• Member Since 27th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen June 28th

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"It's true, people will continue to hate and scorn me. But if it means I can feel what it's like to be loved again, to see my friends just one last time, I can endure anything."—Trixie Lulamoon

On the day in which Equestria would have been blessed with a new Princess, Twilight Sparkle, the only mare who had ever offered me sincere kindness, vanished without a trace, taking with her the Element of Magic. As a result, the Elements are left incomplete, leaving Equestria vulnerable to the outside terrors once again.

Running on legends of a "Tree of Life" that can replace the Tree of Harmony's fruits, I, a mare lost in a sea of cacophony and loneliness, take it upon myself to journey into the unknown and save my homeland like the heroes of old. And in doing so, maybe wonder no longer what friendship could really be in a world that has rejected me for my sins.

My name is Trixie Lulamoon, the once Great and Powerful. And this is my story of the other side.





Pre-read by "All of the Above" and "Mercgilado."
Proofread/Edited by "Ryan Darling", "MrJoshy", "AlicornPriest", and "Knight of Cerebus."


Fantastical cover-art done by the amazing Doctor Tastybeaver. :pinkiehappy:

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 26 )

... Wow. :rainbowderp: That was something.

You have published this at last, Smile Person. I want more, please. Thank you.

Ok, it's official.
That was amazing.
Quite a show of despair and madness,:pinkiecrazy:

Don't mind me. I was approached to edit this story a while back. I agreed based on the crossover alone.

IT BEGINS!!!

Also. Lilith, why do you always bring despair and mindf*ckery?

Holy shit an Eva crossover with MLP...I swear, this madness will be glorious, well done and I look forward to where you take this.

3534600

Inspiration for this chapter came from this song in fact, but I think you know what this is. :pinkiecrazy:

Argh... Argh!! I just don't know what to think... well actually I do, but I don't like it.

So here's the thing: beautifully written story. The prose and dictation of language presented is truly something to be admired. If this came later in a story with, say, a hay of alot more build up, I could have seen myself loving this. But... it's not later on. It's right at the beginning. And it's confusing.

Now I expected you to drop the whole trippy cosmicy thing much closer to the begining so I could get a sense of what was going on... you didn't though. It kept getting larger in scale, literally and figuratively, and only built on my confusion until it became frustrating. It's like I was watching a camera slowly zoom out of a huge picture, all the while I have no idea what the hay I'm looking at. It's... disorienting. I just don't know what to think of it. I found myself yearning for something more normal, something I could understand, but you just kept rambling on. Let me give you an analogy; your writing is like a really big television. You're the creator and so you can sit back and see the whole thing, but us as viewers have to sit alot closer to the TV. As a result, all we can see is a confusing jumble of pixels that occasionally almost make sense, but don't. So rather Than making the picture bigger, try making the pixels smaller... does that make any sense? I feel like that only makes sense to me.

Now, like I said, the writing was beautiful. It dragged on a bit too much (the part near the end with the "what is it that you wish for" question got repetitive after the 3rd or 4th time, the part leading up to the door dragged on a little, etc.), but that doesn't change the quality (line-to-line). It's a very intense story you've made, but it had no real build up, and hence little impact. It felt like the scale got way too big before it ended, and I just don't think you can ever pull that off effectively... Your writing is grand and so are your concepts, but focus that writing on the little things. paint a delicate picture in our minds instead of smearing it across them. I understand the rest of your story will likely be different, but this chapter is offputting, and it would have been much more effective were it much shorter.

Rating: :twilightsmile: (I want to give you a :pinkiesmile:, I really do... but beautiful writing can't cut it alone. You need focus!)

3542531

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/1/168606__safe_trixie_text_artist-colon-theparagon_thank+you.jpg
Thought the Trixie picture would fit. :rainbowkiss:

Anyway, thanks! I'm known to be very pretentious in writing (my editors tell me anyway), I'll try my best to keep to the small stuff. :pinkiesmile:

You're welcome. Oh, and I almost forgot!

This comment was brought to you by my Weekly Watch. The feature is now in its fourth week, and any support--even just joining my group--would be appreciated! Hope you enjoyed my feedback. :twilightsmile:

Oh my Celestia! How is it that this feels this much Evangelion-y! :pinkiegasp: Knowing that show, I bet 3542531 's commentary was a great compliment. This shows an understanding of Neon Genesis Evangelion beyond anyone's I know and deserves all my praise.

Great job, hope you keep up with both stories till the end. :twilightsmile:

3549444...
Obiously I'm missing something here. :rainbowderp:

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

3551044 Well, basically what this story did mimics the same feeling the show it is crossovered with and give it his own touch. It is a show that is basically like that, suddenly giant monster, chaos, militars shooting at stuff, a character with personal issues shouting and no idea what is going on. There are even parts like the "What is it that you wish for?" repetition part, where the text actually appears on screen. So yeah, if what he was doing is making this feel like Evangelion, your comment is prove he is doing it right.

Not to say that your advise is wrong, imagine if he loses focus because of all the flashy stuff, wouldn't work. Even the anime had it's simpler, smaller stuff.

3551998 Oh... I couldn't find anything that said this was a crossover or what the crossover was, so now I feel like I'm in the wrong place to judge this. :twilightsheepish:

3555997 You see, I came to this story from another story this is side story to. The first "Rebuild of Magic" does have the crossover tag and it is obvious it is a crossover with Evangelion. I really didn't even check the tags before reading this, but you are right, at first glance, this doesn't look like a crossover. Still, I think your review is very insightful, and It looks like the author liked it, so, no worries. :raritywink:

3556132 Alright, so long as it was helpful in some way or another. :twilightsmile:

I'm here to inform you that this story has been featured on this week's weekly watch results! congratulations! :pinkiehappy:

Trixie and Shinji should meet up one time.

Hmm...Is this crossover fanfic still alive? I mean it's been over a year now, since the last time it was updated. Well, it's too bad if that's the case, this story showed some potential.

5257991
Technically it's still alive, just been kinda busy with irl things at the moment.

...And video games.

5258924
Oh, Is that right, eh? Well...I guess that's understandable. But usual it takes at least four or five chapter before it goes without updating for like a year or so. And the chapter was interesting, so really want to know what happens next. :twilightsheepish:

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