• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

OleGrayMane


At my age, there is really only one big surprise left, and I’d just as soon leave it a mystery. — Uncle Iroh

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FLUTTERSHY WAITS for a friend in a meadow.
A vignette for autumn where nothing happens.


Art: chibrule ● Pre-readers: BlueBook, Rainbooms, and Tigerose

Added to Twilight's Library 24th Oct 2013

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

Noone would write a story about nothing happening....would they?
*Stares at the story link for 5 minutes*
Ok you got me, i want to know!

Well that was cute, thumbs up for you.

This is nice. Very few people use the Slice-of-Life tag correctly, but you've nailed it here. Stories where not much happens are nice. They allow the focus to be on one central idea.

What's a "vignette"?

3394797
3394802
I'm glad you both enjoyed it. Thank you for the comments.

3394801
Wow! That was quick. All I can say is :yay:

3394830
Yeah, it's not usually this quick. Trust me, I mod there too.

3394825
Thank you for Thanking me.

3394830
I saw your Self-Promotion Bureau post, checked it out, and liked what I saw. This really is good work. Vivid imagery, and the reader is able to get a feel for the characters despite their very brief interaction with each other.

I also added it to a couple of other groups while I was at it...

This is good stuff!! Please keep writing!!! :heart::rainbowkiss::heart:

3394821
:twilightblush: vi·gnette
a : a short descriptive literary sketch
b : a brief incident or scene (as in a play or movie)

:applejackconfused: "Vinaigrette? T'aint that just a highfalutin word fur a real short story?"
:eeyup: "Eeyup"
:facehoof:

3394821 A vignette is a short snippet, usually designed to capture a moment in time or to poignantly describe a point.

And I must say, this was quite a good one. Rather relaxing to read. A few small issues for me though...

I think that you had Fluttershy nailed until Twilight came in; then she went a bit OOC. I mean, I usually can't imagine Fluttershy saying "must we?" Maybe I'm a bit outdated (I haven't watched any MLP recently), but that sounds just a bit off to my imaginings of what Fluttershy would say. It was somewhat the opposite for Twilight; I originally thought it was Rarity that was speaking when discussing her busy busy schedule and mentioning the spa.

The vignette itself is highly descriptive, which is always a good thing; however, I feel as if it's teetering right on that bound of "too much description". Good writing is concise and gets to the point; I assume that this description is adding to the meandering type of event that this vignette evokes, but it risks being boring, and readers do get tired of slogging through large amounts of words, no matter how vivid they are.

But besides those relatively minor points, this was a nice refreshing piece to read. The disconnected tone fits the vignette perfectly, and this, as Garbo said, is probably one of the best usages of Slice-of-Life tag that I've seen. Thanks for writing this; it was really quite a pleasure to read.

3394918
Thanks very much for the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

That's some fine cover art. Who made it?

I love this, it's nice and calming. Just imagining the meadow is relaxing. Wonderful story.

3396303
Certainly not me!
The cover picture is Fluttershy's Meadow by chibrule.

A story about Fluttershy and friends in a meadow? How could I say no to that! :twilightsmile: :yay:

3397388
I'm glad you said yes, and thanks for the comment.

I don't think I've ever seen a short story like this put so much focus on just sitting in a meadow and still get the point across so deeply. This is probably the best thing I've read so far today.

:twilightsmile:
-SoI

3705052
Thank you very much for stopping by and leaving a comment.

What a beautiful, calming story to read before bed with a cup of chamomille. It takes a certain amount of skill to put so much meaning into something seemingly simplistic (Unintentional alliteration)

4136218
Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :yay: How did you stumble upon this forgotten story?
While I seldom write "nice" things such as this, I hope your follow will not be wasted.
As always, thanks for reading, especially a lonely little story such as this.
PS - Unintentional alliterations are best before bedtime. :twilightblush:

That was really great. Nothing happened, and it was wonderful. Just calm, relaxing nothing. This story actually sorta helped me unwind a bit. Nice work.

A simple, short and relaxing story, Which helps to relieve stress, as it is very peaceful. The only point I would say is that Fluttershy is slightly OOC "Must we?" Which makes her seem slightly more assertive than usual, But otherwise it is a very well-written piece. :yay:

“I don't understand what I'm supposed to do.”
“Don't do anything,” Fluttershy said. “Just be still so i can kiss you, you silly mare.”

Good story, k bye. *Tobben ran off in the otter direction*
~Tobben

So this was a slice of life story huh? Are they supposed to be boring? Just kidding. :twilightblush: Nothing like just relaxing in a serene setting. Of course it's better with a friend by your side. :twilightsmile:

3394918 OK that's twice now someone said that Fluttershy said "Must we?" I have read and re-read the dialogue of her and Twi 5 times and don't see it, so I guess it got taken out since the story was posted.

Comment posted by Renodil deleted Sep 23rd, 2015

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OK that's twice now someone said that Fluttershy said "Must we?"

That particular line was altered after I got over my pigheadedness. I fixed that OOC moment, which I never intended, and spruced up the story in early April of this year.

That is sssooooo ZEN !!!!

7167639
As it was meant to be. Thanks for stopping by to read.

A pleasant little character piece. Thanks for sharing!

Massively belated review notification! In short: a gentle piece of reflection that suits Fluttershy nicely. I don't think delaying naming Twilight achieved much beyond awkardness, though. Still happily upvoted. :yay:

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