• Member Since 7th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Fonypan


I have no idea what I'm doing.

Comments ( 17 )

I love it!:scootangel:

So touching. This is fantastic.:twilightsmile:

Scootaloo trotted along the path through the woods until she came to a turn along the path that lead to large and impressive iron gates that always sat open to allow the ground bound visitors entry to the large hill covered in flowers and stones the gates and fencing protect when the public are turned away for ceremonies that are commonly held at the small house at the picturesque hill top.

Ow, run-on sentence. There's at least three sentences in there.

Soon coming to a stop and looking down to where Rainbow Dash always waited for her.

And there we have a sentence fragment instead.

I know today is actually a wednesday, but to day is special

You forgot to capitalize "Wednesday", and I don't understand why you split "today" into two words.

“boy that was an awful long time ago.”

Needs to start with a capital letter, and needs a comma offsetting "boy" from the rest of the sentence.

That means its time for me to head home.

You're using the contraction for "it is" here: "it is time for me", so you want to use "it's".

a great luminous tail that shown like no other

The word you want is "shone", a variation of the word "shine".

Its good to see you to.

Again, this needs to be "it's", and I suggest you brush up on avoiding to/too/two errors.

Good night Tank.

"Good night, Tank." Any time someone is addressed directly in dialogue, there needs to be a comma between their name and the rest of the sentence.

It's a nice story, but it needs some polishing.

3657016 Not sure what to do with the run on sentence, but I spit shined the rest of the fic.

I can't say sleeping with a stuffed replica of your surrogate sister is healthy, but it was a great story none the less

such a great story

I had a sneaking suspicion by the second paragraph it was gonna be a story like this. its hard for me to understand how short stories like this leave soo many feels for me

Tank still being around is interesting. not many would think of how a tortoise would far outlive its owner

her sleeping with a plush of here 'sister'/adoptive mother is kinda weird. maybe if it said it was something she had since she was a filly before being adopted being it would sound less creepy

keep up the good work

Well, that was certainly a surprisingly unsurprising development, in a good way, of course. I found the very future of this universe we all make videos and stories of, shall be of the inevitable end of the Element bearers and the beginning of new ones. Time goes on, if not in a blink, a life can decimate down to ashes and dirt.

The world goes on, we cannot stop it to keep on turning. To keep on moving. If someone very special to our own selves dies, we view the world to slow down the moment you have seen them lay unconscious and unlike that of a dropped mannequin, just so that we can feel the very importance they have on the world. But in reality, the world just spins normally, for you are not remembering them for their importance to the world.

You are remembering them for their importance and effect on your life.

I should have paid more attention to the "Feels" tag. I didn't expect Dashie to be dead. :fluttercry:

Grammar Nazi time!

.” Said Scootaloo

This happens multiple time. Replace period with comma and make "Said" lower-case

When the bowl was empty Scootaloo got up

This is an adverbial dependent clause. The rule for adverbial dependent clauses is that if they are before the independent clause, then a comma should be added. (Add a comma after "empty")
For more information on dependent clause comma usage, please read the lecture in the School for New Writers group: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/916/school-for-new-writers/thread/30670/lecture-dependent-clauses-or-why-your-commas-are-mostly-wrong

Comment posted by Tillion deleted Jun 20th, 2014

4569006 When an error is that small, its a typo.

4570073 and now i feel like a dick.......
very sorry for that

4574103 Nah, its fine.

*Insert shameless innuendo here.*

That one dislike will probably burn in hell.

how did rainbow die?

6291013 This story isn't about that. So, you can decide for yourself.

Extra tag of feels is right. :fluttercry:

pretty good story, I almost cried, you were right about the feels :fluttercry:

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