hay i love reading fanfiction and my favorite charecter is Twilight!!
Twilight decided to spent some time with her brother and Cadence, but keeps bumping into a sertain pony named, Flash Sentry. Twilight tries to pay much attention to it but, she starts falling slowly in love with him. Will she take a chance with him.
If your hate Flashlight then just don't read.
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I like this story so far. To be honest, I don't know how you are going to play the Shinning Armor card. Most people have him as an overbearing brother. Maybe he will supportive. I don't know. Your choice.
It's okay. Not bad, not terrific. There are a few errors in grammar and stuff, like:
*They're, or they are.
It's a question. It should be: "Twilight, why don't you go unpack and then we can go to the park and have a picnic?" with a comma added after "Twilight".
Not a huge issue, but I think there should be a comma before "princess".
There's actually no need for that comma there.
*I'm. And there should be something after "Alright", either a comma or a period.
Anyways, it isn't horrible. I gave it a thumbs up. But it would be better if you could also split different ponies talking into different paragraphs. Two different people shouldn't be talking in the same paragraph. But keep at it, and you'll get a lot better, I'm sure
Oh yeah, trust me. You can't even begin to imagine the hate I've received for making a FlashLight story. I don't love Flash Sentry, but I also see no need to hate him, either. I kind of like what I turned him into in my story. The human Flash kind of ticked me off because he was too good.
It will be great if Twilight's parents come over for a visit as well it'll be like a family outing.
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but he won't be too fine with it either
Well, I don't want to make Shinning Amour crazy
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I'll make sure I fix those errors. This is my first Twilight and Flash fanfiction so, it might not be the best but you know what they say,'practice makes perfect.'
3975516 For sure! My first story was so incredibly poo that I deleted it after a day. I'm just really glad that I kept at it and turned into the writer I am today
3975509 Well Twilight is dating one of his guards. Best of luck with the next chapter. Hope it doesn't take took long to write.
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don't worry I'll post a new chapter everyday
I voted up just balance the downvotes this Fic is getting
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thank you, I'm not so happy about the down votes but everyone has their own opinion.
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also its Foal-sitter not foul-sitter
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my thing.
im sorry...i really need a prof reader, spelling isn't
Can't wait to see how this story turns out. thumbs up and fav. keep writing please.
Please keep going, I like what you have so far
3975831 You could do well with a pre-reader and an editor.
It's a start. My first FlashLight fic had some problems too. Just a little bit of editing here and there. Mine kind of needs a rewrite.
Well you misspell Shining's name but your doing great.
Also Twilight could just tell off her brother because one she's a princess, which means she along with Celestia, Luna, and Cadence can do whatever they want and two Twilight's kind of possessive.
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sorry, I'm really used to spelling it 'shinning' ill fix that later and thanks. Im pretty much wrighting whatever pops into my head at the second.
3983129 all the better reason to get a Editor
Yea I probably will get an editor.
Good chapter. I want more now.
So far, so good. Don't worry too much on the editor. Most writing gets better with practice. But an editor wouldn't hurt to help you find stuff you missed. I'm still looking for one, but just depends where you look.
I liked this chapter. Another nice set up chapter, but now we need a bit of a plot twist of conflict that will threaten the two love birds. That is what I think this story needs.
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dont worry I am wrighting one. Its probably going to be in chapter 4...I'm not sure yet.
Don't fret over downvotes too much. There are a few minor problems with punctuation and such, but I'm able to easily look past it and I really like the sweet story you're telling.
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im still trying to correct my spelling but it isn't my thing,
but im happy you like it.
thank you
Great job with this chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
The name of Twilight's mother is called Twilight Velvet, not Valet. Capitals are needed for names, and just for last ch pter references, her brother's name is spelled Shining Armour/Armor (Depending on how you like to spell it).
Ooooh sheet. 'Twily' be mad now. Flashy tried to juggle two mares. And failed badly. Snow is a CHEATING WHORE, WHO KISSED MY EX WHEN WE WERE DATING!
~PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle
I have a felling that SnowSky did that on purpose to break Twilights heart.
Better be a awesome catfight in the next chapter.
Wow. What happened? This is not good for flash. Shinning could find out and then he would be in the dog house. Great chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
Something tells me there really is an understanding behind this, or at least I hope so. Please continue, look forward to seeing what happens.
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Yea the next chapter is going to explain what happened.
Good job with the mare fight. That is going to get interesting. I wonder why Cadence didn't interrupt them. Good story. Can't wait for the next one.
We want the full catfight next chapter!!!!
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u got it.
yea you need to rewrite it a bit and do some spell checking.
Well... The cat fight was a good idea. Now the question is what is going to happen now. Good chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
Sorry, but I cant help it- grammar and spelling mistakes bugg me way more than they should, I cant contain
you're using the wrong word. During the cat fight, mares were throwing. The past tense of throw is threw, spelled differently than the word's other meaning. That meaning is spelled through.
Example: Principal Celestia put the mail through the invisable box.
Second meaning example: I threw the ball to my dog.
I don't have any idea why I've made SUCH a big deal out of this
I guess you can call me the...GRAMMER POLICE
xD
It took me forever to write this one comment because I made so many corrections. See, nopony is perfect
You can make one or two chapters longer and hopefully they made up and get back together.
That was short please expand it.
How dead is she?
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You'll just have to find out.
When will you post the next chapter? I'm really curious!
4252855 take your time for better quality
Well this isn't going to end well. I hope though Twilight and Flash reconcile though.