Derpy and Dinky Doo travel to the Rumsville Park to enjoy a beautiful trek in the summers day. They encounter a strange man from a far away land who gives out pony rides to little children that can fork up the cash to ride them. Dinky finds out that one of the ponies seems to have a striking resemblance to her clumsy and caring mother.
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FIRST and it sound interesting
the owner of the town library and her son
Ten to one he is adopted.
I think it's suppose to be "can't"
Easily one of the most bizarre and creepy things I have ever read. Weird and jarring from beginning to end, like Twin Peaks on acid. Very unsettling.
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg&sa=X&ei=4UF7T4f4MaL80QWUgPWVCQ&ved=0CAwQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNFsgU3S3qQON2Q9Rz2yXAKJLu_ltw
This is story telling as viewed through the lens of madness. I think I need to go lie down after that
Um, are the Humans in Rumsville transformed ponies or are the ponies ponified versions of Rumsville inhabitants or *Brain.exe has stopped functioning.*
interesting story
I just want to thank the people who gave the first chapter an interesting reception for the most part. If someone is interested in proof-readingfor me then could you please PM me.
403296
Nope.
funny chapter ending. I wonder what happened to Derpy.
I want to see how this goes,
Plus at least 15 internet points! you got a favorite and a follower!
403296
ill bet on that he isn't
403583
Ah, fishsticks!
this is interesting
Okay, now this is getting freaky. I have a feeling that the "horses" are fully sapient but just can't speak English.
On a side note, please don't have Pony-->Human transformation or vice versa; I like the story the way it is.
This has a lot of....
Well, i don't know the term for it, but you say things repeatitly, sometimes twice in the same sentence.
That's a big problem. I think i see a few grammer issues, maybe. Also there's not a lot of variety in some of these. You've used "Shouted" a few too man times, i think.
But, i'll stick around and look over these. This premise has promise.
Get it?
404305
There is going to be no transformation in this story, I can assure you that.
404358
I just recently got a proof-reader in the works so I'll be able to rectify the problem A.S.A.P.
And then the plot thickens to the point of oatmeal.....
Now this is really interesting!
What's Carrot Top's relation to Derpy and Dinky?
409452
Care-Taker, they can't look after themselves so Carrot Top took the job of looking after them when they are in trouble. She's also one of Derpy's personal friends. I've changed the way how she works in the fan-dom and she dislikes Bon-Bon and Lyra because they are a lesbian couple.
411522
I like this interpretation.
415923
I changed so many characters for this story in a weird way, Lyra has an easy temper and she constantly flirts with Men or Women, Bon-Bon just looks out for her friends and she regularly puts Lyra in place because of her flirty attitude. Dinky is very gullible and she enjoys having fun. Derpy loves looking after her daughter but she constantly get's confused at nearly everything.
best story evar!
482691
Why thank you.
I like this. I like this a lot.
The adventure begins!
Will Derpy get involved too?
483288
Keep on reading to find out, maybe Bon-Bon and Lyra might get involved, you never know.
You know, I just realized something, "Carrot Top", "Derpy", "Dinky" and "Bon-Bon" are extremely strange names for Humans. I'll suspend my disbelief and assume they are nicknames.
And really, Derpy and Dinky have incontinence issues? Why do we even need to know that?
485902
What would you call them if they were humans?
Also, yes.
487175
1.) I'd come up with names that resemble the pony names. ( Ex: Carrot Top --> Carla Topp).
2.) Okay, so the two have bladder control issues. My point still stands: why do we need to know that? It's not like it's a huge part of the story.
487264
1. Sure.
2. I don't fucking know
if you figure it out, tell me.
Because it's so early right now I'll just say good job so far cantwait for mor.
502042
I'm writing down the next chapter, thanks for the comment.
Amazing I love this story so much keep them coming.
Also for all those idiots going first nope.avi
507007 Maybe....
Second!!!
And wielder of the headcrab of the second.....
Sorry, if anyone got a message about a new chapter, I clicked on publish by accident while editing the newest chapter.
The next one will be out soon, don't worry about that.
Moar please
Sincerely the Doctor
yes more please , as it is a good story
No no, a pony smashing doors is not cool, Dinky.
Honestly?
Carrot top is acting like a homophobic dickwad
554445
It's part of her character in this story.
She doesn't like Bon-Bon and Lyra in the slightest.
556710
I understand, but still, I can't help but just being the teeniest tiniest bit pissed off at her.
'Evil ranch owner'...
BRILLIANT!!!
What the hay are bladder control issues!?
Wha? Bon Bon wears a biker outfit, thats cool, lyras always angry and Carrot top don't like lesbians interesting story.
558714
You don't know what bladder control problems are?
561564 nope.
562427
The loss of control to go to the bathroom properly, or "hold it in."