• Member Since 6th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Autum Breeze


a home-grown australian who embraced being a member of the fandom 2 days before joining. Willingly delved into the fandom whole-heartedly and has never looked back

T
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With BronyDash465's permission, this is a rewrite of their original Orphans fic

Due to an engine malfunction on a train bound for Canterlot, Mr. and Mrs. Cake's children are put in the care of the one pony they trust above all others.

Now having to raise Pound and Pumpkin herself, Pinkie struggles with her emotions throughout their lives.

But if there's one thing she will not fail in honor of the ponies who took her in when she was a filly, that entrusted their children to her, it's that she will make sure the twins' grow up happy, for life is a party and nopony should be unhappy at a party

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 82 )

Looks promising...*clicks add to read later button*

and they’re most trusted friend

*their

Ah, something original(ish) that isn't too poorly written either. You've got my attention. I'm eager to see how Pinkie grows and cares for the foals in the months to come. :pinkiesad2:

damn come back from chopping tree roots to feels:fluttercry:

i love it and what about your another story that is incomplete

4121223 if you mean the princess and the foal, I'm still working on that, but I'm also working on something for Daxn as a co-author

4121953 yeah i mean princess and the foal and ok

Oh my. The feels! You made me tear up!:raritycry::fluttercry::applecry: Please make more chapters!:scootangel:

Ohh man I am enjoying this story! Though sad I enjoyed it cant wait for the next chapter

I kind of have mixed feelings after reading what Discord did to them. I doesn't seem right to me altering their memories

4142695 Well I'm afraid that's what Discord does best:applejackunsure:

4142736 Always look for the fine print when making deals with beings of chaos

So much feels. So cute. I'm lovin what you did with my story. Your REALLY creative. My only suggestion is to get an editor for selling and grammar.

Yet another piece of good work. Salute!

I bet you feel like Opera right now.

You Get to be an Alicorn. YOU get to be an Alicorn.
EVERYPONY GETS TO BE AN ALICORN!!!

“I-I couldn’t bear to hear them ask me that,” the quivering mare continued.

So the reason she let Discord do it was purely egoistical. When the two get their memories back (which I hope), Pinkie has to do some serious explaining on her behaviour

Like I said. You need an editor. :P

THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLSs :raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::pinkiesad2::fluttercry:

Twilight was no helping Pinkie run Sugarcube Corner with the help of AJ and sometimes Big Macintosh. Even Granny Smith helped sometimes, working at the cash register.

Well that was very rude of her

I don’t want them to go hating me. I love them so much, Sweetie Belle. I couldn’t bear it if they hated me til the day they died.

Well, manipulating their minds wasn't a good idea then. Sorry for bringing this up, but I hate the Pinkie in this fic for that selfish act of hers

4176245 she didn't mean for that to happen. she regretted it the moment she realized what she'd done and was stuck with the consequences

Why not having that colt who was showing them that scroll try to tell Pound and Pumpkin, only to learn they know that truth and possibly bully them?

huh interesting take on the tree of harmony.

4252750 no, that's a different Fic and I, now knowing of it, will read it in due course. This Fic however is a different one and I only changed everything after the cakes before they left to pinkie learning of what happened to them.

This Fic is different from. The one you mentioned

So...I'm trying to read this. Managed to the current chapter of 8. Sadly I have to say this was difficult to read. Too many things happen that just don't seem to make sense in the over all.
First off Celestia aside from 1 episode had nothin to do with the cakes. Luna, candance, and shining armor even less so. So having the ruling goddess give a speech at a funeral doesn't make a lot of sense.
Also making all of them alicorns. I just don't see it. Then again that's the kind of curve ball hasbro will probably throw at us so I will reserve judgement on that...for now.
Sweetie Bell the alicorn...just no. No rhyme or reason will ever make me believe that's possible. And even if it was...I highly doubt that sudden immortality would be the first thing that occurs to her. Maybe a few years down the line but her age when you have her become one is more inline with a preteen mindset. I believe that her first reaction would be to show off to her friends and rub it in the face of DT and SS.

Mind you all of this is my personal opinion and should only be taken with a grain of salt. Aside from all that yeah it's a good story. You flow rather well if a bit too quick. The feels that I want to feel just are not there. But I digress. You write a good story with very few typos ( I only noticed 1 in chapter 8). I am having trouble deciding if you have an outline with a clear view or are just making it up as you go. Either way its your story. I'm not trolling you or trying to get you down. Just making my opinion known. Feel free to take it at your leisure. .

4257180 that's probably the second longest comment I've ever gotten on a fic:raritywink:

4257227 that is also the longest one I have ever written. I blame lack of sleep and my iPod.
In all serious... I was looking for some feels. Like I ones I had for a derpy hooves fic I read on here ( and a competly different one I read on fanfiction.net). While I dislike poinless character death for any reason as a plot device I understand its importance.
... And I did find one more thing to complain about. It would have been a better idea to have the twins react more harshly and have them run away leaving pinkie to have to find them. Would have fleshed out your story and give moral value to the plot. With the whole lesson learned thing.

4257247 well, now you've said that... maybe i'll rewrite that chapter and expand it to two with that in mind.

i don't make any guaranties though. a lot of others seem to like this the way it is, but i will take you suggestion into consideration

Wow no one commented. I like this story so far and how you elaborated on it.

i'm about to cry...And i don't cry fast at all!anyway good story keep it up!

I may be naive, but I don't get it. What was Sweetie Belle so upset about? Why would Pinkie being scared of losing the Cake Twins love, have Sweetie Belle break down like that? Why would she think that she became an alicorn for nothing?

4257279 Quite honestly, I like the chapter that way it is. It might need a little editing, but it doesn't need changing. If the twins did run off, it would turn into a whole big mess. Plus the twins are young enough to reacting in this way believable.

Off topic: Is there any plans to have the other Crusaders made into alicorns?

4269581 because what turned her into an alicorn was her inspiring pinkie to not give up and pinkie not telling the twins the truth because she's scared to lose their logs makes sweetie inspiring her in the first place seem like it didn't matter

4270971 the other crusaders? No. Seems harsh to sweetie, rarity and applejack, more so sweetie right now, but no. They will not be becoming alicorns

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