I examined my body in the mirror. Finally, after six months, it had come to this. I had finally achieved the perfect body for my costume.
I flexed my new muscles. Yes, muscles. Six months ago, I was a skinny nerd. Now, I'm a buff nerd. A thick carpet of chest hair that I've always had, now actually looked appropriate with the veritable SEA of muscles that I had cultivated. My arms used to have the tone of limp noodles, but now they look like arms that you would see on a wrestler. Normally, my legs would look pretty similar to my arms- flabby and useless. But through sheer determination and the Christian Bale workout, my body is at the very peak of human perfection.
And all of this for a stupid DnD joke costume that nobody would really get. Still, it was worth it, if only for a body that could go shirtless in public without shame. Six months ago, I came upon the idea to dress up as the Muscle Wizard, talked about as a wizard who uses his muscles instead of his wits to cast spells. The idea exploded in my head, except my body was weak and unsuited to the rigours of being a shirtless Muscle Wizard. So, I made my body into a tank.
Six months of being in the gym, working out for about six hours, only stopping for a quick sippy. In six months, I had done a Christian Bale. If I really wanted to, I could be Batman. But no, my Muscle Wizard costume needed me. I looked over it. Six months ago, it had seemed a dream. My friends had laughed at the idea that I, Maximillian, could ever become a buff wrestler dude. Now, they were proven wrong.
I pulled on my pair of tighty whiteys, and then gripped the modified robe. Previously, it'd just been another wizard robe. Not after I was done with it, though. I'd taken the stars off of it, replacing them with little gold fists. The robe itself was a deep blue, contrasting against the fists nicely. For a hat, a pointy, wide-brimmed blue hat with the same fist motif. I placed it on my head, stroking my sideburns and moustache. I'd thought about growing a beard, but the moustache and sideburn combo was enough for the Muscle Wizard look. Finally, I oiled my muscles, making them shine. I grinned at myself in the mirror. "Here's looking at you, kid." With that, I sauntered off, towards the convention centre.
On my way there, I was treated to a lot of stares, at this bold, muscular wizard, strolling along and not giving any fucks. I grinned as some guys looked at me like I was some sort of weirdo. I suppose I was a bit of a weirdo, but who gives a shit? I don't. Not this wizard. My other con-goers were intimidated by my six feet in height and my bulging muscles. Some of them thought of challenging me, but were rebuffed by my flexing. It seems as if I had earned my nerd cudos. That was, until a nasally voice whined through the line, after a couple of moments silence.
"Hey, this is a comic convention, not a body building convention, you CoD fag." For answer, I simply turned to him. He was fat, had a neck beard and a pony shirt. I snorted. I was going to crush him.
"Are you aware of my power? I am the Muscle Wizard. My hit dice are d10, my intellect and strength are both d10, and my spirit and cons are both d8s. Come on my level, and I'll lane you like a bitch." Thus suitably cowed, he backed down, his weak testicles shrinking back into his flabby body. I was a skinny nerd, not a fat one. Now, I am available in both nerd and bodybuilding circles.
I grinned at my hubris. Eh, I didn't really care. That little display was so that I wouldn't be called 'a CoD fag.' There is nothing worse for a professional, hardcore gamer to be called. Sure, it does have some hardcore merits, but I'd rather not play a game mainly populated by whining 12-year olds. It's a stereotype, but stereotypes exist for a reason. Like the 'fat nerd' stereotype, those existed.
The next two hours in the Convention entree were totally awesome. My muscles drew many eyes, many alright, most not interested and one or two downright repulsive. I'm not interested in people like that; I simply am the biggest badass ever. I entered a couple of video game competitions, whupping the asses of several competitive people who barely recognised me. Still, I was humble; I always have been. My brief moments of vanity over my muscular body were soon replaced with a 'meh' attitude that I felt suited everybody.
Soon, though, my eye was drawn to an interesting stall. I walked over to it, drawn by the strange gauntlets that hung there. These gauntlets were made of copper, and looked nothing like a part of a steampunk set, with their thickly armoured, spiked knuckles. Arcane runes in black covered the gauntlets. Overall, it was perfect for my costume. I approached the stall keeper, a tall, skinny guy who barely looked at me.
"How much for the gauntlets?" He rattled off a price, and I parted with my filthy lucre. I slipped them on immediately, enjoying the coolness of the metal. The metal felt like it was a second skin on my hands, and I felt a tingle, almost like electricity flow through me. I stared at the gauntlets again. The designs were so fascinating...
The world blacked out around me, and I felt myself falling forwards. I felt the ground falling, and I plummeted, through a hole, into the clouds. This was a bit much for my rational mind, and I started screaming in a masculine fashion, I think. The land beneath me was like some kind of fairy-tale. I fell, onwards and onwards, until a small part of my mind said, Enough. With that, I stopped screaming, and, out of some sort of last ditch masculinity, drew back my arm to punch. And, as the ground beneath me came up, I let fly.
Ponyville
Rainbow Dash looked up, at the screaming projectile flying through the air. She blinked. What the hay? then, she saw him draw back a fist, and... punched the ground before it landed. The ground exploded, cracking and fracturing, shaking houses and trees. The shockwaves of the attack dispelled the cloud that she lay on, and she quickly flew up on sky-blue wings. Rainbow Dash shook her head in bewilderment. "...What the hay?" It seemed to be the only response that came to mind.
That was fucking awesome! I punched the ground, and I somehow survived falling from a hundred feet in the air. I pushed myself up, coughing from the dust that my indomitable fist had kicked up. I then looked around. Apparently, I'd either travelled back in time or I'd gotten myself into a Rennaissance Festival town. Either way, I disliked it. "...What the hay?" It was a female voice, although it was kind of scratchy and masculine. I looked around for the speaker. I didn't see her, I just saw some... ponies?
Anthro horses, of every colour of the rainbow were crowding around me, whispering.
"Who is that?"
"I've never seen muscles like that apart from Big Macintosh."
"Where's his fur?" It built up, until I couldn't take it.
"ENOUGH!" I boomed, the shockwave of my shout pushing a couple of ponies back. This done, I quickly ran for it. I'm not good with crowds. My fellow man I could tolerate, but not a crowd of fucking anthropomorphic horse people!
"HEY THERE!" I roared in shock as a vision in pink suddenly appeared in front of me. I glared at her. She wore a short miniskirt that held onto some quite impressive bosoms. I didn't know her name, but her voice cut through my ears like a knife through butter.
"Kindly get out of my way." She ignored me.
"Hey! You're new here, ain't cha! I should know, as I know every pony here! OH! I should throw a 'Welcome to Ponyville Party for you! Hey, where do you-" She didn't finish that sentence, as with a mighty roar of pure rage, I socked her in the grinning face.
I HATE people like her. They're always so cheery. Usually, I'm not violent, but now, I was on the warpath.
She sailed off at about a million miles a second, smashing through a building. A voice in my head said, Magic Fist. Every single horse around looked at me in terror. I grinned. Now, with them suitably cowed before my muscles, I roared:
"I AM THE MUSCLE WIZARD, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE THINGS LIKE THAT!"
That was Hilarious The whole thing between him and the fat nerd was pure genius good job
s3.amazonaws.com/bronibooru/bb96ff8c78e73f18d356bbf3454c2dfb.png
Well that was something...
My?
....WELL OK THEN
And low and behold, Muscle Wizard did smite the party beast.
thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=http://images.wikia.com/glee/images/9/95/This-is-gonna-be-good.gif&size=400x1000
Yes! Holy mother of the gods
YES!!!
I approve. Please continue
THIS ARCANE MIGHT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!
I wholeheartedly approve, but recommend you look through this again for errors, I spotted afew. I shan't mention them anymore though, I'm intimidated by the Magic Fist spell, I can't figure out whether to defend from physical assault or magical.
Oh... Oh dear god...
Somehow, somewhere, Malideus is trembling in his sleep.
I was not prepared... for this.
Publish this beautiful monstrosity. That is literally the perfect term for it: a BEAUTIFUL MONSTROSITY.
My body is ready.
25.media.tumblr.com/f15a8c303e6d0ba649020c4cd9d2cbae/tumblr_mula94FDDC1qd7h1xo1_500.gif
I have no idea what I just read but it was GLORIUS!!!
Oh god...It's beautiful.
Magic Fistile. The Level 0 cantrip for the Muscle Wizard. Very nice.
I have MADE that build. And useing a feat, actually cast spells based on my strength score.
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16113211/images/1314682146147.jpg
This is going to be great.
Please tell me though, is he going to go on a Huge Quest?
I AM SPREADING AWARENESS OF THIS VIDEO~!
Oh God.
It's... glorious.
Khorne is pleased with your acts of violence against the ponies!
Then his biceps exploded because all the steroids he took depressed his immune system and he got a septic wound in one of the injection sites.
And then he died.
The end!
YES!!!
This is the group's most important story
It requires more updates.
3997075
I like that. Too bad it can never happen.
BECAUSE HE CASTED FIST
I spy with my little eye somthing that is very /tg/ related
muscle wizard is reminding me of Alex Louis Armstrong!
MY MUSCLES HAVE BEEN PASSED DOWN THE MUSCLE WIZARD FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!!!
Hmm... This is intriguing. I think I'll watch this.
3993364
You... I remember you!
However did you escape from your eternal prison in the Base of Meme?
But it does not matter. Let all rejoice, for the Lord of Pony Trolls has returned!
3996228
403 Forbidden
3996117
I must know this feat. I've always wanted a Fighter/Wizard or Fighter/Sorc (maybe even an Eldritch Knight). With magic coming from strength rather than intelligence, that would make him much more useful.
3997210
HUUUUGEEEE!!!!
3997167
Hey!!!
3997426
Yes, yes, I get that a lot. Thank you for the warm welcome, though.
Gaze upon these muscles sculpted to perfection and know true happiness and wonder!
3997200 FOOL!! I HAVE FALCON PUNCH, THE MOST OP ATTACK EVER!!!
3997426 Ancient Tradition lets a wizard change what stat they use for casting to another stat. It was intended to let them chose wisdom or charisma so they could more easily cross class with another caster class. But since the feat doesn't specify this and let's you chose ANY stat...have fun!
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/011/392/manlyman.PNG
I think this should be what he looks like.
The true Muscle Wizard is a gentleman and a scholar; adapting to any situation with grace, sophistication and, if necessary, his fists. This guy's just a raving loony who yells at people and seems to think that 'punch it in the face' is the go-to solution. Basically he's a barbarian now, not a wizard.
The story was pretty funny, though.
I'm sorry pinkie but LOOK AT THESE MUSCLES SO YOU CAN KNOW WHAT TRUE HEATH LOOKS LIKE.
3997898
He'll regain some semblance of sanity in the next chapter.
After all, he's riding high on adrenalin and machismo from falling from the sky, punching the ground and WINNING.
What ho, Muscle Wizard! Might you cast us a spell?
3997431 Hi!
If you have a problem with Muscle Wizard's status as most important, he has 3 words for you to change your mind.
img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1367/86/1367866440924.png
Its a very well thought out and beautifully spoken argument is it not?
3998188
I CAST FIST.
3998293
I cast a better-written story. Marginally, but still.
Oh, and teleport.
3997688
I looked it up, and it's been retcon'd out of existence. The most I found was a fan suggested feat, and that was extra explicit about no muscle wizards.
'Tis a dark day in the kingdom, M'Lord.
content.artofmanliness.com/uploads//2011/09/manufacture_men1.jpg
By the Power of Charles Atlas I Grant you Muscles!
There has yet to be a problem encountered that could not be solved by the suitable application of FIST.
3997426
First or second link?
This is almost as bad as Malideus, so far. I've no real interest in it so far, but I'll be watching. Enjoy the watch and mourn the lack of votes or favorites.
3993296 You win the internet with that one mate.
Dayymnnn Gurl! Got some muscles on dat puppy!
4000225 The first one.
4000565 Malideus was enjoyable.
3997414
It reminds me of Brick from some of the Borderlands 2 DLC
25.media.tumblr.com/be463470f57a5c547d8119609b015a6e/tumblr_mkju8uGiaj1s8srleo1_500.gif