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After an undead creature attacks Apple Bloom, Princess Celestia sends Fluttershy to attempt to reform the assailant. That brief contact leaves an irreversible mark on Fluttershy's life. Follow her descent into a whirlwind of misery and despair.
Original author: KWF (He decided to leave the fandom.)
All art by Aisu-isme.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, you weren't kidding. That was dark, and this is just the first chapter.
Good luck, Fluttershy. All of Ponyville... nay, all of Equestria is riding on you here.
And, just like that, Fluttershy wins... or did she?
Wait... what?
Uh oh...
Well, that was... sudden. And what happened to Applejack telling Apple Bloom about Spike's demise?
Not to mention I don't think Rarity's going to be telling Sweetie Belle anything about Spike any time soon.
So many lesbians!
Just let the lesbians happen, Applejack. I think they deserve this "celebration kiss".
Okay, so there's at least one mare that isn't a lesbian out of the Mane Six.
Eeeeyup.
3772814 They say one out of every six mares is straight.
Well, Rainbow Dash took that compliment with her usual "levelheadedness".
I'm surprised the Mane Six, especially Twilight Sparkle, who was reading up on liches before Fluttershy was on the scene, took this long to figure out Fluttershy was Forgotton's replacement.
3772943 Yes, it's amazing that it never occurred to anypony that Fluttershy might have died in that forest fire.
3772763 Apple Bloom needs a few "big talks" that Applejack never gets around to giving. That stuff's hella awkward, it's easier to just make her do chores.
Well, now.
So this story's now just about how much friendship isn't magic?
A lesbian married couple as matchmakers... that'll end well.
Careful about making promises you can't necessarily keep, Rarity.
And the curse has spread yet again.
I wonder just how many generations of ponies it'll take before someone learns to just not touch the phylactery.
Seems everypony's putting his and/or her life out on the line.
3773201 But it's just so tantalizing!
Like an "employees only" door or a "high voltage" sign.
3773217 Pff. Like threat of death is going to get Twilight to read slightly less than usual.
Awwww, that was so sweet! Too bad Timpani's already cursed with undeath.
This is no way to treat Best Pony™.
3773252 Nah, it's cool. She can't become undead until she becomes dead. She'll live a normal life until she dies.
Hoboy...
Oh, don't worry,
Red EyeFluttershy. Now that the curse has been spread, you'll have a partner in your undeath!On the bright side, you two can continue to be
lovingmonstrosities.On the dark side, you two can continue to be loving monstrosities.
So... is this it? Is the story complete now?
And to think,
TimpaniStitch andFluttershyRed Eye finally did find a place to call home!3772867 Just one?
3772980 But die she did.
3773481 Yup. That's the end. Session 25 is meant to be an epilogue; I initially planned to end the story with session 24 and leave their fate ambiguous, but later decided to end on a high note.
I also thought up a super-dark alternate ending, but a friend of mine talked me out of writing it.
3773228 That normally means keep out.
Wow. To tell the truth, I didn't cry until I finished that last chapter, when it all crashed on my head with the conclusion. The friends that Fluttershy thought would stick together no matter what happens just completely cut her out and didn't try to see reason, even if the PRINCESS told them it was her. They didn't even talk to the poor pegasus, so Fluttershy lost everything and gained something else...
I loved the story and it had amazing concepts.
Perhaps I should study up on lychs to understand them better.
3775814 Thank you for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
oooh, what the shit
that ending was so sudden and went so fucking fast it made my elbow's hurt
p.gr-assets.com/540x540/fit/hostedimages/1380380664/737621.gif
i do so hope that these coming chapters will be a little slower
jesus christ can we at least let the FUCKING ROMANTIC LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS DEVELOP A LITTLE BIT FIRST?!
I like this story, I do! Hell, I don't even care if there's female and female shipping present in the story, but to have them thrown out the door just for the sake of being there for other, more important parts of the story doesn't really work. Also, i think twilight recovered a little TOO quickly from Spike's death. If one of my friends who's been there for me to help out around my house for a large part of my life was flattened by a burning tree, I wouldn't mope around for a day and then just say "Well shit............Aw, who cares! Guess it's time to study for pretty much nothing!"
Other than that, i'm loving this. It's a good premise! It's also dark enough to be intensely epic. Just try not to rush through the slow sections to get to the juicy parts. Not doing that would make this story even better!
3779087 I think my biggest sin is that I'm not entirely clear on the passage of time. There are gaps between (most) of the sessions, but I'm not sure how to directly address that without getting too hokey and expositional.
Spike dies in session 05. Session 06, his funeral, takes place five days later. Session 07 takes place three weeks after session 06. I tried to hint at this ("You've had your nose in a book for weeks!") without making a blatant information dump. I also imagine Twilight is the kind of pony who'd use reading as a coping mechanism; something to keep her mind occupied. As shown in session 12 (a full two months after session 07), Twilight still isn't over Spike's death. It doesn't always show, but it's always there.
I am definitely guilty of rushing through the slow sections, though, and have nothing to say in my own defense there. I didn't even touch the 5 days between sessions 05 and 06 in which the aftermath of the fire was cleaned up, houses were repaired, Spike and Fluttershy were found, Fluttershy was hospitalized, and preparations for Spike's funeral were made. Later sessions even have years in between them. I didn't feel like I needed to depict every moment, but in retrospect it definitely does look like I'm sprinting from plot point to plot point.
I'm glad you're enjoying the story despite its flaws, though! Thank you for the feedback!
3778029 I'm sorry about your elbows!
I thought Scootaloo getting flustered and running away was a cute way to end the session, but it does look awfully abrupt now that you say that. Thank you for the feedback, I'll see what I can do about enhancing this session.
This is a really good story. Although I have two complaints:
One, it feels a bit to short, and the passage of time was a little off putting.
Two, you didn't include Aisu-isme's sketches in the chapters.
Not saying I didn't love it, just that there could have been more.
I really liked the lich lore you used, pretty unique in the whole undead pony fics.
3781172 While writing, I was actually worried it would drag on too long, but shortness is one of the biggest complaints I'm seeing so I guess I was a little too concise XD
The passage of time is definitely a problem. I wanted to point out that time had passed without a straight-up info dump, but I don't think I touched on it enough. I made a timeline as a guide for myself. Perhaps I should release it online.
Also, I'm not sure if I can attach pictures to individual chapters? The PDF, Kindle, and tumblr versions of Red Eye are linked in the description, and all of those include Aisu's illustrations. She did some really fantastic work on this project, and that's part of the reason I put off posting a text-only version for so long.
One of the things about a story of this caliber, it would be much better if it was more in the 100K to 200K word range. Readers like to read. Readers like long stories, this would also fix your time line issue.
My suggestion for the FIMfic chapters would be to store a copy of each picture in your DA "sta.sh" then using the image insert button provided in the edit chapter screen, place the pictures in the appropriate places with in the story like so:
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/006/2/3/dressing_a_corpse_by_aisu_isme-d717csf.png
(In the story the picture will not have a link to click, but you'd have to give it a try to see what I mean.)
And this story should have an AU tag and maybe a Tragedy tag.
Also if your up to it, I have quite the few ideas for a possible sequel if your interested in expanding upon your story's world.
3782715 I didn't even notice the image button when uploading the text. Huh. I'll get around to adding pictures some time this week, thanks for pointing that out!
As for tagging, I will add the AU tag. I considered tragedy, but I wasn't sure if I should use it given I worked in a happy ending.
I'd love to hear your ideas for a sequel. I have an idea for a prequel, myself, but I'm not sure if I'll actually write it as it focuses on Varinia, who is an unsympathetic character by design.
3782762 And I think if you were to do a rewrite, don't change anything, just add to what you have. I'd suggest following the various ships with a lot more detail. Most notably would be to watch the CMC grow up more slowly.
And maybe expand your chapters to roughly 5K to 10K words each.
Also a romance tag wouldn't be out of place here.
This was a tough fic to read. First we have Apple Bloom attacked and the ponies discover it's a mysterious creature. Then Celestia sends Fluttershy to try and reform the creature (as in "Keep Calm and Flutter On"), but it results in the creature dying and Flutters the new monster!
I liked how the story also details the relationships between Apple Bloom and Scoots, as well as Twilight and Rainbow Dash (though you could have spent more detail on that). And I was really disturbed at how the rest of the Mane 6 turned on Flutters when they discovered that she was the new monster's vessel. At least Celestia consoles her when she meets Red Eye/Fluttershy face to face.
Near the end of the story, Sweetie Belle's daughter (who has a talent for sewing) finds Red Eye and tries to help her and they run off together. The notion of Flutters all sewn up like you do at the end was a little disturbing, but I was glad that they finally found a home. Perhaps you could do a sequel when Red Eye finally passes on and Sweetie Belle's daughter returns to Ponyville and tries to reconcile herself with the town's rejection of her friend. Just a suggestion.
I re-read the story and I had some of my recollections wrong. Like Timpani (Sweetie Belle's daughter), after she runs off with Red Eye/Flutters, is ultimately killed by Red Eye when she kisses her but is re-animated. That missed my notice the first time around, but I felt so bad for Flutters in this story. But now I realize that Flutters was killed in that forest fire and was re-animated as the monster that eliminated herself earlier in the story. It would have been better if Flutters had simply passed away, but that would have been a different story.
Tragic though this story is, I really liked the love story between Scoots and Apple Bloom as well as between Dash and Twilight. I know same-sex relationships aren't everyone's cup of Earl Grey, but it was your way of showing that life goes on in the midst of tragedy. It was sad of Twilight to pass away though. Hopefully, Spike will be waiting for her in the next world.
Perhaps you could do a sequel, not necessarily more misadventures with Red Eye and Stitch/Timpani, but what happens in Ponyville after the events of this story. Like how Dash copes with the demise of Twilight, or how Sweetie Belle deals with her missing daughter. Just a suggestion.
Well, anyway, I hope you would pardon my double-dipping in the review department.
3784045 Thank you for the comments! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I don't know if I'll do a sequel, at least not right away, but I do really like the idea you have there. Dash dealing with the death of Twilight Sparkle. Rarity, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo trying to console Sweetie Belle after Timpani runs away. Red Streak growing up. Life in Ponyville slowly getting back to normal, in Red Eye's absence.