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This is my swamp

I staggered through the Everfree Forest, only my considerable injuries keeping my speed to a manageable level. I leaned against a tree, panting as small drips of blood seeped through my bandages. This was a lot harder than it seemed in just about any shonen anime and manga. Or in video games, come to think of it. Beside me, Twilight (thankfully she'd introduced herself) looked at me with concern. "Are you alright?"
I nodded. "Just... peachy. Just help me get to my gym and shit. Was a castle, now it's a library and gym."

Twilight looked at me with a weird look. "Riiight. Anyway, how long will it take?"
I shrugged. "Not long. I want a rematch with that alicorn. Got a couple of injuries I want to repay, gentleman like." That was a total lie; in spite of my impressive durability, I was nowhere near ready enough to deal with the alicorn of the night. Maybe if I had the Elements of Harmony, that would readdress the power balance. Speaking of...

"Hey, Twilight. You look like somebody who reads more than they exercise. Know about the Elements of Harmony?" She beamed and nodded. "Yes! I found a book on that in the library. Pretty crazy coincidence, huh?" I raised a thick eyebrow.
"In magic, there is no such thing as a coincidence. Somebody might have wanted you to read that book." She put a hand on her chin, thinking about what I said. Nice to have somebody to talk to after two years in the forest.

Eventually, we were standing on the edge of the Everfree Forest. I struck a manly pose. "Let us go forth, to meet our DESTINIES!" The others weren't as enthusiastic as I was. The yellow one didn't seem that nervous, which was a pleasant surprise- looking at her, I was half-expecting her to faint when she saw me. The fashionista and that rainbow-haired one who I originally espied looking at me seemed a bit nervous. Pinkie was watching me with a mixture of caution and smiling (smiling must be her default mode of existence.) And Applejack wasn't even afraid. I knew that I'd made the right choice in rivals! All good shonen protagonists have a rival, with whom they share an almost sexual relationship, and then the rival disappears at the behest of a pedophile who only wants you for your body and... wow, my train of thought is more than a bit weird.

I strode through the dark forest like I owned the place, which might as well have been true. Truly, there was nothing bad enough in the entire forest to take me on, even when I was injured-
The ground beneath us collapsed, sending a couple of us flying. I simply gripped the earth so tightly that it started to tear. Behind me, I heard Applejack spouting some nonsense about trust to Twilight, and it seemed to work. I waited until I could see the pegasi, then focused what little remained of my magical might and floated down like a butterfly. Twilight immediately ran up to me.
"How did you do that?" I simple smiled, pulling out a copy of my book.
"Follow the exercises in this book for about five months, then you'll be able to replicate that feat."

After that little escapade, we continued through the forest unmolested. When the manticore attacked, my sole regret was that I was too wounded to engage in combat. Though my injuries were bad, the bandages, as was the logic, were healing me at a ridiculous rate, or so I tried to convince Twilight and co.
"No, bandages do not heal everything."
"They totally do. Look." I tore my bandages off, revealing, against all odds, that I had now recuperated from my injuries. I laughed at Twilight's gobsmacked expression.
"I...whuh...buh...how?" I turned to the relevant page in my book and continued walking.

Suddenly, each and every single tree was ridiculously scary. I will admit, my heart almost stopped. I looked at the mares, who were too scared to go further. Suddenly, Pinkie burst into song, casting me a nervous look then continuing with the singing. "When I was a little filly and the sun was going down..."
I tuned her out pretty much immediately and looked at Twilight, who seemed to be the sanest of our little group.
"Tell me she's not." Twilight looked on as Pinkie kept singing about giggling at ghosts.
"I do believe she is."

After an experience that I would rather gargle razor blades than remember, we came across a raging river. I sighed.
"Alright, pegasi can carry us over one by one. That is a good plan."
Twilight objected. "No! We should find a way to cross all at once."
I stared at her for a good minute. "What's wrong with having the pegasi carry us across? Or, better yet, why don;t the unicorns levitate us across?"
Twilight glared at me. "It's the principle of the thing."
I facepalmed. "...so abandoning cold logic and reason for your 'reasons,' and I use the term advisedly, strikes you as a good idea?"
It was then that a metrosexual river serpent appeared out of fucking nowhere.
"Sweet Jesus and Muhammed!" I scrambled backwards, fist being surrounded by fuckfire as I prepared to send this abomination of nature to a watery grave.

After a nice bit of negotiation on Marshmallow's part, we were now on the other side of the river. I was perpetually on guard, and so it was that I was able to rescue Twilight from a humiliating end, falling into the chasm. I looked up at my newly restored gym castle. It shone proudly in the light.
"Mares, welcome to Everfree Gym." They looked at me. Rainbow hair was the first one to speak.
"...so you turned the castle of the Pony Sisters into a gym." I simply nodded. Next to me, Twillight was having a bit of a fit.
"Do you know how much history could have been lost with that?"
"No less than usually happens. Now, let us charge. I get the feeling that something bad's going to-"

I was cut off when I heard somebody scream.
"-Happen." I was already zooming in. Bursting in, I could see Nightmare Moon, pinned beneath one of my weights. I looked at the weight of it and quickly gripped it, hauling it off of her without much effort. She looked at me and her eyes widened for a bit.
"Trying to lift without a spotter, eh? I might not have one myself, but here's my personal saying." An aura of magical fire surrounded me.
"Do as I say, not as I do."

Nightmare Moon sneered at me, her muscles, if anything, even bigger now. "Please, Muscle Wizard. You barely bested me before, and with a cheap trick at that. What are you going to-"
I cut her off with a Warlock Punch to the face. Villainous monologues are all well and good, but when the other guy is right in your face, then you're going to have a bad time should he decide to sucker punch you. With the immediate threat over, I turned to my companions.
"Well, I think you should find the Elements. There's a bit of the castle that I left alone. Seemed to be something up there, I'd go check it out if I was you." They all left, even the Rainbow haired one, though she looked at me. I quirked an eyebrow.
"Why hang back a bit?"
"It's because I don't really trust you. Besides, somebody has to be loyal, don't they?" I waved her off and got to imprisoning an alicorn.

First of all, I gripped some steel bars, and bent them around her arms, holding them in place. Then, a smaller weight around her horn, to stop her doing much magic. Finally, I restrained her wings. With nothing else to do, I sat down next to her, watching her to ensure no escape. I looked at her as she woke up. As she struggled to get free, I leaned in and whispered to her.
"This is my swamp." I then kept watching her efforts to break free.

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Comments ( 89 )

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TheFireman

TheFireman #1 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 23 · ·

Wow, she doesn't even lift.

AlphaThroughZeta

AlphaThroughZeta #2 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 28 · ·

ITS ALL OGRE NIGHTMARE MOON

ShadowEclipse

ShadowEclipse #3 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 5 · ·

I still waiting for a massive fight and the Hulk references to come out

DJ TR33

DJ TR33 #4 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 2 · ·

4253027 She doesn't even lift at all, brah.

Lord Of Dorkness

Lord Of Dorkness #5 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 7 · ·

fuckfire

I just literally don't know if I should go or at that attack name.

Seether00

Seether00 #6 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Lifting without a spotter can be dangerous. Use a machine if no one is around.

megamataman

megamataman #7 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 11 · ·

Zman537

Zman537 #8 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 12 · ·

4253091
4253027
i.imgur.com/OfLWa09.jpg

isjor1

isjor1 #9 · Apr 18th, 2014 · · 1 ·

naruto ftw

SuperBro.BrawlerKart

SuperBro.BrawlerKart #10 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 2 · ·

I have a suggestion for a new move for the Muscle Wizard! He could use his Muscle Magic to pull in his enemies after a blow to them, allowing him to stay in relative place and continue his assault. BIG, if not copy-past, influence from BlazBlue's Iron Tager.

Of course, rename the moves as you see fit, and the moves themselves don't have to nessecarily mirror Tager's, but the concept is what's important!

Requiem17

Requiem17 #11 · Apr 18th, 2014 · · ·

XD That last part killed me!

...

Zaralann

Zaralann #12 · Apr 18th, 2014 · · ·

Nice chapter.

Chaos Nightmare

Chaos Nightmare #13 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

oh god shrek

Baraka Obama

Baraka Obama #14 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 3 · ·

4253027 bro, do you even glyph? Or lift?

Taxes

Taxes #15 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 10 · ·

Whiteeyes

Whiteeyes #16 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 4 · ·

Bandages heal everything!

LoosePartyCannon

LoosePartyCannon #17 · Apr 19th, 2014 · 1 · ·

4253033 ITS NEVER OGRE

Dubious

Dubious #18 · Apr 19th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Just for shits and giggles, you should make it so that Nightmare Moon breaks free and beats the muscle wizard like a bitch, causing to have to resort to praying to the hugest for power, and to receive that power by gaining mega XXL muscle mass.

isjor1

isjor1 #19 · Apr 22nd, 2014 · · ·

shrek is love
shrek is life
those who break the rules of the swamp shall prepare thy anus for shrek

Magthere

Magthere #20 · May 3rd, 2014 · 3 · ·

Hmmm shall our mighty Muscle Wizard ever learn the spell "Sisko's Fist", Or its more powerful counterpart "Ben Sisko's Mother(expletive) pimp hand"*? The former is a quite powerful spell to my knowledge, and was used to punch an omnipotent being in the face. The Dominion had to face the latter much to their dismay.

*Credits to SFDebris for that title for the USS Defiant

Comment posted by Attero Dominatus deleted May 5th, 2014

Attero Dominatus

Attero Dominatus #23 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·

*reads chapter title* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-9mszLxAwQ

Just_A_Nopony

Just_A_Nopony #24 · May 7th, 2014 · · ·

4257159
MUSCLE JESUS!

Dubious

Dubious #25 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4330743 What did you just reference? Link me. NOW.

Magthere

Magthere #26 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355710

Behold Benjamin Sisko commander of the titular space station in Star Trek Deep Space Nine, using his trademarked Sisko Fist. See if you recognize his opponent and why such a spell as Sisko's fist would be useful.

And here's someones tribute to the USS Defiant which appeared in later seasons of the show Starfleet's first ship devoted to pure combat (originally against the Borg but it would primarily see action in the Dominion War). It was given the nickname "Ben Sisko's Mother(expletive) pimp hand" by internet reviewer SF Debris. His site can be found here if you want to see what he's reviewed.

Dubious

Dubious #27 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355766 Is it wrong that I have the entirety of Deep Space Nine sitting on my shelf and I still didn't get that reference?

Magthere

Magthere #28 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355832 IF you haven't watched it, it's not so bad, if you have, well... er... no comment.

Dubious

Dubious #29 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355864 I was able to watch the first season before my blu-ray player broke. So not bad, right?

Magthere

Magthere #30 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355871 Yeah you wouldn't have seen those scenes yet so your off the hook. So sorry I spoiled some later bits for you.

Dubious

Dubious #31 · May 8th, 2014 · · ·

4355875 Well, when I get around to it, I'll be binging on (Almost) ALL the Star Trek. As of now, I have ALL the Dragon Ball to binge on. All over one thousand episodes in total of every series.

Handyman