stood at attention.
Luna began giving orders as she passed the scroll to him in a glow of indigo magic. “Take this to the library archivists and have them begin collecting the information immediately. Then report to the infirmary and tell them to prepare to treat fractured ribs, water aspiration, and skin infection. And there should be no need for security precautions this time. Isn’t that right?” She glanced at Flash but didn’t wait for a reply. “That is all.”
The guard snapped off a quick salute and took to the air.
“Now,” Luna said as she lay down on the ground and surrounded Flash in a glow of magic, “Let’s get you to Canterlot.”
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“So, he’s basically okay now?”
Luna looked up at Twilight. “No. What part of anything I just said makes you think that he’s okay?”
“Well, the part where he understands that he’s living in the real world now. I thought that was a definitive step forward.”
“He doesn’t understand anything.” Luna stood up and took a deep breath. “He believes that he agreed to it. That’s all.”
“Still though,” Twilight said as she turned back toward the infirmary, “a few days of actual living and walking around and just being with other ponies, and he should be better.”
“Twilight, where were you ten years ago?”
Twilight stopped walking. “I… I’d just started fifth grade.”
“Ten years ago, Flash lost his fiancée and his wings, in the same day.”
“But—” Twilight ran back to Luna and looked up into her eyes “—he’s got me back now. He’s got his wings back.”
Luna wrapped a wing around Twilight. “It’s not so simple as that. For him, it was real. You betrayed him, abandoned him. He lost his wings. Those things actually happened to him. He experienced it, truth or not.”
Twilight shrugged off the feathery hug. “But when he sees the truth, he… He has wings, he can—”
“He doesn’t have wings, Twilight.”
Twilight’s eyes grew wide. “N-no! You didn’t! You—”
Luna held up a hoof. “Of course not, Twilight. I’m not a monster.”
“Unlike your sister.”
Luna stood tall and flared her wings, glaring down at Twilight. “How dare you? My sister is not perfect, but she loves you. Don’t—” Luna took a deep breath and tucked her wings back against her sides. “Twilight, you are still in shock. You’ve been all over the place emotionally. I understand that you’re angry, and you’re grieving, but… Just stop.”
Twilight looked at the floor. “I’m sorry. Spike has been getting on my case about that, too.” She cleared her throat. “So, uh, what did you mean about his wings?”
Luna sighed. “On our way back to Canterlot, I stopped on a cloud to rest. He fell right through the cloud, like an earth pony or a unicorn.”
“No, that… That’s not possible.”
“Twilight, have you heard of a phantom limb? An amputee still feels the limb, even though it’s gone? It’s something like that, but in reverse. His wings have been gone for so long, his magic can’t connect to them. He can see them, touch them, even move them, but they’re not real. Not to him.”
Twilight sat on the floor and held her wings out in front of her face, turning them over slowly and looking at the feathers, past them.
Luna sat down next to Twilight and wrapped a wing around her shoulders. “We don’t know if it’s permanent. Nopony has ever gotten back an amputated limb before. I’ve already sent off for the world’s top experts in automagical disorders. But I think this is just another symptom of his disconnect from reality. It’s easy to forget what’s real when everypony is telling him he has wings that he can’t feel or use.” Luna pulled on Twilight’s chin until they were eye to eye. “When he sees two Twilights, telling him different things.”
Twilight buried her face in Luna’s soft, fuzzy neck and sniffled. “And that’s why you can’t let me see him.”
“He needs to know what is real and what is not, and he is incapable of making the distinction when you’re around.”
“I never agreed to that,” Twilight whispered.
Luna rested her chin on Twilight’s indigo mane. “I know. I had to make a choice. I had to make a promise.”
“I hate it.”
“I know.”
Twilight leaned back and rubbed her nose with a fetlock. “So, what do I do now? I want to help him, but…”
“Give him space. Take care of yourself. You have friends and family who need you as much as you need them. Also” —Luna nodded down the hallway— “you have to deal with her.”
Twilight’s ears folded back as she caught the sound of gold-shod hooves making their way down the marble hall. “Horsefeathers.”
Celestia came to a stop in front of the pair and stood silently for a moment. She took a breath. “Twilight, I am not angry.”
“Hmmm.” Twilight bit her lip and glanced at Luna from the corner of her eye.
“I underestimated the seriousness of Flash’s condition. I underestimated your ability to manage state affairs. I made snap decisions based on emotions, and for that I apologize.”
“Hmmm.” Twilight tapped a hoof rapidly and looked at the ceiling.
“We need to have a debriefing on the summit, and we need to talk about what happened at the train station. I can see that you’re not in the mood for a chat right now, but there is a disciplinary issue in guardroom three that requires your attention.” Celestia smiled. It was a tentative, fragile thing. “It seems a pair of guards abandoned a very important post, and it was on your watch.”
Twilight let out a noisy breath and brushed past Celestia to gallop down the hall. Only a few steps away, she skidded to a stop and turned around. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to placate me by giving me meaningless responsibility and authority. Well, it won’t work, because… Because I lied to the guards and told them you’d made other plans. So the responsibility was mine all along. It was never yours to give. Although, that means I can’t let you punish the guards for what I did. But I don’t think you would do that anyway. So, again, it doesn’t even matter, does it?”
Celestia sighed and rolled her eyes. “Twilight, don’t overthink it. I just want you to apologize to the guards who only realized they’d abandoned their posts when I flew in and asked where they went. They were terrified.”
“Oh.”
“Twilight, you need to understand how your actions affect others. It’s a lesson you can never stop learning, no matter how old you get.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Clearly.” She turned around and proceeded down the hallway, ignoring the murmur of conversation dwindling behind her.
______________________________________________
Twilight took a deep breath and peeked into the guard room. She had been expecting something like a locker room full of bunk beds, but it looked more like the living room of a bachelor pad, with couches and card tables, and posters tacked up on the walls. A bachelor pad with racks of armor and spears. Half a dozen guard stallions were reading sports magazines or playing cards. Their chatter seemed like nothing more than background noise until Flash’s name caught her ears.
A chorus of “Your Highnesses” greeted her the instant she stepped into the room. Twilight sighed. “Can you all please stop doing that?”
“Yes, Your, uh, ma’am,” one of the guards said with a salute.
Twilight eyed the guards standing at attention in the cozy room. “Um, you can relax, or whatever the order is that lets you all do that. At ease? As you were?”
A pale blue unicorn tossed his mane back with a smile. “You could just say, ‘Take a chill pill.’”
“What?” Twilight said with a tilt of her head. “That sounds like something my mom would say.”
One of the stallions punched him in the shoulder with a laugh. “Oh, she burned you good, Sparks!”
Twilight held up a hoof. “Maybe that was the wrong order. I need to be serious for a minute.” She took a deep breath and pointed at two pegasus stallions who looked vaguely familiar. “Are you the guards I foalnapped on the train?”
They glanced at each other, then turned back to Twilight. One cleared his throat and said, “Yes, ma’am. I’m Staff Sergeant Dust Devil, and this is Corporal Longbow. We rode the train back with you after abandoning Princess Celestia and her chariot in San Franciscolt.”
Longbow nodded. “We abandoned our post and our principal. We are fully prepared to accept the consequences of our actions.”
“Ah, well, that’s the thing,” Twilight said, sharply aware of the contrast between the stoic posture of the two stallions and her own humble slouch. “The problem wasn’t your actions, it was mine. I… I lied to you. Celestia was planning to ride the train back with me, but I didn’t really feel like talking to her, so I told the conductor to go ahead and leave. Honestly, I’d kind of forgotten about you two until you were all like, ‘Oh no, we left her behind,’ and then I liked the idea of Celestia standing in the dark by herself so I lied and you stayed on the train and I guess she flew here and was all, ‘Why’d you leave me behind,’ and you were in trouble and it was all my fault.”
Twilight took another deep breath and let it all out with a puff. “So, I’m sorry. I was petty and childish, and that affected you.”
The room was silent for several seconds before Dust Devil spoke. “Huh. That… Thank you, Your Highness. That means a lot.”
Longbow shook his head with wide eyes. “I didn’t expect that. I really didn’t.”
One of the other guards murmured, “I’ve never heard Princess Celestia apologize to one of us.”
Twilight sucked in a breath as a dozen potential responses swirled around in her head. Her first reflex had been to defend Celestia, to point out that she’d probably never done anything that required an apology. Even before that thought had fully formed, her gut wrenched and recoiled at the memory of Flash’s torn and bleeding wings. But Celestia had apologized to her, several times. It hadn’t felt real. Wooden. Or did it? Did it matter? Apologies don’t negate the original offense, either. Then again, they do help heal the wound between two ponies. Not the scar that had been drawn between her and Flash.
By the time Twilight realized that she was standing with her mouth open, the room had erupted into a shouting match. She took a pensive step backward. This wasn’t her argument. She’d done what she came here to do. She could leave now, but that didn’t seem right. She could use a silencing spell; it’s difficult to continue an argument when nopony can hear you. Then again, frustrating everypony doesn’t tend to push any situation in a more peaceful direction.
A blanket chipmunk-voice spell could work. The idea of a room full of stallions shouting high-pitched squeaky insults at each other made Twilight giggle, but it didn’t seem like it would resolve anything.
She could simply shout louder than anypony in the room. She was quite capable of it. Simply being louder than everypony else was no legitimate basis for authority, though.
Authority. She had authority. All she had to do was… She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t even sure what authority actually was. Celestia had once told her that you can tell if you’re a leader by simply looking behind you; if ponies aren’t following you, you’re not a leader.
Twilight took a step forward and stood as tall as she could manage. She lifted her chin, spread her wings, and adopted a stern look of disapproval. Time to find out if anypony would follow her.
The first stallion to notice was in the rear of the room. His eyes went wide for a moment, then he snapped to attention and stood with his head bowed. Another guard noticed his response, and it became a cascade. Within five seconds, the entire room was silent.
Twilight took a deep breath as she made eye contact with each of the guards in turn. “I’m clearly not an expert, but I’m pretty sure guards aren’t supposed to act like that.”
None of the guards responded.
“And sometimes princesses don’t act…” She took another deep breath and folded her wings. “I heard bits and peices of your arguments. I want to set one thing straight. Celestia and I did not have a ‘battle.’ We had an argument, and after she left, I tore the room apart. Not very mature of me, but…” Twilight looked at the floor and shuffled her hooves. “I’m sure you’re aware of the situation.”
“Speaking of the situation, Your Highness,” the blue unicorn said with a hoof in the air, “Can you tell us anything about Flash Sentry? Is he doing better? Is he alive?”
Twilight looked at the guard and asked, “Are you one of his friends?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m Sparkle Brook. I’m sure he’s mentioned me.”
Twilight shook her head.
“Has he said anything about Tee Square or Autumn Crush?” He waited for Twilight to shake her head again. “I can’t say I’m not hurt. We, the four of us, we hang out all the time. Or, we did. After what Flash did to Autumn, though…”
“Yes, I heard about that.”
“He’ll be fine, by the way, in a couple months when he gets the cervical collar off. Thanks for askin’.” Sparkle Brook gasped as his eyes grew wide, then he bowed low and stammered, “I-I’m sorry, Ya Highness! I didn’t mean to— I just lost two friends, and I know it wasn’t your fault. I haven’t had much sleep an—”
Twilight cut him off with a brief hug, then left a hoof on his shoulder. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to snap at ponies who don’t deserve it.”
He nodded. “Thanks, Princess.”
She nodded for a few moments, then smacked her lips. “Do I need to do any paperwork or something, so you two don’t get in trouble?”
Dust Devil saluted. “I’ll take care of the paperwork, Your Highness.”
“Thanks.” Twilight squinted and held up a hoof. “Are there some kind of rules about when you guys salute versus stand at attention or bow or whatever?”
Longbow chuckled.
“No, seriously. Is there a book somewhere that explains all this?”
“There is,” Longbow said with a smile, “but I think Princess Luna is the only one who knows or cares.”
A stallion’s voice crackled out of a metal box on the wall. “G-3, is Princess Twilight still there?”
Longbow reached up and pushed on the button with a hoof. “She is. Do you have a message for her?”
“Her mother is causing a scene at the infirmary.”
Twilight sighed and rested her forehead on a hoof. “Tell them I’ll be down in a sec.”
______________________________________________
The tension in the air was palpable, even before Twilight turned the corner to see her mother sitting in front of a pair of gold-armored guards with her forelegs crossed in front of her chest.
One of the guards spotted Twilight and his ears perked up instantly. “Oh, Your Highness! Thank goodness you’re here.”
Twilight Velvet turned around and waved one of her hooves behind her at the guards. “Yes, thank goodness. Now order these guards to let us through.”
Twilight shook her head as she sat in front of her mother. “I’m sorry, mom, but I can’t. They have pre-existing contradictory orders.”
“Ad infinitum,” said a guard, with one hoof in the air.
A grin tugged on the corner of Twilight’s mouth. “Exactly. I also wanted to apologize for the way I treated you two earlier.”
Both guards chuckled. “No apology is necessary, Your Highness.”
“No, I mean it. You two have the hardest job in the castle right now. Telling the Sparkle family ‘no.’”
Velvet put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “It’s true. She was a difficult child.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Thanks, mom. But the orders don’t matter any more. Because Princess Luna is right. I’ll explain later.”
“Twily, dear, you’re not nearly upset enough for that to be true.”
“I just… Everything that’s happened… I’ve been so scared and so angry and so worried for so long that I’m just sort of empty. I’m burned out.” Twilight shrugged and then scuffed at the floor with a hoof. “I’m sure I’ll be angry again later. And scared, and worried, and—”
The infirmary doors swung open with a clatter, and Princess Luna stepped through with Dream Pool at her side. She smiled and said, “Oh, Twilight. We were just on our way to find you.”
Twilight couldn’t help but peek down the hallway. A few chairs, a pristine gurney, and a bored-looking nurse pouring himself a cup of coffee were all that she could see on the clean tile floors.
“Twilight?” Luna leaned in front of the younger princess and waved a hoof in front of her face.
Twilight blinked. “Hmmm?”
“You can’t go in. We talked about this.”
“I know. I wasn’t going in. I just wanted a look.”
Luna closed the doors with her magic, then turned back to Twilight with a soft smile. “Of course. Did Secretary Dream Pool tell you about his idea?”
Twilight looked at the slender dragon and then back at Luna. “He did.”
“And what did you think of the idea?”
Twilight ignored a quizzical eyebrow from her mother. “I, uh, I hadn’t thought about it since I got off the train, but the way you asked the question makes it sound like you’ve already made up your mind.”
Luna nodded. “I have an opinion, yes, but it is your decision to make.”
Velvet took a step forward and frowned. “What idea? Flashy isn’t okay, is he? What happened?”
With a deep breath, Twilight leaned against her mother. “He doesn’t know what’s real, mom. I’m a hallucination to him, and he needs time away from me to sort things out.” She nodded to Dream Pool. “This is a dragon from the Yang Dynasty. He has a safe place for Flash to go, where he can be sure that the Twilight he sees isn’t me.”
Dream Pool gave Twilight Velvet a solemn smile. “It is a monsatery, a place of peace and meditation. He will be cared for by monks most skilled in the rejuvenation of the mind and spirit.” He turned to the younger mare and bowed slowly. “Is that your decision then, Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight bit her lip. “If he stays anywhere in Equestria, I know I’ll eventually go see him. I was going to say ‘no,’ but now I don’t really see any other way.” She felt her ears droop as she glanced at her mother, then back to Dream Pool. “H-how long will he be gone?”
The tall dragon clasped his hands together and closed his eyes, lifting his chin in the air as he spoke. “It will take as long as it takes.”
“Yeah,” Twilight said, waving a hoof dismissively, “but what, like a month?”
A dry chuckle escaped Dream Pool’s lips. “It will take nearly a month just for the steam ship to reach our shores, and a two week trek up the mountains to reach the monastery. I will stay with him long enough to ensure he is settled in, but then I must be in attendance at the Emperor’s court. I will return to the monastery to visit Flash Sentry as often as I can.” He placed one claw on her shoulder. “Perhaps you should take this time as an opportunity to learn patience.”
Twilight gritted her teeth and pretended to smile. “That sounds like something Celestia would say.”
Dream Pool pinched his lips together in a half smile, then stepped around Twilight and waited for Luna to join him. “I will take that as a compliment. I would very much enjoy to stay and teach you meditation and patience, Twilight Sparkle, but Luna has authorized the use of your train to transport myself and Flash Sentry back to San Franciscolt, should you have agreed to my proposal. I have seen the degree of his damage, and the danger that you pose to his sanity. You understand, of course?”
She nodded silently as her mother nuzzled her cheek. Luna leaned over to nuzzle the other side of Twilight’s face as it pulled into a grimace and broke into silent sobs. Dream Pool placed a hand on each of the princesses and painted his face with sorrow, then bowed and turned away gracefully. Luna followed, leaving Twilight in her mother’s embrace.
______________________________________________
Steam from the train’s pistons clouded the platform and lingered around the lithe serpentine form standing in front of Flash. The stallion squinted and tilted his head, looking the beast up and down. “Spike?”
The dragon chuckled. “You flatter me. As I have said, I am Secretary Dream Pool, of the Yang. You—” He reached out a claw and pulled Flash’s chin back forward. “Do not listen to her. Look at me. She is not real. Did not Luna promise you that you would be free of her, as you have promised to free yourself of her?”
“I…” Flash glanced to his right, then looked back at the dragon. “Not real?”
“The train is ready. I will take you to a place of silence. A place of healing. She will not lie to you, not on the mountain.” Dream Pool stepped aside and ushered Flash onto the train before turning and raising his eyes to the distant castle with a smile.
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This is so sad. Poor Flash. Poor Twilight. They will be separate for at least a year. Great chapter.
Practice what you preach, hypocrite.
Honestly... I think that Flash getting some time alone will be good. A place of healing sounds like exactly what he needs to recover from what is basically a mystically harrowing experience.
The way Luna said to give up Twilight, though... It was ambiguous whether she meant "give up the illusion here" or "give up your love on Twilight because it will harm our unity".. At least until later when it became more clear she wasn't going to keep him dead, and started explicitly saying Twilight needed him.
Now we is getting somewheres.
Glad to see the story back and great chapter.
8158265
Finally...a glimmer of hope...
Ooh, happy to see this story surface again!
8157344
Passing on a lesson that you have learned the hard way is not hypocrisy, is it? Pretty sure Celestia would want Twilight to take her words to heart before Twilight has to banish her brother to the nearest astronomical body for a millennia or inadvertently cripple and torture her surrogate daughter's/son's fiancée for 10 subjective years in a mental oubliette...
8157389
Same here.
I initially though Luna was going for the "Suck it up Buttercup and get over it" school of help...
Does anyone know if Dream Pool is above board and on the level?
The "monastery" could very well be a draconic culinary arts school and Flash finds his "peace" as a fricassee
8161437 I call Celestia a hypocrite because she caused all this drama without considering the feelings of her student(whom she claims to love dearly but I highly doubt it) when she could have at least talked to him about it.
8161450
Makes sense
8161470 I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
Personally, I think it makes very little sense that they think he can only recover if he's away from Twilight.
They claim that with her gone he will know for sure what the hallucinations are, but he's already shown a tendancy to believe the hallucinations over the real ponies, so how do they know he will take their assurances that the real Twilight isn't there? That's not even counting the fact that his only vision of Twilight is of the hallucination is likely to pollute his thoughts of her with further falsities.
Plus, one would think that him having the opportunity to contrast the hallucination with the real one would help him separate them in his mind better, not make it worse.
8161773
No. No sarcasm there (or here).
It's always sad when a story with so a good hook and good execution seems like it's gone forever (I'm guilty of this myself), but that makes it so much better when it comes back! I really missed this story, not just because I'm a sucker for Flashlight, but because it stuck in my mind way after the first read and I'm still finding new nuggets of storytelling when rereading it.
And my shipper heart is crying and fighting with my writer mind over this one. At this point it looks like Twi and Flash's relationship is thoroughly trashed, maybe permanently, and even if Flash is treated there's no guarantee it'll be sunshines and rainbows again. Same with the royal relation between Twi and Celestia, since this elephant in the room isn't going anywhere for the next few decades, and I'm waiting for Cadance to hit Celestia like a meteor once she learns Celly her sister-in-law's chance at true love. It'll take an extra-strength time skip, at the very least, but that's probably not gonna happen.
But there's no suffering without hope, and I'm still holding out for some kinda happy ending, because no tragedy is complete without the slight chance for everyone to live.
Years have passed since the previous update, yet my interest is still there and this story still has the goods. Great chapter, I'm looking forward to seeing how this all pans out!
8222670
I'm glad you still like it! The next chapter is in-progress.
8223275
so still in wip?
8509433
Life's gotten in the way, and I haven't had the chance to work on anything in the last few months. It's still in progress though.
8509844
ty for your time I wait 1 year for the chapter!
I am now 100% convinced. This story deserves none of the downvotes. Author, I sincerely hope you're intent on continuing because this is amazing, and I really want to see this through to the end.
9983372
I'm glad you like it. I sure hope I finish it. I really want to.
9984422
Good news then. I'll look forward to it. And thanks for the ride so far.
Please update! This story is so good!
Really hope that you will update this story...
It is really good
The story's incomplete, but it's honestly not much of a problem. The later chapters were becoming increasingly boring after the excellent suspense portion of the story. Still, Flash's experiences were amazing to read and hypothesize about.
7390837
A few months ago, I realized why I think it resonated so strongly with me.
I've spoiler censored everything else, because it is sort of dark (no physical self-harm if you're worried about that).
I do what Flash does too (not the physical self-harm, or downplaying pain). I loathe myself. I've delved deep into fantasies of punishing myself, and at the time I truly believe that I deserve whatever horrible thing I think up. At those times I could wish that I was Flash in this story.
I viciously hate myself for perceived wrongs, even when I can objectively recognize them outside of the situation/later as harmless mistakes at worst.
I only realized that I loathe myself a few years ago. Maybe I even remembered this story and that helped me recognize my core problem.
I wasn't able to recognize it back then. I don't remember why I wasn't (though I did when I first realized it), and what has changed since then. Maybe I was too busy with school work, or had too many things that I could actually blame myself for failing to do. Maybe I didn't even think about those punishment fantasies as much back then because I was too busy.
Don't worry about me though, I'm looking for professional help.