Scribe of the Damned
Joined 27th Mar, 2013 ·
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Hey look a story! fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/363/f/6/clapping_pony_icon___pinkie_pie_by_taritoons-d5pkuzy.gif
You need to put this on the My-Not-So-Little-Pony group; I feel like I shouldn't be saying this though...
This is surprisingly original to me. I don't think I've ever seen a story with this particular fetish before. Me gusta.
3777269
Yeah this fetish doesn't seem to be a common one in the fandom. I have seen one other story that deals with this type of fetish. I'm glad you enjoyed it, this fetish is a personal favourite of mine.
3777251
Yep it has been added there. It was one of the first groups that came to mind to put this story in.
Don't ever use vague terminology to name a character. Especially if they already have a name -- just "Rarity" will do.
This paragraph is really clumsy to read.
First you should begin the paragraph with the action -- which I outlined in bold. This way, it segues into the dialogue much more neatly. Or alternatively, you could place it just behind the first sentence, separating the words "slip" and "We" with a comma, as if it's an actual sentence of monologue -- which it is. Thusly:
OR:
Second, the idea behind the paragraph switches almost right in the middle. It changed from Rarity chastising herself for almost slipping that she has a feeding fetish, to wondering if she should tell her lover about it. You need to have one idea or action per paragraph. This way would make it easier to read. Behold!
You end up repeating this mistake several times throughout the story, with these siamese-twin paragraphs cluttering up the entire narrative. I suggest going through each paragraph and wondering where one idea or action ends, and the next one begins.
You seem to neglect that the quiet voice BELONGS to the pegasus.
Also, this is the most annoying way to describe a character or scene. Don't just rattle off a list of their features -- introduce the readers to each one of them. Don't say she has a yellow coat or long pink mane and tail. Don't talk about how the moon shines in the night sky -- I want to see it reflect off the lake as we run by. Observe:
As we see in the above example, I introduce the reader to Fluttershy while moving the scene along. Listing her features slows the narrative to a stop, which is what makes it annoying I understand it's a tricky thing to multitask character description with the action of a scene, but there's one trick I always love to use in times like this.
The trick is to not think of your story and characters as stories or characters. Don't even think of yourself as a writer. Think of it in these terms: this is movie, and these ponies are all actors, with you as their director.
In this sense, you need to think to yourself, OK, Flutters, here's the deal. You're gonna go into this boutique, calling for Rarity. You take a few steps inside and we get a good shot of you walking by our camera. Then I want you stop calling for her, and stop right here on this spot. You scan the area carefully, giving us a good look at the emptiness of the boutique. We'll give you a nice close-up of your face right afterward, in which I want you to brush the hair from your face. OK? Aaaaaand, ACTION!
This trick helps get you involved with what's going on in every scene, and it helps make your writing feel more... kinetic. More organic. It'll become a wheel that keeps turning until we meet a satisfying conclusion, and until then we'll get a good look at the scenery. Dig?
As for the rest of the story... eh. This isn't exactly the most stimulating fetish fic I've read, and it's mostly because of all the beige prose. There's little in the way of metaphor or clever language, and as a result it sort of acts as a glass between the reader and the action instead of pulling the reader into the same room as the characters. Beige prose moves the story along, certainly, but it needs some purple as a counterbalance, to flavor each action and color each scene.
I give it two moustaches out of a possible five.
Oh damn, this isn't nearly long enough to take full(hue) advantage of this idea. Needs to be quite a bit longer with more descriptions and more food!
But still. Have a fav.
EDIT: I'm so proud a story like this made it to the featured box.
Force feeding? And Rarity feedee?
Fuck yeah.
Hehehe
This was an interesting story. I've never seen anything like it. I agree with what Brony_Fife said about the grammar, but I think the story itself should have gotten at least three mustaches, if not, four, for content.
To be honest, I didn't think this could exist. Like, anywhere. A fetish over being stuffed with food by someone (or pony, in this case) else. Definitely a first for me. Not bad.
3779048
Glad to hear that you liked the idea.
3779543
You would be surprised on how people like being force fed/feeding someone like this. This is something I would love to do with someone someday, though with me I want to be the one in Fluttershy's position, to stuff someone with food.
3777566
Thank you for your feedback, I'm always looking for ways to improve my stories. I'm still trying to my quality of my writing and feedback such as yours will help me do just that.
Aw yeah...
So awesome... 
Thank you. I was thinking if I wanted one of these stories, I'd have to write it myself.
3779727 Yeah that is the reason why I wrote this story. There just isn't many stories with this fetish on the site. I have read about 2 or 3 stories dealing with it and they were quite good but I just wish there was more.
This reminds me of that Freakazoid episode about that little girl eating a ton of cookies....which in turn made me hungry lol.
Wonder what Sweetie Belle's fetish is so that a certain dragon could tend to her.
Just saying.
Da fuq.
That was weird.
My only problem is that Rarity is dating Fluttershy (I think), but it's been clearly shown she's attracted to Stallions. Ah well. Who cares.
3780419 You're assuming an attraction to stallions precludes bisexuality.
snag.gy/l0D9N.jpg
I greatly approve of this.
3780610 I second that.
3780202 Sweetie loves having wind chimes shoved in her butt and vag, and then smacked about so they ring.
Fuck diabetes, Flarity is the master cure for it! (I'm curious as to how they became marefriends in the first place. I hope Rarity was the one to develop feelings first than Fluttershy.)
Unabashed fetish fuel, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I would've liked to have seen more subtly, in particular with the dialogue. Fluttershy certainly should be much more reserved, even if she's completely gung-ho. At her most confident, Fluttershy still second-guesses herself.
I also feel like the sexual relationship between Rarity and Fluttershy is taken for granted. Some more exposition on their relationship would help make the intimacy feel more justified.
Wow, I would have never thought to find something like that here on this site -not that I'm complaining or anything-. I must say that I love the daring idea. But don't you think it would've been even more divine if the mare to stuff Rarity was AJ. Just think about it, tying her with a robe to a chair and stuffing her with those apple pies and zap apple jam and just apples. Just speaking my mind, that's all. But I was entertained here. Good work.
I think this is your fetish but you put it on rarity. Am I wrong?
3785321
Yeah there isn't many stories with this fetish on the site. I have found and read three that deal with feedee/feeders (One of with involves AJ being a feeder.) but not force feeding. That's why I wrote this, to help fill that void. That and this is a personal fetish of my own, so I deiced to use it for the premise of my first clop fic since it's something I know quite a bit about.
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
Also Rarishy is my favourite ship. I like your idea about AJ tying up Rarity and force feeding her, if I hadn't want to make this a Rarishy fic then I would have made it a Rarijack one instead, cause AJ is the only other one that I can see that would take part in Rarity's fetish without much convincing.
3789073
You would be correct. The reason for it is I wanted to use a fetish that I know a lot about for my first clop fic. That way I would feel more comfortable writing it.
>> Scribe of the Damned
Nice fetish.
3789155 Wow, I'm a big belly admirer myself, so we do understand each other here
. But you did a great job here, really.
And if I'm not a bother, can you PM me the links of the other stories with that fetish??
3796026
Yeah sure, it's not a problem at all. Just give me a bit to find them and I'll PM you the links.
3789196
Thats exactly what I did / am doing.
3810882
Yeah I saw that. I must say, while I'm not into water sports myself you made it pretty damn hot.
3813154
Thank You!
3815539
Your welcome you deserve it.
Considerign this is the first time I've read this type a fetish, I was turned on like a milf at a one direction concert.
thumbs up!
I want some one to force feed me!
This is amazing!
I've never rad this fetish, and I can't believe you got the abyss to edit for you! Omg! I loved this, now, as much as dominance really is something I want to do during sex, I am not so sure I want to force feed someone.
Reason; my mom HAD to force feed her friend kim because kim had lost pretty much all sanity and wouldn't care for herself. She had put hands in Kim's mouth with two pieces of silver wear to keep her from biting moms hands and literally shove food down her throat. She had pry her moth open with a spoon. The sounds she made were awful and horrifying to me.... So yea, that killed this fetish for me.
4446950 but only as a woman. At least when a woman grows bigger putting on weight she gains big breasts, a softer butt and a belly big enough to be used as a beanbag.