I am not contained between my hat and my boots.
Rainbow and Twilight have been together for years now, but troubling rumors are filtering in from Canterlot about what Twilight and Celestia do behind closed doors. When Celestia comes to visit Twilight in Ponyville, Rainbow's world ends.
This story is told in a postmodern, experimental style. It is going to require more than the usual amount of thought in order to understand, but I hope it will be all the more rewarding because of that.
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What's with Rainbow's colors?
4933342 The idea is that Dash's world has been inverted by this revelation, so she's thinking in opposites. Her mane colour reflects this.
are you m. night shamalan? this was amazing!
4933357
Those aren't inverted colors.
could you possibly make a 'normal' version of this story to go along with this one? this was interesting, but it was difficult to read.
I'm sorry, but this is really dumb. Writing everything in opposites isn't postmodern. It's not a style, it doesn't require thought, it's just a gimmick. It's not a good story without the gimmick, it's not a good story with it.
And I'm being serious. I'm not ironically speaking in opposites.
4933366 They are front to back, which is a type of inversion.
4933400
They're not front to back. The top colors are three different shades of blue.
4933404 True. I don't look at Dash much because I don't like her much, so I assumed they were opposites. I think it's more thematically resonant that way anyway.
I too did not find the 'post modern' writing style to be rewarding. I found it annoying and prone to causing confusion.
4933357
That's... very perceptive!
Picked up on my theme very well.
4933360
This isn't the first time I've been accused of being him!
4933366
Actually, they are exact inversions of her mane colors. (Via gimp's color --> invert function)
4933391
Eh, perhaps. (Though I did think there was a decent story behind it.)
I'm trying out new, interesting ways of writing. View it as a writing exercise if you will.
4933375
Perhaps sometime.
4933493
It is that.
4933534
If that is a direct inversion, then you're using an incorrect color space. Inverting a rainbow (even one as modified as Dash's) should not result in three different shades of blue.
4933536 I thought it was clever and enjoyable, myself (if gimmicky). It should be noted most Fimfictioners dislike gimmicky writing styles. My own attempt at an alternative writing style (unlikeable protagonist who gradually grows more likeable narrating the lives of likeable characters in other roles) was also a bomb.
4933534 so yeah?
4933576
That's not an alternative writing style, that's character development. Did you retract the story?
Ugh... again.
I... am not even going to bother with the style choice here.
I'm here to talk about the actual plot. Because of the writing style you missed out on explaining... um... anything. If I'm reading this right (I'm fairly certain I am) it's still missing a lot of basic plot. Nothing here is actually justified. The Characters don't even have personality. That's not the writing style, that's just the story itself not being.. whole. Experiment all you want, but for the love of all things pony don't skimp out on story to do so.
I get the story, but if it wasn't written like this and still contained the same amount of information, it'd simply be a bad story. Some fancy artistic shenanigans doesn't change a bad story. It's like giving a trash can a new coat of paint. Sure it looks fancy, but it's still full of trash.
This story has no substance besides the narrative style, and as such it just... doesn't work.
Wat
im utterly confused.
4933690
Thank you for saying what I wasn't able to put into words.
4933556
*shrug*
I'm no expert at image modification.
4933576
Yeah, I think I'm getting that. It's true, they don't.
4933643 But the perspective of a Byronic Hero in a first-person heavy writing style decidedly wasn't. I used vivid metaphors across the spectrum and a sarcastic, biting narrative tone that really turned readers off. It didn't help that the setting was a Beckettian style afterlife. In the end, most people hated it, so I decided to retract it at the advice of a fellow writer.
4933886
That sounds like a good premise, besides the risk of Mary Sue. I don't understand exactly what a
Beckettian afterlife is supposed to be. Searching the phrase results in a reference to "Echo's Bones," which sounds like a horribly pretentious story that has no real redeeming qualities. Copying excerpts of his journals? Sounds like an author tract if I ever heard one.
4933918 Beckett was famous for writing arthouse, unusual plays. In this case, however, I was mistaking him for Sarte, a similar playwright with similar ideas. As for the premise, it alienated most people because I sent Rainbow Dash to purgatory with a snarky OC who hated her in tow. The spectacular failure of it to connect with people was what inspired me to become much more critical and careful with my stories, and also to always ask for criticism of my story after publication.
4933956
I repeat: that sounds lie a cool premise.
HUH?????? ......I uhh??? Is it wrong that i couldn't follow what happened here?
As much as I love to see authors trying new styles and experimenting, I just cannot get into this. I find the immersion is broken as I am trying to put together what exactly is happening. I've read the story 3 times over and still have no clue what is going on.
Just my 2 cents, I only commented because I never click a dislike button without an explanation.
-T
4934274
Nah, not wrong. This one is deliberately confusing.
4934449
Eh, well... some experiments work, some don't.
Not opposite day, I am sure.
Took me a second to catch on. Interesting to say the least. Very unique premise. However, even reading just a thousand words in that style is pretty taxing.
Nice job nonetheless. I haven't seen quite anything like it before.
4935350
Um... it kind of is?
4935675
Heh, I'm glad somebody likes this one!
4935761
I liked it too, even if what I originally posted didn't say it. Just kind of random and I do think I get it.
While I like the idea of viewing things through the lens of denial, this didn't really do it for me; I think denial needs to be twisted through the lens of truth, rather than simply being the opposite of everything, where you interpret what happens in a very stretched way rather than simply saying the opposite of everything. Making everything the opposite of what it was was just distracting; I feel like Spring Is Dumb did a much better job of reflecting Rainbow Dash being in denial.
I'm not entirely sure I get what happened, and it doesn't look like there is enough "story" to warrant the hassle of piecing it together to get any little details. As others pointed out, I think this was an incredibly intrusive style choice that utterly destroyed any sense of immersion at all; experiment fail indeed.
4935996
Oh, good.
4936044
Hm... yes. That would indeed be better, to focus on just being an extremely unreliable narrator rather than just negating everything for the sake of it.
4936231
Yeah... probably right.
This is the most confusing story I've ever read.
I'll just pretend that I understand everything here.
4937435
4937497
Yeah... it is pretty hard to get through.
This is so freakin' awesome.
Or have I got that backwards?
(No, I really liked it, but I love weird, experimental stuff.)
Hmmm, confusing
4939741
It is.
4938791
That's the problem... never can tell in this one if commenters are themselves saying the opposite.
4937576
I actually stopped trying to understand it about a quarter of the way in. You should take that as a compliment, as that happens usually only once a year.
4940565
It's better that way.
4941708
Ha! Okay.
4941947
You're probably right.
I don't get why everyone thinks this is confusing. I got it completely. Everything's just opposite. Sure, this wasn't the best story, but it was interesting.
I don't think that you explained the situation enough, though. I couldn't really tell what it was that made Rainbow Dash so upset. I get that Twilight sort of cheated on her with Celestia, but I don't get what it was that they did, together, that made it official that Twilight had cheated. And, I thought that Rainbow Dash stopped their relationship too soon and without enough thought. Even in her anger, she would probably behave rationally. She threw away everything with Twilight without a thought, just because she thought she saw something between them. Also, that Applejack thing shouldn't have been there. When someone breaks up with another person, one that had cheated on them, can be, especially if you were in love, very hard to process. I mean, they are the one that you've trusted and let inside your world. For them to cheat on you shatters your ability to accept and trust others. So, I doubt that in three seconds, she'd already decide that she wants to date Applejack, or that she'd even consider the possibility so soon after a hard break-up.
This is coming from, however, someone who has never dated. This is just the way I believe I would handle this situation and the way Rainbow Dash would, too.
One last thing, your characterization is bad, even though you're writing opposites. Rainbow Dash would try to fight her tears, not just become a blubbering mess. Rainbow Dash would probably get angry, not scared or sad. Twilight wouldn't risk doing anything with Celestia, for she is smart and the embodiment of friendship. And, she didn't seem to handle the situation very well. Twilight either becomes crazy, or she's very rational. She wasn't either of the two. Princess Celestia probably wouldn't openly hit on Twilight either, but you had to do it for the story. However, there's a point where altering characters to make them fit no longer allows stories to be within canon guidelines.
I feel like you should've elaborated more, regardless of whether or not this was just a test. Many of your sentences were short and choppy. And, in a story like this, you must explain their thoughts and feelings if you wish to get the point across. You can shoot for sadness, but this wasn't a traditional story, so you could shoot for comedy. But, you didn't reach either. I feel no emotion either way.
So, this story's writing style is interesting, but the plot is too thin, your characterization is off, the whole story lacks detail and it doesn't seem realistic.
You get a like, but nothing more.
4943378
The review is much appreciated!
The only thing there I can defend is the intensity of Rainbow's reaction.
She's the element of loyalty, after all. And one thing I know from dealing with people is that the most loyal ones are also the ones most vulnerable to and upset by betrayal... because they tend to hold everyone else to the same standard of loyalty.
4944412 I can't argue with that! Also, I'm happy you appreciate my review. Too many people get mad at me when I give any sort of criticism.
Wut?