Twilight Sparkle, accompanied by one Eshkhan "Spike" Vishap, is sent to the quaint town of Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration and "make some friends." Twilight, however, is worried about the possible reawakening of the dreaded Nightmare Moon and finds herself frustrated at her inability to complete he study of the subject. Things take a turn for the worse when Nightmare herself shows up for the party.
Written mostly from Spike's point of view.
Written as a test of my literary skills and to test out an idea that's been niggling at the back of my mind.
Chapters (15)
This is AMAZING!
Beautiful
All and all I would say that this is a interesting story. Are you going to ship Spike anytime soon?
2950967
Not in this story, this one is going to be about character and universe development. If enough people enjoy this one I'll write more. However, further installments would be much more mature. If I do ship Spike it will probably with one or more of the following: RD, AJ, or Luna, at least at first.
Another interesting chapter. I can't wait to see Spike's trial.
So what element will Spike be? And it is awesome that he is able to stand his ground against Nightmare Moon.
MOARR !!!
More please. I like this story. With a more mature and badass Spike. There are a lot of possibilities with this kind of universe and I want to see a Spike shipping but please no Sparity.
2968887
Sparity isn't my favourite either. I'm more a fan on applespike and spikedash. I may continue with the universe, I just need some inspiration.
2969073 You can always talk to me. I'm doing a human dragon blood Spike story as well some we can bounce ideas off of each other. How about when Dash enters the flying competition they out that Spike is also entering it or we could have a shipping such as Vinyl or Octavia. Maybe Spike meets his old friend Fancy Pants and gets him interested in Rarity. How about he talks to the dragon in Dragonshy in the old dragonkin language after the main six have their chance and with the help of Shy gets him to leave. There are a lot of stuff you can do with an older more powerful Spike in the canon timeline of sorts
The first two lines of this chapter contain two small errors: "at" for "ate", "will" instead of "with". I probably wouldn't mention this if those were the only ones, but I keep seeing small typos like this through the text. You (or your chosen editor) might want to give it another read-through.
It's not clear from the context what differentiates unicorns and pegasi from
earth ponieshumans. Dash is described, more or less, in completely human terms -- no wings of her own mentioned. Her flying is done with a vehicle anyone could climb on. So what's the difference? You might want to add to your prologue to clarify what sets each group apart from the others.2975488
just keep reading, I clarify it all within the story.
"...the magic would overcome it's resistance."
"...watching the tree's."
A quick refresher on apostrophe use might be in order.
2975553
You sound kinda like my old English teacher. Big German guy by the name of Fischer. Gave a half hour lecture on there, their, and they're. You'd think more of his lessons would have stuck with me.
2975533
Just finished it. Still not 100% clear, sorry. So the pegasi can manifest magic wings, but there still isn't an indication as to what sets unicorns apart.
2975647
Here. Wings are now manifested by a tattoo on the back out of which extends a sort of energy sail which they can use to fly. These, however, are too weak to hold more than the flyer and one other person, thus the flightcycles were made. Regular humans have a subtle magic which they cannot control and gives them bonuses to growing things and stamina. Humans and Peagasi, however, cannot learn the higher magics such a levitation or teleportation. That is the jurisdiction of unicorns. Other creatures, such as actual dragons, dragon kin, and, perhaps later, buffalo, can use similar magics or be taught them, though it doesn't come as naturally.
2975674
Like I said, maybe this needs to work its way into your prologue. I think it would help readers get a feel for the setting.
2969073>>2968887
Ship Spike with Luna please.
Aww man! I was kind of hoping the pegasister would get stronger wings, the unicorns stronger magic, and the earth ponies just better at what the do. i.e. pinkie even crazier, aj better with harvesting and whatnot, shy able to talk to animals, twi even better at magic, rari even better at dress making, and most importantly dash with feather wings or something that she could really fly with! Also dash is a prodigy. I bet she could be a weather captain at sixteen. Besides, I can't even imagine her going to... School.
To quote my colleague in love of this story: MOARR!!! MOARR!!! MOARR!!!
Continue the story!
2984366
Well, it is canon that she and Fluttershy went to flight school together, so I just took it a step further in that she must have some sort of credentials to be the weather pony for an area directly outside the Everfree forest where, "The clouds move all on their own."
Will there be more in this universe?
3009798
Most certainly, I've already added a second story to the universe, though it's by no means a sequel: My Little Human: Disjointed Memories
I really enjoyed this story, I especially enjoyed Spike's POV, so I'm definitely about to read your other story.
Noone is upset about the lack of wings...
Nobody?
Ok then.
3355628
Um, there are wings. Isn't there a place where I specifically say "She extends her wings into the flightcycle."?
oh yea
Well... Im surprised i even came back to this page rdally... I already read it and... Oh yea, forgot to thumbs up>>3357685
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Damn. This is really good. I'll have to finish this tomorrow.
Edit: Also, have a fave, upvote, and follow. 'Cause you're just that good.
Damn this Fluttershy is badass!
So Pinkie gets a scouter, I expect an Oer 9000 moment for that.