• Member Since 12th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 22 minutes ago

Professor Donger


Imagine not writing about ponies in the current year

E
Source

The Hearth's warming pageant is coming up and Rarity is given the unique opportunity to make Princess Luna a dress for the occasion.


Co Authored by the talented Quicksear
Art by AaplePieeRu

Approved for Twilight's Library

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 26 )

I liked it a lot. Though, I will say, the italics error did make it an interesting read. :twilightsmile: I suggest doing a couple checks over the chapter before posting it, but otherwise, good work. It's a shame it seems it's getting downvotes for one mistake, albeit an easy one to catch.

It was a fun read. I don't have a lot else to say about it. The paceing was good and the reactions weren't forced. Not my usually cut of tea, but a satisfying read.

Good lord. This was downright impressive.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3757298

Very much so.

Approved for Twilight's Library.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3757360 Bro i'm going to cry, I'm going to go cry and cunt punt a puppy XD am i allowed to put the fancy sticker thing on it?

3757378

I'll drop a link to it shortly.

I'm feeling lazy right now.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3757397 i don't know if i'm allowed to do that so ill just remove it XD but i'm gonna go cry now

Huh, I thought I was the only one that wrote this shipping! :pinkiehappy:

Let's see... hm. I'm sort of mixed on this story, honestly. You had a great set-up (I really would imagine that most ponies would be too scared to design for royalty, nice idea), and some really funny moments and character interaction. Quite frankly, loved those elements. :heart:

However, some things dragged it down. You might want to look into finding someone to pre-read for you, since various spelling and mechanics mistakes took me out of the experience every now and then. The story was a bit heavy on telling and not on showing (telling us that things were beautiful instead of describing them and making us think they were beautiful and such), which was definitely to the story's detriment. The existence of Wispy was a bit distracting, but I'm glad to see it was explained later and actually served the story. Though I was also very distracted by the thestral talking like a Hanar. :twilightoops: And ultimately, I'm not a fan of narratives where couples fall in love magically over one night. :unsuresweetie:

All in all, could've been worse, but could also greatly be improved. Deserves a thumb up, at least. :twilightsmile:

3758222 Thanks for your tips, could u point out the spelling errors? Me, my co author and editor couldn't find them

One small thing that had a disproportionate effect on the story, as small things tend to do, was the fridge scene. It served no purpose, didn't add anything to the narrative and only distracted from what was going on. Rather than remove it, change it to serve a purpose for example make Luna comment on how she did not understand its workings or was unfamiliar with it to help highlight the theme of her still being somewhat unfamiliar with modern stuff but willing to try them out or something along those lines.

Perhaps moving the wispy explanation to a bit earlier in the story might be helpful as well? Perhaps when Rarity first meets the princess she enquirers about it and Luna explains, then near the end tie that explanation back into the realization that since it is part of Luna's conscious the fact that Luna likes Rarity becomes clear to Rarity/Luna. Just a thought :twilightsheepish:

Other than that I loved the story, very nice work! :heart:

3759406 Thank you for your comment, the main issue is that I can't go back and change it without gutting the story :/ I do see what you mean with the food scene though. I will go back and make some edits when I get the chance

3759421

yea the 2nd suggestion would require a rather large edit/rewrite :applejackconfused:

“WE SHALL COME DOWN THERE AND FORCE THAT TORTOISE DOWN THY THROAT!”

oh god my sides

Eeeee I freaking love this! X3 The characterizations were spot on! And I love the concept for "Whispy" :3 Great story!

4126972

Honestly, it's hard to pick. There were several great ones. The banter between Luna and Celestia at the dinner scene was intensely enjoyable, as is nearly every interaction with 'Whispy'. (And again, I love the whisp's concept.) Celestia's excuse to leave the table was priceless. Rarity dashing into the "bathroom" and Luna's subsequent smirk and remark were quite amusing, too. I could perfectly picture it in my mind. And of course that ending was lovely~. <3

And the atmosphere between Rarity and Luna throughout the story was just perfect. Just the right balance of tension, attraction, silliness, and fun. Definitely one of my favorite one-off fics in quite a while. ^w^

4127052 I'm trying to write another fic but i'm having trouble with it XD

4127056

Ah yes, writer's block I take it? Bane of any writer's existence xD

Ah wispy is fantastic! Glad to read this story.

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