• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 16 hours ago

OleGrayMane


“I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.” ― Gustave Flaubert


T
Source

There's been an accident, in the desert...
Based on Robert Calvert's 1972 poem Ten Seconds of Forever.


Proofreading: CanoLathra ● Editor: BlueBook

Review by PresentPerfect
Added to Twilight's Library 23rd Jun 2013
Listen to a dramatic reading by obabscribbler

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

...Wow, that hit really hard. I'll admit that I'm not familiar with the poem it's based on, but that was intensely emotional (hell, I almost feel like crying or something). You get a 10/10 from me, good sir.

One question, though. Is the narrator supposed to be someone specific, or is it meant to be ambiguous? I'm assuming the other pony at the end was Spitfire.

2686992
Thanks very much.

If you want to hear the poem, click on the link in the description. It is neither long nor complex; a performance piece done by Hawkwind, of which Calvert was a member.

Our narrator is nopony in particular.

I usually post author notes after the story has been out for a few days. I plan to explain the poem and how I interpreted it into this story.

Masterfully written, sir. I look forward to your own interpretations because as much as I enjoyed this, I will be perfectly honest with you and say I'm not sure what the hell just happened. Well done.

I can tell, just by the title and picture, that I'm going to need a lot of tissues while reading this story. I can't wait to read this.

This is so beautiful it almost made me cry reading it. Bravo bravo, wonderfully written.

2690796
Please report back when you're done, I'd like to know what you thought of it.
If you are a fan of sad fics, check out Precious Gem, I think you might like it. :raritydespair:

2690806
Thanks! It's hard to know what to think of things like this after you are too close to them for a while.

Fun fact: my favorite, and in some ways the most emotional, line for me was I am the pony—I don't know why, it just is.

Again, thanks for reading.

5 stories from you in total, and 2 dislikes between all of them. It's a sign.
Also, this was amazingly sad. I needed about twenty tissues.

Bravo, good sir.

2706211
Gee, thanks. I wasn't really shooting for sad as this was a creative writing project. The goal was to use each line as a writing prompt and still somehow build it into a story. I'm certainly glad I've been able to hit an emotional cord with folks.

2706211
Gee ya broke my lucky streak! :fluttercry:

2766234
Thank you very much, it means a lot, particularly with a, let's say, a "different" story like this.
PS - I'm looking forward to the next chapter of Cubic Zirconia.

Wow that was... wow. Well written, interesting heartbreaking. Well done.

2770980
Thanks, I'm glad people are—I guess—enjoying this. It was a fun creative writing experiment that I doubt I'll ever repeat.

Can I ask how you ran into this story?

2771998

I was browsing trough some group. I think it was sad. That's where I found the story peeked my interest.

2766364

No problem.

And believe me, I'm looking forward to the next chapter of Cubic Zirconia being out. Though I'm looking forward to a chapter or two after that more. School should be interesting.

Right now I'm about 2.2k into the current draft, but I was 3.7k into the previous one, so I have plenty of material to draw from. Main thing I keep struggling with there is Sweetie Belle, in fact.

I set it aside for a little bit to work on the next chapter of Just Winging It, though, because that's more overdue. That's around 2.9k right now. I'm currently in the middle of writing some conversation with Discord, which is certainly fun to write...

Now that is powerful. :fluttercry:

Not read yet, but, yay, Hawkwind!

I hope you don't mind, but I love this fic so much that I have adapted it into an audio production on YouTube:

8002660
As always, thanks.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

That audiobook is 27 minutes long, explain yourself! >:V

No, but this was excellent. :D

The afterlife is some type of black hole?

/ Under educated—I got nuttin'
// Thanks for the read
/// And comment too

Gorgeously detailed, haunting, and a fascinating use of a poem as a prompt. Thank you for it.

a world without horizons

nooooooooooooooooooooooo

But seriously, this was beautiful and haunting. Particularly enjoyed #5, and there's just something about the phrase "my artist of the rains" that's sticking with me.

8282111
We can always make exceptions.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.

There's a part of me, erratic and ever wandering as it may be, that was compelled to stop and spend ten to fifteen minutes seated here and be captivated by your story instead of focusing on my latest turn on Endless Legend, which is basically a fantasy, sci-fi hybrid version of the Civilization games but I digress.

Anyways, those minutes are well spent. The story's particularly... refreshing? Don't know the word that describes the feeling accurately. Like I walked in expecting eloquence in the ambiguity, tragedy and desperation, and came out of it utterly reveling in it. Whatever feelings it gave me, it's a really, really good story and I'm thankful you took your time to write this.

Also, I really appreciated on you sharing your inner workings in the end. That was neat. :twilightsmile:

8282251
I'll have you know there are dozens of us!

Well, at least 2...

(Clapping) No, wait, that's not enough.

This is. Absolutely beautiful story.

I've always been fascinated by the whole concept of having one's life flash before their eyes in the moments before death. This was an exemplary snapshot of one pony's life and death. I was drawn in enough to feel anxious about the implications and aftermath of this disaster. Even though we don't see that, there is enough framework for a head-cannon to take off with, which is excellent.

Lots of great points, but second 5, those first two paragraphs are probably my favorite.

My dream fades, and his beautiful forest disappears with the cruel desert takes its place.

Is everything correct here? I suspect this preposition suggests "with the cruel desert taking its place"?

..liked it.

8304947
You are absolute correct: 🏆

At least I didn't write "the cruel dessert takes it place"!

8299662
All restrictions are hear by lifted. Thanks for stopping by.

8282111
8300377
You know, it's been so long, I had to go back and read #5 to see what it was you two liked: Oh, yeah. That.

8299419
8299782
Thank you both so very much.

8300181
Everything works out for her. She ends with her friends on the boat, and they drink margaritas for the rest of eternity. :raritywink:
Thanks for stopping by to read.

This is beautiful. I cried. :rainbowlaugh::raritycry:

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