Is Friendship Magic?
Is Friendship Magic?
Silver Spoon sat alone in her room, wondering why life had cursed her so. She had hoped it was all a prank with an elongated set up. She and Diamond Tiara had been friends since she could remember, and suddenly it seemed they have been spending less time together.
The first couple of excuses were mildly believable, the rest were flat out ridiculous, "Since when do rich ponies play the trombone or take private baking lessons from Pinkie Pie?" She was baffled by the string of excuses being issued out by the crowned filly. It all started around the same time that Scootaloo showed an immunity to Diamond Tiara's taunting.
She remembered the first day Diamond Tiara was unable to rile the pegasus filly and how upset it made her. She tried being supportive to her friend's lost cause in order to soothe her friend, but to no avail. Diamond Tiara ran off one day after an unsuccessful attempt to bully Scootaloo and she went missing for quite a while.
Something happened during that disappearance that made Diamond Tiara more distant and less attentive towards the glasses wearing filly. Silver Spoon was confused as to why her friend suddenly grew an interest in mundane activities, and rather do those said activities than spend time with her.
She decided to track Diamond Tiara down and force her to spill the beans. She went out for a walk around town, while secretly searching for the distant friend.
____________________________________________________________
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were both tired of Scootaloo always missing out on crusading sessions with the excuse of taking flying lessons with Rainbow Dash. They both were growing suspicious of the filly's true whereabouts ever since they saw Rainbow Dash flying with Fluttershy with no Scootaloo in tow.
"Ya know Sweetie Belle I think somethin’ is goin' on with Scootaloo," Apple Bloom accusingly stated.
Sweetie Belle frowned, "What do you mean Apple Bloom, you think she is hurt or something?"
Apple Bloom sighed, "No Sweetie Belle it ain't like that. I jus' think she’s lyin' ta us."
Sweetie Belle grew sad, "Why would she do that? We’re her friends."
Apple Bloom forgot how sensitive Sweetie Belle was and gently pulled her into a hug, "Yer right, I must be crazy ta think Scootaloo would lie ta us."
Sweetie Belle smiled and hugged Apple Bloom back, "Yeah we're crusaders through and through."
In Apple Bloom's mind a battle was raging. She wasn't sure whether or not to pursue her thoughts, in spite of how sad it could make the softest member of their group. It was impossible to tell exactly what Scootaloo was up to. If she could find Rainbow Dash without the filly in question, then she could at least prove that Scootaloo is up to something.
Apple Bloom made a decision, "Hey Sweetie Belle how about we go for a walk in town, since Scootaloo ain't with us no use in crusadin'."
Sweetie Belle smiled softly and chirped, "Alright, that sounds like fun Apple Bloom."
____________________________________________________________
Scootaloo was out in the meadows relaxing under the shade of an oak tree. Her mind was mellowed by the calming atmosphere and radiant ambiance. She had no worries while in her private sanctuary away from society, mostly because nopony knew where it was.
Diamond Tiara was laying next to Scootaloo enjoying the warmth the other filly provided and the feeling of safety as well, "Oh Scootaloo you think we could ever be friends in public? I mean how long can we keep this up before others find out?"
Scootaloo chuckled, "Well the only way that could happen is if we go back in time and stop you from calling us blank flanks, or maybe you could... I don't know ... apologize?"
Diamond Tiara frowned, "Why you have to make this so difficult... why can't we just relax without you reminding me of my past mistakes."
Scootaloo rubbed her side with a wing and grew serious, "Diamond, if it was in the past I would understand... but you still pick on us even now that we are friends."
Diamond Tiara huffed, "I only do it to keep up appearances... you want our secret found?"
Scootaloo sighed, "Listen Diamond our secret can be kept even if you stop being a bully."
Diamond Tiara scoffed but slowly softened from being massaged by the wing, "How so? If I stop being mean ponies will want to know why."
Scootaloo pulled her into a hug and held her close, "You don't need to worry about what others think... plus I am getting tired of hiding my friendship with you. I like hanging out with you and shouldn't have to in secret."
Diamond Tiara cried onto Scootaloo's shoulder while burying her face into it, "I just wish it was easy, Scootaloo... I hate having to make excuses to spend time with you too."
Scootaloo gently rubbed Diamond Tiara's back soothing her. Scootaloo hated emotional stuff and affection, and usually avoided stuff like that. When she started hanging out with Rainbow Dash she learned that being awesome doesn't mean emotionally stunted. While Rainbow Dash maintained a public cool image she was a softy at heart, always there for her friends and ready to help.
Scootaloo felt that emulating Dash was the easiest way to deal with emotional situations. she would be soft and gentle when it mattered, and if it wasn't in a public setting. "You know Diamond if you apologize to my friends and stop bullying us, I am sure we can all get along," Scootaloo sagely advised.
Diamond Tiara wasn't eager to apologize to the fillies she had been bullying. She wouldn't know how to go about it, it wasn't going to be an easy task if accepted. She softly whispered, "Only if you're there with me."
Scootaloo smiled and got excited, "Alright! Trust me you won't regret it."
Diamond Tiara chuckled, "Not now... when I am ready, for now let's enjoy our time together."
Scootaloo grinned, "No objections here."
The two fillies, hidden from the public, enjoyed their intimate hang out session. The calming paradise, that was their secret spot, would soon face the turmoil of those who would see this union as atrocious.
____________________________________________________________
Silver Spoon was searching through town with no signs of Diamond Tiara. It was becoming depressing at the lack of results she gained from her efforts. She wanted to take a small break from seeking Diamond Tiara, until she noticed two thirds of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
She was hesitant about asking them if they seen Diamond but at this point she was going for broke. "Hey there blank flanks... you haven't seen Diamond Tiara have you?"
Apple Bloom laughed, "Yer tryin' ta annoy us when ya ain't got Diamond around?"
Sweetie Belle frowned, "Why are you always picking on us?"
Silver Spoon lifted her muzzle up high, "Because me and Diamond are above you common folk."
Apple Bloom smiled, "I don't see Diamond with ya, so maybe she is above ya too."
Silver Spoon frowned, "Well... I don't see Scootaloo with you blank flanks either..."
Sweetie Belle's light bulb inside her head went on at the realization, "Wait a minute... you’re missing Diamond Tiara and we are missing Scootaloo... you don't think they..."
She was cut off by the other two fillies shouting, "No way!"
____________________________________________________________
Diamond Tiara was comfortably resting next to Scootaloo. It dawned on her that if it wasn't for that fateful moment she wouldn't have the peaceful moments with a new and dear friend. It started when Scootaloo became unfazed by taunts. It was the worst thing to happen to a bully.
The first few attempts she tried getting more verbal with the taunting and increased the volume of it. After finding out her words were like empty bullets it felt almost pointless to even continue picking on the filly. Without being able to taunt Scootaloo it was hard to feel superior to them. She wasn't an evil filly just misunderstood, since her mother had passed away and her father always being busy it was hard for her dealing with loneliness.
Her efforts of maintaining her own equilibrium was to share her misery onto other ponies. She realized that making other ponies miserable had chased away her own feelings of intense sorrow. It was no secret Scootaloo was an orphan and since she was happy being without parents it just drove Diamond Tiara mad. Then it happened that one day
____________________________________________________________
Flashback
Diamond Tiara decided to try and pick on Scootaloo while the other crusaders weren't around, and with Silver Spoon lagging behind they had both been alone. "Hey there blank flank, you know just because you hang out with Rainbow Dash doesn't mean you're cool... especially since you can't fly, loser!"
Scootaloo chuckled, "Well if I am such a loser then why is the coolest mare in Equestria giving me flying lessons and says I can potentially fly in a couple of weeks?"
Diamond Tiara grew frustrated with how nonchalantly her victim spoke, "I guess because she feels bad about you not having any parents to teach you to fly."
Scootaloo's wall of emotional blockage shattered, "Yeah... well my parents died... I get that. At least my parents loved me and enjoyed spending time with me, what happened to your parents? Oh yeah! they can't stand to be around you... your dad is always working and no pony has ever seen your mother leave the mansion."
Diamond Tiara was devastated, the words pierced her like a sword and yet she lived. She couldn't respond properly and just began crying. Remembering she was in school and her enemy was watching her cry made her rush off faster than ever before. She ran as far as her little legs could take her, and then ran some more.
She heard what sounded like Silver Spoon trying to get her attention while she was running, by that time though, it was too late for her to stop. She was a filly desperate to outrun the pain and had no destination in mind. Her marathon of running ended up exhausting her in the middle of a peaceful meadow that seemed hidden from the world.
She laid on her back and looked to the sky crying. She was finally able to let out all the tears she held back for so long. "Mommy..." she whispered into the wind. The soothing breeze graced her presence and she was calmed by the silence and serenity.
She didn't remember how long she was looking into the sky for but somepony calling her name broke her out of the peaceful trance she was in.
"Diamond, Thank Celestia I found you... hey listen I-" Scootaloo tried saying but was cut off.
"My mother is dead... the reason she never leaves the mansion is because she isn't there... she died and all I have to remember her by is this crown I wear," Diamond slowly mumbled.
Scootaloo felt horrible, "I didn't know... I was just so angry with what you said I ... snapped. I didn't mean anything I sai-" She was cut off again.
"It's true though... my father doesn't spend time with me... why would he want to anyways? I am nothing but a spoiled brat right? Some rich bully making your life miserable," she softly said while tears spilled from her eyes. She noticed Scootaloo getting closer and was worried.
Scootaloo felt sorry for Diamond, it was something she never thought would occur. She got close and settled down next to her, "Look... my parents died when I was young too... While your dad is distant at least he’s still there. I don't have a dad to buy me things or a mom to fuss over me."
Diamond looked over at Scootaloo with tears still pouring, "Why are you trying to talk to me... do I look like I want you here?" She tried holding back her sorrow in front of the pony who caused it.
Scootaloo wiped a tear from her eye and frowned, "I know it won't make up for what I said... and I know you don't like me because my flank is blank... but I am sorry Diamond... I never should have said that to you."
Diamond made an attempt to laugh to hide her pain, "You're wasting your time apologizing to me... as if I would accept an apology from you... just leave me alone."
Scootaloo got closer and wrapped a wing around Diamond's frame, "Trust me if I could leave you alone right now I would, but I can't."
Diamond Tiara felt comfortable with the wing around her, but she wasn't going to let Scootaloo know that, "Why not? I said go, so leave."
Scootaloo hated herself for being so nice and gentle with Diamond, and at the same time she felt great for being there for her. "Rainbow Dash told me that part of being the awesome is being there for a friend," she enthusiastically said.
Diamond Tiara wanting nothing more than to have a good cry grew angry, "Since when are we friends? I never said we were friends, and I don't want to be friends with you." She said all that with as much anger as she could muster but made no movements to remove the wing that was soothing her.
Scootaloo was about to give up, she felt it wasn't worth it. Before she could give up though, she remembered how sad she was being alone when her dead parents were mentioned. She missed her parents and knew Diamond must miss her mom terribly. "You don't want me gone right now, and you don't want to be alone. Right now you want to cry and let all the pain out... I know this because I was in your shoes... back in the orphanage I used to be just like you... I would tease others and be super tough because I wanted no pony to see the tears I spilled."
Diamond Tiara moved closer and was being very attentive to Scootaloo and her story. Something about the way she was talking had captivated her and no longer did she see a blank flank but a kindred spirit. "So what happened?" she sadly asked.
Scootaloo let a small tear fall as she opened up to Diamond, "Well... it got bad, I was separated from the other children because of my bad attitude, and I was alone. I thought it was perfect because nopony could see me cry... but honestly I just wanted somepony to hold me and let me know I meant something. When I got adopted I never felt happier in my whole life, until I found out it was earth ponies adopting me."
Diamond Tiara got offended, "Hey! what's wrong with earth ponies?"
Scootaloo chuckled, "Nothing... except they can't fly... and I was a pegasus with wings that weren't working. I felt broken and useless, what’s a pegasus that can’t fly right? With no pony to teach me how to fly and no older sibling to look up to, I felt alone still. Since I couldn't fly and I was very aggressive, it was hard for me to make friends. One day I met a filly who could stand to be around me and we became friends."
Diamond Tiara felt an eerie sensation of how similar her life story was. She remembered being alone and feeling empty until Silver Spoon came along. She kept listening and began feeling a sorta kismet with Scootaloo. She was beginning to change her opinion of the filly because of their shared hardships.
Scootaloo noticed how silent Diamond got and smiled gently, "Well the rest of the story is pretty obvious... you made fun us blank flanks and then we met up with Apple Bloom... fast forwarding to Rainbow Dash being my big sister and now the best part happens. I told Rainbow Dash about my past, and the moment I did she said to me. Scootaloo, I usually don’t get sappy or mushy but, you matter."
Diamond Tiara started crying softly, "That is why nothing I say can hurt you anymore huh... because somepony was there to let you hear what you wanted. I just wish..."
Scootaloo wiped the tears from Diamond Tiara's eyes and peered into them with the most seriousness she could muster, "Diamond... what I am about to say isn't just to make you feel better, I am honestly saying this because it's true..." she pulled Diamond Tiara into a fierce hug before whispering, "You matter..."
____________________________________________________________
That moment changed everything. Diamond Tiara had no longer felt any contempt for Scootaloo and had been fond of spending time with her. She looked forward to their secret meetings in the meadow and hoped that nothing would ever ruin their friendship.
She bravely snuggled the pegasus filly laying next to her and they enjoyed a soft intimate moment. "You know something Scootaloo... I can honestly say I am happy being your friend," Diamond Tiara joyfully said.
Scootaloo smiled, "You're so mushy sometimes... but I like that about you... I am glad I got to know the real you."
Diamond blushed and kissed Scootaloo's cheek, "Flattery will get you everywhere with me."
Scootaloo chuckled, "You sure you aren't related to Rarity?"
Diamond Tiara scoffed, "As if... you know I wouldn't mind having an older sister."
Scootaloo rubbed Diamond's face gently, "Yeah maybe we can find you an older sister like I found one."
Diamond chuckled, "I don't think it works like that Scootaloo, I don't think they grow sisters on trees."
Scootaloo huffed, "I didn't mean it like that." She had inflated her cheeks in anger and Diamond squeezed them tenderly.
"I won't lie I kind of like not having a big sister, since I have you to be my friend I haven't felt as lonely," Diamond said while looking into Scootaloo's eyes.
Scootaloo began blushing and turned away, "Yeah... I-"
Before she could say another word the gasp of other ponies in the vicinity had alerted them. Scootaloo quickly went into defensive mode and stood up proud with her wings flared. She was ready to defend her life and the life of a friend until she saw who was staring right at them.
____________________________________________________________
Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were all in equal amounts of shock. They had made a temporary truce to go looking for the missing fillies having feared something was wrong with them. They originally had no intention of uniting as a temporary anything until Sweetie Belle convinced Apple Bloom to do it for her.
Being Sweetie Belle meant it was hard for anypony to say no to her. Usually even nasty ponies fall under the charm and cuteness of the songbird. She had only one pony who could resist her charms at occasion and that was her big sister. Apple Bloom was a sucker for her friend and wanted to find the other one with haste.
When they banded together they searched high and low until they decided to go for broke and ask around for Rainbow Dash. They found Rainbow Dash sitting on a cloud taking a nap and they all screamed for help. Needless to say, Rainbow Dash woke in a panic. When they explained the situation she just chuckled and told, "Scootaloo is hanging out with her little filly-friend that is always wearing that crown. They are hanging out at the meadow near Fluttershy's cottage, though you fillies shouldn't go over there unless you want to see some intense snuggling and cutesy stuff."
They each looked at Rainbow Dash as if she was an alien. She began feeling uncomfortable in their gaze and tried to make a subtle exit, "Well you fillies have fun and tell Scoots I said hi... unless I accidentally let some secret out, in that case this meeting never happened." Rainbow Dash flew off into the sky and looked for another cloud to nap on.
Having been traumatized by images of Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo snuggling, the fillies each ran towards the direction of the meadow. Each of them had remained silent until they ended up at the spot they were in now. They didn't know what to say to the two offending friends.
Silver Spoon spoke up first, "Diamond... you kept telling me you were busy... and I find you in the hooves of that blank flank!"
Apple Bloom spoke up next, "I can't believe this... Scootaloo, ya and Diamond were... snugglin'?"
Sweetie Belle wasn't too upset she thought it was adorable, "So does this mean you two are really friends?"
Scootaloo stood silent and waited for Diamond Tiara to say something. She didn't know what to tell them since it wasn't just her rep on the line. Diamond Tiara was shaking in fear of everything falling apart, after the weeks of their secret friendship being started. "It's not like that... we just... no forget it ... you’re right we were snuggling... we have been for weeks and I don't care!" Diamond Tiara announced in defiance.
Silver Spoon chuckled, "That's rich, first you tell me that blank flanks are worthless and now you are here being a filly-friend with one." She stomped her hoof in frustration of her friend's decision.
Apple Bloom grew red in anger, "Scootaloo ya feather head, how can ya ditch us ta hang out with Diamond Tiara. Did ya forget how mean she is?
Scootaloo decided she had enough of hiding her feelings, "Yes I know she was mean to us, I get that... but she isn't a bad pony... she is actually very cool once you get to know her."
Sweetie Belle decided not to weigh in on this dispute. She had her reservations about their friendship but at the same time she wasn't going to attack somepony for wanting to be friends with another. It did bother her that Scootaloo kept it a secret and for that she had to say something, "Why couldn't you just tell us? We thought you didn't want to crusade anymore with us."
Scootaloo stomped her hoof, "No! it's not like that... I just... I knew you guys wouldn't understand and I didn't feel like being questioned about it."
Silver Spoon noticed how through this entire argument Diamond was still staying close to Scootaloo which angered her further. "Diamond... You kept telling me that I was your best friend in the world, that we only had each other and that is how it would remain... so why are you with this useless blank flank."
Diamond Tiara snapped, "Enough!" She walked towards Silver Spoon with fury in her eyes, "I am sick of this pointless arguing. I understand Silver that you are mad at me... I lied to you and betrayed your trust. I did so because I rather not have this drama ruin my friendship with somepony I have grown to care about a lot. I was happy, and am happy, being Scootaloo's friend. I’m not saying you have to get along with her, but I am done with the whole blank flank thing... it's over."
Apple Bloom slow clapped in sarcasm, "Interestin' speech Diamond, but how come ya still called us blank flanks while ya two were bein' friends?"
Scootaloo jumped into the conversation again, "Because she was scared of Silver Spoon finding out... and I was scared of you girls finding out. You girls are my best friends... but me and Diamond grew really close and I have a deeper connection with her. We decided that in order to keep everyone happy, we would just pretend we were enemies until we could find time to sneak away and hang out. This is what we were trying to prevent, you guys finding out. I don't want to have to choose between you guys, it's unfair."
Silver Spoon laughed derisively, "Not fair? How about finding out the one friend you truly have in this world is hanging out with a filly she claimed to despise? That isn't fair. I came out here because I wanted to see what was so important that Diamond had to ditch me for it. It turns out it's you Scootaloo... she has abandoned me several times in the past months just to hang out with you. I'm supposed to accept that?"
Diamond Tiara grew angry, "I am so done with this... look I love you as a friend, and you will always be my friend Silver... but if you can't accept the fact I am going to be also hanging out with Scootaloo then I don’t know what to say to you. I know we kept this a secret but we planned on telling you guys. We just wanted to do it where I could apologize for what I did and ask for a clean slate. Silver I was going to talk to you about it... I was just waiting until the right time to do it."
Sweetie Belle smiled, "See it's not so bad, why can't we all just get along?"
Apple Bloom stomped her hoof down with the utmost anger her little body could muster, "Ya asking us to pretend like ya never bullied us? Ya forget how miserable ya made me, over not havin' a cutie mark?"
Scootaloo felt like crying, "Apple Bloom... I really, really, really need this favor... can you at least try... for me? I know it is a lot to ask for, but I can see no other way for this to end well. If we all keep fighting, we will accomplish nothing" She was at her wit's end and wasn't sure how much more she could take.
Apple Bloom sighed in frustration, "Ya owe me for this... and I'm gonna need time, so don't ya be bringin’ her around so soon."
Sweetie Belle grinned, "Well I'm ready to forgive Diamond, maybe we could all go crusading together."
Diamond, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle all shared a small smile, and things seemed to be going well until Silver Spoon opened her mouth. "You guys can all hang out, I am going to go home. I wasted a day looking for a friend that doesn't exist anymore," she spat.
They all saw Silver Spoon walk away and kill the mood. Scootaloo had one last hope of salvaging the situation and it required her to care. "Hey guys wait here I am going to talk to Silver Spoon... don't follow and hopefully I will return with her," Scootaloo explained. She ran off towards Silver Spoon with a mission.
____________________________________________________________
Scootaloo ran towards Silver Spoon and ended up walking with her side by side on their way to town, "Listen Silver Spoon normally I don't talk about feelings or mushy stuff unless it's an emergency so here it is. I don't want to take your friend away."
Silver Spoon snapped, "Then don't! No pony told you to go befriending her. She was my friend and you had no right to take her away like that."
Scootaloo sighed softly, "Look I had no intention of being her friend at first. I just went to apologize but things kinda took it's own course. Look you really care about Diamond right?"
Silver Spoon glared harshly at her, "Obviously!"
Scootaloo rushed ahead and blocked her from walking further on. "Then why are you making her sad?" she angrily asked.
Silver Spoon tried walking around Scootaloo only to be blocked, "Look I get it, you want us all to get along for her sake right? The only problem is I don't like you."
Scootaloo smiled, "Good then don't like me... hate me if you want... all I am asking for is we just get along for Diamond's sake. Let's just pretend to be friends in her presence and hopefully one day we can actually learn to get along."
Silver Spoon smiled at the compromise, "I think I can agree to that on one condition."
Scootaloo dreaded asking, "What is it?"
Silver Spoon blushed, "Well I saw how close you two were, and how you put your wing around her. Tell me the truth do you and Diamond Tiara ... kiss?"
Scootaloo blushed and chuckled nervously, "Well if I am going to be honest ...."
____________________________________________________________
Ten years had passed since that day the two fillies got caught in their secret friendship. A lot of things have changed but one thing remained the same. Underneath the tree that had the most shade was two mares laying on the ground being intimate with each other.
Diamond Tiara was still a rich pony and had kept the crown as memento of her mother's life. She was still a bit of a brat, and had her moments where she was incorrigible. Still she was at peace snuggling with the one mare who was able to see past that and enjoy spending time with her. "Hey Scootaloo, do I still matter?" she asked amused. She already knew the answer but enjoyed hearing it nonetheless.
Scootaloo was the orange equivalent to Rainbow Dash, fast, brash, and ready to save the day. She never thought in a thousand years that she would enjoy being so intimately close to her old enemy. "Diamond you ask me that silly question every year, on the day we became friends, and every year I say the same thing," Scootaloo playfully groaned.
Diamond Tiara pouted and her cheeks inflated, "I just like hearing you say it."
Scootaloo kissed the top of Diamond's forehead, "Diamond, you have always mattered, and you will always matter to me."
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3443104 Thanks :)
...
Scootaloo...with Diamond Tiara? Are you serious? Did you really write this? Oh my god...
MUST. READ. NOW.
I remember this.
Oh gosh, I've waited for this kind of story forevaaah
ScooTiara deserves more love
You know, there is this little saying in the writing community: show, don't tell. This goes a long way in writing, and helps the reader "see" what's going on, instead of just reading about it. For instance instead of writing :
you can write it as:
or something along those lines.
Another problem I had with this story that's falling into the "telling" territory. You tend to tell us how your characters are feeling, not showing. Here's an example.
Instead of just telling us how she's depressed, and wanting to take a small break, why don't you show us? I'll give an example.
All in all, with how much you could add into this by just "showing" us what's going on, this would probably more than double in word length at the very least, and overall could potentially make this into a great romance fic. I have more problems with this story, such as the characterization of DT but let's not get into that. All in all, I'd have to give this a 4/10.
3443249 Not to be a dick but This was written long ago before my showy not telly writing came into play. So your review holds no weight on me since this story wasn't current. It was written ages ago. Still thanks for reading :)
I now need to go to the doctor for sweetness overload
Dammit! Why must filly love be soo ADORABLE?!
My heart, it burns for this pair..
Cute story, though I had issues with the idea that Diamond's characterization. Too blank flank focused, when Diamond has been shown to not have an issue with blank flanks in general, not to mention she never spent much time picking on them for being such prior to "Call of the Cutie", as she was a blank flank then herself. She also wouldn't be inclined to think of herself as mean. She might sort of indirectly apologize for thinking they were worthless, but that's most likely as far as she would go. And while she could be brought around to realizing she was mean (in part due to Scootaloo's words hurting her), she would be very unlikely to call herself a bully. This is, after all, the filly who referred to her threat of (rather karmic) blackmail of the CMC as "amazing diplomatic skills".
Of course, short story, so that rather limits how deeply you can delve into things.
A general grammar error you may wish to fix (or at least avoid in future stories, if you aren't already):
Smiling and getting excited are action tags, not conversation attributions. As such, they should be their own sentence and not be part of the conversation. Period instead of a comma after 'excited', in other words. Just one example, but you're making this error throughout the story.
3443335 I see well again as I told the last guy. This story was written a while ago.
3443337
Yup. Looks like you've got it right in your newest stuff. Good thing I had the "if you aren't already" in there
3443349 Thanks for the feedback anyways.
3443255>>3443249 It was a good story, don't get me wrong, but Mattricole is right. It could've been better, but it was still good. I would've given it a higher rating, though. Good job, only a few little things could've been better. :)
3443397 Yes had I written this story now rather than before I could have probably written something better. That being said I kept it as it was since it was how it won the second place of the contest and altering it would be like lying about what I presented.
Unfortunately, the writing is going to get judged by its quality (or lack thereof) without regard for when you wrote it. That's just the way it goes. (Not to mention that when it has an upload date of today, readers are going to assume it was written recently.) You might've been better served to go back and do a rewrite on it so that it's up to your usual standards, if there's that much of a difference.
Mostly, the biggest difficulty I had with it is that the dialogue is not particularly believable for grade-school kids; ten-year-olds just don't talk like that.
3443407 Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.
3443403 I know, dude. Just something to keep in mind for the future
3443512 Will do :)
Very cute!
Not sure why this got so many dislikes. Glad you brought yourself to publishing it though.
Yeah, in my honest opinion I'm still pretty surprised with how much you improved over CMCDM. I would never have guess you wrote it if they had kept winners anonymous. It was certainly my favorite among the crowd.
Far as not wanting to change your story to better prettify it for others because you were proud or what you made and look back to what you did on a whim is a really nice feelings. You might want to at least leave a small note to people who read this that you have no intentions of altering your story and you are presenting it as is from the event you submitted it to. You'll likely get less comments about it.
Keep on improving, write ALL the stories!
Cya'round!
(Would of commented earlier but too busy at the time.)
Good and not good at the same time.
My biggest hangup about this is the dialog. It feels forced and much of the conversation between the CMC, DT and SS don't sound like speech children use (I'm guessing ages of the CMC to be between from 8 to 10 years).
My biggest joy of this story is the fact that a bully gets what was coming to her and walks out with a new friend. I like redemption stories like this because one gets to explore the side of a character's life that (for us) hasn't been shown.
Keep writing
You know, I thought this was well written, emotionally charged, and very sweet. Everyone deserves a second chance in life and when you can connect with them, even the worst of enemies can become the best of friends.
3444167 I should make that note at the end I will too thanks for the advice and the dislikes are either from grammar nazi's or people who didn't like my story. It's part of life some will like it, and others will hate it.
That was really cute!
This story is so fluffy and cute! I loved it! You did really well! A few errors, but the plot overall was great. Even though it was short and sweet, it was still wonderful!
Hhhhnnnnnnnggggggg!
So... bucking... adorable.... Heart... stopping....
Tell Pinkie Pie... she needs... to... lay off the meth........
3444886
El... lip... se... s.
Really cute! Made sense too. It was short but it covered all the bases.
10 out of 10 for romance
9 out of 10 for grammar
10 out of 10 for overall story.
Good job.
3445036 Thank you :)
This won second place in a cuteness contest?!
Whatever came in first would probably kill me. I'm amazed you came up with such a believable way that Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara could end up together. The only thing that I had an issue with was Silver Spoon seemed to agree with Scootaloo's idea a bit too quickly. She went from 'I'm furious with you' to 'I can pretend to be your friend' in an instant, but I get why you did that. You wanted to wrap up the story and her part in it was only a small one really. Overall, extremely cute and I reckon you should have won.
3443255
This logic just killed my mind. Why would you post this then?
3444991
Give this man a drink and a few cookies.
I... Think you have a nice concept here. Honest, I do.
There's a ton of mistakes (grammar) that obviously need to be addressed by an editor, but I believe you should try to revise this a bit more and add some detail. It feels... Too quick. There was no set-up to it. Kind of just pushed me into the story without warning. I understand what you were doing, but it's just too fast.
I feel this story could be more. You just need to get a few people to help you out. I can suggest some groups, if you'd like.
Continue writing~
I like stories like this, with unusual couples bonding and whatnot. Its a nice change and this story was overall pretty good. I'll definitely be chekcing out some of your newer stories as well :D
Here lies Elijah, he was killed by the deadly Daww.
Too rushed, characters were out of voice, grammar mistakes...
How was this even featured? You even point out that there are mistakes in the description, while making another mistake saying so. Actively refusing to improve is the most frustrating part.
d'awwww... a story where Diamond has a heart
3444561
I suggest putting the note in the author's note section of the chapter or at the very least at the end of the description, rather than first thing in the description. It isn't like it is horrid from a grammar standpoint. Certainly not bad enough to warrant putting it first in the description, which might scare some people off unnecessarily, when they could instead be reading about DT ;)
3445370
He's not actively refusing to change. This is an older story of his he's posting as it was entered in the competition. The issue I pointed out with the action tags, for example, does not occur in his more recently published stuff. So, sure, it would benefit from an editing pass, but he might well wish to spend that time working on newer works instead.
After all, if all of us constantly went back to older works to update them as we improved, well, there would be a lot less new stuff getting written
We think this is a good story. We liked your take on Diamond Tiara.
3445769 If she didn't have a heart she'd be dead.
3444422
I haven't read this yet, but Diamond Tiara was created to be an annoying obnoxious jerk and never progress beyond that in the show itself.
So I wonder how I'll handle touchy-feely stuff that presents her in a good light, I suppose it might as well be time to find out.
I liked this story, though I will not say it was great or that I loved it.
I get why it was like this, you were on a time crunch and had to cut corners, but I can't say this was good.
I hope you one day take the time consider re-writing this story in a more... something way, sorry I can't think of a word, and withth new ideas injected to give it a brighter light.
Because this is a good concept, but right now that's all it is to me, a "concept".
You've got something special here, and I do sincerely hope that you try to make it better, because until then I cannot have a lesser or better opinion of it.
I still liked it though
3446103
But then, so was Trixie ;) Truth be told any recurring antagonist is typically not going to see much reformation in a 22 minute per episode show, though they might see some character development, a more well-rounded portrayal. Which admittedly will be unlikely to happen with DT or Silver Spoon, thanks to CMC episodes having such a heavy focus on the CMC, making DT and Spoon more plot devices than characters. In a way, it is sort of nice. With DT, we know enough about her to know if she's roughly in character, and yet have a lot of freedom to take her in different directions.
The trick is to learn to love her for what she brings to the show, her cuteness, her arrogance, and her potential as a fully developed character, rather than blindly hating her. To appreciate all the little things the animators do and the subtle things in the background.
Personally, I quite enjoy DT in love stories, in part because it leaves her conflicted, struggling with her feelings. Frustrated DT is darn cute. Though many of them do make her out to be all bad (and then undergo a major redemption), while white-washing the CMC, while I prefer a more balanced approach and a lighter redemption.
3446190
Well, Trixie apologized, which says a lot for a 22-minute episode.
I must admit, I found this story cute (and loaded with sads), I wish it wasn't for a contest that relegated the content to an unaltered state >> 'cause it would do well if it were fleshed out.
D'aww! Rainbow Dash for best pony!
I liked the time-skip at the end... But I wonder what happened to SS.
3446203
She sort of had to due to what she did. Enslaving a town requires more than a simple karmic moment. Without it, her character would have gone from antagonist to villain, from a boastful showmare to something truly evil. She needed to show remorse. And she still got the karmic moment on top of it.
But hopefully she'll be back as her usual prideful self, and in a better written episode
What happened to SS. But the story was cute and I liked it.
D'awww this was such a cute story, and that flashback really got to me all teary eyed. This goes to show you that you can pair any of the characters together so long as you can find or make a good reason why they should/are together.
Now I know you heard this a bunch of time already, the story was a bit rushed at times, but it was still a good to read. I know you said that you might touch up on it in the future and when you do I'll be glad to read though it again.