• Member Since 16th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 19th, 2020

Ssendam the Masked

My mask protects me from gas and Internet gnomes. What's your mask?


For over a thousand years, the power to teleport things has been a high-level spell that unicorns can perform. But when Pinkie Pie hits upon a strange rule (to her) Twilight has to explain things to the pink pony.

EDIT: Holy cowbell, how the heck did this get featured? This is. well, not anywhere near my best work. How? HOW?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 174 )

TROLOLOLOL, that was epic.

Did you see the TF2 movie Love and War?
NOTE - This was posted before I read the story

Where!? Where have you ben sending it!? - medic

:pinkiehappy: Well worth reading.


That was cute, and your prose is smooth, but I feel like it would've been better if you strayed a bit more from the inspiration; there aren't enough surprises, or original story aspects, to keep it interesting.

Suprising lack of Conga... Definitely needs more Conga.

P.S.: Conga is the best thing ever, spend like an hour doing nothing but that yesterday. The entire server came to hold. It was the most peaceful game of TF2 in the history of TF2.

LOL!! That's his best plan!?! Then again it worked... to a degree. I wonder how much did RD bet to Twilight about the "teleport + bread".

"This...is a BUCKET."

"Dear God..."

"There's more--"



Oh God this is based off that huge TF2 update isn't it? :rainbowkiss:

"I love the smell of fresh kicked ass in the morning."

My friend can do a really good Soldier and Heavy impression.

What happens if you repeatedly teleport Beer? :twilightoops:

We have 3 days to live.

The Soldier was right all along...

I was hoping Ahuziotl would find a bucket, while digging around thinking it's valuable. That would be awsome. :rainbowkiss:

i want that bucket as a hat.


That was fast written, it only came out two days ago. Very well done though. I particularly like the sandwich. It tops even the legendary Triple Fried Egg Butty With Chilli Sauce And Chutney from Red Dwarf. I must try it sometime, if on a smaller scale.

One thing springs to mind.... Gin is often distilled from wheat, so what would happen if I teleported a bottle of Bombay Sapphire for a few days?

I'm fairly certain the idea for this came from this.

4574935 One of mine can do a sniper impression of his touching story

4574967 feels like another game ive played... Oneminvolving the moon

On a scale of yes to no

4574720 I crashed an entire TF2 server with conga lines. How about that?

About bloody time and, I love this so have my like.


I love you for this.

4576288 that must have been awesome...


Yeah, the start is different enough to give it some interest, but then from the moment ahz shows up things go south.

"I have done nothing but quote the movie for three pages."

This... wasn't what I expected it to be. So while I am disappointed I am not angry, cause the story wasn't bad and you showed me a funny video.

So yeah.

I know.

I'm kind of ashamed of myself. I might have to redo it when I have time.

Yes. Hell yes. I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.

Spy: This... is a good story.
Soldier: Dear god.
Spy: There's more.
Soldier: No!

Twilight's eyes widened. "Wait. How much bread have you teleported?"

Ahuizotl smirked. "I have done nothing but teleport bread for the past three days."

Twilight's eye twitched and her mane caught on fire. "Where?! Where have you been sending the bread-"

My favorite part of Expiration Date.

4577361 SEDUCE ME!!!!

Comment posted by Europa deleted Jun 21st, 2014

does it say you want the bucket -spy:ajbemused:
yes -soldier:rainbowkiss:

4576288 I managed to lead a server in a conga line across the entire map. On Warpath. 'Twas glorious.

I can just imagine Ahuizotl in a red uniform and a helmet. That was excellent to read! Have all my internets!

This is impressive, but how would they deal with (dum dum duumm!) KILLER TOMATOES!!! :derpyderp1:

An update on our previous message about wheat and wheat by-products...

I shall mark this for later reading, if only because meme of the hour. Also, to see what you did that got this featured.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I wrote my own story based on the latest update, and it didn't get featured and I'm massively jealous. Nothing at all. Nope.avi

You're buying that, right? :applejackunsure:


I've been teleporting bread for three days straight.

Read this when it came out and I still think it's four-hundred shades of what the fuck!
I'm not even gonna try to understand the feature.
~Dash The Stampede

I'm as confused as you are. I wrote this quickly after inspiration struck. Hopefully, this hasn't inspired a 'Twilight teleports bread' bandwagon or something.

Oh Scout. Please, go f*squee*k yourself.

I have done nothing but teleport bread for the last three days.


Aww yoah so higher class you left us a tilda + italicized (and unnecessary) signature.


Haha! I teleported bread!

:rainbowdetermined2:And THAT is how you do it men!

All I had to read was the title to know that this came from Expiration Date. What would've been even more hilarious is if the Engineer teleported out of nowhere to drop a bomb.

Also, this story lacks Conga, seduction, and a bucket of chicken.

I give you a nice, piping hot cup of kicking their ass

This is just sad.

Downvote for lack of originality. However, props for being a non-clopfic in the featured box.



"Yes I see. Here you've drawn me having sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower.
The Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me.
Both of us relaxing post-coitus."
*mouthing 'post-coitus?'
"I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it. Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!"

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