I mostly edit things, and write things when my muse beats me enough.
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The party is over, and everypony is going their separate ways. Pinkie at first falls into a deep depression, but through the help of the Cake family, gains a new perspective about the true meaning of friendship.
Sad tag for the beginning, but gets better as the story goes on.
If only there was a 'Heartwarming' tag...
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Good story!
That last line made me laugh so hard
Very, very nice. This was truly a joy to read. The greatest thing about this was the way you captured that odd limbo between childhood and adulthood in the beginning of the story with the juxtaposition of Pinkie's thoughts and actions. Parties are an excellent symbol for that simplistic childhood bliss, and Pinkie being force to clean and prepare for things associated with adulthood - responsibilities, jobs, duties, etc. - conveys the strange tear one feels when on the cusp of adulthood. I especially love how the things she contemplates while cleaning - being neglected, the unpredictable, the irreversible. That all makes for great character development, and great characters make for great stories.
However, the story did lose momentum for me near the end when it became more dialogue heavy and less about Pinkie's inner world (her inner world being the thing that captured my attention in the first place), and the lesson she learns is essentially prescribed to her in her conversation with Mrs. Cake. This cheapens the message greatly, I think, for the greatest lesson are learned when one comes to the conclusion themselves. Pinkie Pie's lesson should have been learned thru her own thoughts and actions, not thru the words of another.
This is a fantastic work so far, and I look forward to seeing more.
3010286
The tone changing can be explained down to my mood. I recently went to bronycon and got a pretty bad case of post con depression. I wrote this as a way to vent my feelings in a semi constructive manner, and as the depression left me, it sort of left the story as well.
I originally did plan on keeping it more mellow and thought-centered, but honestly couldn't at the time think of a way to introduce the Cakes without also introducing a bunch of dialogue to go with it. The message also changed as I was writing to a more "we accept you, even with your faults" along with the original premise. Maybe the story could have been better had I left it the way it was. Though to be honest, I started hitting a block once I ran out of emotions to pull from.
I'm glad you at least enjoyed the first part. Sorry I kinda cheapened the experience for you in the end though.
Thanks for reading!
Zyrian
3010286
As for the prescribed revelation, sometimes things need to be spelled out before they truly sink in. (I've had too many moments like this. More than I can count.)
That was pretty damn good. I wish it had been a bit longer, so Pinkie's depression could've been more drawn-out and detailed. I love the way you were writing her inner thoughts; I wish there was more like that.
Spelling/grammar wise, it was also pretty good. A few minor mistakes like missing periods and stuff, but there was one glaring mistake that actually made me double-check to see if I had misread it.
The last time I checked, Pinkie was the Element of Laughter, not Kindness.
Aside from those things, this was brilliant.
3010834
Dully amended. Thanks for catching that, I don't know where my mind was at that moment.
3010852
See how many more you can catch before I have a look at it. I saw some derpage, and I bet you can spot it too if you look hard
I've fixed stuff months and months after the fact. As ponyfic writers in a community, we have a curious freedom to keep polishing up stuff long after it's 'published', which print authors never had. There's ALWAYS another teeny detail that can be tidied
Good stuff here. Pinkie's letter to celestia speaks volumes.
Okay, not bad, we've got a lot of Pinkie Pieness, and you're exploring the part of her character that doesn't often come up in the show, but it's clearly there. Good. It actually kind of reminds me of the post con depression I've been feeling. I like this, but I think you spend a little too much time telling Mrs. Cake's back story. I got bored and began skimming. I'm actually going to have to take a break and try to finish it later. I don't have the mental energy to stay focused on this story. Your Pinkie Pie is really great, but you should work on the rest of it.
I didn't feel let down by the apparent change in tone: I figure Pinkie is multipolar anyway.
Well now, isn't that a promising first posting...
Seriously. Very well done characters, your level of detail was spot-on for the mood, and the tone was set well and changed fluidly throughout. My only real nit-pick was that I don't think they would have had enough time between Pinkie's breakdown and actually throwing the party, but that's okay. Someone once told me, "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."
3016959
Yeah, in actuality, they had about a half hour to set everything up.
Maybe they used a new model of party cannon with a silencer on it.
3018362
That's somewhat more believable, the way it read was like they had maybe five minutes?
So I'm going to be the reverse of prevailing sentiment, it appears. No matter, let the games begin!
The first part didn't really grab me. I mean, I know Pinkie's prone to drop-of-a-hat mood swings but this one just seemed way too sudden and over-the-top. But when Mrs. Cake knocks on the door, wow does this fic take off.
Let's just say I can personally vouch for the validity of Mrs. Cake's words of wisdom -- I've had the same given to me way too many times. Also, I loved the story of how Carrot and Cup met; believable and utterly adorable.
And then the final act, which quite honestly would have been just too easy to mess up. The surprise proposal was great, the party makes sense, but Luna's inclusion made me wary at first. I've seen way too many people just stick Luna into things because she's Luna and they feel sorry for her plight/lack of screen time, but you gave her a great role to play here! Nice to see people out there still writing her as, you know, a wise Princess who's proud of herself, as opposed to a weeping waifu or war instrument.
All right, getting sleepy so I'm going to cut it off here. I get the feeling I'll need to reread this story later on down the line, so into faves it goes. Thanks for writng this -- oh, and enjoy your stay in Heartwarming.
P.S. You've got some missing punctuation, mainly after lines of dialogue. Check your closing quotation marks and insert periods and commas where necessary.
Nice little story you've got here!! I like it!
Though I noticed a couple of things I wanted to mention to you:
- I know someone already pointed it out, but it still says Pinkie is the Element of Kindness...
- The accepted spelling of Pinkamina is actually "Pinkamena", with an "e".
Just wanted to let you know. Cute story! Have fun writing stuff!
Oh, I so can relate with Pinkie in this one. Sometimes I too tend to worry too much about the future instead of living the today. This story has a great lesson I'd better apply to myself as soon as possible.
As for the rest, I love it.
I think you've done a great job writting Mr. and Mrs. Cake. I especially like how they tell the story of how they met, it made me smile. This whole story made me smile.
Thank you for writing this.
Very nice. I'm with a few other commenters here in saying that I totally relate to Pinkie and take Mrs. Cake's words to heart. I always used to (and still do) look way to far ahead. Now, as a cancer patient, I really need to think about the present. Gotta live in the now.
Lol drunk twilight
That was really sweet, I enjoyed it.
4044445
thanks!
I think you overdid it, rushing into flatmaning her like that, and Princess Luna showing up what kind of "what", but it's not often you see a Sad Pinkie story continue on past the sadness and resolve with a happy ending, so kudos for that. :)
Phew, finally got to reading this!
I enjoyed it! The prose was well written, and I liked how you expressed Pinkie's thoughts and feelings. The Cakes have always held a special place for me, and I like their roles as pinkies parents here. It was nice getting to see a how-they-met tale, too.
The appearance of Luna was unexpected, but never unwelcome. I liked the spell thingie she did on Pinkie.
The story had a great message too, one I fully support. Nice job, Zyrian.
4844676
Since this was essentially my "venting out" of post-BronyCon depression, I tried to recreate the harsh, quick crashdown I experienced myself. It is a bit heavy-handed in the way I wrote it, but it hit me like a brick when I came down from the convention.
Was it too rushed, or too dramatic, or both?
4848195
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
4848653
Definitely rushed, needs some proofreading. My main complaint is the tonal whiplash, though given why you wrote it, that at least makes sense.