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// Chapter 5 or Pinkamena Diane Pie 
// Story: My Little Human: The Beginning 
// by SSA 
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We had been told that we were to be staying in a library. Twilight had loved that fact though I immediately pointed out that most libraries weren't equipped with a kitchen or bedroom. Then they told me it was in a tree, a living tree, with green leaves and everything. I nearly did a spittake. If I can recall, my exact words were, "How by Celestia's name did a small town founded by regular humans do that?" Awkwardness had then ensued, apparently using Celestia as a curse word right in front of her makes some people antsy. Long explanation short apparently it was carved by a very talented human who was able to channel the natural human magic of being able to grow nearly anything into a kind of semiconscious magic that kept the tree alive. Of course that just made it worse. I've seen when a spell becomes self aware, it's not pretty, but here we were, approaching a library carved into the biggest tree I had ever seen.

"Insert list of expletives here."

"Mind freeze up?" Twilight asked.

"Hearing about it is one thing, but look at it! It has leaves for Celestia's sake! How does it have leaves? 90% of it is air! Don't trees need their trunks? Isn't that, y'know, important?"

"Spike, there's magic everywhere, is it really that hard to believe that a tree could still be living even if it's hollow?"

"No, not really, but if I saw one I would chalk it up to one of the ancients or maybe Celestia herself just wanting to confuse anyone who came by, but they said a regular guy did this, with a chisel, just a chisel, he didn't even have a hammer."

"Humans do have their own type of magic you know."

"Yeah, but it's never this showy, that's more of a unicorn or pegasus thing."

"Ah, leave off Spike, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation, but it can wait until after I can find more information on Nightmare Moon." Twilight opened the door and entered the tree. It was pretty dark inside and I was having trouble finding the light switch when I got a tickle in the back of my throat.

"SURPRISE!" The lights flicked on and between 15 and 20 assailants were revealed. Quicker than though my left hand grasped the empty spot at my hip. Damn! But my right hand was already coming up, ready to form a shield or fireball. Fortunately, before I scorched the faces of the locals, I noticed two things. 1: No one was armed and, 2: There were fresh cookies.

Twilight seemed occupied with the young woman with pink hair who we had seen when we first arrived. I think I heard her say her name was Pinkie Pie, but seriously, what kind of name was that? I made a beeline for the cookies but I kept my eye on Twilight, she wasn't used to this kind of attention, though I relaxed a little as she headed over to the drinks table. That was until I saw her fill a fair sized goblet three quarters full of scotch and down it like she was taking a jello shot.

Now, my sister isn't unaccustomed to alcohol, what with the formal and semi-formal occasions she was required to attend as Celestia's personal student and, on more than one occasion I'd spiked her tea after 2 or 3 days of study without sleep, but she downed half a pint of scotch like a pro before announcing to the small group behind her, "I'm going to bed, so keep it down. This IS a library." And, glaring at the pink haired woman, stormed up the short flight of stairs and into what I'm assuming was a bedroom.

I looked over at the small group and counted Jacquelyn, Rachelle, Fleuretta, the pink haired girl, and an incredibly pale woman whom I had yet to meet. 'One, two, three, four, five. Five hotties for Spike. Well, I could give Twilight one or two but I don't think she'd appreciate- wait. No Spike' I could practically hear the Princesses voice in my head, 'You are a scholar and a gentleman and you will not objectify a female's body, down that path leads sadness and ruin.' Yeah, I remember that lecture, I hadn't even dared to check out a chick for a whole week afterword. I'm just glad she never mentioned the mags under my bed, that would have been awkward.

The pink one was bouncing over to me. In fact, I had yet to see her not bounce. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, what's your name?"

"Eshkhan," I replied, "But I prefer Spike, nice to meet you."

"That's great Spike, you look weird, and that's cool, super cool wierd. Ooh spiky." She ran her hands through my hair, though it was more of a series of backward pointing spines like a porcupine's. "And sharp." I think I saw her dart her tongue out to taste the tip of my claw. "And pretty." She was now making an uncomfortable ammount of eye contact as she examine by green, snakelike eyes. "We're going to be the best of friends!" The young woman, or perhaps I should call her a girl, exclaimed as she gave me one of the tightest hugs I'd ever received. When she pulled back she gave me a smile that I would have called adorable if I didn't think she looked insane. 'Did her eye's just... sparkle?'

The rest of the 'crew' made there way over and the pink one scampered off to bother someone else. I knew Dash, Applejack, 'Are nicknames a small town thing?' and "Shy," 'Seriously, if you're going to give someone a nickname, at least don't use an adjective. It should have something to do with there personality, here's one "Silent but deadly" or maybe "Terror of 12 year olds everywhere"' but I was unfamiliar with the very pale woman with violet hair in the light blue dress.

"Did I hear you correctly?" She asked, he tone that of upper class, "You're name is Spike? I'm Rarity, a pleasure." She proffers a hand like a court lady.

'Aw great, how do you even get a high society woman in a rural town?' I put on my gentleman's voice, the one Celestia insists I use when speaking to the court, "The pleasure is all mine, I assure you." I bowed over her hand, nearly letting my lips touch it. 'Lemme guess, you call everyone darling and have dreams of making it in the big city, and you'll lie and cheat and steal and sleep around to get there.' Wow, that was cynical even for me, but you have to understand, I was well acquainted with high society ladies, practically being the Princesses son, and quite frankly, I have become quite disillusioned about them. I'm sure that, ten years ago, this one would have dazzled my balls off, but the effect has a best by date, and mine had passed.

I then smiled out at Dash, Applejack, and Shy, "So, Where's the DJ hiding?" Or I would have said that if I didn't have a bass cannon blow out my eardrums at that very moment. Oh, yes, this was gonna be good.